The Kids aren't alright

22 years old Biker child Physical Ed & Poetry Major Turtle Enthusiast "Please don't make any sudden moves You don't know the half of the abused"

[contumaciouscarter-blog]

bold what applies to your muse.

PLACE IN SOCIETY

financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty.

medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged.

class or caste: upper / middle / working / slave / unsure.

education: qualified / unqualified / studying.

criminal record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no.

FAMILY

married - happily / married - unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated.

has a child or children / has no children / wants children.  

close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased.

orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s).

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

extroverted / introverted / in between.

disorganized / organized / in between.

close minded / open-minded  / in between.

calm / anxious / in between.

disagreeable / agreeable / in between.

cautious / reckless / in between.

patient / impatient / in between.

outspoken / reserved / in between.

leader / follower / in between.

empathetic / unempathetic / in between.

optimistic / pessimistic / in between.

traditional / modern / in between.

hard-working / lazy / in between.

cultured / un-cultured / in between

loyal / disloyal / in between.

faithful / unfaithful / unknown.

BELIEFS:

monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic.

belief in ghosts or spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in an afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in aliens: yes  / no / don’t know / don’t care.

religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious.

philosophical: yes / no.

SEXUALITY + ROMANTIC INCLINATION

heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual.

sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable.

romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable.

sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious.

potential sexual partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all.

potential romantic partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all.

ABILITIES

combat skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none.

literacy skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

artistic skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

technical skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none.

HABITS

drinking alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

smoking: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

other narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

medicinal drugs: never / sometimes  / frequently / to excess.

indulgent food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

splurge spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

[fightingella]

Noah nodded carefully, deciding not to question it any further. Ella liked to insult people and he should probably just let her. “Oh, wow. I didn’t realize you had that many. I bet that the trees will look really cool though.”

“Most of them aren’t in super obvious place.” She said, turning her arms out and up so he could see where most of them were. “They will, but it’s not really about looking cool.”

[fightingella]

“Courteous of you. Well its generally easier not to take it personal with strangers. I hear you on that. I’ll do my best not to be but as I’m sure you realize, I can’t make much in the way of promises either.” 

“I’m thoughtful like that. You can make whatever promises you like, that was just a fair warning.”

[fightingella]

Daddy Issues

[fightingella]

Sarah knew she couldn’t fully understand. Her parents had been shitty, selfish people, but it had never gotten so bad that she had felt compelled to run away. Then again her parents could only be accused of neglect, not abuse. At first, she hadn’t been sure. Ella was a hard person to read, an even with her opening up and talking, she was still good at being vague. But after a while Sarah had seen it, put the pieces of the puzzle together. In a way that made hem closer, made Sarah feel like the brunette beside her was one of the very few people she could trust, on of the few who could understand what she herself had been trough. But at the same time, she hated knowing that a parent could hurt his child this way. He wasn’t even present, and he was still hurting her. Realizing that she was leaning in, rather than pulling away from her hand, a flash of surprise flit across Sarah’s face. She took it as a sign that what she was doing was okay, and so she kept brushing her hand lightly trough Ella’s hair. 

“Yes you do. Even if its only anger, or hate, thats still emotions. Whatever you are feeling Ella, its okay to feel it. It is.” The easiest thing to do was beat yourself up for small moments like these. For feeling things you shouldn’t, or didn’t want to. “But you know I’m not going to push you to talk about it.. just, I’m here if you want to.” Sarah couldn’t help the gentleness. It was just there, reserved for the few people she cared about. “Okay.” 

Ella knew she wasn’t an easy person to understand or get to know. She worked hard to be that way, to keep people at arm’s length. And while she was perfectly fine to speak about all the faults she could find in her father, everything he did that she couldn’t stand, she could never actually talk about the way he had treated her. She hated complaining about her life, at least about something real. She wasn’t stupid, she knew that she wasn’t the only one out there that went through shit. She knew that some people had it far worse than she had, and she wasn’t going to be caught moaning and groaning about a fact of life. But it didn’t stop her from wishing she could just block those years out of her mind, block his voice. Physical pain didn’t get to her, she could take it. But he had always been able to get to her, his words cut when nobody else’s did. He could cut her down with a look, no matter how hard she rebelled against it. “You’re going to put me to sleep.” Ella pushed her hand away finally. Without fail, someone brushing or stroking her hair made her sleepy, and she could already feel it pulling at her eyelids. 

“But I don’t.” Ella stressed again. “I just feel numb.” She drew her knees up, feet perching on the edge of the couch while her arms wrapped round her legs.. She didn’t know how to describe the creeping coldness inside that had started at the sight of the paper. There wasn’t even the usual hatred at the sight of her father’s face. Just cold. 

[fightingella]

Don’t think you can stop me, you can’t tame a tornado. (Credit)

The tenth and last woman I was warned against becoming

[fightingella]

Hideaway

[fightingella]

“Sure you are. Because you love me, brat.” He teased her, then tilted his head. “Actually, if i have to use old man diapers, just shoot me, because at that point I don’t want to live.” That sounded like a terrible life, and he was certainly not above a mercy killing. 

