Fiddles IFs

Creator of interactive fiction and general nonsense! | Header by jdstrations!

[fiddles-ifs]

WELCOME TO FIDDLES-IFS

Interactive Fiction for bird lovers, monster hunters, and deeply troubled souls. I’m Fiddles, he/him, and I’ll be your tour guide! Please keep all limbs inside the vehicle at all times.

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[pansylair]

A great place to donate to First Nations groups impacted by the ongoing wildfires 👇

True North Aid provides practical humanitarian support to northern and remote Indigenous communities in Canada through community-led project

Also consider Mikinakoos' as they're extending support beyond their traditional service areas due to the scale of this emergency!

Donations for Namaygoosisagagun First Nation:

Individuals who support the goals and vision of AN7GC can make a donation. The ways to donate: call us, mail your donation, use Paypal or Ca

Donations for Whitesand First Nation:

[fiddles-ifs]

every language I make turns into Finnish.

Representation! As a Finnish person, I support this 😂

This is my Classical Nahuatl-meets-Middle-Persian conlang and the most popular phrase in this universe I have created with my own two hands is “perkele saatana kyrpä.”

[fiddles-ifs]

and thats why people struggle to learn Uralic languages

The 27 grammatical cases don’t really help

[fiddles-ifs]

every language I make turns into Finnish.

[fiddles-ifs]

and thats why people struggle to learn Uralic languages

The 27 grammatical cases don’t really help

[fiddles-ifs]

“Why does Alandrian have seven verb moods????” You cry. And I can’t hear you over the sound of my frantic sobbing

[fiddles-ifs]

Those Things That Should Stay Crawling by Fiddles IFs

When two blue-collar lads awaken a banshee at Henderson House, things go about as well as you'd expect.

Rick and John are just doing their jobs. Mila Henderson has paid for a ghost, and a ghost she will get. But when the ghost has other plans, Rick and John may not survive the night. HAPPY HAUNTINGS, LLC. IS NOT LIABLE FOR DAMAGES, LOSS OF PROPERTY, OR LOSS OF LIFE. 

CONTENT WARNINGS:

Gore (including: eyes)

Vomit

Mentions of the Holocaust

Implications of sexual assault

Graverobbing and mishandling of a corpse

Character death

Surprise! My first short story is up and live!! You get permanent access to and can read the full PDF for $1 USD! Mind the content warnings, have fun, and be yourselves.

[fiddles-ifs]

here's the first two pages for free!!

Great holes are secretly digged where the earth's pores ought to suffice, and things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl. - H.P. Lovecraft, "The Festival"

It is dark when the van trundles over the freshly paved driveway of Henderson House, all the windows dark and the great river stone pillars holding the overhang up darkened to blue-grays. John can see into the living room from the wide, twenty-foot window next to the front door. It looks so easy to rob, Henderson House. In another time and place, he would have thrown a rock, damn the alarms, and made off with as much as he could carry.

It's almost a shame he's a law-abiding citizen now.

In the driver's seat, Rick taps his ID against the keycard-lock at the gate. Mila Henderson already had them scan their licenses and approved them - just them - to come by while she and her family were vacationing at Laguna Beach. She could afford to do that. Her YouTube channel had over four million subscribers, according to their boss, who stressed the importance of the job going off without any incidents. Beyond her lucrative Internet career, Mila Henderson also came from money. She bought Henderson House in the late 2010s, moving her collaborators in to create a sort of live-in media empire. From what John hears, they're a neighborhood nuisance.

The next step, obviously, is to "hire" a ghost. They paid a pretty penny for the crate in the back of the van. John swears it rattles when they stall at red lights, but Rick tells him it's his imagination, and the magicians at the Containment Department put so many goddamn wards on it - or whatever those little clay things are - they might as well be shipping a piece of paper.

"It's just gravity," Rick says philosophically, as he often does, "shit moves around, know what I mean?"

"Sure," John says, nodding sagely. "But I think you're thinking of velocity."

