FAKE NEWS THEY SEND ME WHILE BLOCKING EVERYTHING ELSE: THE MAUDE Database

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FAKE NEWS THEY SEND ME WHILE BLOCKING EVERYTHING ELSE: THE MAUDE Database
11.03.2020
MAUDE DATABASE
EPISODE BASED ON THE FALSE INFORMATIONS Math IS SENT ON HER NETWORK WHILE BLOCKED FROM EVERYTHING ELSE
Math uncovers the truth about her role LIFE;
Maude is #1 a public FDA database consultable by medical services as a reference to conduct surgeries:
https://link.springer.com/epdf/10.1007/s00192-018-3845-6?shared_access_token=2msNWBJ5_lxq8SgawjIWKPe4RwlQNchNByi7wbcMAY7W2aY0uKSvNKHsjFnUMQRUY9hp1DDOZof1BKm4zZcopJxqJdlnHkyCjvyZvoxrV2NGVW5F-oIZRxp2ORY707bw8UUFa1-nNEXinfRKixMouA%3D%3D
https://www.sages.org/meetings/annual-meeting/abstracts-archive/maude-database-audit-shows-inaccurate-representation-of-mesh-related-adverse-events-and-trends/
https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/cdrh/cfdocs/cfmaude/search.cfm
Maude is #2 a Brain-machine interface connected to a server with thousands of channels providing access to the stream of her thoughts translated in synthesised speech, sold by MENTAL FM to Neuralink, the Brain Initiative and SpaceX who have just set their sickening capitalistic high tech mind reading enterprise in Blue, disclosing the invasive machinery they are infesting the city with as still to be tested, in view of becoming a tool for paralysed people who can not speak, but Math is deeply scarred from the undercover secret state experimentations of the machine and hasn’t had the energy yet to wonder if she can keep hiding from being their targeted guinea pig, and as usually wasn’t invited to share her opinion.
https://assets.documentcloud.org/documents/6204648/Neuralink-White-Paper.pdfhttps://www.scientificamerican.com/article/elon-musks-secretive-brain-tech-company-debuts-a-sophisticated-neural-implant1/
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/04/24/716790281/decoded-brain-signals-could-give-voiceless-people-a-way-to-talk?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20190424&t=1583875614773
https://braininitiative.nih.gov
https://www.spacex.com
Maude is #3 an expensive lot of datas updated monthly and regularly acquired by insatiable social media platforms to spring new selfies paraphernalia and add placements algorithms restricting their users in personalised echo chambers.
Maude is #4 an extensive list of stolen concepts based on Math and her friends political beliefs destined to be empowered by the prominent capitalistic market.
She spent the all night hopping obsessively from windows to windows accumulating in frightful pace unspeakable reports and dreadful word picture on a past she strongly refuses to look in the eye and miraculously puts aside as the day breaks until it violently dawns again at 18:00, at the end of a long torturous day of acting bashed with permanent sexist, degrading and sexuallyshaming insults. So she apprehensively questions her colleague about it who seems surprised by the matter and appears to confirm the veracity of her discoveries while nodding negatively and exiting in an embarrassed brisk as if it was forbidden to breath a word of it.
She gives her best shot to leave, unpaid as always, but is held against her will by the bosses who at 22:22 are still vomiting their hateful misogynistic speeches at her. She does not know their real names, their identity was never disclosed anywhere, but she swears to herself to never give up hunting them down, so that one day she can expose the unconstitutionality of the ways they treated her all these years and hopefully save other women from having to undergo such horror in LIFE.
#whistleblower #bbwomans #freethefemalebody #elonmusk #fuckoff #whitesupremacy #smashthepatriarchy #instagram #freedomofthoughts #horror #realitystream #sexism #sexualassault #legislation #revolution #sayno #noconsent #lifetheft #undergroundcommunities #hatredofcapitalism #laviolencedesriches #undercover #mindcontrolactivism #undercover #statesecret #hidden #murders #femicide
10.03.4040 - 2020
REALITY SHOW: MENTAL FM
BB Womans has seen more and more doors closing on her in recent days, she has trouble ignoring the truth and the more she tries to express it the less she is listened to. She fatigued in initiating countless conversations with V2K staff arguing that she deserves at least a little space to exist, some respect and understanding for her fights and values, demand they stop insulting her tastes, friends and communities, but was met with more shaming and disrespect. So she decided that she can not share moments of her life with her loved ones anymore, in amongst her communities or in the spaces she feels herself and secure in because she does not want to share these precious, personal and intimate moments with the Bastards and their infiltrators anymore. She has given them so much and has been stollen all. It is like they managed to extract herself from her body so they could enter it. She feels like hovering besides herself looking at this inanimate person whose strings are pulled by strangers with dramatically opposed beliefs and points of vue.
BB Womans wakes up; 10:33
We have gotten to a critical stage for her to empower and assume her stream of thoughts as it is progressively and rapidly getting further from being hers. The Masters have locked her on a sexist and abusive mental radio frequency inspired from MK Ultra (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKEF_vqwj0A). Her nights aren’t fully resting, but in between their hypnotising stream reducing female bodies to obsession and shame she manages to catch her imagination.
She decides to end this super hero science fiction, she is fed up to expose so much about her real self and needs to find a way to evade in other world possibilities to forget her prison.
BB: “I want to feel something other than loosing myself in view of a sexist dictature. I will try to write a story that nears REALITY so much that it’s electrifying like in Hanacke’s 2005 psychological thriller HIDDEN.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvT_9TqIEtM)
And so BB smokes a cigaret or 2 and starts typing her new exciting concept which is closer to what she has understood her LIFE looks like from the other side.
E: “BB! We love you! Please you have to make the effort to talk to us because we are not in your head” BB remembers her friends signals: “That is right! They are not in my head!!! I see... they are really NOT in my head...? And so they only get falsified transmissions...?”
The Hero of her book, Math, is a 33 year old female, it is set in the past in 2020, when discrimination against womxn isn’t established as better or worse than now. She wants to respect the properties of progress and will describe a past where feminists are not at risk to be used and automated or rejected from society yet but already trapped in role models and jobs with terrible conditions serving WHITE SUPREMACIST CAPITALISM. She leads a difficult existence struggling to fit in the Patriarchal system, in Blue and has a job she hates that is taking too much of her time. She is an actress starring in a shady series she wasn’t given too many details about for as long as she can remember. She has lost conception of the difference between real and fiction and can not make the difference in between public and private anymore. At least Math can forget about her own struggles and juggle with unrealistic ones she is given at work providing challenges concentrating her mind on something else, anyway the money she earns isn’t near enough to subsiste and do what she wants to do in real LIFE, so she zombies this set up, not asking herself too much questions.
The writer of this bad comedy drifting in between horror, sadness and offensive misogynistic and racist humour has fashioned her role that is scarily close to the one of a slave whipped to live, named Maude Mathieu. This name is intentionally simple and widely spread out, Maude could be ANYBODY. Math does not like the role or want to play it but you know how LIFE is, you gotta WORK! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43qB9FpfCR8) She has been stuck with that job for years or all her LIFE. As years go by and time passes she is less and less able to recall her past and looses accuracy on who she is, who she was and how things got to where they are.
MENTAL FM is an audio reality game show; a mental reality radio channel with a story accompanied by a game called LIFE in which scripted scenes and sincere events are indiscernible. A sort of contemporary Truman show but lasting all through the Maude LIFETIME. You can follow her mental stream using a secret internet log, you can also download an app with regular notifications about important occurrences but also engage with the show if and when close to her by listening live with headsets or even play LIFE online on its gaming platform with remotes, although those, for obvious reasons, are exclusively handled by the directing management, they have incriminating doings that they must hide at all costs from the general public to save MENTAL FM to thrive and go on!
Lucky ones can get picked to take part in MENTAL FM for a temporary role with instructed tasks to accomplish during the takes without Maude’s awareness. These includes sex takes which she lives like acting in rape scenes.
While Math is not aware of it the show generates high revenues and brasses astonishing amounts of money. Ideas and scripts are mostly stolen from Math and the spaces and realities they invade through her. Rumours are travelling spreading that the crew uses certain scenes as social experiments which results are used for the conception of new algorithms and technologies to increase market power and personalise advertisement on social media, or that they sell their actors’ datas.
It is not that there are unbalanced and discriminative, it is that there is no employment conditions. She has never signed a contract, and if somehow their remotes are as performant as making her sign a deal without being conscious of it, or can erase its memory, being granted an access to it should be legal so she keeps asking her boss, whom she never met, even if her requests are systematically ignored.
Unbalanced because her salary does not match the audience numbers, especially in recent diffusions. Since the first season premiered on air the popularity of the show keeps on increasing. She does not understand it and has always thought it was bound to be a failure. The role she painfully has to star is the one of a person she would not like and had a feeling no one would like either. It’s hard to get into a show when you can’t stand the main character, isn’t it? She THINKS: “Although it must be easier to play... If they don’t like Maude then gamers will relish in furiously trying to prevent her from braving LIFE.
750€ per months under the table with no health insurance which is starting to be a problem because her health is degrading with the increase of hard working hours and strenuous takes. No holidays, and the amount of over-time she is forced to do are out of order, in presence of a live audience or not directors insist on filming all of the time, going as far as being present during her sleeping hours. Math: “God knows what they get out that!? It’s not ok, unpaid and non disclosed!.. Is it legal?”
