Bucky finds a haven in your coffee shop, and you find a friend in Bucky. But what happens when that haven gets broken into and no one's there to help you?
Pool Day: ✧, -`♡´-
The brutal heatwave attacking New York finally breaks with some sunshine, and the team want a pool day. But your body doesn't feel like it 'fits you right', and a swimming costume is your worst nightmare. Cue boyfriend Bucky coming to remind you how beautiful you are.
Let it Burn: ☾𖤓, -`♡´-
Your boyfriend cheated on you. With your best friend. You withdraw from the team, and the wider world entirely. But Bucky Barnes wasn’t going to let his best girl suffer alone any longer. And he has a plan to help you get over your ex. All it takes is a couple of matches and a rooftop, right?
We're Gonna Be Okay: ☾𖤓, -`♡´-
You and Bucky get injured on a mission. With a raging storm shaking the outside world, extraction isn’t going to happen. Instead, you and Bucky find yourselves holding out in a safe house, blood pouring out of each of you, alert and jumping at each noise, while you patch each other up. Will you find comfort with each other, or will your injuries become too bad before you can get out of there?
I'm Glad You Called: ☾𖤓, -`♡´-
Things quickly go south during a blind date, and it becomes clear that Jake has certain expectations for where the evening will go next. The world becomes blurry around you as you make it clear you won’t be sleeping with Jake, but when the ground shifts beneath your feet and Jake gets aggressive, you make a phone call. Cue one angry super soldier coming to the rescue, confessions of feelings, and lots of fluff.
Stuck in the God Damn Elevator ✧, `♡´-
Because who doesn't love an elevator fic. You and Bucky Barnes did not get on. He was arrogant, reclusive and all in all a bit of a dick. He wouldn’t even acknowledge you when your paths crossed in the kitchen. He thought you were loud, obnoxious and ignorant of the realities of real life, you were ‘too much’. You thought he was too inclined to search for darkness in the world. You could think of nothing worse than getting stuck in a lift together. But oh, how the universe likes to laugh at your misfortune
My Funny Valentine -`♡´-, ✧
You’ve been sneaking around. Well, not sneaking, exactly. But something’s off, and Bucky Barnes can never leave a damn thing alone when it comes to his girl. After coming in late one night, Bucky confronts you about his fears, only to find out you’ve been hiding away at … a dance class?
Take A Break - -`♡´-
Bucky gets called away on a mission, finally giving you time to work on your PHD. But your brain loves to take things a little bit too intensely, and suddenly it's 48 hours later, Bucky is home, and you're still working without a break. Cue absolute mountains of fluff.
He'll Always Come Pt 1 ✧, ☾𖤓 || He'll always come Pt 2 ☾𖤓-`♡´-
You were taken. You don’t know by who, but they want to know about Bucky, and you’ll die before you tell them a thing about your boyfriend. You just need to bide your time, because he’ll come. He always comes.
One of Those Days - -`♡´-
You'd had one of those days. A truly, tremendously shitty day. And you can't hold it all in much longer. Thankfully, Bucky's waiting for you at home, ready to help you however you need.
Fucking Hazelnuts - ☾𖤓, -`♡´-
It was supposed to be the perfect birthday date—red dress, roses, soft music, and Bucky Barnes looking at you like you hung the stars. But when one bite of dessert turns into a deadly situation, the evening spirals into chaos. In the haze of fear and adrenaline, it’s Bucky who grounds you—steady hands, unwavering eyes, and whispered reassurances. As you cling to each other through the ER visit and quiet tears, you’re reminded that love isn’t just grand gestures—it’s knowing someone will always show up.
One Singular Sensation - -`♡´-
You’re an actor, and tonight is the night you make your Broadway debut. Except Bucky’s called away on a mission at the last minute, and as much as it breaks his heart, he has to miss your debut. Or does he?
Why Didn't You Tell Me? - ☾𖤓, ✧
You get hurt on a mission, but being new to the team and having been trained in the red room, you don’t know that you’re allowed to show pain. So, you hide the injury. But Bucky notices, he always notices. And as you sleep on the jet, he tries to help you.
The Small Thing & Part 2- ☾𖤓, ✧
You kept the small things to yourself. But when those small things were bruises and pain left on your body by your boyfriend, they were never going to stay with you forever. During a lab visit, Bucky finally realises why the reader pulled away from him, and swears to keep her safe forever.
Catch Me, I'm Falling
You tend to get hooked on things. It's part of your ADHD. Some things just stick in your brain. And at the minute, it's the self-defence training Bucky's got you doing after you got mugged. And you love it. But you love it so much that you start skipping meals, missing sleep, and deciding that redbull counts as a foodgroup to make time to train. So when everything in the gym becomes fuzzy and starts spinning, the only thing you want is your super-soldier boyfriend to make it better.
More Than Candyfloss -`♡´-
You're on a rare night out and having the time of your life, but when it's time to head home, there's only one man you want to see: Bucky Barnes.
It's Complicated ☾𖤓 | -`♡´-
Your relationship with your parents had never been simple. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good. It just was. It was easier to just tell people, ‘it’s complicated.’ So when your mum is in town, you think it might finally be your chance to be seen by her. But when dinner quickly turns disasterous, Bucky becomes your loudest and most loving defender, unwilling to see you taken to pieces by your mother.
Friends who sent in prompts, you are all angels ! I started my new job today, and start my masters tomorrow but come Tuesday I’m writing them ALL !!! Also, first ever prompts I’ve had which is simply so exciting
Hey friends ! promise I'm not dead - I've just moved to London and have been too overwhelmed to write & struggling for inspiration! Any prompts/requests would be greatly appreciated to help me get out of my writing slump !
all my personal favs Bucky Barnes fics. i keep rereading these, so you all have to read them, because those are the best. some of them are 18+ with explicit references and/or have dark themes (might do more parts) ♡︎
✧ the small things | the small things pt2 | more than candyfloss @figtreesandmoonlight
✧ the time we couldn't have - @sassandscribbles
✧ sweetheart, who's this? - @homiesexuallaj
✧ he was chaos, he was revelry - @mcrdvcks
✧ concussion protocol - @crybabycabin
✧ thin walls - @knowledgeableknitter
✧ i don't know which one to choose still, so here's the complete masterlist - @metal-armed-muse
Summary: You're on a rare night out and having the time of your life, but when it's time to head home, there's only one man you want to see, Bucky Barnes.
TWs: Alcohol consumption
AN: just a quick sweet one! Sorry for disappearing on you all, the mental health had to be healthed!
Music was blasting, lights were whirling around above you, as you swayed your hips along with the music. Your body was buzzing with a happy numbness, five drinks down and having the night of your life.
You were on a rare night out, something you hadn’t done since you and Bucky had begun dating, and you were going all out. Your little black dress had a mesh overlay with studs that caught the lights just right when you moved, your hair rolling in waves down your back, heels so high that one wrong step could send you stumbling to the ground.
But you were a pro at this. Bucky’s jaw had dropped when you’d stepped out into the living room earlier that night. ‘God doll, you tryin’ to kill me?’ Strong hands wrapped around your waist before settling on your hips. His lips were on yours before you could blush before they made their way to your neck. ‘You’re breathtaking,’ he’d whispered into your skin like a prayer. Bucky walked you to the door, warm hand splayed across your lower back, guiding and supporting you on your way out. He’d stolen another kiss when you were on the doorstep, whispering to you ‘be safe, have fun,’ and waiting for you to get into the car before heading back inside. His eyes followed the car down the block until you were out of sight, his head resting on the doorframe, a smile soft on his lips.
So you’d spent your night doing as Bucky said, you were having fun and being safe. Glitter danced on your cheekbones as your body thrummed in time with the music. Sam was opposite you, and Joaquin was, unsurprisingly, trying his luck with some woman he’d met at the bar. So maybe the extra tequila shot was excessive, and maybe you hadn’t needed another pornstar martini, but since you’d found yourself in the New Avengers world, you’d hardly had any time to just let loose with your friends. You’d be damned if you weren’t going to enjoy it.
At some point after screaming all of the lyrics to Livin' on a Prayer, your eyelids had started to droop from tiredness, and not just the alcohol. Sam’s gentle hands had manoeuvred you off the dance floor, guiding you past the groups of dancing bodies as a pout formed on your lips, a cute annoyed frown furrowing your brow. ‘Sammy! I was having all the fun - they haven’t even played my song yet!’
The man beside you chuckled, while Joaquin, who was now supporting the other side of you, joked ‘you’ve literally said over half of the songs tonight were ‘your song’ hun. I reckon it’s time to get you home to Bucky.’
You gasped in excitement, eyes lighting up, suddenly thrilled at the mention of your boyfriend. ‘Bucky’s here?!’ Your head whipped from left to right, hair managing to hit both Sam and Joaquin in the face in your search. When you didn’t see him straight away you tried to stumble to your feet. Odd, you didn’t remember sitting down.
‘Just hold on a mo, sweetheart,’ Sam laughed, gently guiding you back down onto the curb you were sat on, ‘Bucky’s not here yet, but I’m gonna give him a call.’ The pout quickly returned, but Joaquin only looked at you and smiled softly. ‘You really love him, huh?’
‘Uh-huh’ you nodded back at him, eyes doe-eyed and completely honest. ‘I love him more than the candyfloss he buys me at Coney Island, and more than the snacks he buys me when I’m on my period, and more than all the books in the world.’ You leaned in closer, whispering conspiratorily, ‘and there’s like a lot of books.’
‘Oh yeah, there’s so many.’ Joaquin humours you. You just nod in agreement, before loudly announcing, ‘I don’t think Bucky’s read as many books as he says he has. I bet I would win a reading challenge. Or probably not. But he’d let me win. He’d give me the look that makes me tingle with butterflies and tell me I was a star and his best girl and I’d hug him, and we’d fall asleep on the sofa while he let me play with his hair.’
You were rambling on, now telling Joaquin about the crumble Bucky would make you that his mum used to make him, and how it was almost orgasmic it tasted so good, and how you wanted it at your wedding instead of cake, while Sam laughed into his phone. ‘You hearing all this, buddy?’ He asked Bucky, who was on the other end of the line with the softest, fondest smile spreading across his cheeks, his chest feeling warm at your voice declaring your inebriated love for him.
Worry had flared in Bucky’s chest when he’d seen Sam’s contact light up his phone. ‘Is she okay?’ Blutred out his mouth before he could stop himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you. He did, with his life. It was the rest of the world he worried about. ‘Completely and absolutely, if a little drunk.’ Sam’s voice had replied instantly, as though he knew Bucky would ask. When he’d heard your voice, floating softly through his phone’s speakers, he’d let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, the panic in his chest easing and being replaced with a soft glow. ‘It’s been a good night then?’
‘To say the least. She was like a discoball on steroids, but she’s about 10 minutes away from a sugar crash. Apparently, she loves you more than candyfloss, so maybe you can help? Are you good to come pick her up, man?’
‘Always.’
Bucky had already thrown his shoes on the second Sam’s name had popped up. He’d walk to the end of the earth if you needed someone to meet you, so a few blocks over was nothing. His heart glowed as he heard your rambling through the phone, knowing he was absolutely wrecked for you, and that he couldn’t picture his life any other way. He slotted his key into the door, opened his car, and was on his way to you in an instant, a man on a mission.
Back outside the club, you’d started to get more and more sleepy. Your head now rested on Joaquin’s shoulder as you blinked your eyes, trying to keep them open. ‘ -want ‘ucky’ you mumbled into the man, frowning when his laughter shifted you from the comfy spot you’d found on his shoulder. Joaquin’s hand gently brushed your hair from your face ‘I know, don’t you worry, he’s on his way.’
‘He just makes me feel so warm. Makes me feel so safe, like nothing can ever happen to me when I’m with him. don’t get scared of things when ‘m with him ‘ you slurred, ‘- everything’s lighter. Happier. He makes me happy. And makes my heart go all fuzzy.’ You pointed to your own heart, jamming a finger into your chest which Joaquin quickly guided away from stabbing youself. ‘So so happy and fuzzy. I miss him. Want cuddles.’