He knew she felt like she’d won, but on the bright side, he’d distracted her from her father and made sure that she was going to take care of herself and go to bed all in one swoop. After all, it was very rare that she could actually stay awake once he got her comfortable on the couch and some sort of sports channel on, which was exactly what he did when they reached the living room.

“I will confess to know such weakness.” Ella said primly, a smug look on her face. She never had said that to him, though she imagined it was assumed. But she couldn’t remember the last time she’d actually told someone she loved them. Not since her and Kel were children. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. But I might just smother you with a pillow, it’s cleaner.”

“Boo, sports.” Ella said sourly, once the tv flickered to life and it became apparent what Caiden was going for. She shuffled the blankets a bit, shifting under his arm and leaning against his chest. She was already fighting the pull of heavy eyelids, and she knew that had been his intention. She could never stay awake when he did this to her. Not that she could blame him. 

[fightingella]

When I said, “I would rather be a famous author than a mediocre mother,” I was told, “No, don’t worry, you’ll be a fine mommy.” (Credit)

The ninth woman I was warned against becoming

[fightingella]

Daddy Issues

[fightingella]

As always when Sarah wanted to comfort someone, her first instinct was to draw them close, or stroke their hair or hold their hand. She could never quite tell when this was alright by Ella or not. Certain situations allowed her to slip past that barrier the other girl so fiercely maintained. Still right now she found it incredibly hard not to do any of those things. Her friend was in pain, which automatically meant that she was in pain for her. Very carefully Sarah reached out to stroke a lock of Ella’s hair, just once. She wondered what this would mean. Ella wasn’t a minor, she was financially independent and luckily, miles away from her father. He couldn’t reach her here. But somehow, it seemed like he had. 

Watching her shoulders move Sarah bit her lip a little. She remembered reading about her own parents when she was over seas. Her dads political career, her mother mentioned as the ‘supportive wife’. It all had made her scoff and throw each paper in the trash the second she’d read trough it. “He probably does. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t feel something about it either.” The brunette spoke softly. “You know that connection is always going to be there. God only knows how nice it would be not to feel tied to parents at all but I don’t know if thats possible.” 

Ella drew in a breath, trying to get back to that point of not caring. Of it not affecting her. Yet it did, and she wasn’t even sure why or how, she just felt conflicted and confused. And no matter what she said to Sarah, or how she pushed the other girl away, it always felt good to have someone that was steady, and apparently determined to see the best in Ella. Even when her father was being sent to jail for being a general asshat and a small part of Ella was wondering if someday she might just snap like he did. She knew she was already rough around the edges, and harsh to most people. But she didn’t hurt people, not unless they got in her face. Then she was upfront about it, and she did it in a physical way, with fair warning beforehand. She wasn’t like her father. Without thinking, Ella leaned in at the light touch. Caiden was the only one she trusted enough to touch her most of the time, but she was numb enough she just needed something. 

“I don’t feel anything.” Ella stubbornly insisted, not caring how apparent it was that she did. It didn’t make sense to her why she would, and she wasn’t ready to admit it. “He’s not my father.” She had disowned him, at least in her own way. She no longer thought of him as her father, despite the fact that was how she always referred to him. “He was just a sperm donor.”

[fightingella]

Hideaway

[fightingella]

“Oh good, that trick knee is going out. I’m needing a cane. Or a walker.” He teased, smirking back at her. He was far too used to it to be bothered by her teasing him about being older. It wasn’t even annoying anymore, it was just funny.

He shoved the rest of his sandwich in his mouth before he nodded, an arm going around her waist and picking her up. At this point, he didn’t even argue with carrying her places. She was basically a cat. She could walk by herself, just preferred not to.

“God, sometimes it actually hurts how old you are. Like, I’m not changing your old man diapers five years from now, I hope you know that.” She poked his side and shook her head at him. It was just easier sometimes to call him old. Made her feel less like other people were justified in their confusion towards their relationship. 

With a happy hum, Ella looped an arm around his neck, a smug look on her face. She could get him to do just about anything if she gave him the right look. He was a giant sucker, and it always made her laugh at him. And want to torment more and more. 

[fightingella]

Hideaway

[fightingella]

“Hey, people like the scruff. It makes me hip and cool.” He told her with a wink. In reality, it did no such thing, but he didn’t really care. He was too lazy to shave every day, especially as he’d probably have to shave at least twice a day to stay smooth. And that just sounded ridiculous.

He sighed as he leaned against the counter next to her. “You want to go sit on the couch until you fall asleep?” It wouldn’t take her long, and would probably be more comfortable than the counter. Plus, he knew she always felt better when she was closer to someone, oddly enough.

“You’re not hip and cool. You’re old. You’re ancient. I’m buying you a walker for your next birthday.” She claimed, giving him a dark look. She never liked thinking of him as young, and she wasn’t sure why. It just felt strange to her, it felt like there was more than just sixteen years between them. 