She tried to find another job to add to her finances and be able to live real LIFE better but any opportunity is sabotaged by the assistants so nothing infringes on the time she has to dedicate to filming. She also can not quit, there is some logic to it, how do you feel when you follow a show and the main characters are replaced with new actors? It’s disorientating! Attempts to cast off revealed unnecessary, it’s always ruined by the votes of the film crew and all the sick adepts of the show. Participants forced to witness the unfolding of Maude’s fate must have uncovered that part of the fiction to be reality too. Her complaints aren’t enacting any change: a protest of 1 isn’t so efficient, especially 1 womxn. She wonders how much the male acting slot is getting paid or if they can leave the series when they so wish.
There is no breaks, to regain strength for her next acting times and days. She ponders if this ghost contract stipulates the amount of working time per day to be 24h? Days are stretched and fall into one another, so she ends up working all of the time. The bosses, actors and avid gamers plugged to play her within herself treat her in very discriminatory ways; she his harassed during working hours using of unconstitutional manipulation, sexist and misogynistic management, composed of hateful insults attacking the female body and shaming her sexuality, she got groped and sexually assaulted many times. They are holding disrespectful sayings against the sex work industry, and towards rave communities while invading their free dancing and expression spaces and infiltrating underground progressive pockets of intelligent and powerful individuals to inspire their scripts, and empowering their beliefs on prominent market platforms. Bosses shout abusive words towards non white people resulting in offensive racism that Math can not stand, while also having to bare saddening transphobic comments.
She aspires to act in a role in which she could pretend to be who she wants to be but her pitches never get considered. One day she tried to propose a character that is closer to her real self but it was mocked by the crew and the Police passing by.
She is not herself and has no occasions or permissions to express it, neither spend time trying to find out. She tried BB Womans hero type story that could save the world and transform it in something a little more on the fantastic and optimistic feminist progressive side, a brighter message to carry but that one was considered too strong for a series led by toxic masculinity to respect the main theme: Maude should stay the rejected unaware and tortured player of LIFE.
NEUROLINK & ELON MUSK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=6&v=A4fTytQJKxA&feature=emb_logo
“this technology is so advanced that it can be used to read your mind, program your mind with thoughts (that you would believe are your own) and induce emotional states in you (including pain, hate and fear). It can be used to tap into your optical nerve and auditory systems to see and hear what you are seeing and hearing. It can target particular people by engaging in individual-specific attacks (based on the target’s DNA resonance). Finally, it is being used in vast social engineering programs as a way to experiment upon poor, homeless and weak people who have little or no chance of fighting back.”
At a certain point, there will literally be nowhere to run or hide
HIGHLY ADVISED TO POWER THROUGH READING AGAINST YOUR FEAR OR WISH TO NOT UNCOVER THE UGLY TRUTH
YOU HAVE LANDED ON...
A PROGRESSIVE RESEARCH + FICTION WRITING
devoted to unveil contemporary social dangers and spread awareness on our current Patriarchal systems’ tools and possibilities to keep population marching under capitalism in an anaesthetic silent state, unaware of the amount of manipulation already operated and numbers of studies performed on our bodies and brains. These undisclosed entreprises are supported by our medical systems, ready to administer medication and write fake diagnosis for mental disorders adding up most of the same symptoms that mind control and mind reading technologies scar humans with, targeting predominantly womxn.
Using of information and News transformations and restrictions, networks surrender, and as too often considered a conspiracy theory or rendered a science fiction story because of its difficulties and consequences of being taken in consideration: High tech brain reading and mind control technologies and transmission, which is increasing in complexity since the 1970′s, has not ceased to be experimented in state secrecy, running undercover case studies performed on humans and their brains without their consent or awareness.
To this day it is still next to impossible to access precise reports on their researches and is of many activists interest to seek and outbreak the truth about government and Patriarchal systems’ unconstitutional and murderous operations. This progressively building research is accompanied by the daily entries working towards writing a book based on real facts from the life of a woman struggling to fit current systems, a feminist anti hero named BB Womans. This project does not aim to create a state of panic and distract our attention from our humanness. On the contrary, it wishes to put a strong accent on the fact that existing in our bodies is primordial, while also keeping up efforts in building communities and networks of communication and exchange based on skills and knowledges, understand the importance of mindful consumption, respect our earth and consider climate change. Not let the digital age and perduring violent Patriarchal binary imposition in all it’s gender and computational glory divide us and diminish population’s togetherness and power. They can certainly stop us individually, hence why they employ brutal tactics of isolation and misinformation to separate groups and communities, but they can not stop us all from claiming our right to freedom of expression, thought, choice and action. We want to raise the amount of awareness to raise the number of voices and enable the overdue REVOLUTION!
It is not necessary and could be unrooting to learn high technology and network specifics in depth. But the importance of being aware of their existence and mechanisms is crucial to our understanding of how to not let them overtake our economies, and take full control of individuals to eventual human automation.
“One needs to be able to think about histories and consequences.” We should Integrate the circumstance that many victims of psychotronic attacks and brain studies are currently being intimidated and silenced and most often end up in hospitals, rendered oblivious, or dead because of the system’s refusal to acknowledge their struggle and challenging next to impossible survival in view of the absence of general public awareness and discourse or high misconception of the ways these experimentations are conducted and the torture they inflict on their targets. “Where did these systems come from, who designed them and what for, and which of these intentions still lurk within them today?” (New Dark Age; Technology and the End of the Future. By James Bridle)
EPISODE 07.03.4040
SHARE YOUR CONTROLLED BRAIN IRL
Is BB right about the money?
She has a doubt, especially after bathing in a crowd environment, she goes through all her recent actions and declarations and gets worried of the receptions, she hears all sorts of accusatory comments about what she fashions to survive and it is really hard to discern who is really hinting... The people or the Masters through the people?… Will that generate more exclusion, misunderstandings and laughing? She tends to forget about it until she is in a space, as she is so used to be alone with all her theories and discoveries, locked in a restrained internet world that gives her half of the necessary infos and some made out facts, pages and discouraging hacking alarms and software bugs. She concentrates for a second; “It’s something SO big that it traumatises all my friends, chosen and blood families, entourage, activists and allies to keep silent, and the police refusals, lawyers and medias ignorance! That much of a level of isolation and efforts in intimidation to keep everyone silent and divided, strait up violence which eventually leads to groups of 10 police and firemen coming to take me by force to hospital to inject hardcore meds in my ass while all details disappear and everyone gets back on their everyday days... Come on! It HAS to be fucking BIG? No? HAS to involve big money!” And she is 99% sure amounts must go high high HIGH and even surer that using her body and brain as objects to bash, fuck and manipulate should grant her with that 66% easy…? Presumptuous?
After months of being ostracised from friends and fun, buried under incessant brain eating and keeping as healthy as possible BB goes out clubbing parred with a wise amount of drugs. She needs to have a dance so badly, see familiar faces, and feel surrounded by good energies!… Barely touches the substances after her initial start and go line, very surprising and unlike her, but she is content and fulfilled with this change, and only takes half of a pill too late or too early, stupidly just before she decides to actually leave the venue without saying anything, having had enough of nightlife psychosis theatre... Ho one important piece of information for our readers is that, the Bastards want her to believe that people around her can only read her thoughts when she is high on drugs. We will explain in further diving in the story that it is a trick marketed to make her believe the perpetrators are the infamous members of her family, and it is a system with a processus that will only end when she sobers up from all drugs and clubs or music making for years.
She walks home delighted to have seen her friends and received love hugs and actually danced hard for so much longer than for so long! She remains puzzled on the reason why these public thought reading sessions are still hapening… She THINKS they are really not playing in the “Doctors” favour. The grand realisation of the ampler and spectrum of the operation for BB happened thanks to one of these instances and she is really grateful for it.
This brings us to raising 2 more questions: First: does this mean she is right in thinking that the Masters can decide when and for how long people have access to her thoughts? And second: do they have access to it all, are they aware of what they make her think and what is genuine and how direct is it? BB: “because it feels really fucking live!” In your ears? On your phones? In an inoffensive V2K for the rest of population? Just a couple of the worst words there and there, beamed out to nearing curious heads…?
BB: “I feel that I see them come close to me and try and catch my eyes, when that is done they stand still, bend down their upper body slightly in my direction, like waiting to hear something imminently… Or could that be another trap to make me think they hear me live strait in ears and make me tell that to a professional Psychiatrist LIAR?... And so you’re waiting to hear... get informed... about…??? My panicked urged thinking on the way you look? The way you move...? Really…? Is that interesting what I think about the way you look? Do what you get satisfies you? Or can we agree that it is generic, always the same, absolutely non specific, vulgar, and most importantly useless as fuck? Is it somehow interesting and, I can’t grasp why? So hearing the primary thought of a female bodied individual under pressure and harassed in a social environment who was traumatised while growing up, by Patriarchal society’s pressure to work on the way she looks as a priority and to make it fit the selling standards as well as prove it by finding a men against all women is fascinating? Or is it better to get the embarrassed judgements about your races, genders and genitals she wishes never crossed her neurones?”