‘Oh doll, I think we can sort that out.’
You blinked your bleary eyes open at the voice that made your heart swell and your head rush. Bucky. Bucky had come to get you. Before any of them could stop you, you’d jumped to your feet, and flung yourself at Bucky, calling out his name in an uncoordinated jumble of limbs. But as your body tilted to the side and the pavement beneath you loomed closer, strong, warm hands swooped under you. You never hit the floor.
‘Easy, baby, easy.’
Before you’d had the chance to fall, Bucky had caught you. He always did. You let out a giggle of delight as he held you to his chest. Bucky’s forehead dropped ever so slightly, resting against your own as his eyes shut and he simply basked in the moment.
‘You’re my hero Buck.’ You whispered out, a hand coming up to rest on his jaw.
‘And you’re mine,’ he whispered back, before placing a soft kiss to your lips, nodding in thanks to Sam and Joaquin, and walking you back to his car. You were drifting off before he’d even set you down in his car.
‘C’mere baby,’ Bucky spoke so softly, his warm hand brushing lightly against your cheek to rouse you from your sleep. You blinked your sleepy eyes open to see that you were back in the apartment, sitting on your plush, dark green couch. You breathed in deeply, realising as the scent of pine and smoke filled your lungs that Bucky had slipped you into one of his jumpers and some joggers while you were asleep. You smile sleepily at Bucky, who was kneeling in front of you, a damp washcloth in his hands. ‘You came to get me,’ you said, soft, happy, drunk tears building along your waterline. Bucky put the washcloth to the side, both his hands coming up to cradle your face like precious glass. ‘I did, baby. And I always will. Anywhere. Anytime. Always.’ He gently brushed the tears from your eyes, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, before picking up the flannel and slowly, tenderly, wiping off your makeup.
You were quiet in your blissful heaven as Bucky placed a warm mug of tea into your hands, joining you on the sofa and wrapping you tight into his side. ‘Did you know,’ you ask between sips, looking up at him deadly serious, ‘that I love you more than candyfloss. And I really love candyfloss.’
Bucky can’t help the soft chuckle that rumbles deep in his chest. He pulls you in, placing another kiss on your forehead. ‘More than candyfloss huh? That’s a lot.’
You nod into his chest, ‘mhm, a lot a lot. I love you more than the world.’
‘You’re my everything, doll. I love you more than candyfloss too. More than the world.’
‘Gosh,’ you whisper, smiling small and delighted, ‘that’s a lot.’
‘It sure is,’ Bucky whispers back, hand coming to rest in your hair, gently carding his fingers through it as he held you while you fell asleep. Once your breathing settled to a steady, even pace, Bucky softly pulled the mug from your hands, placing it on the table, before picking you up, cradling you close to his chest and walking to your shared room.
With a softness that at one point he thought he’d never be capable of, Bucky placed you down between the plush sheets before sliding into the bed next to you. He gently slung his arm over your waist, pulling you close to his chest as you slept, a smile on his face when he realised your hair smelt like candyfloss.
Summary: You're on a rare night out and having the time of your life, but when it's time to head home, there's only one man you want to see, Bucky Barnes.
TWs: Alcohol consumption
AN: just a quick sweet one! Sorry for disappearing on you all, the mental health had to be healthed!
Music was blasting, lights were whirling around above you, as you swayed your hips along with the music. Your body was buzzing with a happy numbness, five drinks down and having the night of your life.
You were on a rare night out, something you hadn’t done since you and Bucky had begun dating, and you were going all out. Your little black dress had a mesh overlay with studs that caught the lights just right when you moved, your hair rolling in waves down your back, heels so high that one wrong step could send you stumbling to the ground.
But you were a pro at this. Bucky’s jaw had dropped when you’d stepped out into the living room earlier that night. ‘God doll, you tryin’ to kill me?’ Strong hands wrapped around your waist before settling on your hips. His lips were on yours before you could blush before they made their way to your neck. ‘You’re breathtaking,’ he’d whispered into your skin like a prayer. Bucky walked you to the door, warm hand splayed across your lower back, guiding and supporting you on your way out. He’d stolen another kiss when you were on the doorstep, whispering to you ‘be safe, have fun,’ and waiting for you to get into the car before heading back inside. His eyes followed the car down the block until you were out of sight, his head resting on the doorframe, a smile soft on his lips.
So you’d spent your night doing as Bucky said, you were having fun and being safe. Glitter danced on your cheekbones as your body thrummed in time with the music. Sam was opposite you, and Joaquin was, unsurprisingly, trying his luck with some woman he’d met at the bar. So maybe the extra tequila shot was excessive, and maybe you hadn’t needed another pornstar martini, but since you’d found yourself in the New Avengers world, you’d hardly had any time to just let loose with your friends. You’d be damned if you weren’t going to enjoy it.
At some point after screaming all of the lyrics to Livin' on a Prayer, your eyelids had started to droop from tiredness, and not just the alcohol. Sam’s gentle hands had manoeuvred you off the dance floor, guiding you past the groups of dancing bodies as a pout formed on your lips, a cute annoyed frown furrowing your brow. ‘Sammy! I was having all the fun - they haven’t even played my song yet!’
The man beside you chuckled, while Joaquin, who was now supporting the other side of you, joked ‘you’ve literally said over half of the songs tonight were ‘your song’ hun. I reckon it’s time to get you home to Bucky.’
You gasped in excitement, eyes lighting up, suddenly thrilled at the mention of your boyfriend. ‘Bucky’s here?!’ Your head whipped from left to right, hair managing to hit both Sam and Joaquin in the face in your search. When you didn’t see him straight away you tried to stumble to your feet. Odd, you didn’t remember sitting down.
‘Just hold on a mo, sweetheart,’ Sam laughed, gently guiding you back down onto the curb you were sat on, ‘Bucky’s not here yet, but I’m gonna give him a call.’ The pout quickly returned, but Joaquin only looked at you and smiled softly. ‘You really love him, huh?’
‘Uh-huh’ you nodded back at him, eyes doe-eyed and completely honest. ‘I love him more than the candyfloss he buys me at Coney Island, and more than the snacks he buys me when I’m on my period, and more than all the books in the world.’ You leaned in closer, whispering conspiratorily, ‘and there’s like a lot of books.’
‘Oh yeah, there’s so many.’ Joaquin humours you. You just nod in agreement, before loudly announcing, ‘I don’t think Bucky’s read as many books as he says he has. I bet I would win a reading challenge. Or probably not. But he’d let me win. He’d give me the look that makes me tingle with butterflies and tell me I was a star and his best girl and I’d hug him, and we’d fall asleep on the sofa while he let me play with his hair.’
You were rambling on, now telling Joaquin about the crumble Bucky would make you that his mum used to make him, and how it was almost orgasmic it tasted so good, and how you wanted it at your wedding instead of cake, while Sam laughed into his phone. ‘You hearing all this, buddy?’ He asked Bucky, who was on the other end of the line with the softest, fondest smile spreading across his cheeks, his chest feeling warm at your voice declaring your inebriated love for him.
Worry had flared in Bucky’s chest when he’d seen Sam’s contact light up his phone. ‘Is she okay?’ Blutred out his mouth before he could stop himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you. He did, with his life. It was the rest of the world he worried about. ‘Completely and absolutely, if a little drunk.’ Sam’s voice had replied instantly, as though he knew Bucky would ask. When he’d heard your voice, floating softly through his phone’s speakers, he’d let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, the panic in his chest easing and being replaced with a soft glow. ‘It’s been a good night then?’
‘To say the least. She was like a discoball on steroids, but she’s about 10 minutes away from a sugar crash. Apparently, she loves you more than candyfloss, so maybe you can help? Are you good to come pick her up, man?’
‘Always.’
Bucky had already thrown his shoes on the second Sam’s name had popped up. He’d walk to the end of the earth if you needed someone to meet you, so a few blocks over was nothing. His heart glowed as he heard your rambling through the phone, knowing he was absolutely wrecked for you, and that he couldn’t picture his life any other way. He slotted his key into the door, opened his car, and was on his way to you in an instant, a man on a mission.
Back outside the club, you’d started to get more and more sleepy. Your head now rested on Joaquin’s shoulder as you blinked your eyes, trying to keep them open. ‘ -want ‘ucky’ you mumbled into the man, frowning when his laughter shifted you from the comfy spot you’d found on his shoulder. Joaquin’s hand gently brushed your hair from your face ‘I know, don’t you worry, he’s on his way.’
‘He just makes me feel so warm. Makes me feel so safe, like nothing can ever happen to me when I’m with him. don’t get scared of things when ‘m with him ‘ you slurred, ‘- everything’s lighter. Happier. He makes me happy. And makes my heart go all fuzzy.’ You pointed to your own heart, jamming a finger into your chest which Joaquin quickly guided away from stabbing youself. ‘So so happy and fuzzy. I miss him. Want cuddles.’
‘Oh doll, I think we can sort that out.’
You blinked your bleary eyes open at the voice that made your heart swell and your head rush. Bucky. Bucky had come to get you. Before any of them could stop you, you’d jumped to your feet, and flung yourself at Bucky, calling out his name in an uncoordinated jumble of limbs. But as your body tilted to the side and the pavement beneath you loomed closer, strong, warm hands swooped under you. You never hit the floor.
‘Easy, baby, easy.’
Before you’d had the chance to fall, Bucky had caught you. He always did. You let out a giggle of delight as he held you to his chest. Bucky’s forehead dropped ever so slightly, resting against your own as his eyes shut and he simply basked in the moment.
‘You’re my hero Buck.’ You whispered out, a hand coming up to rest on his jaw.
‘And you’re mine,’ he whispered back, before placing a soft kiss to your lips, nodding in thanks to Sam and Joaquin, and walking you back to his car. You were drifting off before he’d even set you down in his car.
‘C’mere baby,’ Bucky spoke so softly, his warm hand brushing lightly against your cheek to rouse you from your sleep. You blinked your sleepy eyes open to see that you were back in the apartment, sitting on your plush, dark green couch. You breathed in deeply, realising as the scent of pine and smoke filled your lungs that Bucky had slipped you into one of his jumpers and some joggers while you were asleep. You smile sleepily at Bucky, who was kneeling in front of you, a damp washcloth in his hands. ‘You came to get me,’ you said, soft, happy, drunk tears building along your waterline. Bucky put the washcloth to the side, both his hands coming up to cradle your face like precious glass. ‘I did, baby. And I always will. Anywhere. Anytime. Always.’ He gently brushed the tears from your eyes, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, before picking up the flannel and slowly, tenderly, wiping off your makeup.
You were quiet in your blissful heaven as Bucky placed a warm mug of tea into your hands, joining you on the sofa and wrapping you tight into his side. ‘Did you know,’ you ask between sips, looking up at him deadly serious, ‘that I love you more than candyfloss. And I really love candyfloss.’
Bucky can’t help the soft chuckle that rumbles deep in his chest. He pulls you in, placing another kiss on your forehead. ‘More than candyfloss huh? That’s a lot.’
You nod into his chest, ‘mhm, a lot a lot. I love you more than the world.’
‘You’re my everything, doll. I love you more than candyfloss too. More than the world.’
‘Gosh,’ you whisper, smiling small and delighted, ‘that’s a lot.’
‘It sure is,’ Bucky whispers back, hand coming to rest in your hair, gently carding his fingers through it as he held you while you fell asleep. Once your breathing settled to a steady, even pace, Bucky softly pulled the mug from your hands, placing it on the table, before picking you up, cradling you close to his chest and walking to your shared room.
With a softness that at one point he thought he’d never be capable of, Bucky placed you down between the plush sheets before sliding into the bed next to you. He gently slung his arm over your waist, pulling you close to his chest as you slept, a smile on his face when he realised your hair smelt like candyfloss.
Summary: You're on a rare night out and having the time of your life, but when it's time to head home, there's only one man you want to see, Bucky Barnes.
TWs: Alcohol consumption
AN: just a quick sweet one! Sorry for disappearing on you all, the mental health had to be healthed!
