I’m genuinely so grateful that I’m me. it’s rare but oh my gods. my friends? amazing. my determination? commented on since I was 6 years old. admittedly they called it stubbornness but synonyms. every positive has a negative on the scale. and quite frankly, the effort I put into trying to feel good, how could I ever have thought I didn’t love me? you just don’t put that effort in for someone you hate. it’s love. it’s always been love. it’s been messy and hard and so fucking difficult but it’s love. and my gods. I wouldn’t change it. I try so hard for myself. what more could I ask? the world can be so brutal, everyone’s trying to get somewhere and find someone to go there with but I think me and my shadow are okay. we’re connected and we just don’t need to do it. we’ve no place to be. we’ll just explore toe to toe together. step with love and kindness for ourselves. gods I wish everyone feels this content with themselves at some time in life. cooks their favourite recipe just for them just because. that’s love. changes their bedding just to see a new pattern. love. puts perfume on because they love the way the scent carries across their wrists even if they’re just about to go to sleep, wears their favourite silly socks under their shoes as a special little secret, runs into the rain in their best clothes to feel it hum in your pulse. love love love. I hope everyone finds this happiness. this love. anything you do for yourself, everything you do for yourself is love. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. it’s all just love.