Unmistakably choosing a social environment at night, which was initially and is even more now an anxious and difficult process for her to go through is the perfect setting to share her brains out, the absolute jackpot if you want her to sound hysterical and obsessed! She systematically scans rooms and analyses level of security within them, trying not to look shaky and scared. She is used to taking shit from her trusted ones under instructions, and so having to assess a full night of energies to open or close to is without a doubt setting her off to make another bunch of enemies. Or so they think! The Evil dumbers trying to play her body want to add to hysterical and obsessed, offensive and ridiculous. Offensive is really important because it raises up many hurt feelings for harassing comments and actions to want to fuse, and ridiculous obviously linked to making people laugh, it is hard not to laugh at something funny, she feels like laughing too when listening to the thoughts farting out of her head… Some she owns up to, some are put through.
She is a vessel for anything and everything they want to make the female body say! Or shall we even go as far as to say; what they want a feminist to think? An exemplar soft white piece of bread for the sausage of their choice and pile of sauces. Are they really still Witch Hunting? Trying their best and most, lets have a little count… mmmmhhhh fuck loads against 1, to demonstrate that being a feminist is being a hypocrite? Do they need to prove womxn remain women and when you dig into their primary unrepressed thoughts, you can see how much they like to be raped? How much in competition there are with each other and how obsessed they are with their appearance and men? Acting this through BB Womans who never ever had any specifics in gender preferences appears to be worse! She knows she has taken on the role of the bad bad BAD feminist and finds it comical but it is probably not what is read by her surroundings. It could translate in; “Wow heard what she thinks!!! She’s got issues!!! That’s so mean” or... BB: “Insensitive or self-centred and everything else you might want to put in to justify your wish for me to feel ashamed, leave or just move away, bearing your sigh and spare you the consideration or memory of “that game you’re fed up with?”
When confronted with a lot of energies, everything becomes ultra binary; fucking or not fucking the men, “fine!” But then Comparing her size and looks with every female she encounters, obviously pointing out when she wins and noticing awful recurring words come out of her like some unfounded diarrhoea, and if they have a male partner it goes something like how better for them she is, like dog pissing, highlighting ingrained female competition as compulsory? When it comes to trans* people she is stuck by the thought of their genitals… being the worst one of all she can think of being stuck with while trying to be next to her friends.
Again BB is really fed up to have to justify herself for ANY thoughts at all, but some of these need to be outed as their doings… All the ones that go something like; Fat, ugly, small, dicks, pretty, better, jealous… etc… Could not be further from the way she considers a person for the first time or the people she knows, she would never call them repeatedly fat or ugly or EVER want to categorise anyone with all encompassing description of their appearance, and if it happens that she did, well that would be a good subject to bring into light and discuss.
The process is simple, they make her stop and wonder with a short and accusatory: “SSSSSSiiiiii” which in french translates to some stronger YES when opposed to a no. “Si” means you are a liar and what you really think is not what you think basically. So they go:”Hoooo, Siiiiiii BB you think that she is….” and wait for a word to be shat. Or: ”No, you don’t think that he…” Back and forth and back and force until they force out some blunt annoyed spelling of raw thinking to be fired out, and here we are, you do not just undo a thought? Do you? It’s out there, it is shared, it has shamed, it has hurt!
But it crucially needs to be massively underlined as irrelevant! She is not perfect that’s fucking right, and she is not a sleepless moraliser anymore either, although she did take that one, good to work on even, and forced to understand she did not know how to get all her points across efficiently… She then also got to learn quite a lot through this hyper introspection: the first thing that comes to your mind, and if it does not come, they extract it anyway, is rarely considered or enunciated by your brain. In the same way that you would not just punch the guy next to you in the metro on your way to work because it’s a hard morning and you can not stand anyone, you would also not just describe, judge or attribute some simplistic insulting words describing someone’s appearance in your head.. and even less out loud. No! You refrain your primary urges. Same goes with thoughts. If you’re fast and hold a lot of self awareness you should be able to catch them, but they often just hover deep in your disorders and insecurities. When you got them you can analyse them and decide to give them whatever importance you want to give them and restrain or indulge consequently with the attitudes and reactions related.
BB thought she had been clear about ways to understand or try to understand how it could feel to be her, but that was with forgetting these special nightlife stretches… If you can imagine yourself in a club night slightly aside fearing to near bodies but still trying to look like you can handle it, having to juggle your thoughts made a public matter, avoid considering the ones they send to your brain and their constant calling you out on the worst of what you think or repeat under pressure, pay or not pay attention to what is said and acted around you, wonder if it is kind or not, scripted and imposed or scripted and acted enjoyably or pure reactions to your turbulent inner voices, steer clear from looking at people not to spew out anything offensive, nor focus on yourself not to seem self obsessed, wonder if you should be here or not, if your friends are ok with what the hear, having a nice time or if you are fucking up their party and your friendships just because you’re here, want to dance and you miss them, add to all of it some high level of anger against the people hired to remotely drill your brain hiding like weak knees, when you should just be free in a space made for body release and expression… and you can probably imagine a mine full of intense emotions to make you give it up very quickly. Last time she held it up for about 5 hours, was never scared or wanting to hide and danced as hard as she could and is really proud!
BB only has had positive discoveries from these moments, lengthened endurance to keep ok in her favourite environments and countless signs of kindness and support. Which brings us back to wondering why are these brain eats organised and who does it really profit? Does it only happen when she is on drugs? No sorry, checked and checked! It had ceased to happen in the streets in the last couple of weeks. She understood there is a certain distance to respect to receive… the closer the clearest?
As whispered above; is could be Patriarchy and their demonstration of the limits or incapabilities of womxn, some mindless misogynist droned out revenge, or is there a parent wanting to fully extract their “past the point mentioning” grown up child from rave environments and their consumptions, and if so who is performing the “parent”? Was the family, the evil, backward, jealous mother scenario set out from the get go of a thought reading experiment to create groundbreaking machinery or is it more recent, so to transform some joke that got a bit too far in a love fueled rescue? BB: “Huh... Is this just a fucked up fucking game?… Who is playing? And how do I become the only remotely playable body?” And last thought of option seeming most accurate for BB at this stage; “It just smells like a social media thought reading study and experiment... No? Does this just need to keep on without my consent and full knowledge on mechanisms for my whole life?” It certainly looks like this is what they are hinting at. Unfortunately for them though, this outrageously fucked up, unconstitutional and violent story has taken a turn of NO RETURN; they have let it go too far and too long, they have seen it too big which instead of inviting her to swallow it as impossible, got her to understanding it as impossible not to be REAL. She now knows TOO MUCH she can NOT forget. She already remembers everything from her 2 previous painful reality discoveries after hospitals, medications and all her datas, writings, videos and pictures destroyed. This 3rd time around the amount of support and signs of her sanity she is lucky to have had are printed deep in her memory, she is so grateful to have lended in a coussin of radiant power and love and everything she knows to be truth is most definitely not erasable. And even if their torture and pressure was nearing anything she would cede under and resign to take some anti psychotics giving way to their increased and sustained control of her body and brain, she would stop as soon as possible because this substance is hurting her physically and mentally and would run back to raves, altered states and people she likes to surround herself with, read what she wrote again, remember it all and resume to fight its disgusting doings and presence at all on this planet!
But she has to admit that she has exhausted ideas on what to write, expose or communicate through her fiction, appart from going down the past slide show of her administered life and sharing all the crusty details of her slow realisation of the deception. They are sensitive and difficult times to recall and describe without emotion and more introspection, and could also loose her in interpreting many aspects and times as inaccurately linked to being a targeted individual. She is still not sure how efficient that would be, thinking that it could also hurt, guilt trip or offend some loved ones involved in hurting her or contributing to her isolation, or tickle the risk to drown herself in greater despair... BB: ”The past is the past... yerrr but... and in 2 days it’s International Womxn’s day! Wowwww!” But then again force is to constate that writing to expose perpetrators’ pestiferous work protocols is proven to be the most efficient tactic she found effective towards increasing tranquility, in small steps but could it eventually lead to owning herself, her mind and her body back? her popularity or NOT, who fucking cares! The worst of her outer and inner self is a public matter... but indispensably her INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS!
Here is how she is going to power through this misogynistic shit storm. Just keep up what she is doing! Writing it all out and OUT, impose the amount of self care she wants to impose on herself, re-educate to rave environments for as long as it takes to feel at ease, not give anyone a word on her levels of consumption, since it is unquestionably highlighted that she has absolutely no problems, addictions or mental disorders resulting from her monstrous drug taking most of her life... Quite the contrary, it has always unveiled the truth! She will be thinking and dancing in ways that she sees fit or are envisageable under the machine hold in parties, try to not let them destroy chances to get hired somewhere, build her strength up day by day, walk, ride, shit, cry, masturbate and tell her points of views around Blue to whom ever wants to hear them. And If there is any problem with that, “Just let me know!”
06.03.4040
DOLLAR DOLLAR BILL YO (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-LHFfFKCsY)
BB Womans wakes up; 08:45
Before opening her eyes or even feel conscious she throws a loud scream! She so angry this morning, her jaw hurts, it’s blood driping time for the month, and electro-postillions keep wetting her neck with discouragements on absolutely everything she needs to do. BW’s state is close to punch the walls, scream, jump, hurt herself but ventilates a while, opens the window, repeats a mantra, has a coffee and a cigaret and remembers how bad it was a few weeks ago, enabling pride to have gone this far and motivation to keep on.