Music was blasting, lights were whirling around above you, as you swayed your hips along with the music. Your body was buzzing with a happy numbness, five drinks down and having the night of your life.
You were on a rare night out, something you hadn’t done since you and Bucky had begun dating, and you were going all out. Your little black dress had a mesh overlay with studs that caught the lights just right when you moved, your hair rolling in waves down your back, heels so high that one wrong step could send you stumbling to the ground.
But you were a pro at this. Bucky’s jaw had dropped when you’d stepped out into the living room earlier that night. ‘God doll, you tryin’ to kill me?’ Strong hands wrapped around your waist before settling on your hips. His lips were on yours before you could blush before they made their way to your neck. ‘You’re breathtaking,’ he’d whispered into your skin like a prayer. Bucky walked you to the door, warm hand splayed across your lower back, guiding and supporting you on your way out. He’d stolen another kiss when you were on the doorstep, whispering to you ‘be safe, have fun,’ and waiting for you to get into the car before heading back inside. His eyes followed the car down the block until you were out of sight, his head resting on the doorframe, a smile soft on his lips.
So you’d spent your night doing as Bucky said, you were having fun and being safe. Glitter danced on your cheekbones as your body thrummed in time with the music. Sam was opposite you, and Joaquin was, unsurprisingly, trying his luck with some woman he’d met at the bar. So maybe the extra tequila shot was excessive, and maybe you hadn’t needed another pornstar martini, but since you’d found yourself in the New Avengers world, you’d hardly had any time to just let loose with your friends. You’d be damned if you weren’t going to enjoy it.
At some point after screaming all of the lyrics to Livin' on a Prayer, your eyelids had started to droop from tiredness, and not just the alcohol. Sam’s gentle hands had manoeuvred you off the dance floor, guiding you past the groups of dancing bodies as a pout formed on your lips, a cute annoyed frown furrowing your brow. ‘Sammy! I was having all the fun - they haven’t even played my song yet!’
The man beside you chuckled, while Joaquin, who was now supporting the other side of you, joked ‘you’ve literally said over half of the songs tonight were ‘your song’ hun. I reckon it’s time to get you home to Bucky.’
You gasped in excitement, eyes lighting up, suddenly thrilled at the mention of your boyfriend. ‘Bucky’s here?!’ Your head whipped from left to right, hair managing to hit both Sam and Joaquin in the face in your search. When you didn’t see him straight away you tried to stumble to your feet. Odd, you didn’t remember sitting down.
‘Just hold on a mo, sweetheart,’ Sam laughed, gently guiding you back down onto the curb you were sat on, ‘Bucky’s not here yet, but I’m gonna give him a call.’ The pout quickly returned, but Joaquin only looked at you and smiled softly. ‘You really love him, huh?’
‘Uh-huh’ you nodded back at him, eyes doe-eyed and completely honest. ‘I love him more than the candyfloss he buys me at Coney Island, and more than the snacks he buys me when I’m on my period, and more than all the books in the world.’ You leaned in closer, whispering conspiratorily, ‘and there’s like a lot of books.’
‘Oh yeah, there’s so many.’ Joaquin humours you. You just nod in agreement, before loudly announcing, ‘I don’t think Bucky’s read as many books as he says he has. I bet I would win a reading challenge. Or probably not. But he’d let me win. He’d give me the look that makes me tingle with butterflies and tell me I was a star and his best girl and I’d hug him, and we’d fall asleep on the sofa while he let me play with his hair.’
You were rambling on, now telling Joaquin about the crumble Bucky would make you that his mum used to make him, and how it was almost orgasmic it tasted so good, and how you wanted it at your wedding instead of cake, while Sam laughed into his phone. ‘You hearing all this, buddy?’ He asked Bucky, who was on the other end of the line with the softest, fondest smile spreading across his cheeks, his chest feeling warm at your voice declaring your inebriated love for him.
Worry had flared in Bucky’s chest when he’d seen Sam’s contact light up his phone. ‘Is she okay?’ Blutred out his mouth before he could stop himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you. He did, with his life. It was the rest of the world he worried about. ‘Completely and absolutely, if a little drunk.’ Sam’s voice had replied instantly, as though he knew Bucky would ask. When he’d heard your voice, floating softly through his phone’s speakers, he’d let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, the panic in his chest easing and being replaced with a soft glow. ‘It’s been a good night then?’
‘To say the least. She was like a discoball on steroids, but she’s about 10 minutes away from a sugar crash. Apparently, she loves you more than candyfloss, so maybe you can help? Are you good to come pick her up, man?’
‘Always.’
Bucky had already thrown his shoes on the second Sam’s name had popped up. He’d walk to the end of the earth if you needed someone to meet you, so a few blocks over was nothing. His heart glowed as he heard your rambling through the phone, knowing he was absolutely wrecked for you, and that he couldn’t picture his life any other way. He slotted his key into the door, opened his car, and was on his way to you in an instant, a man on a mission.
Back outside the club, you’d started to get more and more sleepy. Your head now rested on Joaquin’s shoulder as you blinked your eyes, trying to keep them open. ‘ -want ‘ucky’ you mumbled into the man, frowning when his laughter shifted you from the comfy spot you’d found on his shoulder. Joaquin’s hand gently brushed your hair from your face ‘I know, don’t you worry, he’s on his way.’
‘He just makes me feel so warm. Makes me feel so safe, like nothing can ever happen to me when I’m with him. don’t get scared of things when ‘m with him ‘ you slurred, ‘- everything’s lighter. Happier. He makes me happy. And makes my heart go all fuzzy.’ You pointed to your own heart, jamming a finger into your chest which Joaquin quickly guided away from stabbing youself. ‘So so happy and fuzzy. I miss him. Want cuddles.’
‘Oh doll, I think we can sort that out.’
You blinked your bleary eyes open at the voice that made your heart swell and your head rush. Bucky. Bucky had come to get you. Before any of them could stop you, you’d jumped to your feet, and flung yourself at Bucky, calling out his name in an uncoordinated jumble of limbs. But as your body tilted to the side and the pavement beneath you loomed closer, strong, warm hands swooped under you. You never hit the floor.
‘Easy, baby, easy.’
Before you’d had the chance to fall, Bucky had caught you. He always did. You let out a giggle of delight as he held you to his chest. Bucky’s forehead dropped ever so slightly, resting against your own as his eyes shut and he simply basked in the moment.
‘You’re my hero Buck.’ You whispered out, a hand coming up to rest on his jaw.
‘And you’re mine,’ he whispered back, before placing a soft kiss to your lips, nodding in thanks to Sam and Joaquin, and walking you back to his car. You were drifting off before he’d even set you down in his car.
‘C’mere baby,’ Bucky spoke so softly, his warm hand brushing lightly against your cheek to rouse you from your sleep. You blinked your sleepy eyes open to see that you were back in the apartment, sitting on your plush, dark green couch. You breathed in deeply, realising as the scent of pine and smoke filled your lungs that Bucky had slipped you into one of his jumpers and some joggers while you were asleep. You smile sleepily at Bucky, who was kneeling in front of you, a damp washcloth in his hands. ‘You came to get me,’ you said, soft, happy, drunk tears building along your waterline. Bucky put the washcloth to the side, both his hands coming up to cradle your face like precious glass. ‘I did, baby. And I always will. Anywhere. Anytime. Always.’ He gently brushed the tears from your eyes, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, before picking up the flannel and slowly, tenderly, wiping off your makeup.
You were quiet in your blissful heaven as Bucky placed a warm mug of tea into your hands, joining you on the sofa and wrapping you tight into his side. ‘Did you know,’ you ask between sips, looking up at him deadly serious, ‘that I love you more than candyfloss. And I really love candyfloss.’
Bucky can’t help the soft chuckle that rumbles deep in his chest. He pulls you in, placing another kiss on your forehead. ‘More than candyfloss huh? That’s a lot.’
You nod into his chest, ‘mhm, a lot a lot. I love you more than the world.’
‘You’re my everything, doll. I love you more than candyfloss too. More than the world.’
‘Gosh,’ you whisper, smiling small and delighted, ‘that’s a lot.’
‘It sure is,’ Bucky whispers back, hand coming to rest in your hair, gently carding his fingers through it as he held you while you fell asleep. Once your breathing settled to a steady, even pace, Bucky softly pulled the mug from your hands, placing it on the table, before picking you up, cradling you close to his chest and walking to your shared room.
With a softness that at one point he thought he’d never be capable of, Bucky placed you down between the plush sheets before sliding into the bed next to you. He gently slung his arm over your waist, pulling you close to his chest as you slept, a smile on his face when he realised your hair smelt like candyfloss.
bucky who can’t quite seem to get over the fact he can pick up mjolnir even though it’s been a good three months since the first time he accidentally plucked it from the ground in avenger’s tower. the hammer itself always seems to be in the most random of places and bucky will walk over to it whenever the opportunity comes along and look around to make sure no one is watching before picking it up again as it expecting one day that he won’t be able to lift it again. except every time it comes off the ground without hesitation and he grins like an absolute idiot because it means more to him than it probably should just that mjolnir deems him worthy at all so that must mean there’s something good about him, right?
and of course tony eventually asks why thor leaves his hammer just sitting around the place and thor simply smiles and says, “because it helps where i cannot.”
I HAVE OVER 100 FOLLOWERS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK 🩵🩵🩵 I can’t believe it - sat in Milan crying - if you’re seeing this and following me I love you dearly, and if you’re not x
Summary: Your relationship with your parents had never been simple. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good. It just was. It was easier to just tell people, ‘it’s complicated.’ So when your mum is in town, you think it might finally be your chance to be seen by her. But when dinner quickly turns disasterous, Bucky becomes your loudest and most loving defender, unwilling to see you taken to pieces by your mother.
Your relationship with your parents had never been simple. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good. It just was. And trying to explain that to anyone was hard. Hard, because it made you think about the things you tried so hard to forget and bury over the years. The pain. The broken trust. The constant numbness. The feeling of being wrong, of never being enough.
It was easier to just tell people, ‘it’s complicated.’
Except Bucky Barnes won’t take ‘complicated’ as an answer. It’s not that he pushes. He never would. It’s that he worries. That he’s opened up to you about the truly dark corners of his past. That he trusts you so completely.
And you trust him, too. It’s not that you don’t want to explain it to him, to let him see the cracks that groan under the weight of your ‘complicated’ family. You want nothing more. Wanted to give him some of the weight of it and let him help you carry it. You just don’t know how to say it, how to pull the thousands of threads together into a tapestry of pain and sorrow that someone else could read, could witness, without wanting to leave you.
It wasn’t that you never spoke about them. Across the two years you’d known each other, and the months you’d been dating, you’d made comments in passing, told stories, whispered under your breath. Bucky had held you when something Tony said sent you spiralling as it triggered a painful memory. He’d stroked your hair as you’d sobbed. And he hadn’t pushed. He’d let you get out what you needed to and didn’t dig for the details.
From that day, everyone in the tower had been quietly banned from using the word ‘embarrassment’ in relation to you, joking or not. You didn’t notice it, which was Bucky’s whole plan. He would quietly change the world, piece by piece, to keep it from hurting you.
Except there was one thing he couldn’t change. Your parents.
So when the text came through one Sunday morning, a simple ‘hi x’, as golden beams of light fluttered in between the curtains of your bedroom, Bucky got out of bed to follow you into the kitchen. You’d said you were going to make coffee, but that was ten minutes ago, and Bucky was beginning to wonder if you’d waged another war against the machine. Except when he saw you, sat stationary on the sofa, staring down at the phone in your hand, he paused in the doorway. When he saw your fingers mindlessly picking at the skin on your lips, he frowned. When he heard the shakiness of your exhale, he stepped forward, consciously making his footsteps audible so you knew he was coming.
‘Everything okay?’ He asked, voice low and scratchy as it always was on lazy mornings.