"Velocity is gravity, asshole." Rick swings the van up the driveway and parks it by the garage. John jingles the keys on the way to the front door, while Rick unlatches the van's back doors to grab the hand truck. He'll need help with the crate, for sure. Even as just bones, human bodies are heavy. The crate is doubly so, packed to the gills with soft styrofoam peanuts, bubble wrap, cloth, and plastic. That, and Rick is getting up in years (so is he, if he's honest with himself).

John is a long ways away from carrying TVs through windows and ripping out car stereos. He rubs his aching eyes. They've been getting steadily worse, and it gets harder to see in the dark with each night.

Turns out he doesn't even need the spare key. The arrogance of Henderson House is that they rely on their easily-climbed wrought iron fence and locked gate to protect their millions of dollars in assets. Computers, cameras, microphones, four- wheelers, dirt bikes, Teslas.

So easy to rob. So very, very easy to rob.

There's a bitter taste in John's mouth, swinging the front door open and half-jogging down the stairs to help Rick - whose dumb ass is trying to wiggle the crate onto the hand truck by himself. John catches the corner just as it decides to leap from the back of the van. His back twinges in protest, quick movements and big weight too much for it to not complain. The little clay talismans - which are mezuzot, and contain protective blessings from the Torah, but the two of them grew up vaguely Christian, and so neither of them know - jingle and clack against the plywood on its gentle way to the ground, and continue as its rolled up the front pathway to the door.

John imagines it's speaking to them in a language they don't understand.

"You're getting old," it says, "old and fat. Do you think you'll be able to retire? Probably not. Mila Henderson and her friends are sucking up all the money in the world, and here you are - dragging a corpse through her front door instead of tucking your kids into bed. That's the evil of you, John. Your greed and your ambivalence."

He grunts and grabs the ass end of the dolly to haul it up the stairs.

"You ever think we might be bad people?" He asks, and Rick only pauses to unstick one of the wheels from the threshold, briefly swallowed up by foyer darkness before John follows.

[fiddles-ifs]

the final fit illo ft. tesias!!! im not getting super elaborate with all that embroidery and textile work so you will get blobs of color. soz. info under the cut

judgement masks are important cultural artifacts for the Mani people. before the Fall of Dumar, the judiciary caste of the Mani would wear them to obfuscate their appearance while handing down sentences in large, echoing chambers. the point was to minimize blood feuds between families in a largely insular ethnogroup, but nowadays they're more ceremonial

tesias' mask is kind of boring by comparison, but the fundamental idea of Unsettling Mask That Makes You Guilty is still there and very important to their character

shudnah are the lowest class of Mani people, in that they're no longer considered Mani at all. it's only used in two contexts: the most common is someone forcibly evicted from the Mani cultural sphere for some kind of crime. the second, less common case is orphans who through some unfortunate circumstance have been raised outside of Mani culture. ("less common" but this is more common than you think -- Alandrian clergy love to steal Mani children and forcibly assimilate them "for their own good")

shudnah are not allowed to wear jewelry as a consequence of exile, and all of their property is stripped from them and disseminated to the poor

this is also a Mani funeral rite, so it really hammers home the "you are dead to us" aspect of being shudnah

while the Mani aren't a monolith and practices change from region and clan to region and clan, some design staples remain indicative of the Mani -- namely triangles and X shapes

tesias is wearing a lovingly embroidered sash and shirt here as an example, but as alleged shudnah, they wouldn't be allowed to

speaking of sashes, Alandrian Mani clans have adopted the masculine sash in much of their clothing. you don't see it as frequently in Aymeri or Iskarian Mani groups

the Mani, for practicality, tend to wear their wealth, since it's easier to transport for a largely nomadic group. the Mani are also well-known metalsmiths (particularly copper and silver) and textile producers, so intricate metalwork, embroidery, and woven fabrics are some of the most popular ways to display the wealth of a particular family

this (and bells strategically sewn into the clothes) has the effect of making a very pleasant jingle-jangle sound when you move around

the more jewelry one wears and the more embroidery or weaving one has in their clothes, the richer they are

this extends to judgement masks, which clan mothers are ritually obligated to wear when interacting with outsiders

which makes Mani clothes a bitch to draw. sorry

tesias is wearing ritual clothes for clan mothers in the final outfit -- their daily clothes aren't usually that elaborate

[fiddles-ifs]

christ alive.