So she sits and types under constant pressure to stop:
V2K: “Don’t do that BB, people are going to think you are crazy!”. This morning BB really wants to tackle the DIRTY CASH question!
V2K: “No BB, what are people going to think about you? You don’t like money, remember?”. The question at the tip of her finger is do you dear readers? Do you like Money?
BB: “Shut up ass-faces, let me concentrate… Mmmhhhh… Yes, how bad was it? BaaaaAAAAAd bitch baaAAAAD!… I tried to end my life for christ-sake… I had no hope to make it out of this misery… I was alone as always in my room, but loosing strength, remembering I never wished to live this life, and now that I am aware of being blood pumped, brain sucked and my limbs attempted to be controlled and automated this confirms how fucked I always thought it was and I figured dying could be my best exit plan… I might loose consciousness completely and just switch off… huh huh…?! Don’t EVEN have the right to fucking die!!! Fair? I have been lower though really... smashing dishes, cutting my hands, ripping my face, falling around, hitting myself… The G seemed so much more of a smoother idea… Wait that’s right, I am fucking Jesus and I don’t want to hurt or sadden anyone! Queen get the money!”
The only contact BB had with the world was her phone, emails and social media… She attempted to message some people to hint at the fact that she was going to end her days, but without being too clear, saying she wants to die is a reason to lock her up in hospital for a days and harass her to cease to resist to her robotic fate as well as use real sick patients to participate. A few mails here and there, Polo, her dad, her mother… How did this guy made it to her VIP list for suicidal notes? Not sure who else but turning around all the options for perpetrators that are given by the evil orchestrators. The messages were accusatory, sad and menacing but with a romantic rave infused twist because she always has to tell stories or write poems to get her ass out of trouble. “The truth! I want to say the truth!… Pfffff… Let me write! What are you trying to achieve? You know harassing me now is only powering me through writing more! You think I write well?! Cool for you! I am not trying to show skills, play a character, I am trying to save my ass from your puppet show! Do me a favour and go fuck yourselves!” A few breaths in and out and, another cigaret she should not smoke!
V2K: “C’est bien, C’est bien… On a compris… On va te libérer!”
BW: “I do not give a fuck what you do, nothing will stop me from expressing myself and exposing your despicable enterprise!”
It was day or night in a time and space that felt like in between life and death, she missed her friends nights and hang outs, because she did not want to impose her sorrow or provoke the Masters instructions for actions and loud laughter shooting orders. She was shaking and could not stand up anymore, had thrown her phone somewhere in her messy flat, but needed to find it now, she crawls around, thinking she heard it calling, and maybe that means someone wants her to live. Every time she fills up with another dose, neighbours are banging on her floor from under!
BB: “Pffffff, leave me aloooOOOOne!”
Some miracle lets her access her phone and dive in a long scroll down facebook and Instagram. She is looking for signs, and isn’t disappointed; Posts are mostly about her, what she said, what she likes… etc… Let us explain that more in depth a bit further. These posts have for aim to keep on inducing schizophrenia but the psychosis social media circus has a saving effect strangely, she is not crazy, what she knows is real and there is a reason to keep standing, at least for a little while, at least to try and make a change before departing from this sick sick SICK world.
BB: “LOVE is SICK!” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXdWxFj0y3s)
BB: “Anyway, let’s look forward now that we have made so much efforts to stay alive and healthy, let’s write a fucking budget with that pitiful amount of cash that is left for the whole month… Mmmmhhh… food… mmmmhhhh… fuck, I’ll never be able to repair my gear! And huuuuhhhh, people aren’t going to hire me with the rumours they spread… Are they? And I am fucking working all of the fucking time… and I need a flat… and I want a dog… and… wait a second… how much are people making for digging my brain, recording it’s waves and traumatising me? WAIT! First the V2K staff… Huh, how much are you making an hour to harass and rape me? I do more than half of your job! Care to share your salary hyenas?… What about the others? What could push someone to take action towards hurting someone else or induce their paranoid state?… Again I am wondering? Are they intimidated? Or are they being my datas to make some dirty cash? Make music? Produce series, films, advertisements? Code new websites and algorithms? Write thought reading studies and experimentation reports? Print billboards?… Again… wawaiwaiwaiWAIIIIIIT! Question is not only how much do they get for it but most importantly how much do they fucking MAKE from it…?”
Now we could write our beloved reader a poetic little paragraph to expose all the details BB backed up from what and how it is all organised around her, what acts are performed and capitalism produced, but BB has nothing to prove and certainly not that she can write, so here is a vulgar run down;
Instagram + Facebook
Instructed posts about: making sushi, nobody loves her, she likes to have brunch, she often hides under table, her sexual persona is named Mood, cuuuute, she wanna fuck, who are they? Dogs, rats, horses, Unicorns, pink, red… Yak, yak yaaaak. She has precise theories on how instructions present, here is the most likely; Members of her social media entourage probably receive a series of options to choose from and can fashion their stories or posts as wished. Instagram also provides animation to add on their images like the Rat or the Horse one, maybe the fire was a thing too?
Videos made by different video channels, an obvious one is “THE VIEW” on facebook with pop stars and actors; Woopy Goldberg, Alicia Keys (On Instagram: “You at the back, listen and shut up…”; referring to her joke about being a teacher and V2K bad actors being her pupils), Scarlet Johanson and questions about her underwear and body size!!!? What the fuck? Sometimes actuall speaking live of celebrities sometimes just picture montages with written quotes. On suicidal season, some of these videos were called: “If you are about to give up, watch this!”, people said things like, “It’s a story of numbers”… Bla blablablabla
Tracks under- and over- different scenes
Describing her actions, loneliness, her writing poems, being ridiculous, liking to walk in Paris, her fears, Her horoscopes, her obsessions…
Actions
As mentioned before people crossing her in the street reiterating what she has done the day before, where do they receive these? From whom? Whats app?
scripts
With subjects to talk about, words to mention, things to remind her, ways of acting or falling down miming her… when to laugh and as loudly as possible please. Often these recent days, she can identify the speeches directed to her because it is performed obviously loud, making her feel like a theatre spectator, she guesses it is to make sure she does hear it over her repetitive thinking mantra loops she has developed and self defence and tactics to avoid repeating offensive and self incriminating sentences like: “I am a pedophile”, or “Black person... hhhmmm nooooo, Big dick” or getting blocked on a genital drumming thought session or “I find her ugly...” Etc EEETTTTCCCC...!
Adds
Relating to her teeth, selling fairy lights for your room, denouncing capitalistic routine, Job offers… this list is endless and could spiral towards unrealistic revelations.
Audio announcements in Public spaces or billboards
Radio
Programme relating to her struggles, comments and jokes making fun of her
Tape recording sold in shops she regularly visit
Talking about her refusal to work… “Warum Nicht?”, Her Birthday…
Without counting weird emails
From company she uses telling her they like their customer well caffeinated, people advertising their music to be featured on her radio…
And we could keep that up for a while, but our tired anti-hero has it up up UP over her head to try and prove she really does know about it all while getting harassed with contents making her feel bad for placing herself in the middle of it all: “The world is not turning around you BB” Friends would say some years back.
Now lets point out all the money she has had and still have to spend to survive, no wait, another waste of time? It is utterly obvious; medicines too calm down, machinery to find out more about the electro harassment, countless hard drives to save her datas, replacing her fucked up devices, or simply time spent researching and unveiling Patriarchal societies secret studies and machineries to learn and spread awareness so to build a network of allies. Then there is all the drug taking and urge to spend that is induced by the Bastards… Getting fired, not being able to find a job, what else… cream for wounds… food to eat her lack of affection… massages to undo her nerves that are conducting the electro current through her limbs to her brain, LUNCHES, BRUNCHES!
Do you believe BB deserves to get reimbursed? Do you believe she deserves to get paid even? How much could they have generate from their tests, products, results and new high tech machine building, or add placing on social medias, or could we go down in this darker deeper hole of wondering if they make money from the audience avid to follow the thinking series of her intimidation? She thinks 50/50 sounds right, but as it is a story of numbers, and hers is 33!
BB: “Soooo Double that... Mmmhhh... What about 66% of your studies earnings nasty rat-bags? If you want to share your illegal cash born out of my fucking brain waves, do that! send me a fucking email or transfer direct into my bank account you know the passwords and details from by heart, I might be able to get on writing my book, make art, music, get onto my project to empower womxn to speak without fear, now that I am an expert at it!
05.03.4040
J’VOUDRAI BIEN VOUS Y VOIR (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8arj5hJ7do)
BB Womans’ day went down pretty harmoniously, her and Luxus levitated through Berlin in the sunshine, soundtracked by Lee Gamble’s NTS old 2019’s shows. Trying to give way to her previous obsessions, not to get smashed in the one the Masters lock her in.