You didn’t turn to look at him, just hummed out a sound that could have meant both yes and no, eyes still glued static to the glow of the screen. Bucky carried on walking towards you, slowly sitting down on the sofa next to you, the dip in the furniture, finally shifting your attention enough to look at Bucky. ‘Got a text from my mum,’ you mumble out, turning your phone off and dropping it next to Bucky, anxious hands now pulled up into the sleeves of your jumper, picking at the bobbles it had from years of wear. You’d stolen it from Bucky. It made you feel safe.
Bucky gave you a second before he replied, trying to gauge from you how much you were going to want to talk. After a beat, Bucky realised the only important thing at the moment. You. ‘How you feeling?’ Without another word, both of your arms slipped around Bucky, swinging your legs up to rest on top of his as you pressed your head to his chest. ‘I don’t know,’ you mumbled out, breathing in his scent, his himness, letting it calm you. You didn’t look up at Bucky, but carried on ‘she just said ‘hi’, I know it seems like nothing, but-‘ you broke off. Bucky’s hand came to card gently through your hair as he reassured you ‘the way something makes you feel is never stupid to me. Never.’
You sighed, melting into his side a little more. ‘I can’t really explain it. Whenever I hear from either of them, my stomach drops, and I feel this anger. Like, I get so angry, no matter what they say. And I don’t even know why. I hate it. I hate how they make me feel.’ You whispered out the final sentence. Bucky placed a tender kiss on top of your forehead. ‘I hate that I still love them. That, after everything, I still want them to be my parents. To look after me. To love me.’
He doesn’t need to know what ‘everything’ is. Instead, Bucky just holds you close, keeps his fingers running through your hair to remind you that he’s still there, presses soft kisses to your hair as though they could take the deep ache in your gut away.
It was the sound of your phone buzzing, letting you know you had another text, that pulled you from your thoughts. You already knew who it would be from. You uncurled slowly, lifting your head and reaching your hand out for your phone. As you picked it up, Bucky’s hand circled yours, pausing you briefly.
‘Whatever it is,’ he murmured, ‘you don’t have to deal with it on your own.’
You gave him a grateful smile, shifting so that you’re now sat next to Bucky, as opposed to practically on top of him. You rest your head on your shoulder and open your phone for both of you to see.
I’m in town for a few days. Let’s do dinner - tomorrow, 7pm at Maria’s?x
You stare at it for a while, letting the steady rise and fall of Bucky’s breathing keep you grounded. You hate the hope that you feel, seeing the message. She was reaching out. Maybe, you thought, just maybe this time would be different. Bucky doesn’t say a thing, doesn’t try to tell you one way or another what you should say back. He holds you, the constant promise of support, whatever you decide to do.
You look up at him, a tiny dent between your brows exposing your worry at asking the question. ‘Will you come with me?’ You ask, voice small, terrified about bringing Bucky into the world of chaos that is your family. Terrified it would turn him away from you. Terrified he’d see just how broken you are and run. Instead, you see his face soften slightly. He was relieved, you realised, that you were asking for his help. His comfort. ‘Of course I will.’ He presses a kiss to you’re forehead, and you feel a wave of calm flood your body, the frown on your face disappearing, the pit in your stomach filling slightly, your breath coming easier.
Sounds good. Bucky and I will be there.
See you then x
The rest of your Sunday passed simply. You meal prepped for the week, watched some TV with Alpine, read with Bucky, went to the gym. You tried to push the next day to the back of your mind. Bucky followed your lead. He helped make dinner, did some laundry. Didn’t push. He knew you’d tell him when you’re ready.
And the time came as you both sat down in front of the TV, something mindless lighting the room around you, Alpine cuddled on your lap and a glass of red wine in your hand. As your fingers threaded through the silky mass that was your purring furball, you let everything out.
You told Bucky everything. All at once. The lies. The affairs. The pressure and expectations. The way tension between other people in the family got taken out on you. The holidays. The happy memories. The grandparents and cousins. The verbal abuse. The physical. The being overlooked. The being praised. The being ignored. The being used. The plates smashed, and the police called. How deeply you longed to be loved. You told him it all. The good and the bad.
Your voice was quiet. Steady. There were things you missed, you were sure of it. But as more and more words flowed out of your mouth, you felt lighter and lighter. Finally, you’d let the dam open, and years of sorrow and pain, years of work in therapy, years of longing to be good enough to be loved rushed out of you.
And Bucky listened to it all. He didn’t interrupt. Didn’t ask questions. He just listened to you like you were the only thing in the world that mattered. Because to him, you were. Like he was committing each part of your history to his memory to make sure he could help you when you needed it. Like he was making sure he could love you in every way you need.
You kept your eyes on Alpine beneath you the whole time. You didn’t shake. You didn’t cry. You just spoke, terrified the whole time that you would look up to see something in Bucky’s expression that would break you.
‘I am so proud of you.’
Your breath hitched at his words, your head raising to look at Bucky in front of you. His eyes were glassy. There were tears he was fighting to hold back. Because this moment was not about him. It wasn’t for him. It was for you. He’d never felt more honoured than when you confided in him. So instead, he took his own deep, shaking breath, his human hand coming up to cup your cheek, his thumb running lightly over your cheekbone. ‘I am so, so proud of you.’
‘I, I still want to go tomorrow. I need to. I just - you needed to know before you meet her.’
‘Thank you for trusting me,’ he whispers, his lips pressing a soft kiss onto your forehead, ‘thank you for letting me in like this. Whatever you need tomorrow, I’ll do. No questions asked.’
‘Thank you.’
Your breath was stuttering. You tried to swallow past a lump in your throat. Bucky wiped the tears that fell away as gently as if you were made of glass. You’d been sat on opposite ends of the couch, but at some point, Bucky had shifted so that now, you were sat just in front of him, your legs inside his, and your back resting on his chest, his chin on your shoulder, his arms circling your waist, holding you close. Holding you safe. Holding you together, even if he didn't know it. Because he wasn’t running. He wasn’t looking at you like you were broken. He was looking at you like you were strong. You fell asleep, pressed into Bucky’s back, circled by his warmth. Intertwined. Free. Lighter than you’d been in years.
The gentle percussion of rain against windows is what greeted you as you lazily blinked your eyes open the next morning. The sky had turned into a thick blanket of grey, which felt like it was pressing down on your head. But you were comfy. You were warm. Bucky must have carried you to bed. Lazily, you rolled over, your arm stretching across the bed. Your eyes opened fully when it didn’t find Bucky underneath it. You just about pulled yourself into a sitting position when you heard the telltale sound of Bucky’s feet padding barefoot in the hallway, heading into the room.
The next second, the door creaked open, a beam of light from the hallway entering the room, casting the shadow of a very specific supersoldier, carrying two mugs of coffee in his plaid pyjama trousers and black vest top. Bucky had learnt early on in your relationship that mornings were not particularly your friend. In fact, some days, they were your mortal enemy. So from day one, he’d built a routine. He learnt when you woke up and (because he’d started sleeping better once you were together) he’d set an alarm for 10 minutes before so he could make you a coffee for when you woke up.
Before you knew it, a kiss had been planted in your hair, and a warm mug pressed carefully into your hands. ‘G’mornin Doll.’ Bucky’s voice grumbled above you. You took a sip and did an immediate double-take. ‘You didn’t make this,’ you stated with surprised suspicion.
Bucky huffed out a laugh as he collapsed back into bed next to you. ‘Nope.’ You took another sip. ‘James Buchanan Barnes, did you seriously order my favourite coffee to our flat to surprise me?’ You couldn’t keep the incredulity out of your tone.
‘What,’ he asks, sheepish grin tugging at his lips, ‘You looked so cute sleeping. I wanted to spoil you.’
Your chest filled with warmth, a tight choked-up feeling clinging to your throat as you whispered out ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too doll, and I see you. I see you.’
You sat, side by side, sipping on coffees, poured from takeout cups into mugs because Bucky knew that was how you liked it, listening to the rain. You knew why he was doing it really. Because Bucky Barnes did spoil you. He spoilt you rotten. But you had dinner with your mum tonight. After everything you told him last night, Bucky was reminding you how loved you were. Boosting you. Reassuring you. Promising you.
‘I’m nervous,’ you admitted, intertwining your fingers around your mug.
‘I know,’ Bucky spoke softly beside you, ‘but I’m with you through this. You wanna stay, we stay. You wanna go, we go. You wanna blow the whole thing off and go for ice cream? I know a place. Whatever happens today, I’m with you, and I’m not going anywhere.’ You kissed him in response, slow and tender.
The rest of the day felt like one of those nights where you just can’t sleep. You were jumping from task to task, chore to chore. Nothing was sticking, and nothing felt like it was working. Bucky was texting you throughout the day from the Watchtower:
Just checking in
Saw this dog, thought you’d like it
Just seen Alpine’s mortal enemy (John) and didn’t kill him :)
Each message calmed the storm brewing within you. Each message reminded you that Bucky was right by your side. He was with you through this. But it wasn’t just nerves. It wasn’t just fear. It was hope. The same hope that left you let down and deflated every time. You always thought maybe this would be the time. Maybe you’ll have done enough. Maybe they’ll really see you, accept you, love you. You try, you really try, not to get your hopes up. But you can’t help it. She’s your mum. Of course you want to see her. Of course you want it to go well. Of course you want her love.
So as Bucky helps zip you into your green dress, you can’t help the butterflies that surge in your stomach. He places a kiss on your shoulder, whispering, ‘You look absolutely incredible,’ as your fingers tangle in his hair. ‘You clean up pretty well too, Barnes.’ You turn to face him, slinging your arms around the back of his neck, reaching up on your toes to quickly kiss him. Your phone buzzing to tell you the taxi’s outside breaks the pair of you apart, and as Bucky goes to get your purse and open the door, you catch one last look at yourself in the mirror. You feel good. Maybe for the first time ever, you’re going to meet your mum as a version of yourself you genuinely like. A version of you that feels like you.
The cab ride to the restaurant blurs as raindrops dwell on the window of the cab, splintering the streetlights glow. It feels both endless and immediate. Ephemeral and permanent. The warmth of the cab was combating the cool air streaming in through the open windows. The gentle hum of an untuned radio and the constant beat of your heart rushing in your ears. Your brain was thinking of everything and nothing all at once.
‘Doll?’ Bucky’s voice brought you out of your reverie, ‘we’re here.’ You smile at him, filled with hope and dread all at once, taking a deep breath in and squeezing his hand before you step out of the car. Through the front window of the restaurant, you immediately saw your mother. She was sitting at a table tucked in the front corner of the restaurant. Her back was to you, but you knew it was her. Bucky’s hand came to rest on your back, not guiding you through the door, but offering you quiet support, letting you decide when to go in. ‘Here, home, ice cream. Whatever you need,’ he reminded you one last time. You pressed a kiss to his cheek, replying, ‘here.’ The two of you walked in.
‘Wow, honey, look at you! You’ve certainly changed!’ You hear your mum’s voice before she’s in front of you, her voice carrying across the restaurant. ‘Hi mum,’ you reply, a smile on your face as you go in to hug her. ‘Just look at you! You’ve lost a lot of weight, and you look so good on it! I guess I have this fine gentleman here to thank for that.’ Your smile turns into a grimace that you’re quick to hide at her words. You just laugh her off and pivot, turning to Bucky, whose hand returns to your back. ‘Mum, this is Bucky.’
‘It’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am.’ She blushes under the attention, while Bucky helps you out of your coat and pulls your chair out for you. ‘Oh, such a gentleman’ your mum comments, ‘I wish your father did that.’
‘What can I say,’ you reply, ‘maybe chivalry isn’t dead after all.’ You all sit, and light conversation passes between you all as you order. You ask how your mum has been, how your dad is. She asks Bucky about himself, his work, playing the part of the dutiful mother getting to know her child’s partner. Your drinks arrive, and you breathe. Except one drink in, and the small comments start. ‘You know, I really was surprised when y/n told me you were dating. You’re a superhero after all, and, well…’ Your mum doesn’t need to finish the sentence. You all know where it’s going. A thick silence settles briefly over the table, and you feel the prick of something sharp in your heart.
‘It’s me who got lucky,’ Bucky’s voice comes clear, sure, next to you, as his hand settles just above your knee, reassuring you, ‘You’re daughter is the best person I know, and I’m still not sure I deserve her. But I try every day to be the man she deserves.’
