Ask a Sex Educator

Wondering how the cervix feels? How much prep anal sex actually needs? What g-spot stimulation is possible with [appendage]? Get your fanfiction smut questions answered!

[ficsex]

Welcome to Fic Sex! 

This is the pinned post, and may help guide you through the blog. 

What this blog is for. 

Try looking for an existing answer to your question before asking - it’s possible that I’ve gotten that one before! If you want me to tag for something specific, ask me! I might say that I can’t (I am forgetful af), but I might say yes!

Common tags:

Fic Sex - descriptions of sexuality in narrative contexts

Real Sex - people’s questions about their own experiences, and real sex ed answers

Anatomy - how bodies work

Vaginas - self explanatory

Penises - also self explanatory

Anal Sex - about butt stuff in general

Logistics - how to make sex actually happen, including positions, angles, how to do a specific thing, and practicalities

Lube - the slippery stuff

This blog is designed as a fanfiction resource, but if you have personal questions, you can reach out to me and I’ll see if I can help. This blog also has sexually explicit content. It is designed educationally and not for prurience, but please note that information before you peruse. 

I will say the word “fuck”. 

I will be irreverent. 

If you like what I’m doing, consider dropping me a tip on Ko-Fi - I’ve got cats to feed and comics to read!

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

as an aroace person with limited sexual experience, no interest in watching porn, and poor sex ed as a teen, there IS something simultaneously funny and vaguely tragic about being 28 adult years old and realising how extremely tiny your frame of reference is for genitalia and deciding you should expand this to better understand bodies (yours and others). and then you're just there like "okay so what the fuck do I even google right now, anyway"

[puc-puggy]

Large Labia Project

Labia Library

Breast Gallery-Nonsexualized Images of real, anonymously submitted breasts

Critique My Dick Pic [tumbex archive]-real submitted dick centric nudes

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

thank you (i think?)

[puc-puggy]

why wouldn't it be thank you? you expressed interest in sexual education materials related to genital body diversity, and i keep these resources on hand for exactly that purpose.

it's natural to be curious about bodies--yours and others. the presence or lack of sexual intent motivating that curiosity is irrelevant. they're just body parts

I also found one of my favorites I couldn't find this morning: The Great Wall of Vulva and their Labia Library

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

sorry, my gratitude was real, my uncertainty was @ me ("am i sure i actually want to spend my evening looking at genitals or was i using the difficulty of knowing what to google as an excuse not to learn things") lol

do you have any resources for trans bodies, especially transmasc bodies? i am interested in better understanding what changes i might expect as someone on testosterone, but though i found references to photo projects re: bottom growth in a few places, all the links were dead

[puc-puggy]

totally, the London Transgender Clinic and Dr. Keelee MacPhee have a variety of before and after photos related to various gender affirmation procedures.

i think that r/GrowYourTDick is the best repository of images of specifically trans masculine bottom growth. I can't comment on the culture of the forum, but there is absolutely a lot of images of transmasculine genitalia and extensive discussion of physical changes.

For (relatively*) trustworthy information, Hudson's FTM Resource Guide contains a lot of information about medical side effects and Things To Generally Be Aware Of, like increased risk for yeast infections and tips for managing locker rooms/swimming. *I can't verify that this information is up to date

I'm not directly connected to any trans masc transition support networks, but i know that discord is a thriving space for transition support and information sharing. i think it would be relatively easy to find positive community there. they often compile resources and information for members as well as provide topical discussion spaces. here's the disboard listings for public trans masc oriented servers

and this is just a really beautiful series of portraits of trans masculine people.

that about taps me out on resources!

[puc-puggy]

no, I lied, I'm not done. I spent way too long looking for this photography archive documenting trans nude portraits specifically. lost to the ether. found other stuff though:

Archive of Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits by Loren Cameron, which includes images of genitalia in its "Genital Reconstruction" section, page 46. Portraits of clothed trans masculine people other than the author begin on page 34 in the "New Man Series."

A Genitoplasty Diary by Lou Sullivan (1984-1987) (no images but fascinating)

the evergreen Trans Bodies, Trans Selves

not useful at all, but an extremely cool in-browser recreation of a 90s mac in order to run a 90s trans information CD-Rom.

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

thanks! sharing for the sake of anyone else interested too

yeah there's so many dead links out there it's tragic. sometimes you even get as far as the artist's website and they'll have a page for the project but then the project is gone and you just get a 404. i'm guessing the increasing hostility of internet providers and stuff towards nudity/nsfw content and also the general atmosphere for trans people has an impact on the safety and practicalities of continuing to host stuff like that :(

[ficsex]

how do i like. describe chests of all kinds, sexily?

hmmmmm. here are some ways that you might choose to describe chests sexily:

The curve of her breasts caught Hades's eye for a moment before he recalled himself and quickly looked away.