[fiddles-ifs]

is the ruzayn chiseling tattoo method based on a real tattoo method or did you make it up? its super cool!

It's a real tattooing method that's existed for many thousands of years! Right off the top of my head is Māori tā moko, but Samoan tatau also makes use of a very similar process using a rake and strike method.

Similar to tā moko, special artisans are the only people allowed to tattoo in Ruzayn, as they're believed to hold special blessings from Akhine and are capable of conferring those blessings to others through the act of tattooing.

Here's some sketches of a traditional Ruz chisel handle and chisel blades!

[fiddles-ifs]

after a million years, sibir is finally done. worldbuilding notes under the cut!

the thing about Ruzayn being almost universally poor economically and having a primarily barter-based economy is that wealth disparity is less obvious. displays of wealth have more to do with how much weaponry and how many ships a clan has amassed, rather than the ostentatious way an individual person dresses

that being said, Sibir is fairly rich and wears expensive cloth (for Ruzayn) like cotton. this has more to do with them being a huge piss baby about heat, having grown up in Ruzayn where the weather is blisteringly cold. in Ruzayn, a rich clan would wear woad-dyed linen and leather clothes, and deck themselves out in pelts from animals they've personally killed. you can see some of that in outfit 2

leather, wool, and flax are the most common materials to make clothes out of in Ruzayn. common dyes include brown, yellow-brown, and red-brown

that being said, embroidery is a much-beloved pastime, and some patterns can get fairly opulent

tattoos are common especially among sailors, mercenaries, and fishermen. they're primarily for luck, though some clans see them as a right of passage into adulthood

tattoos are made by "chiseling," as opposed to needle-pricking like in Iskar. chisels are most often made of walrus, whale, or albatross bone and hafted to a handle. tattoos are made by striking a pigment-dipped chisel with a mallet to make an indentation in the skin. this leaves the tattoos kind of groovy and raised, rather than smooth!

Sibir's tattoos are good luck charms. they have matching dragons on their wrists and ankles, a compass over their heart, wolves on their shoulders, and sharks on the tops of their feet

most tattoos in Ruzayn are symmetrical, with the exception of compasses

snow goggles are obligatory in the northern subarctic islands, which are snowy 7 months out of the year. snow blindness and frostbite are relatively common, so snow goggles and wool or fur face masks are important tools in daily life. as previously stated, wearing trophies and clothes from animals you've personally hunted is a badge of honor for the Ruz, especially in the northern islands. Fox tails have become something of a trend among all the islands, and decorative ribbons and sashes are often cut into the shape of a fox's tail, as seen in outfit 3

pretty much every clan in Ruzayn has a particular way of styling their hair and a personal crest. usually they'd display both of these, but Sibir is mysteriously cagey about their clan heritage and doesn't seem to show any loyalty to a particular clan...

silver is expensive but Sibir likes it because they are, at heart, a barracuda and like shiny things. they have no preference for silver or gold and most of the time they don't buy their own clothes. their aunt (dedicated Clothes Purchaser) prefers silver because she thinks it looks good with their complexion

[fiddles-ifs]

Those Things That Should Stay Crawling by Fiddles IFs

When two blue-collar lads awaken a banshee at Henderson House, things go about as well as you'd expect.

Rick and John are just doing their jobs. Mila Henderson has paid for a ghost, and a ghost she will get. But when the ghost has other plans, Rick and John may not survive the night. HAPPY HAUNTINGS, LLC. IS NOT LIABLE FOR DAMAGES, LOSS OF PROPERTY, OR LOSS OF LIFE. 

CONTENT WARNINGS:

Gore (including: eyes)

Vomit

Mentions of the Holocaust

Implications of sexual assault

Graverobbing and mishandling of a corpse

Character death

Surprise! My first short story is up and live!! You get permanent access to and can read the full PDF for $1 USD! Mind the content warnings, have fun, and be yourselves.