Bucky looks at you with the smile he only saves for you, and the pain in your heart eases a little. A different kind of warmth overpowers the old pain. Your hand rests on top of Bucky’s. You ignore how taken aback your mum looks. You let a sip of wine wash it away as the conversation moves on. Your mum keeps her attention focused on Bucky, who dutifully tries to keep bringing you into the conversation. But as the talk goes on and on, you feel more and more like the small, invisible child you worked so hard to grow from.
‘She always did have to be the centre of attention, always had to have the last word, didn’t you, honey? Honestly, I don’t know how you put up with it.’
Old wounds you’d worked so hard to seal over were coming undone, the stitches you and Bucky had put in your soul coming unpicked one by one at your mum’s words. ‘There’s nothing to put up with. Hearing her talk is like having fresh air to breathe. I need it to survive. She’s the smartest person I know. I always want to hear her, know what she’s thinking.’
Bucky’s trying. God, he’s trying. But something inside of you has clicked back into fourteen-year-old you. You stare at the white tablecloth in front of you. Your ears feel like they’ve been covered, your voice stopped. You can’t move your eyes from their place. All you want to do is get out. You want to leave. But you can’t.
‘Oh god, don’t tell me we’re doing this again. Eat your damn food, you will not embarrass me in public,’ your mother hisses at you.
Bucky snaps into action. ‘Okay that’s enough. We’re done here.’
‘What on earth are you talking about?’ She cries, incredulously.
‘Do you not see what you’re doing to her? God, your daughter is the best person I know. She’s my sun, and my moon and my whole goddamn universe, and you just can’t see it, can you? She is intelligent, she’s empathetic, she’s loyal and fiercely brave. She never backs down protecting the people she loves, and above all else, she is kind. She’s kind. But you clearly can’t see that, if all you’re interested in doing is bullying her. So we’re done here. All she wanted tonight was for you to see her. To let her be enough. But you don’t want to see her. You just want to tear her down to feel better about yourself. So you don’t get the privilege of seeing her. You don’t get that honour.’
Bucky’s words wash over you. Some part of your brain registers them. Stores them. But you still can’t move. You’re trapped in a version of yourself you worked so hard to leave behind. You feel warm hands on your arms. ‘Baby, we’re gonna get you home. It’s okay, you’re okay. Just stay close to me.’
Bucky helps you up out of your seat. A warm jacket is draped over your shoulders. Gentle hands guide you past tables and waiters. You don’t register stepping outside. Don’t register the shiver that runs down your spine. All you hear are Bucky’s words.
‘I’m so sorry, angel’
‘We’re gonna get you home’
‘Everything’s gonna be okay.’
‘I got you, I promise.’
Suddenly, you’re back in the soft light of your apartment. Bucky guides you to the sofa, placing a blanket over you and sitting next to you. Hot, wet tears pour down your face. You cry, ugly sobs, shaking your frame and ripping sound from your chest. You cry like a wounded animal. Like you’re grieving. Because in a way, you are. The heavy grief of knowing you’ve lost that one unconditional love you should never have had to fight for. The grief of a mother lost not to illness or age, but through cruelty and malice.
And Bucky held you through it all.
He pulled fluffy socks onto your feet. He helped you into the shower and washed your hair. He plaited it the way you like and helped you slip into your pyjamas. He carried you to the sofa, leaving you only for a second to make your favourite tea. He put the playlist he’d made for when you were overwhelmed on softly in the background.
Eventually, the tears subsided. You and Bucky sat, wrapped in a fragile silence and a fluffy blanket. His shirt was covered in damp patches where he’d held you to him, whispering sweet nothings to you. His eyes were tired and sad. His jaw set with an anger for you that would take a while to dissipate. But his mind and his body was set. If your mum couldn’t recognise how incredible you were, he would make sure you knew it anyway. That you knew your worth was so much more than what she deemed.
‘I’m sorry, Bucky,’ your tired voice croaked out.
‘You have nothing to apologise for.’ Bucky’s voice, thick with emotion, broke as he spoke, hands gently cradling your face, looking into your eyes to make sure you really believed what he was about to say, ‘nothing at all. I am so sorry that she can’t see you, that she doesn’t see how amazing you are.’
‘I just want her to see me. To love me.’
He swore his heart broke in that moment.
‘Oh Darlin, you deserve her love, and so, so much more. You are everything, and I love you so, so much. And I know I’m not her. But you have me. You have all my love. Today, tomorrow, forever. I am yours. And I love you so, so much.’
‘I love you too, James,’ you whisper out, ‘endlessly.’
Bucky held you. He didn’t move. He held you like his world depended on it. Like if he held you tight enough and close enough, he could physically impress all of his love on your body. Because James Buchanan Barnes had a new mission. To remind you every day how incredible, how special and how loved you were. And he would do anything to prove it to you.
AN: oof this one hurt too write and hit far too close to the bone, but i hope you like it x
Working on a WIP rn and realising that I’m writing my very literal trauma into the pages. I can’t decide if this is me processing or triggering as fuck loooool !
Summary: You tend to get hooked on things. It's part of your ADHD. Some things just stick in your brain. And at the minute, it's the self-defence training Bucky's got you doing after you got mugged. And you love it. But you love it so much that you start skipping meals, missing sleep, and deciding that redbull counts as a foodgroup to make time to train. So when everything in the gym becomes fuzzy and starts spinning, the only thing you want is your super-soldier boyfriend to make it better.
TWs: ADHD mentions/hyperfixation to a detrimental effect, fainting.
Jab, hook, block, switch.
You’d been at it for hours. Ever since you’d been mugged a few weeks ago, walking over to Bucky’s apartment just after sundown, Bucky Barnes had been a little overprotective. Okay, very overprotective. But it filled your heart a little bit, made you feel warm and cozy inside every time his hand rested on your lower back and he dipped his head to whisper a check in into your ear.
You’d shown up to his place shaking, mascara running down your cheeks, heart pounding fast, hands shaking uncontrollably. Bucky’s world fell apart the moment he’d opened the door and seen you standing there. He felt like he’d been hit by a truck in his gut and had immediately blamed himself. You were shaken up, but unharmed, except for a few bruises on your arms. Bucky had iced and pressed kisses into them like he was searching, begging, for forgiveness.
It had taken a week to get him to stop escorting you everywhere and another week to get him to stop blaming himself. That was when you’d agreed to training. Just some basic self-defence. You were no avenger, and you didn’t want to be. But you saw Bucky’s worried look that followed you out of each door. He’d tried to get you to learn right when you’d first started dating, warning you his life was dangerous and that he wanted to know you were safe. You’d told him he was all the protection you’d ever need. But then you’d been mugged. So yeah, some basic self-defence couldn’t hurt. Plus, you’d been meaning to get back to the gym anyway. It would be fun!
And it was. You trained with Sam and/or Torres three days a week, depending on who was at the tower and who wasn’t. You’d told Bucky a condition for you starting was that he didn’t train you. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust him. You did. With your life. But accidents happened in training, planned or not, and you knew he wouldn’t forgive himself if he accidentally hurt you. You didn’t need to put that on his conscience. You wouldn’t risk it.
And as you thought, you loved the sessions! Sam and Joaquin were great teachers; the latter’s excitement and enthusiasm balanced out the former’s seriousness and commitment to technique. You’d leave the classes with your muscles aching in the best way and your body tingling with a kind of aliveness you didn’t know you could feel. You buzzed. Literally, you felt like you were buzzing when you left training. You’d come home every time to show Bucky what you’d learnt with an excited smile on your face, and stories of Sam throwing Joaquin around demonstrating things.
And Bucky absolutely loved it. He’d let you throw him around the room and pretend to be an attacker so you could practice. He couldn’t help the smiles that bloomed on his face when your eyes lit up under his praise. He loved that you were safe now. But above all? He loved you.
You were both loving your new training regimen. But that was the problem. You were both loving it so much that it let you ignore the…problems…that came with it. The lack of sleep started because you were missing work hours for training, and needed to catch up on the time somewhere. You missed meals, accidentally, sure, but it was still happening. You’d be running from the office to training, forgetting to pack dinner because you were up late last night catching up on work, grabbing a red-bull and deciding that ‘would do’ as fuel. Plus, you didn’t want to stop your dance classes and hobbies just because you were training with the literal Avengers now. Somehow, you were suddenly out every night of the week, either training or dancing. You lost time to meal prep. You forgot to grab snacks on your way out the door. You’d leave training buzzing, energy only added to by the energy drinks that were fueling your training.
Somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew training was supposed to be making you feel stronger, not weaker. You knew that the world wasn’t supposed to spin every single time you stood up. You knew constant headaches and three hours of sleep a night weren’t good. You knew logically that trying to keep juggling all the things you were doing wasn’t going to work forever. But you had it all under control. You genuinely thought you did. You’d spoken to your mentor about it, the man you’d gone to with everything since you were diagnosed with ADHD. Sure, you may not have given him the exact details, but you’d learnt that you were someone who ultimately just did better having more things on than not. It was how your brain liked to run. It was how you worked.
You didn’t realise that Bucky had started to get concerned. You’d happily eaten the apple that had somehow materialised in your bag for lunch. You signed in relief when you saw the laundry had been done and thanked Bucky with a home-cooked dinner that you definitely didn’t have the time to make. You didn’t realise that the concern in his eyes when you left the room had changed from one for your safety to one worried about how hard you were pushing yourself. Bucky had mentioned in passing that you could drop down to two days a week with the guys if you wanted to. You’d laughed him off, reminding him how much you were enjoying it.
You stood up from your desk, scrunching your eyes shut as the pounding behind your eyes made itself known and the room tilted and swam again. Somewhere, rationally, you knew that you were getting close to pushing a bit too far. It had happened in the past, and you were sure it would happen again in the future, no matter how hard you watched yourself, but you thought you could hold it off a bit longer. The weekend was just around the corner. If you could make it through today and tomorrow, you had two days to catch up on lost sleep and the mountain of tasks you had to do. And meal prep. And spend time with Bucky. And grocery shopping. And dance class.
Hands on your desk to steady yourself, you blinked your eyes open, standing for a second to make sure you weren’t gonna pass out. The last thing you needed was for that to happen at work - god, how embarrassing. As you straightened up, you pulled a can of redbull up to your lips, finishing it with a gulp before grabbing your training bag and slipping into your trainers. You heard the rustling of something inside your bag, smiling to yourself when you caught the glimmer of your favourite protein bar with a big yellow post-it in your bag.
‘Caffeine isn’t food! Nor is this really, but it’s better than nothing :) … seriously, doll - real food sometime today. Love you, JBB x’
You smiled fondly down at the bar in your hand, shaking your head a little and laughing as you pulled off the post-it, hanging it on your desk divider and ripping open the bar. The first taste of oats and sugar hit your mouth, and you groaned a little in delight. You would eat real food today, you knew you needed to, and that your loving boyfriend would give you his concerned, disapproving look if you didn't. You’d just have to do it after training.
The blast of cold air as you left your office building made the world tilt again, and the dull pain behind your eyes became more intense. Maybe you were coming down with something. You wrapped your scarf tighter around you, grumbling like a gremlin as you burrowed into the soft material and walked to the tower. You didn’t really remember getting there, or changing, but you must have done it at some point, because the next thing you know, you’re standing in front of a slightly worried-looking Sam Wilson, who’s asking, ‘did you hear any of what I just said?’ Embarrassment coloured your cheeks as you shook your head, an apologetic smile pulling at your lips, ‘Sorry, I guess I’m just a bit spaced out today.’ The frown on Sam’s face was now met with a look of concern on Joaquin’s, who was sitting over by the water cooler and stood up as he said, ‘Too spaced out to train?’ Sam jumped in, ‘There’s no shame in it, but we gotta keep you safe. Don’t want Barnes on our asses, he’d kill us if something happened to you.’