She gave an exploratory squeeze, the pressure from her fingertips dimpling the flesh and bringing a flush to Tim's face.

Enjolras lounged unselfconsciously, and Grantaire's charcoal flew across the paper. The sun haloed his hair and made his breasts glow an almost ethereal pale color, and Grantaire was enthralled.

Eric buried his face in Gail's chest, moaning at the warmth and the smell and the soft skin under his lips and closed eyes.

The smattering of hair down his sternum made the whole view even more attractive, and she couldn't help but appreciate the picture it made.

the drape of Tara's blouse didn't hide much, and Willow could feel herself flushing.

Lardo leaned over Shitty to grab the errant pencil, and her shirt hung down in the front, giving him a tantalizing glimpse of her small chest, her dark nipples, and he swallowed heavily. She looked up at him with a wicked grin, and that's when he realized he was capital-S Screwed.

All of these are successful because they show the effect that said breasts have on the person noticing or interacting with them. "Wow, this is sexy!" the character loudly thinks, looking at the body part that the author wants to communicate is sexy.

If you're just looking for straight up descriptions, though, you could try using phrases like:

perky and tantalizing

round and heavy, just calling to be touched

the barest hint of a curve

mouthwatering

warm and soft and a perfect size for his hands, one for each

giving and pliable

incredible cleavage

as small as they are enticing, a perfect treat

grabbable

filled out her shirt, and then some

pale, and covered with a smattering of freckles

Shakespearean - dun and enthralling, and calling for a sonnet to be written about them

I once had a partner lustfully describe my breasts as "pendulous", meant as full flattery, but I'm not sure if I'd advise that one.

Make it clear to the audience that the person noticing said breasts thinks they are great, and that will fill in the information that they are sexy breasts!

[ficsex]

Mx. FicSex, thank you so much for your blog! I hope this is a kind a supportive ask and not a bugging one, but I've noticed that you post really sporadically, and I wondered if you've ever considered using the queue function, to space out your answers? That way, your blog could have more consistent content, and maybe you wouldn't have to post so often!

Hey anon - I do use the queue - that's why when there's a burst of content, you get two a day for a few days in a few, and not six answers all at once.

I have a full time job, two part time jobs, two community volunteer positions, a needs-a-bunch-of-work house, four partners, three cats, and a hell of a combo of anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I am not going to promise you that I'm "doing my best" at keeping up on this blog, because the truth is that this blog is my literal, absolute lowest priority item. I could space out the queue items more, and have just one post a day, but that wouldn't change much either.

Followers will just need to be okay with this being super sporadic, because that's not likely to change. Not being a butt-face here, I just want to be suuuuuper up-front. I love this blog, and I can't spend much more time on it than I do. But the time I do get to spend on it makes me really happy! And I hope it makes other people happy, too.

:)

[ficsex]

hi! apologies if this is a basic question, but how do you perform oral on a partner with a penis without injuring them with your teeth? I assume you pull your lips in over your teeth, but that seems like it would be difficult to maintain that given the friction happening against your lips. Very confused anon here trying to understand how something like that can be sexy for both partners :,)

it's not quite pulling your lips over your teeth, and more having your lips more closed than your jaw is open.

Hm, how do I describe this better...

Your lips are strong enough muscles that they are what is causing the ring of pressure on the penis. If you open your mouth, put one finger inside, and then close your lips around it, you will notice that your teeth do not have to close alone with your lips. That is what happens during oral sex on a penis.

now, it's slightly more complicated than that, because you're also moving your tongue and providing suction and things, but that's the basic explanation. There will probably be some penis-teeth-touching going on, but not enough to scrape or bite it painfully.

(this explanation brought to you by my beginning to write this answer, stopping, pulling out a dildo to actually do the motion, and then figuring out how to write up what I did)

[ficsex]

This may sound silly, but do you need to use a dental dam if you and your partner are exclusive or it's your first time? I really want to try oral with my partner, and they're interested too, but I'm not sure what to do safety wise (let alone skill wise, tbh).

if it is both of your first time, it is very unlikely that either of you has a sexually transmitted infection on your genitals, and you probably don't need a dental dam. if you're exclusive (but you have had sex with other people before hand) and you've both had an STI test before beginning to have sex, you can forgo the dental dams, too. it's just if there is a risk of exposure to an STI (however small) that you want to use some kind of barrier method to avoid fluid transfer.

