FightingToBreathe

26, suicide survivor, 420 friendly, lgbt, artist

[fightingtobreatheagain]

Dec 11th

Exactly 1 week from the morning I woke up to the phone call that she was gone.

I had to take a drug test for a job today. I am trying to get back on my feet during a pandemic. But, my girlfriend has been very supportive and drove me out to my nana's. We sat and played games with the boys. We hardly all get together like that but, it's been a tough week.

[fightingtobreatheagain]

Day 6 since I lost my grandmother to covid.

I had another zoom interview today and after we Put the Christmas lights up on the outside of the house. I haven't ever put lights up since I moved in. But, my little brothers stopped by and helped. I have to admit I like pulling up at night to see them. It's pretty beautiful.

I wish both my great grandparents could have been around to see it

[positiveautistic-deactivated202]

You are not a burden for being disabled.

[fightingtobreatheagain]

Day 5 since I lost my grandmother to covid

I had a interview today. It felt weird to talk to someone outside of my family/friend circle) but, I did okay. I even managed to get all the laundry done today and do a load of dishes (thanks to the help from my wonderful wife).

Our dogs were let out today and one was missing for 4 hours. When I realized they were gone and I was alone at the house. I tried to grab my keys. I remembered my car hasn't been starting. But, I had a bike in the garage and biked atleast 2 miles all around our neighborhood looking for him.

Luckily we found him and he was returned to us and I think today just showed me I have a lot to be thankful for

.

[infodumping-on-main-deactivated]

Autistic Stories Part ???

Not gonna lie, I lost count.

Anyway, its only as an adult that I realize just how many of my autistic traits got overlooked as a kid. 

The example that brought this to mind was “my spot.”

Growing up, I would only sit on the middle cushion of the couch. I would refuse to sit anywhere else in the room except for my spot on the couch. It got to the point where my dad wrote my name above the spot with an arrow pointing down to the cushion. It literally had my name on it. My dad would also warn visitors that they would have to fight me for the middle seat, because it was simply my spot and no one else was allowed to sit there if I wanted to sit down. They would have to move as soon as I wanted to take a seat. 

Now I don’t think I threw any tantrums or had any meltdowns over my spot on the couch, but I was born with an argumentative nature. Whoever sat in my spot got a stubborn (and probably annoying) lecture about how it was my spot and my spot only. I would hit adults with this insistence that they move and would refuse to leave them alone until they did. 

What autistic trait is this an example of, you ask? Well I’ll tell you; it’s routine, The often overplayed trope in media of rigidity was taking place here, and it still does to this day.

I feel highly uncomfortable sitting anywhere else because sitting somewhere else means change. And change means adapting to new sensory experiences when I have already spent so much time familiarizing myself with the old ones; the ones I find comfort in.

So once I find a piece of furniture with multiple places to sit (a couch, bed, bench, etc.), I will always gravitate toward sitting in the same spot. Because, if I’ve sat there enough times, it has become my spot.

And you might just have to fight me for it. /j

[fightingtobreatheagain]

Day 4 since I lost my grandmother to covid

I found myself spending a lot of time in my head today. I have been feeling really out of control. I found myself working out for the first time in months. My depression has been crippling since long before you were gone. But, I found myself greatful to be able to move my body.

80 bicep curls

80 crunches

80 sets of 20 seconds of planks.

Idk what stage of grief this is...

But, I do feel a bit better and that's something after the past few days.

[fightingtobreatheagain]

Day 3

Title: Tulsa, Red death

My grandmother passed away on December 4th from covid 19. Traditionally I am a spray paint artist. But recently after learning more about how bad of shape our planet is in I decided to stop spray painting and started trying other types of art. This morning I woke up with anger towards my community for being so wreckless and continuing to gather even though our hospitals are stretched to the max. So, this is something I created to attempt to grieve in this covid 19 world. Maybe this will reach someone and they will relate if not this is my first attempt at using sakura cray-pas.

[fightingtobreatheagain]

These pictures are from day 2.

On day one, After you passed we went out to your old garage and found this old petal car from when my mom was a child. I brought it home with me and spent a few hours begining the paint removal process. Maybe I will find a way to get it done in time for Christmas so another kid can get some joy out of it.

[fightingtobreatheagain]

If this lasts forever i'll be just fine 💚💜💙💛❤

[thoughtkick]

“Your soulmate is not someone that comes into your life peacefully. It is someone who comes to make you question things, who changes your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone has idealized but an ordinary person, who manages to revolutionize your world in a second.”

— Unknown (via thoughtkick)

[fightingtobreatheagain]

Every time you do something

Simply nice to me

I think to myself

Is this what love is suppose to be

And ive just been doing it all wrong

-tme

[fightingtobreatheagain]

As I lay here and think of you

I know only one thing to be true

You love me

And I love you

-tme

[thoughtkick]

“You have a place in my heart no one else ever could have.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald (via perfeqt)

[hoe4byron]

sorry bro can't go out tonight. i'm stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

[thoughtkick]

“Please stop destroying what is left of your heart by constantly thinking about things that have broken you.”

—

Nikita Gill

(via perfeqt)

[saintzacharie]

confidants.

[fightingtobreatheagain]

Lauren ❤

[polyamorouspunk]

Having a crush on someone and wanting to date them is not the same thing- although many times they go hand-in-hand- and that can be confusing but just know that it’s alright to admire someone but not want to date them.