‘I-I don’t know, maybe?’ You started replying, realising that the world around you was spinning again, and that it wasn’t stopping. And Jesus, it was hot in here. Why couldn’t you catch your breath? FRIDAY’s voice crackled to life above you all. ‘I’m monitoring an increased heart rate, breathing and low blood pressure. Sargent Barnes is on his way up to this floor, but might I suggest you pause training and sit down?’
The worry in Sam’s face turned into panic as he started walking towards you, forcing a calm persona on his face as he shot both arms out, ready to stabilise you. You hadn’t realised you were swaying. Joaquin likewise started crossing the room. You turned your head between them, ‘I, uh, I dont - I think-‘ black spots were clouding your vision. The sound of the elevator opening pulled your head towards it, making the room spin even more violently. Head pounding, heart racing, all you wanted was to be with Bucky. He would help. He always did.
Bucky was running towards you, worry painting his face as fear ran through his steel blue eyes. You tried to take a step towards him, tried to get your body to cooperate, but when Bucky was only a step away, your knees crumpled beneath you. You couldn’t even move your hands to catch yourself.
Strong arms caught you just before your body collided with the floor, pulling you into the warmth of someone's chest. The last thing you saw was Bucky, looking down at you with horror in his eyes, his warm, calloused hands cupping your face, him saying something desperate above you, but the black patches of vision grew and you fell into them.
You were floating. Bobbing up and down in a warm sea. Your senses came back to you in parts; your vision combined with a blistering headache behind your eyes, your ears ringing before you could make out any sound. But when you do, waves of comfort roll over you, because somewhere near you, Bucky Barnes is speaking to you. His hushed promises sound like a prayer, repeating over and over again that ‘I got you, baby, you’re gonna be just fine. You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.’
You’re in Bucky’s arms, some part of your mind realises. That’s where the bobbing was coming from. Hmm, maybe you’d fallen asleep watching a film, and he was carrying you to bed. It’d happened before. You just snuggled tighter into his chest, pressing into his warmth when the hand on your back shifts slightly, fingers brushing the side of your face. You struggle to force your eyes open to look up at him. The dopey smile on your face dissolves almost instantly when you see how scared he looks.
‘Hey, baby, you’re gonna be just fine. You don’t gotta worry, you’re gonna be okay.’
The words wash over you like a calm wave, but before you can reply, Bucky walks the pair of you into a room with bright, sterile lights that make the pain in your head worse. You grimace, trying to burrow deeper into Bucky, and you can’t help but flinch as someone pulls your body from its comfort in Bucky’s arms.
‘It’s okay,’ he whispers above you while someone lays you down on something soft. ‘I’m right here. Not going anywhere doll.’ You feel his hands, the signature of warmth and coolness in one, wrapping around your own. You forced your eyes to open again despite their protest at the bright, clinical lights above you. Everything’s fuzzy, and you still feel like you’re floating, but you blink up at Bucky, your face crumpling into concern, seeing how worried he looks. You frown and try to sit up, to reach for him, to comfort him, but his hands are on you before you can, gently guiding you back down to the bed.
‘Nope, you gotta lie here for me right now, okay?’
In your daze, you still don’t understand what’s going on, why Bucky looked so worried. ’What happened?’ You croak out, looking up at him, and hissing as something sharp hits your arm opposite Bucky. Your head turns to the source of the pain; someone had put a needle in your arm. You try to form a word, but only let out a mumbled mesh of sounds before Bucky’s human hand is ever so gently tilting your head to look at him again.
‘You passed out,’ Bucky softly tells you, before he sighs out, ‘you scared the shit out of me.’
You go to say something, but Bucky’s thumb runs over your cheek, softly calming you, promising he isn’t going anywhere. ‘Shh, it’s okay. You’re gonna be okay, Doll. You don’t gotta say anything right now, just rest yeah? I’ll be here when you wake up.’
You look into Bucky’s eyes once more, something in his face that is a merge of sadness and comfort convinces you he’s telling the truth. You nod into his hands, letting the darkness pull you under again.
The next time you wake up, the world comes to you more complete and with less pain. The steady beeping of the heart rate monitor and soft light of the evening greeting you as you woke up. Slowly, you blink your eyes open. Your body feels heavy and uncooperative, but peaceful.
‘You know, I don’t think they mean the whole ‘falling’ part of falling in love thing literally.’
You turn your head to see Bucky sitting at your side, his hand wrapped around yours, his eyes red and tired, but less scared than you remember last seeing them. You don’t know what to say. You know that Bucky’s only joking, trying to deflect the panic he’d been feeling, but shame flushes your cheeks nonetheless. Before you think of even a fake laugh, Bucky’s leaning over you, pressing a kiss to your head, one of promise and devotion, of love and care. He whispers above you, ‘You really scared me, doll.’ Your hand without a needle in it comes up to cradle his face, holding him for a second.
As he pulls away, the memories of what had happened flood your brain. You’d passed out in the gym training. Bucky had carried you here. You let out a groan, one of embarrassment and frustration. Before you even realise it, tears are welling in your eyes, threatening to fall. Bucky sees them and, in an instant, has moved to sit on the edge of your bed, his hand cradling your cheek.
‘Hey, hey,’ he jumps in immediately, ‘I’m not mad. You’re okay, we’re okay.’
‘I just-’ you swallow, ‘I thought I was on top of things. I thought I had it under control. I…’ you trail off into quiet, not knowing how to finish your sentence. Bucky kisses your forehead again, before replying gently, ‘I know. I know you didn’t do this on purpose. I know you can look after yourself doll. I promise, I know.’ You nod, the tears now falling freely down your cheeks. ‘I put too much on your plate, training too many days a week for too many hours on top of work and everything else. This is on me, doll. You were just tryin’ to make me happy; I’m sorry, I pushed you too far.’
You wipe the tears, flinching slightly at the pull from the IV line. ‘No, no, this isn’t on you. Hey, it’s okay. I like it, hell, I love training! I just,’ you sigh, your lip wobbling as you tried to calm down, ‘I let myself get overwhelmed, and I tried to barrel through. I thought I was on top of it, and I wasn’t. I thought I was proving something to everyone, to myself.’
‘You never have to prove anything to anyone, yourself included, love. Especially not when it leads to you passing out in the gym. I just - I should have seen this happening, and I didn’t. I let you push yourself too far, and you could’ve got hurt.’
‘It’s okay, Bucky. I promise, it’s okay. I got hooked on training and we both missed it - this isn’t on either of us alone. I thought I was okay, and this happened.’ Your hands clasp Bucky’s face now, gently guiding it until he’s looking back at you, ‘But we caught it. You caught it, okay. You saved me, literally. I’m going to be alright, baby, I promise.’
Bucky slowly nods, his own hands coming up to his face to match yours. He slowly brings your hands to his lips as he places chaste kisses onto the palm of each. You sit up, Bucky moving in an instant to help guide you as you pull him into a kiss, delicate, tender, united, before you come apart, simply resting foreheads against each other.
After a while, and without a word, you scoot over in the bed, opening up a space and gesturing for Bucky to join you. He looks at you tentatively, but your raised eyebrow shuts him up quickly enough. Careful of the various wires attached to you, Bucky gingerly climbs into the too-small bed next to you, helping you shift until your head’s resting on his chest. His fingers move to absent-mindedly brush through your hair.
‘You scared the crap out of the guys, too, by the way.’ You turn your head to look up at Bucky. ‘Joaquin made sure you got down here and has literally been hiding from me since. Sam hasn’t stopped standing guard outside your room, keeps texting me apologies.’ You let out a chuckle, nuzzling closer into Bucky, ‘they’re silly,’ you say fondly. ‘They are,’ Bucky agrees, ‘but they care about you. I’ve never seen Joaquin look so upset before, you know?’ You hum into Bucky, tired once more. ‘Although,’ Bucky carries on, ‘if you ever pass out from training again, I will kill them.’
‘Bucky!’ You cry in a mock-outrage.
‘What? I can’t have my best girl passing out on me again.’
‘Hmm, I’ll do my best.’ You jokingly promise. But Bucky’s face above you becomes serious once more. His hand continues running peacefully through your hair, ‘just so you know,’ he says, ‘you’re on bed rest until further notice. No work, no training. Just three meals a day, a shit tonne of water and move marathons.’
‘And will my very devoted, loving boyfriend be joining me?’ You ask.
‘Oh doll, I’m never leaving your side ever again.’
You let out a laugh at Bucky’s words, but you know a part of him is deadly serious. Once you’re better, you’re gonna have to use some of the tricks Sam gave you to sneak out. But honestly? As you cuddle back into Bucky, letting his fingers run through your hair, you couldn’t think of anything better. Just you, Bucky, soft blankets and movies. Yep. You weren’t exactly glad you passed out, but if this was the result, it wasn’t all bad.
AN - I kind of feel like this reader is the same as my reader in Take A Break. If people seem to like it then maybe it'll turn into a series...we shall see ! Much love as ever for anyone reading & sharing x
Summary: You thought you could survive it. Endure the bruises, the fear, the silence. But now Bucky knows and is ready to tear the world apart to keep you safe. The fight isn’t over, not when the past still knows your name, but with the Avengers at your back and Bucky’s hand in yours, maybe this time you won’t have to fight alone.
Bucky Barnes had been sat still long enough that his back ached and his eyes were sore. But he barely noticed it. The silent vigil he kept over your sleeping form wasn’t stopping anytime soon. He followed the slow rise and fall of your chest like it was a prayer. Watched your eyes flutter in your sleep like it was a hymn. Sleeplessness was nothing new to Bucky, but watching over you, guarding you, so that you could have just one safe night's sleep? That was something he’d hoped he would never have to do for you. That you’d never experience something that meant he’d need to do this.
But you needed him. So he’d be damned if he went anywhere else.
He may have been sat silently, but inside, his world was unravelling. There’s no way to describe the rage and anguish that was tearing through Bucky. He replayed every moment. Every single time he’d been in a room with Mark, the first time you’d introduced him, begging Bucky to ‘give him a chance’, the dinners, the films he left early.
Where were the signs? What had he missed? How had he let this happen? How had he let this happen to you? The first person to make him feel normal. To make him feel alive. To make him feel whole. He’d let someone tear you down. Put their hands on you. Hurt you. He’d missed the small things that told him what was happening. The pulling away. The skipped nights out. You’d been forced to pull away from him. And he’d just let you.
He wanted to cry, wrap you in his arms, break things, and kill Mark all at once. But his priority was you. It would always be you from now on. Never. He was never going to forgive himself for this. And he was never going to let Mark lay a single hand on you ever again.
Bucky was pulled from his self-interrogation by the sound of a whimper. His head snapped immediately to your sleeping form. The sight nearly broke him. The panic and fear on your face, the way your body shifted in your sleep, hiding away from some invisible but remembered source of pain. Slurred, mumbled words fell from your lips. ‘No, please, please, not again. I promise it won't - AH!’ It was the cry of pain and the sight of a tear falling from your closed eyes that spurred Bucky into action.
He practically flew out of the chair he’d been sitting on, to be next to your sleeping form on the bed. He crouched at your side, and started calling to you. ‘You’re safe. You’re not there. Come back to me.’
You woke as another cry of pain left your body, sitting up immediately, every muscle in you tensed and ready to run, to hide, from wherever the pain was coming from. You scrambled backwards, up the bed, head hitting hard into the headboard behind you. Your eyes darted wildly around the room, looking for him. For Mark.
‘Please, no, no, no.’
Your disoriented cries broke Bucky’s heart. He kept his words coming, tone soft, body calm, hands held up, trying to make himself look as least threatening as possible until you recognised where you are.
‘No one’s going to hurt you. It’s me, it’s Bucky.’ He did everything he could to keep his tone level and calm, slowly coaxing your terrified mind back into reality, rather than the hellscape it had been trapped in. ‘You’re in my room at the compound. You’re safe here. You’re okay. No one’s going to hurt you. I’m gonna keep you safe.’
That got through to you. Your eyes stopped scanning the room for threats and settled on the man in front of you. Bucky. You swallowed roughly, taking a deeper breath. Your head tilted slightly as, finally, you recognised him, recognised the room you were in. All at once, the tension in your body drained away as you melted into the bedding around you. Your breathing was still a little quick as Bucky, slowly, so you knew he wasn’t going to reach for you, moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He locked eyes with you, giving you a gentle nod, which you returned.