[ficsex]

So fic writers often talk about things 'gushing', 'dripping', 'pooling' and the like - is this accurate to real life? I've squirted before quite a few times (after much research, it's indeed 'squirting' or ejaculating as a female), but all this talk of scooping things up or smearing things around (lol wut), is that real? Thanks :)

this is a place where the difference between ejaculate and natural vaginal lubrication are the key. ejaculation is a quick process, and happens with the vaginal contractions of orgasm - an amount of liquid about as thin as water that could make a puddle. vaginal lubrication is thicker/slimier, like mucous, and could more easily be "scooped" or "smeared".

the quantity of both completely depends on the person. ejaculate could be a few drops, or a few tablespoons. lubrication can be scant, or it could be enough to leave a big smeary spot in the crotch gusset of underwear. so some fics are exaggerating, some are aiming towards the upper end of the spectrum, and some are just writing the amount of bodily fluids that they want to see in the world fic.

[ficsex]

for historic queer writing purposes: would you happen to have any literature on the effects of 1940s/1950s synthesized t and e on trans bodies? so far my only starting point are currently of the cohort of christine jorgensen and michael dillon, around that era. and I've been reading their biographies but usually that's like. appearance wise? i was wondering if maybe you'd have literature pertaining to like. dosage and monitoring by doctors? the experimental bits here and there? that kind of thing? i've been researching a lot on the effects of hrt on the body but in a modern sense. and tho im not a total stickler for historical accuracy all day every day i dont want to go too ham on the description that it'll take the reader out of the mid century america setting ya know? thank you in advance for your answer, whatever it might be, and i hope you have a good day!

I hate to say it, but I've got absolutely nothing on this. nothing to suggest it wouldn't have similar physical affects to modern HRT, but also nothing about how it was prescribed and monitored by doctors.

anyone else have any information?

[ficsex]

Long time reader first time caller, how do you think someone could get ‘good’ at sex? I was just reading your post about a tongue piercing and it mentioned needing skill and “knowing what you’re doing”. How do you think someone can become skilled?

there are a few ways to become "good" at sex, but they really all come down to listening to your partner.

asking for feedback

doing the optometrist routine and asking "does it feel better when I X or Y?"

listening for their moans and sounds

paying attention to what makes them squirm, or what gets them over the edge

asking them to direct your motions / give you instructions

watch them jerk off

ask them to touch you the way that they like to be touched

mirror what they are doing (often, people will do to others how they like done to themselves [this is why I give top-notch back-rubs: I have constant back pain, so I massage the way I want to be massaged])

use lots of lube / avoid chafing

don't go from 0 to 60 without being explicitly asked to do so by a partner - start gentle and slowly ramp up

avoid teeth on genitals without being asked

when you have sex with another partner, tentatively use the skills you learned from a previous partner, but start from the beginning: ask for feedback, listen carefully, go slow trying new things.

if you are a person who has many sexual partners, you will eventually learn what skills are more generalizable, and which ones are more specific to the partner you learned them with/from.

But all in all, to be "good" at sex just means being responsive to the needs and wants of the person(s) you are having sex with, and open to asking for what you want to do and receive, too.

[ficsex]

Hey, y'all

Lately, I've gotten a LOT of "hey, here is a thing my body has/does and I am concerned about it - am I normal?". There are more than 50 of them in my inbox, and I genuinely can't answer all of them. Furthermore, I'm not a doctor! I can't promise you that something your body has or does is safe, or unsafe, or to tell you to worry or to not worry.

I'm going to make an official policy that I can't answer personal anatomy questions.

I will still be taking and responding to some #real-sex questions, but not ones that would require someone to a) see your body, or b) have a medical degree to answer with any confidence.

I am going to go through my inbox, and maybe give responses to a few that I feel I have something useful to contribute, but in general:

Bodies are so, so, so varied. Skin in places you don't expect, lumps and bumps, strange colors, bigger or small vaginas and penises and labia and testicles. Squishy breasts and firm ones, scar tissue, oily skin.

If you are concerned: ask a doctor! I mean this seriously and not flippantly - a good doctor will look at the weird bump next to your anus or check your hymen, or your mouth or chest or whatever, and they will tell you whether or not it is a thing that you should be worried about, or if you're simply lucky enough to be a unique human being with a unique body that doesn't look exactly like an anatomy textbook.

I'm not annoyed at anyone who has sent those asks in, don't be concerned about that, but in general, I will not be answering those anymore.