Carrying CVs and a little cash, she’s out to try and find work! she has long pushed this idea away, as she feels getting brain sucked to understand how to properly read minds should set her up for a life salary, but it looks like this big rich thieves or professors aren’t considering to pay her for all these stollen years, cells and advertisement ideas, for all these unpaid porn acting hours or for using the result of their undercover study to lock the rest of the population in new social media algorithms. She will probably never get what she deserves and it fucks her off big time! But what ever she’ll try and make some cash money. Lets see what happens, Ideally she would love to do building work but does not know where to actually look or if they will hire a woman to break walls down, but she will try, the easiest and fastest being getting behind a coffee machine she will start by that… At least try.
While riding smoothly up and down the city, loosing her stack of cv and meeting a couple of old friends on her way, she warms up with the idea that life is not so bad, and maybe she could do it… Maybe she can even do it under constant harassment, their voices are slowly becoming some background noise, like when you have building work going on next door all day, you end up forgetting about it if it’s not too loud and always the same thing. If this has to happen, her discipline needs to be up up UP, she needs to keep on writing everyday, work, work, work, make art, make music, get her Radio project out and not drop a second for this Bastards to breath!
She gets 2 application down and rides back from wedding, wondering what she need to write for her second entry of the day, as she decided to go up in numbers, since it is obviously helping her rid of a lot of the harassment. For example the other day she wrote about not being able to download Catalina… Surprise, the next day she could, “Ha ha ha HAAAAA”. Further more since she wrote about being remotely raped, insulted and mocked about her desires and fantasy, it has also stopped, the only thing that is absolutely #not ok that remains is the body shaming and the harassment of her food disorder, lets see maybe todays entry will do it! Who knows… The same happens with taking screenshots and snaps of hack and bugs on her device, once it is documented it stops happening… The other day her phone would not pick up on network, she only had to go in the phone shop and show her phone to a member of the staff for it to start working! If you don’t call that magic… what do you call it? Psychic… Electronic??? Now doesn’t it seem strange they are not dropping the voice to skull… since it’s written and everybody knows…? Isn’t strange her BB twin bro, 33 Fam husband isn’t allowed to be by her side? Isn’t strange she still has the feeling her thoughts and actions are still shared out in bias ways that do not come close to whom she is or what she has to say and how. Where do you think they expect this is going?
BB Womans is puzzled by different attitude to adopt while going out from her flat. she THINKS: “I should look well, I should smile, I should do everything possible for people to see I am holding up, not worry or feel any urge to call the cops or the firepeople on me… But then, what the fuuuck! Do I have to put on a smile for being harassed? Or does this just make it look ok to be sexually assaulted and shamed… Like don’t worry people, do not take that in the cosy conforts of your home, I am handling it fine on my own… I LIKE it even??? Don’t ask me… Ask yourselves… Would you?”. At this stage of the story there are something BB Womans wants to make clear, she wants to write a fiction to protect herself, and some of this fact are romanticised, but she also want her reader to be fully aware of what is picked out from reality and what is reality, so she THINKS she will have to risk her freedom and make it clearer; The harassment, the voice to skull, the gang stalking, the remote limb jarring and sexual harassment could not be LESS fictional than a dog taking a dump in the middle of Neukölln and their owner not picking it up.
Getting closer to home her head storms up with images of scenes she lived for years and recently… People passing by anywhere; in the street, in clubs in shops and adopting 2 major attitudes, one of them is laughing, the other staring in a disappointed way. She feels the need to ask people to try and enter 2 simple thinking patterns to maybe get closer to understanding her and her everyday life and put themselves for even just a few minutes in her shoes.
First pattern would be to imagine you have had to endure such treatment for years, and when to harassing isn’t present you feel yourself surveilled and permanently performing, people come to you out of nowhere to tell you very weird stuffs, aggressive or not but definitely increasing your self-awareness and weariness. How would you hold yourself in public? Would you maybe, like her, put your head down, squint your eyes like a witch at every being passing by, where a cap to hide your face and risk to look angry and mean? Do you know BB Womans? Have you talked to her ever? Do you know her friends? Do you feel like laughing at them? Do you trust their judgement? Would you want to arm or bully them? Could that apply to her?
What are your sources on who she is, what she says and what she thinks? How do you read the news? Do you swallow everything that is written and said out in the medias? Do you know who is diffusing the infos? Are you aware of how easy it is to manipulate words to manipulate you?
The second pattern is this one; Now imagine that a group of people is paid to sit confortable behind some high tech machinery and remotely read your thought while bullying you using chatter voices from your family, in her case; Her brother, sister and mother. Now dive deep into your inner self and find this thought about yourself you battle everyday to forget about. the reason why you put make up on, the reason why you wear certain clothes, the weird limb twitch you developed along your existence because you can not cope with certain things, the awkward positions you find yourself in when confronted with that self of yours you can not stand, the reason why you tell certain lies, the things you repeat over and over to make yourself sound good, etc… etc… Now imagine that this thing or things, as I am sure it should not be limited to one shame, are constantly reminded to you… How would you feel?
BB Womans is not here to enact some self promotion, she is who she is, likes who she likes and loves what she loves, she is not perfect and has no wish to become so. She does not want everybody to love her as if that was the case that would mean something is very wrong. She will not compromise herself, her ideas and who she is to please everybody either. She just THINK that there is a certain level of respect and this is in the realm of possible human kindness to adopt regarding her… She takes it all and suffers in silence, try as best as she can to keep a smile on and a nice attitude towards beings she encounters and is tired to meet laughs and screams when painfully going out to the supermarket to fill her fucking fridge… Would you have written that in a kinder way? It does not matter… what matters is yourself! What matters to them is to take her down and keep her silent! What matters to her is to make sure this does not happen to anyone else! Do you believe her? WHO CARES?
AT WHAT STAGE IS YOUR STUDY FACEBOOK? WHO IS INSTAGRAM? https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2019/oct/24/mind-reading-tech-private-companies-access-brains
05.03.4040
U EXPOSE ME, I EXPOSE MYSELF
BB womans wakes up; 09:20
This morning she is teary and desperate, the Master’s minions are still drilling her brain, even though her activism got them to a lighter in volume, it is still infused with insultes, mockeries and incitation to take medication. Her nerves and heart are at stake, she is starting to see the seclusion as murderous. She is not one to thrive being alone for such long periods, BB is a community person, she likes to share and communicate to humans… Not to cruel torturous bad staff talking like young teenagers about her shames and fears.
“What can I do!!!? What can I do to get enough attention on the unconstitutionality of this operation? What can I do to provoke justice to start reacting? Would this be the same for men? When a woman’s life gets exposed no one seem to move a finger… Wait…Of course men to not get this treatment! Wait... Can I find this article… it’s not the same for them, and hasn’t been for a while, this situation is stagnant.” She spreads all her make up from the day before all over her tired face while lazily drying her tears: “I can not cry yet, I can not let them bring me down, I have to find this article!” She is referring to a text published in 2020 about the “Affaire Griveaux” and the unbalance in between genders when it comes to the respect and protection of private life, it is still on internet: “Yessss, they haven’t blocked access to it!” (https://www.liberation.fr/debats/2020/02/27/la-vie-privee-des-femmes-a-toujours-ete-une-affaire-publique_1779879), Here is a google translation of it so everyone can grasp BB Womans’ point:
The "Griveaux case" reveals a difference in gendered treatment of the publication of a person's intimate content without their consent. When a woman's private life is reported in the media, how many denounce such acts?
TRIBUNE. The massive and unanimous support from politicians, intellectuals, journalists, media, social networks, and guests at all the dinners in town to denounce the violation of the privacy of Benjamin Griveaux is impressive and undoubtedly salutary. All of these rising voices also raise a question that no one on TV, radio or social media is raising. Where were and where are these same valiant defenders of the protection of a man's privacy when a woman suffers the same fate? Absent, because women's privacy is always a public matter.
The intimate lives of women have always been the subject of reproach, revelation, denunciation and violent action in public spaces, including and perhaps especially through laws. From the "easy girl" to the "whore", passing by the "joyful widow", the body and the sexuality of women have always been and are still subject to moral judgments, criticisms and especially ostracism in many countries again. From the “witches” of long ago that we burned alive to the thousands of women today who receive in the face bottles full of acid because they are not virgin or infertile, how many television sets to come to their rescue ? Where were, where are the defenders of the privacy of women who were forcibly sterilized in the United States until 1977 because they were deemed "unfit" to procreate? Do they speak out when women die today due to clandestine abortion because access is prohibited or too expensive? Where are the privacy spokespersons of the thousands of women rejected by their communities as carriers of HIV transmitted to them by men? Who is coming up in droves to denounce the imprisonment of women who simply remove a scarf from their head, or to prevent the atrocious beheadings of women suspected of an extramarital affair.
Compared to what Griveaux suffered, what happens when the private life of a known or famous woman is violated and relayed in all the media? Is there an immediate and sustained uprising to denounce such acts? No. And even worse, the photos or videos swayed in the public space that concern all the women who are victims are still there. Unlike Pavlenski's pornopolitics.com site, created in November 2019 and deactivated immediately after Griveaux's announcement to withdraw from the municipal campaign for Paris, photos and videos of women (famous or not), all victims of porn revenge, are still accessible! No more images that were on Pavlensky's site are on the web, even when searching on major porn sites.