[fiddles-ifs]

here's the first two pages for free!!

Great holes are secretly digged where the earth's pores ought to suffice, and things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl. - H.P. Lovecraft, "The Festival"

It is dark when the van trundles over the freshly paved driveway of Henderson House, all the windows dark and the great river stone pillars holding the overhang up darkened to blue-grays. John can see into the living room from the wide, twenty-foot window next to the front door. It looks so easy to rob, Henderson House. In another time and place, he would have thrown a rock, damn the alarms, and made off with as much as he could carry.

It's almost a shame he's a law-abiding citizen now.

In the driver's seat, Rick taps his ID against the keycard-lock at the gate. Mila Henderson already had them scan their licenses and approved them - just them - to come by while she and her family were vacationing at Laguna Beach. She could afford to do that. Her YouTube channel had over four million subscribers, according to their boss, who stressed the importance of the job going off without any incidents. Beyond her lucrative Internet career, Mila Henderson also came from money. She bought Henderson House in the late 2010s, moving her collaborators in to create a sort of live-in media empire. From what John hears, they're a neighborhood nuisance.

The next step, obviously, is to "hire" a ghost. They paid a pretty penny for the crate in the back of the van. John swears it rattles when they stall at red lights, but Rick tells him it's his imagination, and the magicians at the Containment Department put so many goddamn wards on it - or whatever those little clay things are - they might as well be shipping a piece of paper.

"It's just gravity," Rick says philosophically, as he often does, "shit moves around, know what I mean?"

"Sure," John says, nodding sagely. "But I think you're thinking of velocity."

"Velocity is gravity, asshole." Rick swings the van up the driveway and parks it by the garage. John jingles the keys on the way to the front door, while Rick unlatches the van's back doors to grab the hand truck. He'll need help with the crate, for sure. Even as just bones, human bodies are heavy. The crate is doubly so, packed to the gills with soft styrofoam peanuts, bubble wrap, cloth, and plastic. That, and Rick is getting up in years (so is he, if he's honest with himself).

John is a long ways away from carrying TVs through windows and ripping out car stereos. He rubs his aching eyes. They've been getting steadily worse, and it gets harder to see in the dark with each night.

Turns out he doesn't even need the spare key. The arrogance of Henderson House is that they rely on their easily-climbed wrought iron fence and locked gate to protect their millions of dollars in assets. Computers, cameras, microphones, four- wheelers, dirt bikes, Teslas.

So easy to rob. So very, very easy to rob.

There's a bitter taste in John's mouth, swinging the front door open and half-jogging down the stairs to help Rick - whose dumb ass is trying to wiggle the crate onto the hand truck by himself. John catches the corner just as it decides to leap from the back of the van. His back twinges in protest, quick movements and big weight too much for it to not complain. The little clay talismans - which are mezuzot, and contain protective blessings from the Torah, but the two of them grew up vaguely Christian, and so neither of them know - jingle and clack against the plywood on its gentle way to the ground, and continue as its rolled up the front pathway to the door.

John imagines it's speaking to them in a language they don't understand.

"You're getting old," it says, "old and fat. Do you think you'll be able to retire? Probably not. Mila Henderson and her friends are sucking up all the money in the world, and here you are - dragging a corpse through her front door instead of tucking your kids into bed. That's the evil of you, John. Your greed and your ambivalence."

He grunts and grabs the ass end of the dolly to haul it up the stairs.

"You ever think we might be bad people?" He asks, and Rick only pauses to unstick one of the wheels from the threshold, briefly swallowed up by foyer darkness before John follows.

[fiddles-ifs]

Those Things That Should Stay Crawling by Fiddles IFs

When two blue-collar lads awaken a banshee at Henderson House, things go about as well as you'd expect.

Rick and John are just doing their jobs. Mila Henderson has paid for a ghost, and a ghost she will get. But when the ghost has other plans, Rick and John may not survive the night. HAPPY HAUNTINGS, LLC. IS NOT LIABLE FOR DAMAGES, LOSS OF PROPERTY, OR LOSS OF LIFE. 

