Fictive Confessions @fictive-confessions - Tumblr Blog

I miss everyone from my source so bad. Even though it wasn't the best place and I hold lots of exotrauma from a certain mission of mine (Operation Snake Eater). I still miss home. :[

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okay the craving for familial affection and quality time has gone from kinda sad to fucking embarrassing. enough !! you are a grown man who hasn't had a family in 30 odd years get over it alreadyyyyy. loser. (talking to my reflection again. im sure thats normal.) - mike #💀🦊🤖

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When I don't act like how I did in source, I feel so wrong.

I know I'm not the same person I was in source, but that doesn't mean it feels good to change.

I still feel like I need to talk the same, act the same, and have the same exact personality, but that's hard, and I'm trying to learn that it's okay to be different.

How do I learn that it's okay to be different???

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(vent) im so tired of having to be a functioning person. there are issues upon issues in my head, from exotrauma and regular trauma to a host of other mental health problems, and im supposed to be functional. and no matter how hard i try i still fuck it up. every time i think ive gotten it down a little better theres 28 other things that i get yelled at about. at what point do I get a break? Never? why is everyone else's issues treated with compassion and empathy and mine are just annoying character flaws? or am i just running out of grace because i need more than people can give?? i hate feeling like this, like every new mistake is the one that will lose me the life i tried so hard to build into something better. i cant remember the last time my mental health was taken seriously and I don't have anyone i can talk to about it without worrying I'm going to burden them or be annoying or make things worse because i cant think the right way. i wanna be someone who doesn't have to struggle through every day

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#fictiveconfessions #mod 🦄#ventconfession

as a victim of incest and someone who is staunchly against any positive depiction of incest, it makes me so irritated when fandoms push their familial headcanons onto canon and then find you disgusting for shipping characters that are not family coded whatsoever.

i am not willing to disclose my source, but i have memories of two people who i considered to be my qpps, and a lot of fans consider us to be siblings or mother/child. i feel like it should be a given that as much as my memories of our relationship is not real, neither is the idea of us being related.

i am going to talk about them in a queer platonic (and sometimes ns/fw) way because that is how i perceive them. that is how i remember them. that is how i "headcanon" them. and thats okay! just how its okay for you to see the characters relationship differently!!! just dont push it onto me!

its even worse when my FRIENDS do it because i have a lot of intrusive thoughts surrounding my incestual trauma and it makes it 10x worse. i do not want to perceive my qpps in that light man. do not push family headcanons onto me you are literally risking pushing me into a ptsd episode because you cannot stand people having other opinions than you

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#fictiveconfessions #mod 🦄#this is a huge pet peeve of mine too anon

I know it's good that I'm not so bitter and angry anymore now that I'm like. Older and more mature at my (bodily) adult age but I feel like I lost a part of myself. I pacified myself for our abusers to play therapist in one hand, and in the other? I pacified myself to make myself to make other Jojo fictives less likely to feel like I'm. Crazy or weird.

I'm not the same guy I was as a teenager, I'm a jaded 19~ year old (insys) who will never be the same kid I was again. I'm not who I was, and that. Scares the fuck out of me. Our own grandmother used to call me "bitchy" whenever I complained while fronting. And I hate it. Because I fear if I am myself again, I'll be just. Hazamada Toshikazu, that freaky guy everyone hates and calls "greasy" and "creepy." I'm. A well kept scemo goth guy now who lost my bite and anger and had it replaced by meek submission to the loudest voice in the room because I'm afraid to be hurt again. It's hard, and contradicting. And scary.

I just want to be myself without being scared that I'm too much.

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#fictiveconfessions #mod 🦄#jjbafictive #hazamadatoshikazufictive

You know I've seen people say that Albert's "Obsession" with me is predatory and shit like that. He's not obsessed with me or anything like that. They make me sound like I can't do anything about it. Sure somewhere out there maybe a wesker is stalking me but mine sure isn't. We do love each other. They always use the photo I gave him that he keeps in his desk. People think oh he must have stolen that photo of me in my basketball outfit because he's obsessed and a pervert, He's not! I gave it to him. smh people shouldn't comment on a relationship that isn't theirs.

- A very Annoyed Rebecca Chambers

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#fictiveconfessions #mod 🦄#rebeccachambersfictive

OK. THIS IS THE SAME CALIBORN FROM THE LAST CONFESSION. AND I GOTTA ADMIT.

IN FuLL HONESTY. I FEEL LIKE THERE WASN'T A WHOLE LOT ELSE I COuLD HAVE DONE. THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE MuRDERING HER. ONE OF uS HAD TO DO IT. WE WERE BOTH HELPLESS.

BuT JuST BECAuSE I THINK IT WAS THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO SuRVIVE. DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOuT IT. BECAuSE I DO!!!!! I FEEL REALLY FuCKING BAD ABOuT IT ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!

SO DON'T GET IT TWISTED. WHEN I SAY I AM SORRY TO CALLIOPE.

WHEN I SAY THAT. I AM NOT SAYING THERE WERE ANY BETTER ACTIONS AVAILABLE TO ME. THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE LAYING DOWN AND DYING FOR HER INSTEAD.