It is clear that the French swimming champion Laure Manaudou, or the American actress Jennifer Lawrence did not have the same preferential treatment from Internet hosts. In 2007, naked Manaudou photos were released without his knowledge. Today, they are still easily found. As for Lawrence, in 2014 his intimate photos were stolen from his Gmail account and relayed on a single site, then were quickly taken up by large audience pornographic sites. Today, they are easily found. How many of us are demanding the removal of these images and defending the privacy of these women?
And in even more serious cases, what are we doing to protect those targeted and to prevent the increasing number of suicides of young women victims of revenge porn? In France, we are just beginning to address this serious situation via sociological studies. Belgium has taken the lead for ten years. Belgian lawyer Etienne Wery, who defends victims, 90% of whom are young women, handled one case a year a decade ago: today he deals with 15 cases per year, 80% of which are minors, sometimes very young, 13 and 14 years old.
Our countless laws pride themselves on protecting women because they "frame" what they can do with their bodies. However, when it comes to helping women whose privacy is exposed, when it comes to protecting all raped women and prosecuting their attackers, the laws are beautiful and well written, but their application is another matter.
With the exception of the sustained mobilization and action of women historians, feminist movements and men and women sensitized to these crucial issues, the private life of women, unlike that of men, does not has never had a protective shield. The fall of Griveaux following the violation of his private life is a political and private fact; at the same time it reveals a difference in underlying gender treatment. Thanks to this political and private event, we can rethink respect for privacy from a different angle. Not to "moralize the privacy" of our political leaders, but to finally condemn unanimously all violations of the privacy of all women.
Wouldn’t that make people think twice? The private life of a men gets exposed and the whole world goes on fire but when women have to undergo such treatments, like cited in this piece, with an explicit accent on the fact that it does not only entail famous women’s privacy, then nothing happens, because women’s life were always part of public matters…!! Does this sound right to you? Women are patriarchal puppets, video game characters, laboratory rats for advance technological studies on the brain. More tears run down her cheeks, she has ran out of ideas; she wrote online and sent to hundreds media platforms stories about her inner private life, exposed her fears, her interests, her body image struggles, her addictions, her disorders, her shames, should she precise the porn she watched and was shamed for? Maybe…? She has exposed in details what they are doing to her in the clearest, most honest way possible and most importantly most accurate proportionally to what informations she can access online, she highlighted the illegality of such doings, what else can she do? How much more of her intimacy does she needs to put out for the world to devour? Is there actually anything out there she needs to expose again in her way that was exposed for her previously? Will they let her heal from this torture or will they managed to disguise this undercover multi-million extraction and supervision in an altruist venture to heal or institutionalise her? Does justice know who is responsible? Can this people be arrested? There is no doubt about the fact that they should!
04.03.4040
SO HAIRY IT’S SCARY
Let's skip the banalities and details of a badly conducted study that is obviously unconstitutional and punishable by patriarchal researchers in view of controlling population, automating bodies and generating new technologies and tactics to read human brains while disguising with the highest hypocrisie in a noble research to enable people with speech difficulties to express themselves, mixing rave torture romance underground and pop culture to traumatise women to hospital or death with an acid burn soup you do not want to have to eat like we eat capitalism every waking hour of our days and get down to what really matters if it wasn’t already crystal; Psychotronic weapons and the female body.
BB Womans wakes up; 08:30
The hardest is not to get out of bed while hearing the rats (Rat animation were provided as early as 2020 for instagram users back in 2020 when the BB Womans’ targeting started) whispering that they are still here and never will let BB Womans leave her life in peace, The unpliable is to step up hoping not to have to expose her intimacy further to expose te perpetrators with clearer horrific details of the ways chosen to intimidate her to keep her mouth shut, withdraw her from friends, love and music and back down in the medication suicidal hole.
We've made things clear on electronical sexual assault, physical violence, digital surveillance, internet search manipulation, coercion of her entourage and friends and stupid rumours confiding her in a dark corner alone. Let's dive into self deprecation and sanction. The sanction being performed for one reason; she is not who she is now, and from the point of view of a brainless patriarchal, archaic high tech entity that is punishable. All her life BB Womans has felt like a fraud and once she got to feel different the Bastards thought to suck her brain up from confidence and inject violent self doubts. She was never thin, grew up with food disorder, feeling unsafe in her body and clothes, a subject for Voice to skull conversations; BW does not deserve to feel beautiful or be taken as such because she was not before...??? What the actual fuck you will tell me, which to I would answer that yes, this is so much lower that high school bullying it is laughable but when you are a hunted down BB Womans and everything is made out to make you feel everyone is out to laugh about the way your body looks, it becomes very difficult to step out of home. And they laugh, and they scream at her and they share her pictures to the public and sell it on porn networks. They also make sure BB Womans remember her previous size, remind her constantly that she was bigger, summon her to go vomit after food so not to get back to this ugly previous body shape, mock her for her bad skin, the look of her limbs, and the hair... the hair is one that was intense back in 4037 in Berlin on Jonasstr. 46, she was getting harassed incessantly about waxing it, hiding it, footage of her taking it off was shared and mocked. Insensitive comments came through from time to time from person to person, tracks to tracks, friends to friends, and sometimes really close ones.” Her neighbour's wifi's name was: "so hairy it's scary!" Coincidence?
BB Womans apparently grew up with an hormonal unbalance. The story starts like that; during her teenagehood she developed facial hair, was quite chilled about it at the beginning and plucked them out regularly and religiously. As years went by, waxing time periods got closer and closer until she decided to check things out and book an appointment at a Gynecologue on Sonnenallee, Dr Ulrich Kleber. She went there about 6 times and was told she had a thyroid problem, which did not actually resolved the hair but there was something to resolve. She was given some medication which she took for a year. On a check up day, a disagreable nurse takes her blood to check things out, everyone looks down, she gives a paper to BB Womans and tells her to leave and go to a specialist with no explanation, that she can not come back here ever again, the doctor shuts his door up with no goodbyes and she is hushed out of the door feeling worried and clueless. The paper seems to say she has an overactive thyroid and not underactive which really fucks her off as she tried and explain to this old fuck many times that she did not think she had an underactive thyroid, that everything she felt indicated it was the contrary but he did not listen and gave her medication to take for the contrary of the problem she was having... Which of course got her really sick and in need of urgent assistance. This highly punishable medical mistake leads to years going to a specialised centre on Französisher str. The Endokrinologicum Zentrum where they rectified the problem just so it's back to normal to be told years later she never actually had a problem!!!
Back to the hair and the harassment related. Papers, radio programs and people taking pictures of her with bright flashes out of the blue in club environments when she's out and hiding, flyers displaying text like "Combat the spike" and other ways to remind her to run back in her room and get back to sniffing and sobbing. And body shaming script were distributed from Blue to Sarwaw with the offensive sentence: “Mange! Bitch!” Mostly performed by unaware teenagers followed by embarrassed laughs... and... we got the worst down... don’t we?
O3.03.4038
DROWNED INCIDENT
One long loop review back down to full speed when BB Womans was still holding some power over consumption, surrounding and entourage, or did she? Together with 33 Family soul mate BB Lanokira, they organised nights mixing rave and punk crowds, trying to reunite hardcore scenes seeming in competition with one another when drawing out such strong similarities on intensity, politics and ways of experiencing music and selfishly because these 2 genres are they favourites to listen to and let out on. Many aspects of these events were set to provide small homely environments to rave in through the night in peace. Take drugs without hiding yourself, be respectful of female struggles, make sure they feel secure, take away the accent putten on gender and get fucked in harmony. March 4038 was coming so soon, the line up was building on a last minute schedule, as this is how BB Womans functions with everything. Spontaneous, emotional and mostly as late as it is possible to put herself in the shit seconds before the events has to start. Expectedly INCIDENT B was a fiasco until after it ended. This incendent was the second and last one but the first time BB Womans met Polo. His name is one of the most recurrent one in the tight loop of thoughts the Bastards are blocking her in and so she can not help too often to try to remember clearly and elucidate details of their meeting; why, how, who, what is real and what was orchestrated? This archaic cheesy fairytale drama they make her repeat over and over is outmost nerve recking for BW, who refuses to give into the idea that she has built this obsession on her own and knows their debilitating operation is also not really making her look so. No! What is interesting to understand is where the manipulation starts. Polo has everything to attract BB Womans attention. She has the bad habit to fall for any cutie making music she likes. PS seemed like the perfect BB Mans, shitting emo tracks faster than her heart beat on speed, dark haired, a little sick looking, smoking too much ganja, loves drugs, dressing in building works attire, scary sexy and and and and... And this album! At the time BW just finished her first mix #ANDYOU from the "U are not Alone" series destined to get womxn to speak about sexual assault in club environment after her friend got raped in a famous club. Back on Jonastr. 46, she is alone as always, hearing what she thinks at the time is a mean ancestral ghost fuvking with her saying: "Heyyy Bimbo, tu te crois ou? Meuf t'es MORTE!"... "Pppppffffff suck a dick old fuck, you might like it, you know I do"... Thick green velvet curtains down, in the dark, popping pills like there no tomorrow... "Her!", she finds an album on her computer, she guesses her friend Nabsine left it there as she remembers vaguely an article on AR she mentioned about a gabber crew. Nabsine is very closed to BW, they have been splashing together for a while, she learnt how to start making music on her own thanks to her. She was always acting a little oddly around BW's music making, strangely jealous or obsessed by what she was doing, asking for all her stems to work on, or screaming at her that music does not need to be political all of the time and popstar Hirana does not need us to right female empowering tracks for her! Mmmm... ok! What EVER!