CONTENT WARNINGS:

Gore (including: eyes)

Vomit

Mentions of the Holocaust

Implications of sexual assault

Graverobbing and mishandling of a corpse

Character death

Surprise! My first short story is up and live!! You get permanent access to and can read the full PDF for $1 USD! Mind the content warnings, have fun, and be yourselves.

[werewolfsink]

now that competition day is over here's the drink that won me cheers to queers baltimore!!!

2oz watermelon vodka (sub SKYY for a watermelon rind infused Tito's or Case One)

.75 oz Pandan falernum

.25 oz Pineapple shrub

Pour over .6 oz of coconut milk and let curdle for 24 hours in the fridge

The next day, strain through a paper coffee filter (the first few ounces are going to be cloudy -- just pour them back over the coconut curdles to filter again)

Add a few drops of blue curacao for Greenness

Garnish with fake blood and candy pearls

PANDAN FALERNUM

Toast cinnamon, ginger, allspice berries, cloves, nutmeg, and star anise pods in a saucepan over med-high heat for ~30 seconds

Once the spices are fragrant, add 2 cups of Demerara sugar and 1 cup of water. Cook until the sugar is dissolved and the concoction is syrupy

Turn the heat to low and steep pandan leaves until syrup achieves the correct flavor (up to you. i let mine steep for like an hour because i wanted to pandanmaxx)

Strain off and fortify with .5 cup of Planteray Pineapple or similar pineapple rum

PINEAPPLE SHRUB

In a saucepan over med-high heat, add 1 cup of pineapple juice to 1 cup of Demerara sugar, .5 cup of rice wine vinegar and .5 cup of apple cider vinegar

Cook until sugar is dissolved

Pour into a container and let chill in the fridge for 48 hours, or until the vinegar taste has mellowed and the flavors have matured

[fiddles-ifs]

will smith poses. you guys seemed to like the last Cocktail Post so here's another

[fiddles-ifs]

Those Things That Should Stay Crawling by Fiddles IFs

When two blue-collar lads awaken a banshee at Henderson House, things go about as well as you'd expect.

Rick and John are just doing their jobs. Mila Henderson has paid for a ghost, and a ghost she will get. But when the ghost has other plans, Rick and John may not survive the night. HAPPY HAUNTINGS, LLC. IS NOT LIABLE FOR DAMAGES, LOSS OF PROPERTY, OR LOSS OF LIFE. 

CONTENT WARNINGS:

Gore (including: eyes)

Vomit

Mentions of the Holocaust

Implications of sexual assault

Graverobbing and mishandling of a corpse

Character death

Surprise! My first short story is up and live!! You get permanent access to and can read the full PDF for $1 USD! Mind the content warnings, have fun, and be yourselves.

[fiddles-ifs]

Those Things That Should Stay Crawling by Fiddles IFs

When two blue-collar lads awaken a banshee at Henderson House, things go about as well as you'd expect.

Rick and John are just doing their jobs. Mila Henderson has paid for a ghost, and a ghost she will get. But when the ghost has other plans, Rick and John may not survive the night. HAPPY HAUNTINGS, LLC. IS NOT LIABLE FOR DAMAGES, LOSS OF PROPERTY, OR LOSS OF LIFE. 

CONTENT WARNINGS:

Gore (including: eyes)

Vomit

Mentions of the Holocaust

Implications of sexual assault

Graverobbing and mishandling of a corpse

Character death

Surprise! My first short story is up and live!! You get permanent access to and can read the full PDF for $1 USD! Mind the content warnings, have fun, and be yourselves.

[heart-forge]

Bad Ritual Public Update

New chapter is up !! Being a warlock isn't as safe as you think, and you have to decide whether to face what your patron is with a smile, or try to force them to see what they've become. This is a two way street, after all !!

Bad Ritual is an interactive Twine-based romance wherein you, a corporate demon hunter, find yourself helplessly bound to an archdemon after your mysterious boss leaves you alone with a clearly unauthorized binding ritual. Who will you ally with: the archdemon, hell-bent on escaping the binding and disappearing forever, or the priestess Tahira, who would hunt him to the very ends of the earth?