Set phasers to stunning.

[valtsv]

shout out to artists who draw spiked halos. gotta be one of my favorite design choices.

[queerprayers]

For COVID reasons, our church is using tiny plastic cups to distribute wine for communion. This is tacky but understandable. There are always a few drops left at the bottom of each cup no matter how thoroughly we empty it.

My mother tucks our cups into her purse after the service, dodging the trash can set out for them. She will not throw away Jesus' blood.

When we arrive home, she fills a silver mixing bowl with fresh water and rinses them gently, the drops of wine turning the water a faint pink. She disposes of the six cups unceremoniously once they're clean—they were just vessels, now stripped of their importance.

The bowl she carries carefully into the garden, kneeling down in the dirt. After saying a short prayer, she pours the wine-stained water into the grass—she will not let the blood of Christ go down the drain. Better to bury it.

My father shakes his head and says, "If Jesus knows when to get in the wine, he knows when to get out." But he bows his head anyway.

My brother asks her why she doesn't just lick out the cups. This goes resolutely unanswered.

[theygender]

Nail polish 2 hours after you apply it to your nails intentionally: oh no, a gust of air has lightly accosted me! I have been torn asunder and stricken from my resting place, I must leave this place at once!

Nail polish the millisecond you spill it on something accidentally: the essence of my being has been permanently bonded to this substance since the day I was born—atom to atom, body and soul. you could no sooner remove me from this wooden table than you could remove the ocean from its water

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

[beaft]

If carp could speak they would all have French accents

[beaft]

mon dieu.... you have caught me....

[kingpin-of-steel-act3]

Awww shit yall know what it is

[is-the-owl-vid-cute]

Welcome to Around the World Wednesday.

[the-rad-scare]

What predators see:

What humans see:

[ldkmmkldfs-deactivated20220707]

Why can’t spiders do anything without it being framed as gross

[ldkmmkldfs-deactivated20220707]

“Shocking and disgusting news!! Spiders are affectionate with their young and their siblings when put into safer environments!”

[toki-wren]

[hidiane]

pride and prejudice is a comedy because mr darcy thinks the tension comes from ust and meanwhile lizzie just genuinely hates his guts

[hidiane]

mr darcy engaging in his latest round of witty banter with elizabeth bennet: this is great, i’m getting a good grade in enemies to lovers :)

lizzie inventing the car in her mind so she can imagine running him over with one: i hope you die

[phoebe-delia]

Just so y’all know: I can’t speak for every other fic author but I can say that I remember when people leave me kind comments. I recognize your urls and/or usernames on AO3. I remember you and sometimes in writing my fics I think to myself, “Oh, I hope this person sees this because they liked x in this other fic I did.”

Not only that—I go back and reread comments when I’m feeling low. I look at tags and reblogs and asks and wish I could hold them in my hand like a note from a friend on an old, torn piece of notebook paper.

Your comments have so much more impact than you know. So thanks to those who use the comment section to spread love and encouragement. We appreciate you.

[prguitarman]

I’m 35 now. Also here’s the original doodle

[i-wanna-be-cute]

i feel like i just walked past jesus in a hot topic

[millenniallust4death]

I’m paying to force seven thousand strangers to see a photo of my late husband having fun with his dog. Tumblr Blaze is totally worth it. XD

[millenniallust4death]

Thank-you to all of my new Internet stranger friends for being so gracious about having my post shoved onto your dashboards. I loved reading all of your kind tags and comments! Both Martin and Bosco have been gone for several years now but for 24 hours, they felt very present in my life. I greatly appreciate this gift. ❤️

[xn3city]

Reblog to have your dashboard be visited by the spirit of joy that death can end but not erase.

[sadclowncentral]

yesterday my date made me promise to "not talk to any random russians this time" only for me to immediately become best friends with a kosovan gang member. saved on a technicality

[sadclowncentral]

after i successfully taught him how to play uno via google translate i explained to him that my date's phone got stolen, prompting both the most threatening AND the most hilarious sentence ever typed into a translator:

[sadclowncentral]

"why did you have to promise that you won't talk to russian people in in first place" because after a certain amount of alcohol i enter a stage of inebriation my friends have dubbed "russian hour" in which the duolingo trained part of my brain takes over and i sniff out russian speaking people like a bloodhound and exitedly talk to them until i am physically dragged away.