BB Womans needs something to dance on and shake the drugs up, puts it on and rarely felt so empowered; The body, the fire, the phone calls... everything... "A gabber crew made of a full men slot supporting..." and talking about what she has been crying out loud for a year with absolutely no success of getting sis strait guys to come forward and help the fucking fight get a level up. She dances until exhaustion, then falls in an internet worm hole digging for more infos on who this people are. Tries to gather herself and writes some speedy over emo message to the 2 of them she finds on Facebook; Palire and Polo and types like a maniac hoping to convince them to play for as little as she can for INCIDENT B. Polo Solo answers and stands out very quickly as dangerously intriguing... His name!!!?? Alone... like really...? His face seems familiar, like she would have seen it before, had Polo been sent to her manipulated dreams? When looking at his picture on different social media platforms she realises it feels strangely familiar, it is strange to be touched by someone she has never met, some twisted identifying complex, feelings of appartenance, he looks like a brother, a lover, someone she new in a past life...? Who the fuck is this guy? Since at the time she is completely in the dark about being manipulated she THINKS... "Another 33 fam soul!"
Many really COOL Deeeeeejaaaaaayyyyyys involved in the line up, and getting too close to the time, she often listens to his music and gets excited at the idea of meeting french people from her generation sharing music states, politics and nostalgia. Through digging this crew out she finds out there is a wider pocket of the french scenes she feels like identifying to which will later get her to feel safe being brought back in torpor to Rapis when 1st Psychosis canular is performed everywhere until capitalistic posters all over the city of Blue. One before the events, Polo and Palire lend in Berlin at the same time as the magical venue Lanokira and BW meticulously selected for this events, they worked so hard and put in so much money! 700€ lost! "Fuck! Pay me what you fucking owe me!”
23.02.4040
FUCK FUCK FUCK
"CoooOOoome on Bitch! Be a slightly better BB Womans and show some strength!" She wants to believe she can still make music under harassment: "And and and go through through through with your project to empower all the BB Womans of the world and more more more..." The Machine has reached a weak point, repetition. "CoooOome OoooN! Drum on that mix and hope it's ok!". Our anti hero is being automated in such ways that suits her well. She loves to drum, cut thing out, repeat words and noises and slice it all down to some violent catharsis to be eaten by who ever, as long as it's out of her, its healing. Her skull is being thrown words and sentences out repeating in rhythm, ones she likes and dislike but truth is her brain is now operating like a dysfunctional analog drum machine. She repeats what they say to her and she repeats what they say to her and they repeat what she says to them and they alter it and send of in a queue eventually transforming in similar sounding words giving birth to new trails of thoughts.
She wants to start acting towards the liberation of BB Womans. Initiate an underground resistance. In the good old days of NOW feminists have become i.cast, shagging their ideas under street shadows or harassed by the Patriarchal machines designed to rid them from the earth. They are destined to instinction. She will do everything bad as possible to win this fight, even if it is to remain being taken for an arsehole, she will not let them destroy her and will brave through their vicious tactics to dissuade her to sparkle anything against the automation of female bodies. She starts up her Electron and spits in the mic: "Cause its its its discri-crimin in in nation, its discrimination to push us us us out out or or or in as barbies!" And "See that sick dick dick flyiiiiiing byyyyyyy... Dreams come true! Dr dr dr dr.... dreeeaaams come truuuuue... Ha, haaaa, Hhhh..." pauses and THINKS: "fuck fuck i cant do it, the machine is is is me!" She throws her mic at the wall in rhythm with a defeated stringent scream resembling a long nail screetch on a black board creating a reverberating hiss in and out of her effect pedal. She knows she can not hold the truth in for so much longer, if she has no access to express it in sounds it will be vomited out of her at any worst timing, imminently! She runs to the Spatial late kauf to get the cheapest wine on show, downs it as fast as opened and extinct in her flatmate Guygnih's bed, in which she sleeps everynight since he has been taken away from her. The Masters keep on delaying his coming back home thinking they just need a bit more time to torture BW down to accept going to hospital or swallow their vile remedy so as to render the whole truth a psychosis AGAIN! She will not cede under any circumstances nor trust a system killing female power! Keep living her life as she wishes bathed in music splashes, rave environments, underground resistance, sexual experimentation and altered states.
BB Womans wakes up; 9:33
She looks at the time and smiles into her hangover headache. When 33 shows itself it is usually a good sign. She swallows too much pain killers, empties a bottle of water half out on her face in inside her mouth, tries to do yoga for less than exactly 3 mins and ends back into bed tossing up her options for the day. Nothing really appeals so she wastes her time trying to convince the Masters' servants to let her go, stop frying her brain...
22.02.4040
GHOST FETISH
"What was it?" An anxious electronical stab squints BB Womans out of a brainless wonder in shapeless clouds, the bastards probably want her to get back to think and stress: "Don't worry idiots, you still got me... Visions!!!" This thought engenders a deep electric quiver and a flight down memory lane back when she still held doubts on how to explain all these outwardly phenomenons around her. She travelled through many theories, more or less, sometimes over romantic and dramatic but all down to being some sort of a freaky witch. Psychotronic technologies being bitten out of the question by everyone she proposed it to as the perfect explanation which also was demanding the adoption of such a different conception of the way she thought to be perceived, she ended up cuddling into the uncomfortable hardcore medication and hoping to be right, BW can not be wrong, but she was, bringing us back to now knowing again and never ever again giving it up!
Yes the visions, the hallucinations, remotely induced imagery; holograms appearing around her in day dreams she so liked to give into. She recalls the ones involving sexual thoughts and masturbation sessions she now has identified as being electronical rape rendering the fear injected by the machine to burn and smoke her up from the inside leavin a sad metallic taste in her mouth. Back in her innocent days she thought she identified some Ghost Fetish.
These days genital manipulation is performed several times a day and through the night when she is wacked out of sleep every 3 hour or so. The system has full access to liquids in her body, abeling executioners to play with her blood pressure so to retain and force orgasms after a tight process she now knows by her faded heart; In first an idea will be sent subliminally, anything goes; her fantasies, crushes, favourite positions and situations, then tickling sensation will wake her intimate parts up soundtracked by voice to skull and microwave hearing hunting her down to masturbate or start indulging in pleasure, which ultimately happens. BW worked out that to brave trying to get rid of the frustration is better than let the anger and pressure take over her to scream out to the world she can not stand to be raped anymore. Because one; people seem not to believe her which is so hard to take and squashes her in highly depressive states about the world and its torturous vendetta against the female body and twice and for most she inevitably gets closer to getting putten in quarantine and forced this medication again which she has to avoid at all cost! "I can not let all the BB Womans down" She moans, sadly through her inflicted wank performance "I can not let the future down! This world can not become a video game for toxic masculinity to play around with our bodies! I can cry later! I will tell the world! I will, I will, I will... Coooooooome..." No, she will not, the masters decide when she comes, and it usually is after a long sadistic back and forth of "You are nearly there... It's good huh! Whore! Don't lie! You like it!" and "No we will not let you come! What have you done to deserve that! Tell us what you're thinking about!! Polo of course! No? Your Gyneco?" Drenched in a pile of other dumb en- and dis- couragements maybe leading to finally release it if and when they wish, out of the red when she has well emptied from all sweat and tears at a timing they deem unsatisfying, so the frustration remains.
BB Womans looks at daylight rising; 06:00
She has not slept. The harassing was so intense her night was made of demon stares. Taking drugs, crying in silence and hurting herself. The gloomy bright light reveals her legs and arms bruised, ankles swollen, she senses the hurt must show. She trails herself to her bathroom, feeling the pain increasingly until she has to express it with quiet sighs, since she has the dark feeling of having been loud screaming while hitting herself all night and do not want to alarm any sirens to a close by concert. She throws her hands forward to reach the sink and slide the rest of her body up. Mirror level harbours her face with a large humid cut on her forehead, deep darkened shadowy eyes and a scratch between her eyes: "Ho shit!" She whispers: "No more BB, No more, this time you showed them what it is to orchestrate a horror, now you got to hold up, find some other way to hurt!" If only she could explain and be heard, or believed? Why are people not reacting or sending patriarchal system solution signals for? What the hell is stopping from stopping? She will just have to keep quiet and stay at home for a few days not to attract attention or worry her friends whom she can not explain what is really happening in the privacy of her infested home. This is what it is; the vocal harassment paired with the ability to jarr her limbs added to her ingrained addiction to self hurt is the ideal recipe to stage repeating Fight Club scenes, happening regularly through BB Womans controlled years, estimated at around 10. She hasn't worked that one out fully yet.
21.02.2020
PEOPLE KNOW AND KNOW
Lonelinessss is SoOOoo heavy! BB Womans is feeling sad… And cute for no one to melt at…: “Yes I am fucking cute, got a problem with that?” She blurs out, and: “Well at least you are here, I am not totally alone… I might even start to like you someday A-holes! Can learn anything!”