[ficsex]

anatomy question:

i have a freckle on my labia majora. i dont think i had it as a kid, but it’s very possible i’ve had it for years and didn’t know bc i keep a bush. it is more oval and redder than the few freckles i do have on the rest of my body, but it doesn’t feel like an ingrown hair (not raised or painful) and i don’t think it could be melanoma since my labia has never seen sunlight

i also have this weird thing that looks like a circular ish scar. i think i remember having a scab there as a young teen? and being terrified that it was a genital wart due to hpv - which i don’t think is possible since i was a virgin at the time, but i was ofc too scared to tell my christian parent. it is a bit raised and has scar texture.

my question is, as someone who has seen a lot of labia in their life, in your experience is having freckles and scars normal? or worth seeing a doctor about?

a little bit of both!

freckles, scars, moles, birthmarks, skin tags... all of these are perfectly normal things to find on any part of skin, including labia. some of them have always been there, and some will appear part way through life. they will not negatively affect your body, nor should any partners go "ew!" and not want to interact with you sexually because of it.

(I had a skin tag show up on my labia majora partway through adulthood and also worried that it was a genital wart. but it's been chilling there for about 4 years now, so I'm not worried any more. none of my partners have ever noticed it, let alone said anything.)

that being said, ask your gynecologist to look at it the next time you're getting a pelvic exam, or mention it to your GP and ask for a referral to a dermatologist. It can't hurt to keep an eye on it, in case it later develops into something that you want to be removed. annoying to do, but just having a professional look it over and say "yep, looks like a perfectly normal freckle to me" could be reassuring.

(for example, if you have a mole or skin tag where you usually shave your body hair, and it gets cut and bleeds a bunch, it's worth asking a dermatologist to remove it! that's not vain or silly!)

so, my usual advice applies: don't panic, but feel free to ask a professional when you get a chance.

(if nothing else, check it in a small hand mirror every six-ish months and see if it changes. if it doesn't, you're fine. if it does, talk to a doctor)

[ficsex]

Hey Mx. Ficsex! I just wanted to get your input on something, and I apologize in advance because this is going to sound a little weird even by your standards: I was writing for a polycule featuring three women and one man (all of them are mostly cis), and for a lack of a better word, my main gimmick for it is going to be that for each chapter, I'm going to have one of the members getting "pampered" by the other three members. (cont)

(Polycule cont) My question is thus: how can I write the male character in this polycule getting “pampered” without it being *grossly* misogynistic? I want to make it clear that this isn’t a harem situation, they all love each other dearly. (Also, sidenote, said polycule is seriously, actually canonical.)

I don't think you need to worry about it, tbh!

like, maybe don't make it the very first chapter, so no one comes into it thinking that the whole fic is three women pampering one man sexually. but it sounds like this fic is going to be really well balanced! no overt misogyny!

if you are still concerned, here are some things you can include to make it very clean that this isn't a harem situation:

have the man think to himself how unusual it is for him to be just laying there and accepting pleasure, without giving back in the moment

have some of the women thinking sexually or romantically about each other during that chapter, and even touching or kissing, to remind the reader that they are all in a relationship together

remind the reader of some of the things that the man does for his partners, whether it's mentioning shopping and cooking, or a way that he supported them emotionally

but honestly, your set-up seems entirely non-concerning to me. if someone gets in your comments complaining, they are just looking for a reason to get mad. let this fictional dude enjoy his chapter of sexy three-on-one sensual pampering.

[ficsex]

in fic I often read about person A rimming person B and pressing against B's prostate with their tongue. Now. Granted, my tongue is definitely on the shorter side, so maybe it's just me, but even if I spread someone's arsecheeks as wide as they'll go and mush my face against their arse, I can barely get my tongue inside. At most I can work the inside of the rim, but that's it. Is stimulating someone's prostate with your tongue a real thing some ppl can do, or fic exaggeration? I'm really curious. It seems impossible to me but maybe I'm just that small?

fic exaggeration.

like, maybe someone with a very impressive tongue could do the thing? but generally no.

what someone with a strong tongue could do is press on their partner's perineum, and stimulate the prostate from the outside, but that job (like touching the prostate from the inside) is better left to fingers.

[ficsex]

Other than possible pregnancy, are there any side effects of having penetrative sex, and keeping the semen inside the vagina for a while? Is there a specific amount of time it can be in there before it goes.. bad, I guess? And does the texture change?