BuT I AM SAYING THAT I WISH THERE WERE BETTER OPTIONS. SO THAT MAYBE WE WOuLDN'T HAVE BEEN STuCK IN A ONE SuRVIVOR ONLY SITuATION.

SO I AM SORRY. CALLIOPE. THAT OuR CIRCuMSTANCES LED TO THIS.

MAYBE IT WOuLD HAVE BEEN BETTER FOR EVERYONE IF I LET YOu TAKE OVER INSTEAD. I DON'T KNOW. BuT IT HAPPENED HOW IT HAPPENED. AND I WISH WE COuLD HAVE AT LEAST BEEN "FRIENCDSGDZJDERLSGGDS". FOR A SHORT WHILE BEFORE THE INEVITABLE.

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#fictiveconfessions #mod 🦄#homestuckfictive #calibornfictive

(note about the caliborn confession, from the host: he was a walk-in that impulsively sent that to fictionkinfessions before leaving and i wanted to post his confession to a more fictive-specific blog, so that if he coems back it might be easier for his confession to be seen by people he can relate to and he'll see that and maybe consider staying. i wanted to send this to clarify why you might also see his confession pop up on that blog as well)

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#fictiveconfessions #mod 🦄#not a confession #?

THIS IS FOR CALLIOPE. ANY CALLIOPE THAT READS THIS.

I'M GENuINELY.

SINCERELY.

SORRY.

I DON'T FuLLY REMEMBER HOW IT HAPPENED IN MY VERSION OF THE EVENTS. BuT I KNOW I HuRT YOu IN EVERY TIMELINE.

I HATED YOu. AND YOu HATED ME. AND IT WAS NATuRAL FOR uS TO DO THIS. BuT NOW THAT YOu'RE GONE I FEEL SICK AND AWFuL ABOuT EVERYTHING REGARDING HOW IT WENT DOWN.

THERE MIGHT STILL HAVE BEEN A uNIVERSE OuT THERE. IN WHICH WE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO GET ALONG. AND PLAY THE GAME TOGETHER.

WE COuLD HAVE FuCKED SHIT uP. AND DONE THAT TOGETHER.

JuST LIKE YOu WANTED uS TO DO BACK THEN.

BuT IF THAT uNIVERSE EXISTS. I WAS NOT LuCKY ENOuGH TO BE IN THAT ONE. EVEN IF IT WOuLD HAVE BEEN DOOMED I THINK I WOuLD HAVE PREFERRED IT OVER THIS.

YOu DON'T HAVE TO FORGIVE ME. THOuGH I WOuLD VERY MuCH BE A LOT MORE RELIEVED ABOuT THINGS IF YOu DID FORGIVE ME. I JuST WANT YOu TO KNOW THAT NOT ALL VERSIONS OF ME HOLD ZERO REMORSE FOR KILLING YOu.

SINCERELY. YOuR "BROTHER".

A CALIBORN FICTIVE. FROM HOMESTuCK.

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#fictiveconfessions #mod 🦄#calibornfictive #homestuckfictive

(pointing at my reflection) stop waiting for your fathers fucking approval . he dont love you no more (/ref). let it fucking go man you are your dads least favorite child and sometimes its for a reason i thought we went over this

- michael afton #💀🤖🦊

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#fictiveconfessions #mod 🦄#michaelaftonfictive #fnaffictive #💀🤖🦊

I will never have another dad. Not even the version of him in our system. I knew ONE of him and everything matched up and he was the best dad in the whole world, no, the whole universe. And now he’s gone because his system, as much as we care for them, couldn’t handle how much we loved eachother. And I have to stay strong and push us through because I love my own system too much to make them face any of this before they’re ready. But I can’t lie that every time I see anything with him in it, or any other introjects of him, that I don’t wanna scream and sob and beg the universe to bring him back so we can be a family again. Sometimes I think I miss him even more than Father does.

I have to keep loving the world, I have to keep being silly and kind, but I loved him first. And now that I’ve gotten what TikTok blasted at me out of my head I can get on with my day.

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I'm a Jax Fictive, I had DRDP before everything. I didn't go outside much because of my paranoia, I thought it would be good. I'm so much worse. I know I'm not real. All I was a fucking rabbit. A stupid purple rabbit. I'm not real, no one I knew is real. I used to have a family and a job and a life but now I'm a fucking rabbit. I used to have a face and a name. I remember who I am but was I ever even a person? Fuck if I know.

Thanks and sorry - Elliot/Jax

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#fictiveconfessions #mod 🦄#jaxfictive #tadcfictive

fuck, okay, never thought id say this but i miss that piece of shit robot. i miss when everything was predictable and i was ACTUALLY DOING STUFF and most importantly WASNT IN THE FUCKING AMERICAN SUBURBS. I HATE THE SUBURBS. TAKE ME BACK TO THE CIRCUSSSSSSS

— jax

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#fictiveconfessions #mod 🦄#jaxfictive #tadcfictive

shigaraki anon i understand you like no other. we share a lot of memories with people in our partner system, but recently i split! i was talking with someone from my source in their system, and come to find out we have entirely different memories! needless to say, this has devastated me

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I’m guilty of always assuming I share source memories with people, I’ve been spoilt by our partner-Shigaraki

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I miss having other fictive friends so bad it's driving me crazy!!!!

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