…Motorised hospital warning soaring by… Making her shiver at the sneaking impression she is being taken away. Time goes by and by, the life she wants is stolen and stolen, people know and know, and still our companionless character and her riced hard drives, still are in the back of beyond, in the middle of everywhere. With a few € to last for the longest end of month EVER! Some way to splash but non to record or mix as her friends are instructed not to software share or ghosting? Could speakersexual be a thing? Cause in this case; if they had slightly rounder edges, she would fuck hers. She keeps it to lightning cuddles and lays alongside them in view of her theory pronouncing the vibrating bass their way of showing their affection back. They are what she owns that is most precious in the world and hope she won’t have to tear their love apart since it has become clear no one will hire her now she is infested, topped up by her anxious and rugged body refusal to be productive in the eyes of money. As per, she tries, gets on her computer to do the only job she has managed to keep; Some brainless data tidying for INXED, and the electronic harassment goes full speed, full volume; Her heart rate accelerates for no reason and they voice everything to dissuade her, inevitable! Of course the end goal of this pernicious operation is Street life, BB Junky style. She reassures herself, she knows the machine like her inside pockets! They can not destroy BB Womans! She now is able to predict what the gargles will spit out from their high half-baked horses and the sensation type her body will have to undergo as fast as thoughts for actions so she anticipates the hurt reactions to cushion them. And like Nahnah said; looks like her story has sprouted an underground music cult and like she sung; Sound = Light (https://soundcloud.com/user-133935668/recipe-for-out-of-the-body). And so there is light! She HAS to remember, there is support! It’s so hard though, she has to regularly repeat it to herself as the Masters want her to forget and get lost into minding only her struggle, very annoying to BB Womans who was clearly fucked out in this world to save it! Not to make her life a worry for it or spend her time writing about herself: “There is more important for me to dOOoooo, let me oOOooout!”
BIP BIIIP BIIIIIIIIIPPP
BB Womans wakes up; 9:00
Another flint morning stare from earth (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eFUwyqsdzc). She backed up two pieces of dream puzzle. Bully staff seem to show empathy until they send the emotion of fear through her blood stream, which comes down to a ball of anxiety in stomach and intestinal tract. She knows it does not last so long though, it is a catered clone from the spied days, but it still works accumulated with mocking speech, it does generate hesitation, slowing her down and making her loose more life time which is one to make her REALLY angry: “Fast, fast before it goes, sooooo, yes… hummmm:
- Trastin reaches out of the nothing to hug me strongly, feeling warmly affectionate and dispels all my fears, his body then dissipates in the air and I am left alone in chaos.
- Emalia is in a shop, she looks amazing in this light box style projected light. It seems like a concept store and there is an exhibition going on. She is standing shy behind a small block like counter and seem not to be able to look me in the eyes. I throw a nervous HI and proceed with what I hope to be not a clear disinterest of what is going on in there! All I want to do is ask Emelia what is up? The place is deserted and feels awkward, I calculate my time watching and figures that is enough, unhurriedly walk up to her with the pace going down as I get closer because her face is bruised, and also it’s clearly make up… Which browses the THOUGHT /// They want me to think they are bitting up my friends to intimidate them not to give me signs of my ruled existence but IT IS make up so they are playing badly /// I come up to her and say: “Ok, I am gonna go” with a fidgety sad tone, I leave a piece of paper with a message that she refuses, I go hastily.
I THINK that’s It…? Yer that’s IT, ppppfffiiiuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.”
Now money, what is most important for BB Womans is not commonly most important for society’s adepts: 1_Repair hard drives - 2_Repair cassette box - 3_(Healty) Food - 4_Hair colour - 5_Cant think of anything else right now…
Fuck this! Lets have breakfast and disorder shaming, make it real worth her day, avoid doing it too much! 5Htp, bit of reading, it fucks their machine up, it is thought activated, and BB Womans reads and re-reads back and forth regularly to loose them in synchronicity, it works for a while, yer, then they re-adjust. While she opens her fridge she HEARS: “You fucked up privilege bitch” provoking: “Bitch is a nice word, don’t use it like that if you want to insult me, I like it, you bribed mutton!”
They regularly get her to delete her datas, she cries about the music but holds her head up high about the rest, she surely can re-write it, her memory is infallible. Let get to write things down and be harassed about being clever: -The machine can send visions, when I close my eyes they appear strait away and off course also in dreams: “Noooo woowwww nooo, soooo when I was… hummmm… fuck… NoooOOOOoooo, ok… I have to take a moment to breath before I write that one down… !!!!!”
20.02.4040
24H ALL YOU DESIRE
She THINKS… “mmmhhhh, no, I don’t know if you are a real fuck, but you are certainly a privilege white male giving out fake diagnosis to protect I am not sure who… Yourself? Medical testing? Capitalism? Macon? Cathirene Nedeuve? My fucking mother…?”
Doc. G: “What are you thinking about? Shall I show you my diplomas?… You know, young lady, we are only here to help, we see our patient suffer and so we want to do everything we can to stop their pain…!“
Docteur Ganiers keeps on yaking his bullshit at BB Womans who sees clearly through his triangular shaped eyebrow gymnastic and empathetic tone of voice. She looks on the floor at her ridiculous hospital footwear and figures that the best tactic to adopt at this stage is to let them take over. She gets sent in the waiting room, looking weirdly theatrical, bare and shivery like in a northern slow drama, for over half a day with nothing but the view and drilling noise of an ugly clock. Her patience is rewarded with a no clothes, no phone, no shoes verdict for at least a week, interdiction to contact anyone until decided otherwise, and when that comes only family is allowed to be reached…
“What the fucking hell!” She screamed inside… I am lost! She was absolutely frightened at this stage and still trying to make sense of it all… Did the doctors know? Was the hospital aware she isn’t a real patient… mmmhhh, the answer is yessssssss! They knew, proofs are facts she does want to remember, all the acts of this white religious theatre, all the Bastards’ attempts to confound BB Womans in thinking she is insane; Pierrot’s tooth brush he kept in his blouse’s pocket hair bits out to get dirty all day or as an hygiene self reminder, fake names like Monsieur Toussedi, and… huhhhhh…. shiiiiiiit! Lets just blow this memory out for a while, not risks to generate reader’s doubts, she should get back to it…
BBBIIIIP OUAIIINNNN BIPPPPPPOUIN
BB Womans wakes up; 07:30
Recent nights have been intense as she is on the brix of discovering more, and knows too much! Masters’ Bum suckers are going a level up with sending the clone of fear through her vain, pumping it up up UP. Sporadical sex moans fly through the night to attempt to raise frustration and anger, and the increasing amount of hush noises performed around her flat in the building is sooooo obvious she can’t help but laugh it off. She remembers bits of dreams but not clearly… many attempt to make her fiend for drugs, with her addict past, she needs to stay strong, that’s a slippery slope, now that she has avoid to get locked up for the first time she needs to stay out, or all is lost again. She swears to herself to always write down her sleep stories as soon as she wakes up! And yoga, yerrrr and yoga :/!
BW decides it's over! No more getting tripped in their loops, no more justifying herself, nothing to apologise for, nothing to prove and Music maestro; She turns the radio on awaiting for some add using of her brain or some hijacked frequency presenting her demise, but pleasant surprise on this grey morning in blue, it's only nostalgia spitting on air. BB Womans was once called radio queen by her cute Friend Polly who contributed raw emo music for one of her mixes in the good old days of Thulamas on Shacmere Radio. She is in love with Radio. She dresses up warmly as she stopped using radiators to warm her place up, another of these phony fears she developed from obsessively engulfing everything and nothing on the internet. Burnt porridge, 5htp, hair wash, bit of body shaming performed by the morning team and a pinch of remembering radio harassment sessions at Nojasstr. 46, while Jaming with Gorman, whom she soon after formed "La Ferme" together with Elax her favourite bandmate, and Bim Bim she's got an Idea! Thinking out loud when she can since she worked out it is maybe one way to be heard by many she says: "Better realise that one fast, before capitalism uses it to make itself look more human! Fuck you Miley Cyrus! And you too Kylie Minogue... have you seen this terrible video clip! Your track is shit! Look at this egg... and "call me"... really! Pfffff, confide in my ass yer". Yellow centre project description + The egg + having a crisis line, loving call show ideas, band spit service
Aware of being a advertisement doll, a source for slogan, a way for Patriarchy to still from underground communities, not only her but also all the great minds she has had the luck to meet on her way through this life
Today she has got an idea; She will write a fiction, in fact relating facts about her real life story and post it online, maybe if she is loud about knowing the truth the masters will stop? She has nothing to hide anyway, why not try…
She always wanted to write a science fiction, that is perfect she thinks!
After writing a couple of pages she decides to send it off to any agencies or corporation she was involved with in her life, doctors, hospitals, all the companies who hired and fired her… As BB Womans was never able to keep a job. Everyone! As many people as possible! How can she still get virtually raped with people knowing about it and still be trapped! The world has to know what they do to female bodies… She THINKS: “Why me…? Am I the only one?… Nooooooo…” She knows women are targeted and she fears other targeted individuals like her might be diagnosed, in hospital or even dead? Could she meet someone like her? Loneliness is heavy.