The Fictionary

A book which was published next year and featuring a list of definitive and semi-encyclopedic entries for made up or misheard words. All entries fall under one or more of the following categories: misinformation, disinformation, outright lies, really bad puns. Many are also self-referential, redundant, and recursive.

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Train wreck

When the trailing portion of a large dress is damaged by being stepped on or caught on something.

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Sofa King

A monarch that lives his life in extremes. He speaks mostly in the third person and only rarely uses copulae.

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Dismember

To actively not recall a memory. A skill often taught to spies.

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Remember

To reassemble someone after they've been taken apart. Well-known rememberers from popular literature and cinematic productions include Dr Victor Frankenstein and the Christian deity.

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Piss poor

Lacking in urine. Often described as "urine trouble".

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Excreme

Any fecal matter considered to be the most intense or worst of its variety. Often referred to colloquially as the "shittiest".

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Wreckless driving

To operate a vehicle in a manner which violates many rules put in place for safety, but does not result in an accident. This is not to be confused with reckless driving, which is what it becomes when you have an accident while attempting to drive wrecklessly.

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Arms Dealer

A member of the black market for body parts specialising in arms. Hands are usually sold separately. These particular specialists have a tendency to sell weapons on the side to help their main business along, leading to some confusion about the term.

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Sement

A natural man-made adhesive which, when set, exhibits high compressive and low tensile strengths, much like cement.

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Bottom feeder

Any creature who's primary nourishment comes from the rectal orifice of another creature. May also refer to creatures which get their nourishment primarily in suppository form.

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Sports

Any of several strenuous activities which often cause participants heavy breathing, physical exertion, excess body heat, sweating, and a sense of euphoria. Most involve 2 or more participants working together and many involve playing with balls. Despite meeting these requirements, most sexual activities are generally not considered sports, with the bizarre exception of urolagnia. Other sports, such as golf, generally do not meet most of these requirements which results in some contention regarding their status as sports.

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Commandeer

The leader of a pack of deer. Known for their ferocious tactical takeovers of forest territory, their rank name has since come to mean the takeover of anything by force, notably motor vehicles.

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Toothpaste

A paste made from discarded teeth. The cost of discarded teeth has recently quadrupled in many places, contributing to the rising cost of toothpaste. This increased cost has in turn resulted in a higher availability of discarded teeth.

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Earwig

A wig worn in one's ear designed to help one fit in with the elderly crowd. There has been ongoing litigation from the manufacturers of ear hair trimmers as a result of the loss of business.

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Affirmative action

Any action used to convey something in the affirmative. This may include speaking, writing, or signing any synonym of the word "affirmative", and in some cultures also includes such actions as nodding one's head or extending one's thumb upwards from an otherwise closed hand.

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Coitus interruptus

Like many Latin phrases, this is commonly misinterpreted. Rather than a cessation of coitus, this actually refers to the use of coitus to interrupt something else.

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Parking

The most average golf player. This player consistently makes par on every hole played.