For some reason in my mind's eye semen inside a vagina for longer than 3mins has the same biological makeup as like yogurt lmao, sorry.

semen is liquidy immediately after ejaculation, but gloops up pretty quickly (this is why you should rinse semen down the shower drain asap, so it doesn't get caught in the trap or stick to the wall). after a longer period of time out in the air (like, half an hour?), the bonds that make it gloopy dissolve and makes the semen liquidy again, and then it dries out and gets hard. it's a weird set of stages.

in the vagina, it can stay gloopy or get liquidy, depending on the make-up of the semen and the vaginal fluids. I can't tell you exactly why, I haven't studied the protein bonds of semen with enough detail. but if you get up and walk around after someone ejaculates inside your vagina, it will drip out in a liquidy way. but it also might just resemble the texture of vaginal discharge, so you can't tell exactly what is semen and what is naturally from the vagina.

unless you have a very delicate vaginal biome, having semen in the vagina from penetrative sex won't have any side effects, except for the aforementioned gloopiness. there shouldn't be any funky bacteria in semen that would cause it to harm a vagina.

after sex, some people sit on the toilet and wait for the semen to drip out, or sit on a hand towel for a few minutes, or take a shower and wait for it to drip out. some people insert a finger or two into their vagina to scoop out the semen more quickly. some douche (don't do this, if you can avoid it), or just put their underwear back on and accept that they'll have damp/slimy undies, or stay bottomless and end up with a damp (and then crusty) spot on the sheets.

many people I know ask their penis-having partners to wear condoms or pull out to ejaculate, even if they are on a different kind of birth control, because they don't want a gloopy vagina.

[ficsex]

so, when writers say that their characters 'fuck all night', or when it's said in movies or tv shows...do they genuinely mean all night? surely not, like no one can fuck that long without significant breaks, and what about sleep(!)?

ngl i assume so, but it might be the autism that makes it a little murky understanding-wise, lmao

they probably do not literally mean "they stimulated each other's genitals from the time the sun went down until it came back up again".

they might mean that they had sex and napped for a while, then woke up and had sex again, then napped again, and woke up in the morning for more sex.

or they had sex until suuuuuper late at night, and fell asleep at three am.

or they were having sex and fell asleep while having sex and woke up later to find that they are still in sexual contact and start moving their bodies again.

or they were really hyped up and wanted to fuck for a long time, so they did in fact have sex for several hours, but took breaks for water, and then had very sore genitals the next few days.

and probably a lot of that sex isn't, like, active thrusting and penetration, but could be gentle touching and petting and oral sex and stroking with fingers and wiggling around together, and some penetrative fucking, and some cuddling and talking, and then slippery touching... that would be a way to have sex for a really long time without worrying about labial chafing.

ouch.

[ficsex]

Okay so I've been trying to find my G spot but seriously no luck!! Any pointers? Or is it possible for one to simply lack the G spot?

so, it would be unusual for someone with a vagina to not have a g-spot at all. not impossible - different anatomy is always a possibility - but unlikely.

the g-spot is the area in the vagina where one can press against the vaginal wall, and stimulate the nerves in/around the urethral sponge on the other side of the vaginal wall. it's not a specific "thing", per se, but is a way that one part of the pelvic anatomy can be reached through a different part.

if you're trying to reach your own g-spot, you'll want to insert a finger or two into your vagina, the pads of your finger facing up (towards your pubic mound) and the fingernails facing down (towards your anus). if you insert them a bit and pull/curl your fingers up towards you, you'll notice your pubic bone. if you insert them a little further and pull/curl your fingers up, you'll feel that it's squishier, and you can kind of sink your fingertips in a bit, and smoosh the flesh. that there (or maybe half an inch deeper, depending on the person) is your g-spot.

the g-spot is deeper than the vaginal walls, though. you can't just touch it and have it feel good. it's the pressing that stimulates the urethral sponge outside of the vagina that causes it to feel especially good. and if you're not aroused, pressing there will not feel especially different, either (mostly because the urethral sponge can fill up with fluid when you are aroused, and if it's not fill up, the pressing may not stimulate those nerves). or like, when you press on it, you're like, "hey, that's more sensation than when I press on the inside of a different part of my vagina" but it isn't necessarily the "holy shit YES" experience that some folks have with g-spot stimulation.

So poke around in there, both when aroused and not aroused, and see what the squish-difference feels like. try a g-spot toy that presses more firmly in that spot than you could do with your fingers. you probably have a g-spot!

[ficsex]

no need to respond, but I just wanted to say thank you for all the time and effort you put into answering questions and educating people through this blog! I grew up in a super religious community that had zero sex ed, so everything I learned was from fic and porn which, ya know, isnt the most accurate. so I love that you not only answer all the questions, but that you also differentiate between what would work in a fic world versus the real world. And you do it all without any kind of shame or guilt associated with sex. your account has truly been invaluable, and its so so appreciated!

oh gosh, thank you for this message. I am genuinely pleased that this blog feels informative, not shameful, and also allowing people to choose whether or not they want their smut to be 100% realistic, romanticized, or completely fictional in its qualities (all of which are great!)