Ella nodded, shifting to the side to lean against him. As always, his steadiness was comforting. No matter what, she could count on him being there and that wasn’t something she’d ever had before. “You have to carry me though.” She told him, knowing that he would do it. 

[fightingella]

Hideaway

[fightingella]

Caiden raised an eyebrow at that, but didn’t comment. It was nice, sometimes, having someone who believed he was better, but he really wasn’t, in his mind. For every horrible thing her father had done, he’d done at least the equal, if not worse. Getting her father beat up wouldn’t exactly knock him back down.

“Oh really? And the fact that it was during the sad parts means nothing?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.  He nodded at her explanation, looking down at his sandwich. It always felt strange, talking about her family. He would guess because he had no idea where he fit in it. In some ways, she felt like he imagined a daughter would, but he’d never gotten up the courage to actually ask her. “I wish I had all the answers for you.”

She gave a halfhearted smile in response. Maybe she did know that Caiden wasn’t actually better than that, but that didn’t mean she had to accept it. Or encourage it. Or make him do any of it on her behalf. She did know that he was better than her father. If anything, he was more human than the man that had raised her. 

“Absolutely nothing. Shut your stupid, scruffy face.” Ella told him, rolling her eyes. The least he could do was leave her her dignity. She fell a little more serious with the conversation, offering a weak smile. “I know.” She said quietly, setting her plate to the side. If she didn’t have him around, she knew it would be a lot harder. Whether or not that made him some sort of father figure, she didn’t know. She just knew she needed him around. 

[fightingella]

“Living with your uncle is annoying?” he asked, a little confused as he wondered if they had miscommunicated somehow. “Oh, cool!” he said, perking up as she showed him the tattoo. “I mean, not exactly my thing. But it looks great on you.” he said, thinking that a tattoo like that would look completely ridiculous on him, but Ella could pull it off well.

“That’s not what I said, I said some people are hella annoying. In response to saying that some people do live with their uncle.” She said, voice clearly showing her thinning patience. Her hands dropped once more, drumming against the table. “It’s my eighth tattoo. The next one I want to get is a pair of evergreen trees between my shoulder blades.”

[gifsboom]

turtle bowser. [video]

(by quartarone_rifle)

[fightingella]

Hideaway

[fightingella]

“Hey, I have friends in jail. He could get the shit beat out of him.” Caiden said dryly, only half kidding. It had honestly been one of the first thoughts he’d had, although not one he’d ever follow up on. Or at least, not without her permission first.

“You cried. Twice.” He had laughed, but mostly at her. He leaned against the counter, taking a bite of his own sandwich as he looked at her. “How are you going to do with this?” He asked quietly. He wanted to know how hard she was going to take it, because it was hard sometimes, figuring out what she was going to react badly to. She could brush it off, or she could let it affect her for weeks.

“No.” She said it quickly, trying to stress how bad of an idea that would be. “You’re better than him.” She didn’t want to see him sink like that. She didn’t want her father finding out and coming after Caiden once he got out of prison. She didn’t want to see that side of Caiden, even if she knew it was there. 

“I don’t cry. And if I teared up, it’s because of how painfully bad the movie was.” She said, making a face at him. She finally convinced herself to swallow the flavorless bite of her sandwich. “I don’t know. I feel weird. Numb.” She didn’t know how to explain it any better than that. She didn’t know what she was feeling, she didn’t know why she wasn’t cheering it from the rooftops.Her father deserved everything he got.

[fightingella]

“I don’t know, I was enjoying talking to you.” He told her, taking his time as he checked a couple of drawers for the tin foil. 

“I don’t know why.” It wasn’t like she was being particularly friendly. She just wanted to get the tin foil and get out. 

[fightingella]

Hideaway

[fightingella]

“If you had, I really would have been concerned about you.” He told her dryly. The man was unforgettable, and Caiden knew it. It was half of why they were friends, he just found it interesting to hang out around someone as…strange as Fox was.

“I know, but no one cares about other rich people. Just poor people and orphans.” It was a harsh statement, maybe, but true enough, in his experience. He knew this whole thing was hard on her, but he also didn’t know what to do about it, other than just be there. “Bull, you made me watch it with you. I distinctly remember.”

She just stuck her tongue out at him in response, tired of talking about weird, old friends. Not while she still felt like there was a heavy cloud hanging over her and she really wasn’t in the mood to discuss Fox. 

“People are stupid. Anyways, you might know criminals and jail systems, but I know rich people. I know how they get out of shit like this, on what other people would never get off on. It’s absurd.” Her tone turned sour, thinking back on the culture she had been raised in and just how much she hated it. “I made you watch it to laugh at it because it was so terrible.”

[fightingella]

He gave her a confused look, then looked down at himself as realization dawned. “You know, I’ve actually never had someone say that to me before.”

“Pity.” She rolled her eyes, shuffling a little closer and leaning against his counter while she waited. “Could you hurry?”