[thefakerachelray]

Things to bring back in books:

Chapter titles

Actually having a synopsis on the back instead of reviews no one will read

[thefakerachelray]

Some excellent additions from the notes:

Maps

Indexes of characters and places with pronunciations

Numbering books in a series on the spine

Tables of contents

[only-tiktoks]

[anachronistic-cat]

This is important.

This is what people are.

We want to be useful, and we want to make people happy

Pay attention to this.

[surrealtiktoks]

[embroideredcupcake]

I'd say this is an anomaly but seriously roos are sometimes nosy and just need to be in your business, OR they will fight you if you look at them funny. I love them, they're great, but they make little sense.

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

The fucking horror I felt in my soul of the 3 seconds it took to try to and work out what the fuck this animal was

[wrenchwraith]

"righty ho whos pourin me a brew? anyone wanna bum me a ciggy?"

[spadefish]

Honestly the best part of being a barista was charging cops for their drinks. They're so used to getting free shit so it was SOOOOO good for them to pull up to the window and for me to be like "$6.47 :)" and them to make this whole elaborate display of slowly pulling their wallet out and handing their card over bc they weren't expecting to pay. I'd charge you double if I could, oink oink bitch

[northwindow]

when i was reading the book entangled life which is about fungi and the author merlin sheldrake said that once he got his first author copies he was going to dampen the pages and use them to grow oyster mushrooms and yeast and then use the yeast to brew beer and then drink the beer with the mushrooms to complete the cycle of fungal knowledge. i was like really and truly this guy gets it

[im-not-trash-im-compost]

he ate his own words.

But really and truly. The cycle is not complete until he dies.

[junesqueer]

[life-on-the-spectrum]

I’m not sure how or why, but this is goth as FUCK. 

[gallusrostromegalus]

Mycology really is the most hardcore of the biological sciences. We got:

Mushrooms that alter the DNA of other mushrooms they meet into becoming clones of the parasitic mushroom (they're delicious).

Mushrooms that will kill you by literally destroying your DNA similar to how radiation poisoning works. They look like several edible mushrooms and the flavor is apparently 'Not Bad', but eating even a flake of one will kill you slowly over the course of about 5 days. There is no cure.

Mushrooms that many people report will let you meet God and is extremely effective at treating depression and PTSD. Flavor passable.

Mushrooms that are so biologically similar to human flesh that people who have eaten them have sometimes developed allergies to thier own bodies. According to the few cannibals that have tried them, the flavor and texture is indistinguishable from human flesh as well.

Two identical-looking mushrooms. The european one is a delicious food staple, the American one is lethal within minutes of ingestion. I was put off eating mushrooms as a child after I lost a whole family of neighbors to a misidenitified hungarian stew.

Mushrooms that seem to absorb radiation from contaminated areas and thrive on it (No Reports back on flavor yet. I imagine it's a bit hot)

[anelegantoffense]

lobster mushroom (hypomyces lactifluorum)

destroying angel (amanita virosa)

magic mushrooms (numerous, compound name psilocybin)

can't find the cannibal cuisine mushroom (source?)

death cap (amanita phalloides) vs immature puffball (calvatia gigantea)?

chernobyl fungus (cladosporium sphaerospermum)

[gallusrostromegalus]

My apologies for misremembering the cannibal mushroom thing, because it's MUCH WEIRDER than that:

Apparently, some people can develop long-term, horrific autoimmune problems after becoming allergic to regular culinary mushrooms, particularly shitake and maitake mushrooms, which then accelerates to an allergy to themselves, because apparently MANY types of mushrooms are so chemically similar to human flesh that your own immune system can confuse the two.

As for the cannibal-tested mushroom meat- a vegan food company recently made a splash with Mushroom-based (again, mostly shitake and maitake) vegan burger patties that, according to the people who have tasted both the burger and human flesh (Mostly survivors of stranding accidents), that the two are idenitcal. According to non-cannibal tasters, the burger is quite tasty and with a bit of an intriguing tang.

So the cannibal mushrooms are likely available in a store near you!