‘There she is,’ he whispered out, offering you his hand, which you timidly accepted, shuffling over to him. Bucky let you lead the movement, slowly reaching him as you collapsed into a hug, your forehead resting on his chest as he wrapped his arms around you in a silent promise of safety.
‘I’m sorry,’ you mumbled out. Bucky’s hand came, slowly, to rest under your chin, pulling your face up to look at his.
‘Never be. Not with me.’ You nodded into his chest in response. You stayed like that for quite a while, letting your shot nervous system recognise the safety it was in. That you were safe.
And with Bucky, you knew you were. But as the sun began to stream in through the cracks in his drawn curtains, reality wormed its way into your brain. Bucky knew. He wasn’t going to make you go back. Hell, he wouldn’t let you even if you wanted to. But where the hell did you go now? Before you could vocalise even the beginnings of your thoughts, Bucky noticed the storm whirring around in your brain.
‘Why don’t we go get some coffee?’ He asked softly. You forced a small smile onto your lips, nodding. He wants you out. You’re not surprised. You’re a hot mess who can’t even protect herself, and now you crashed in his bed and woke him up with a stupid nightmare. Of course he wanted you to leave. Your brain moved at a million miles an hour: ‘I can go make it. Why don’t you get into bed and sleep a bit, I can’t imagine how tired you must be. Give me like 5 minutes and I’ll be out of your-’
‘Woah, breathe, doll, breathe. I’m not tired. You don’t gotta make me coffee. And you sure as hell ain’t going anywhere.’ He spoke to you with the softness you would an injured kitten, trying with his words to promise you that you weren’t a burden, that you weren’t some inconvenience. ‘Let’s both go get some coffee, yeah?’
You let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding, as the sudden wave of anxiety that had crashed into you passed. You nodded, ‘O-okay.’
Bucky rose slowly, offering you his hand and helping you to your feet. The pair of you moved in silence to the kitchen, but your hands couldn’t help but fidget with the sleeves of Bucky’s oversized jumper from nerves. Bucky noticed. Of course he did. He slowly wrapped one of his arms around you, pulling you closer into his side, another promise that he wasn’t going anywhere. That you weren’t either.
You settled at one of the stools under the marble counter while Bucky moved with practised ease around the kitchen, checking you still took your coffee the same way as he pressed a few buttons on the coffee machine and it whirred to life, pouring you a cup. He repeated the actions before coming to sit next to you, pressing your favourite mug into your hands, warm and smelling of comfort. You took a sip and sighed softly, basking in the brief comfort and stillness of the moment. The sunlight, coffee and Bucky. It had once been such a common occurrence in your life, but now felt like a treasured, special moment, to be grasped with both hands and never let go. But there was a reason you were here, and you couldn’t ignore the truth forever.
‘What am I gonna do, Bucky?’ You asked, looking up at him and brushing some hair behind your ear. You didn’t understand why Bucky looked so sad in response.
‘You’re not gonna do anything, Doll.’ Your heart sank into your stomach, but before you could say anything, Bucky carried on. ‘We are gonna sort this out. However you want. We can get your stuff and you can crash here or anywhere else as long as you need to. Or I can go get it on my own. I get it if you never wanna go back there. I can get you a hotel room if you don’t wanna explain to the team why you’re here. Or we can come up with a cover story. Whatever you want. But you have a home here as long as you want it. And I’ll do anything you want, but we’re getting you out, and I’m gonna make sure you never have to deal with that piece of shit ever again.’
You sat for a moment, letting Bucky’s words sink in. He wasn’t going to send you away. He was giving you an out. Not only an out. He was giving you a new life, safe, and away from the pain of a life with Mark. You felt the tears welling up, and did nothing to stop them falling as you nodded, a soft smile on your lips, a smile of relief and heartbreak all in one.
‘That,’ your voice wobbled as you spoke, ‘that sounds good. I think - I think I wanna come with you to get my stuff. I think I need to be there, to do it myself. And I think I need to do it today? Before I lose my nerve’
‘Of course, doll. I’ll be there to make sure nothing happens to you.’
‘What do we do if he’s there?’
‘I’ll take care of it.’
Bucky’s answer was so simple, so decisive. You could only trust him. The thought of having to see Mark again terrified you. How would he react? What he would say? But you could see the promise in Bucky’s eyes. He would keep you safe, you knew it. He carried on, ‘How do you feel about me letting the team know what’s going on while you get ready? I can tell them as much or as little as you want.’
‘You can tell them. I just,’ you broke off, colour rising to your cheeks, ‘I just won’t want them looking at me like I’m weak.’
Bucky’s hand rested on your cheek as he looked at you, his eyes promising he spoke only the truth as he said, ‘You’re not weak. Hell, you’re the strongest person I know. You’ve been through hell alone. But we’re here now. Let us help.’
‘Okay. That, that sounds okay.’ You finished your coffee, heading back to Bucky’s room to get showered and changed, while FRIDAY called the rest of the New Avengers and Sam to the kitchen. You didn’t want the sad looks, the pity. But you wanted the support. God, you needed it. And letting Bucky tell them made it feel slightly easier as an idea.
So you stepped into the steaming hot water, letting it run over the bruises on your body, easing the dull ache as the scent of vanilla filled the air. You finally let the tears of relief pour through you with abandon. This was different to the tears last night. They were ones of grief, of mourning. But these? These meant hope. They meant you were getting out. So you let yourself feel the relief you’d been avoiding. Let yourself realise it was real.
Stepping back into Bucky’s room, hair washed and wrapped in the fluffiest towel, you pulled open his wardrobe, taking a soft t-shirt and a pair of joggers out of it, the same kind of outfit he would lend you when you used to spend the night. You grimaced at the sight of the bruises on your arms. But you weren’t ashamed of them anymore. The way Bucky had kissed them last night turned them into battle scars.
Without letting yourself think twice, you pulled the door open and walked back to the kitchen, stopping in the doorway and taking in the sight, the tension in the air, the team sat on the sofas, looking at Bucky. Ava had a tear running down her cheek. Sam looked stoic, composed, but you knew him well enough to recognise the rage behind his eyes. Alexi was pacing, Yelena sharpening a knife, John saying something about tactics. With a deep breath, you walked into the room fully, drawing their attention to you.
The next second, Alexi had engulfed your form in the gentlest hug he had ever given in his life. ‘You are warrior, little scientist,’ he said, voice soft and low, meant only for your ears, ‘Let us fight alongside you now.’ You nodded up at the giant of a man with a tender smile, one that told them of your nerves, your fear, but also your relief and your trust.
The rest of the team had stood now, not rushing to crowd you, but making space for you, letting you know that if you wanted them, they were there. You walked over to them, filling a space between Yelena and Sam on the sofa as the rest of the team sat with you. Without a word, Sam pulled you into his side in a hug, while Yelena whispered lowly, ‘You have us now. We will keep you safe. Whatever you need, we’re here.’
You squeezed her hand in response before Bucky cleared his throat, drawing your attention to him. ‘They’ve all offered to come, Doll. However you want them, in the car, in the apartment. Or they can stay here. It’s up to you.’ There’s no adequate way to describe the fullness of your heart in that moment. You thought you might burst as emotions filled you that you didn’t even know you could still feel. They had your back. All of them. And they wanted you here.
‘Can they come, but stay in the car? I don’t know if he’ll be there, but I don’t wanna cause a scene unless he tries anything.’
John said something that sounded like ‘he won’t even be able to try’, but you didn’t catch the full thing. Bucky jumped in before anyone else could say anything. ‘That sounds good. Are you ok if I come in with you, in case he’s already there?’ You nodded your head. Yes. You wanted Bucky everywhere. Anywhere and everywhere. You felt safe with him. You trusted him.
From there, you let the team talk logistics that washed over you. You recognised the sounds, but knew you could trust them to plan. You just needed to think through what you needed. It wasn’t a lot. The rest of the team went to prep their gear - minimal, Bucky instructed - while Sam stayed with you, a quiet comfort, while you made a list. A few photos. Some clothes, but not many - they held too many memories. Some toiletries. The music from your mum. It would be quick. In and out. Then you would be free.
Sam’s voice drew you from your thoughts. ‘If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can come to me. Or if you want it to be someone else, I can find you someone. Just let me know.’
‘Thanks, Sammy,’ you replied, hugging him. You were the only person in the world other than his nephews, he let call him that.
‘Of course. I just - whatever you need, just let me know.’
‘Can we have a movie night tonight? Like we used to? With popcorn and chocolate?’
Sam’s rumbling laugh vibrated against your chest, ‘one film night coming up.’
A few quiet moments of comfort later, the team had all returned to the sofa area. They all looked more or less unarmed, and you decided not to probe. You trusted them to listen to Bucky for this. To follow your lead. To give what you needed, not more. No guns blazing. No wild punch-ups.
Bucky was the last to enter, standing in front of you on the couch. He offered you a hand. ‘You ready doll?’ You took his hand, drawing in a deep breath, before standing, saying ‘yes’ as you did.
The ride to your apartment was quiet. You, Bucky, Yelena and Sam were in one car, Alexi, John, Ava and Bob in one following close behind. Someone had turned the radio on, and you were thankful for the quiet, meaningless noise floating around you that stopped you thinking too hard about what you were about to do.
You knew you were close as the streets Bucky drove through led you to what was once your home. But not anymore. Bucky pulled up outside your apartment building, softly letting you know there was ‘no rush’. That they would stay there as long as you needed, in the safety of the car. And if you realised you weren’t up for it today? They could always come back tomorrow.
A minute passed. Then five. You took a deep breath, trying to calm the thoughts whirring like a hurricane in your brain. His car wasn't in its usual spot, so he probably wasn’t in. You just wanted it done with. So with another deep breath, you clenched your jaw and turned to Bucky. ‘I’m ready.’
With shaky hands, you opened your car door, sending a grateful smile to the team in the back seat and the car behind you. Bucky came to stand next to you, his hand coming to rest on the small of your back, giving you comfort and support in one. You let him guide you through the lobby and into the elevator. As the doors closed and the elevator started to rise, he spoke softly: ‘You’re safe. I promise. I know how hard this is. You’re doing so, so well.’
The elevator doors opened slowly, letting you and Bucky step out onto your floor. Bucky led the way to your door, never rushing you, but helping you along, knowing that you needed support through this. When you lifted the key out of your pocket, your hands shook. Without a word, Bucky’s larger hand closed around yours, helping you steady yourself as you put the key into the lock. Before you turned it, he whispered, ‘let me go in first, make sure it’s safe.’ You nodded in response.
The door creaked open, revealing your front room. It had been destroyed. The coffee table was on its side with a leg broken off, lamps were shattered, books thrown across the floor, and, of course, bottles of beer scattered across the rug. But the lights were off. You let out a shaky sigh of relief at that. Still, you let Bucky go in first, waiting for him in the corridor as your heart nearly pulsed out of your chest.
You jumped a little as Bucky reappeared in front of you. ‘It’s all clear, doll. You wanna come in? It’s not too late to change your mind.’
You gave Bucky a sad smile. ‘It’s okay. I knew something like this would happen when I didn’t text him or come home last night.’ Still, it hurt your heart to see the life you’d made scattered across the room in front of you. He’d done this before. But every other time, it’d been you having to put it back together again. But not this time. You didn’t have to cover for him anymore. Never had to clean up his mess ever again.
You walked through the space like a ghost, as though you weren’t really there, Bucky following you close behind, protective and reassuring every step of the way. You walked into your bedroom and pulled a bag out of the closet, filling it methodically, grabbing only the essentials while Bucky stayed by the door, giving you some privacy and keeping watch over you.
A door slammed. Glass shattered. Shit.
‘Where the fuck are you?!’
Your entire body tensed, your knuckled turning white around the strap of the bag you were holding. Your head snapped to Bucky, panic rising in you, breaths shortening and turning into gasps of fear. He looked straight back at you. Your hands were shaking. Your feet wouldn’t move. He was here. He was here, and he was going to hurt you. You were never going to get away. Never going to be safe.
‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You fucking slut, bringing your boytoy here.’ Mark spat at you, sending violent gestures your way, ‘Bet you already got on your knees for him. Let him use you like the pathetic bitch you are.’
In the space of a second, Bucky had put his body between you and Mark, who, red-faced and fists clenched, now stood in the doorway to the bedroom. He held the broken top of a glass bottle, sharp and deadly, clenched in his fist.
Bucky’s voice cut through the room, jaw and fist clenched, low and deadly. ‘You’re not going to take one more step towards her.’
‘Oh yeah? Or what, you stupid, soviet mass-murderer? What the fuck are you gonna do about it? You’re just mad that you don’t get your favourite fuck toy-’
Mark’s tirade was cut off with a strangling, choking sound. Bucky had crossed the room in a single stride. You hadn’t even seen him move. But Mark’s feet were dangling in the air, two feet above the ground, and Bucky had his throat clenched in his metal hand, Mark's body pinned between Bucky and the wall behind him. The glass bottle shattered into tiny shards as Mark dropped it, clawing at the hand around his neck.
‘You will never,’ Bucky growled out, ‘never speak about her like that again.’
Bucky dropped him to the ground, barely giving him a second to breathe before his fist collided with Mark’s face, making a sick cracking sound as he broke Mark’s nose, blood flowing as he collapsed to the ground.
‘You will never look at her again. You will never even think about her again, or I swear to god, I will find you. And I will kill you.’
‘How dare you think you can lay a hand on her? How dare you hurt her? The only reason I’m not killing you here and now is because of her. Because I know that, no matter how much of a pathetic, worthless human being you are, and how much you deserve it, it would hurt her to see. Because she is good. She is so god damn good, and she is too good for you.’
Bucky muddled his fist into the front of Mark’s shirt, pulling his limp, flailing body up to him, speaking low enough that only Mark could hear what he was saying. ‘But if I hear that you’ve even breathed near her, or that you’ve hurt anyone else, I won’t be so kind.’
Bucky threw him to the ground, ignoring the grunt of pain that left Mark’s lips as he did so. He left the man curled in on himself, looking every bit like the pathetic piece of shit he was.
But then he turned to you, and every single part of him softened. His eyes which had been hardened with hatred, melted into pure love and concern. Your eyes were fixed on where Mark was lying on the floor. Your hands were still shaking. You’d all but stopped breathing. Bucky moved towards you slowly, careful not to spook you, ducking his head into your eyeline with the softest, most caring blue eyes you’d ever seen. His hand gently found its place on your cheek, moving your face to look him in the eye. A single tear fell down your face.
‘You’re okay, Doll. He can't hurt you now. He’s never going to hurt you ever again. But it’s about time we leave, okay? Do you think you can walk?’
You nodded numbly to Bucky, letting his other hand come to your face, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead, before whispering, ‘I’m so, so sorry you had to see that.’
‘It’s okay,’ you whispered out, looking into his blue eyes, asking ‘Can we go?’
‘Of course we can, darling.’ Without another word, Bucky took your bag over his arm, wrapping the other around your still-shaking form, his hand on your lower back slowly guiding you out of the room. He kept talking to you the whole way out of the apartment. Kept whispering praise into your hair, promising you that you were safe now, telling you how well you’d done, that you never had to see that man ever again.
You barely remembered the journey out of the building. The team stood outside, weapons drawn, just waiting for the signal from Bucky after they’d seen Mark appear. The drive back to the compound was a blur. No one said a word. But you felt Yelena’s hand softly squeeze your shoulder as she got out of the car, leaving only you and Bucky behind. You sat for a while, just staring numbly out of the front window of the car, until Bucky’s voice, thick and heavy with guilt, broke through the fog in your mind.
‘I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have seen that. If you want to stay with Yelena, or Ava, or get a hotel, if you need some time away from me, I get it.’
Your head snapped up to face Bucky in shock, a frown pulling at your eyebrows.
‘Bucky, you saved me. If you hadn’t been there, he- I…’ you trailed off, not wanting to admit just how badly it could have gone. You would have been bleeding for sure. You probably would have been dead. Bucky Barnes had just saved your life, and he was beating himself up over it.
Slowly, your hand found his, perched on the gear stick, clenched so tightly his knuckles were white. They softened under your touch as you squeezed his hand, telling him, ‘There is no one, James, no one, that I feel safer with than you.’ He turned to look at you, surprise colouring his own expression, only to be met with complete honesty in yours. You squeezed his hand again. ‘Let’s go inside, yeah?’
‘Yeah, Doll, let’s.’
As you and Bucky entered the common room, your breath was taken away. Everyone else had thrown on sweats, made a mountain of blankets, put soft lighting on, and fired up the TV. Popcorn was being thrown by Sam at John while he made some stupid joke. Yelena walked over and handed you a glass of wine. Ava called you over to pick a movie. Alexi was getting comfy on a beanbag while Bob brought through chocolate and sweets.
Everyone was there. A small, silent part of you had dreaded the idea of your first night alone. But Sam had listened to the small thing you asked for. And here it was. A film night. Everyone, buried under soft fabrics and lit by the glow of a TV screen, together. No room for panic or noise in your head. Only comfort and safety. Bucky stepped to face you, offering you his hand. He whispered quietly to you, ‘only if you want to.’ Letting you know you had a choice. That if you needed to run and hide, you could.
But you didn’t want to. Your days of hiding in misery, sorrow and pain were done. You had a family now, one that was welcoming you back with open arms. You were safe. You were loved. You were seen for all of the small things that made you whole, that made you happy. And your family, Bucky was there to give you it all.
You slipped your hand into his, smiling up at him as he led you to a spot on the sofa, reserved for the pair of you. He wrapped you in a blanket, passed to popcorn and snacks, and held you tight against his side. His fingers carded through your hair, careful of the now nearly faded bruise in your hairline.
The film in front of you was playing, everyone else enraptured, when you realised Bucky wasn’t looking at the screen, but at you. You turned to him, whispering a ‘thank you’ that held so much in it. You rested your head on his shoulder as you carried on watching.
‘Always, Doll. I got you always. For everything. The big things and the small things. I got you.’
taglist: @happygalaxymilkshake @honeywithemoney @siorcguardian @energerstar @sinistersnakey @avatarofthetimelords Legends i cannot tell me how much it means that you enjoyed part 1 enough to be tagged for p2 !! Sending you all so so much love
Summary: You thought you could survive it. Endure the bruises, the fear, the silence. But now Bucky knows and is ready to tear the world apart to keep you safe. The fight isn’t over, not when the past still knows your name, but with the Avengers at your back and Bucky’s hand in yours, maybe this time you won’t have to fight alone.
Bucky Barnes had been sat still long enough that his back ached and his eyes were sore. But he barely noticed it. The silent vigil he kept over your sleeping form wasn’t stopping anytime soon. He followed the slow rise and fall of your chest like it was a prayer. Watched your eyes flutter in your sleep like it was a hymn. Sleeplessness was nothing new to Bucky, but watching over you, guarding you, so that you could have just one safe night's sleep? That was something he’d hoped he would never have to do for you. That you’d never experience something that meant he’d need to do this.
But you needed him. So he’d be damned if he went anywhere else.
He may have been sat silently, but inside, his world was unravelling. There’s no way to describe the rage and anguish that was tearing through Bucky. He replayed every moment. Every single time he’d been in a room with Mark, the first time you’d introduced him, begging Bucky to ‘give him a chance’, the dinners, the films he left early.
Where were the signs? What had he missed? How had he let this happen? How had he let this happen to you? The first person to make him feel normal. To make him feel alive. To make him feel whole. He’d let someone tear you down. Put their hands on you. Hurt you. He’d missed the small things that told him what was happening. The pulling away. The skipped nights out. You’d been forced to pull away from him. And he’d just let you.
He wanted to cry, wrap you in his arms, break things, and kill Mark all at once. But his priority was you. It would always be you from now on. Never. He was never going to forgive himself for this. And he was never going to let Mark lay a single hand on you ever again.
Bucky was pulled from his self-interrogation by the sound of a whimper. His head snapped immediately to your sleeping form. The sight nearly broke him. The panic and fear on your face, the way your body shifted in your sleep, hiding away from some invisible but remembered source of pain. Slurred, mumbled words fell from your lips. ‘No, please, please, not again. I promise it won't - AH!’ It was the cry of pain and the sight of a tear falling from your closed eyes that spurred Bucky into action.
He practically flew out of the chair he’d been sitting on, to be next to your sleeping form on the bed. He crouched at your side, and started calling to you. ‘You’re safe. You’re not there. Come back to me.’
You woke as another cry of pain left your body, sitting up immediately, every muscle in you tensed and ready to run, to hide, from wherever the pain was coming from. You scrambled backwards, up the bed, head hitting hard into the headboard behind you. Your eyes darted wildly around the room, looking for him. For Mark.
‘Please, no, no, no.’
Your disoriented cries broke Bucky’s heart. He kept his words coming, tone soft, body calm, hands held up, trying to make himself look as least threatening as possible until you recognised where you are.
‘No one’s going to hurt you. It’s me, it’s Bucky.’ He did everything he could to keep his tone level and calm, slowly coaxing your terrified mind back into reality, rather than the hellscape it had been trapped in. ‘You’re in my room at the compound. You’re safe here. You’re okay. No one’s going to hurt you. I’m gonna keep you safe.’
That got through to you. Your eyes stopped scanning the room for threats and settled on the man in front of you. Bucky. You swallowed roughly, taking a deeper breath. Your head tilted slightly as, finally, you recognised him, recognised the room you were in. All at once, the tension in your body drained away as you melted into the bedding around you. Your breathing was still a little quick as Bucky, slowly, so you knew he wasn’t going to reach for you, moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He locked eyes with you, giving you a gentle nod, which you returned.
‘There she is,’ he whispered out, offering you his hand, which you timidly accepted, shuffling over to him. Bucky let you lead the movement, slowly reaching him as you collapsed into a hug, your forehead resting on his chest as he wrapped his arms around you in a silent promise of safety.
‘I’m sorry,’ you mumbled out. Bucky’s hand came, slowly, to rest under your chin, pulling your face up to look at his.
‘Never be. Not with me.’ You nodded into his chest in response. You stayed like that for quite a while, letting your shot nervous system recognise the safety it was in. That you were safe.
And with Bucky, you knew you were. But as the sun began to stream in through the cracks in his drawn curtains, reality wormed its way into your brain. Bucky knew. He wasn’t going to make you go back. Hell, he wouldn’t let you even if you wanted to. But where the hell did you go now? Before you could vocalise even the beginnings of your thoughts, Bucky noticed the storm whirring around in your brain.
‘Why don’t we go get some coffee?’ He asked softly. You forced a small smile onto your lips, nodding. He wants you out. You’re not surprised. You’re a hot mess who can’t even protect herself, and now you crashed in his bed and woke him up with a stupid nightmare. Of course he wanted you to leave. Your brain moved at a million miles an hour: ‘I can go make it. Why don’t you get into bed and sleep a bit, I can’t imagine how tired you must be. Give me like 5 minutes and I’ll be out of your-’
‘Woah, breathe, doll, breathe. I’m not tired. You don’t gotta make me coffee. And you sure as hell ain’t going anywhere.’ He spoke to you with the softness you would an injured kitten, trying with his words to promise you that you weren’t a burden, that you weren’t some inconvenience. ‘Let’s both go get some coffee, yeah?’
You let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding, as the sudden wave of anxiety that had crashed into you passed. You nodded, ‘O-okay.’
Bucky rose slowly, offering you his hand and helping you to your feet. The pair of you moved in silence to the kitchen, but your hands couldn’t help but fidget with the sleeves of Bucky’s oversized jumper from nerves. Bucky noticed. Of course he did. He slowly wrapped one of his arms around you, pulling you closer into his side, another promise that he wasn’t going anywhere. That you weren’t either.
You settled at one of the stools under the marble counter while Bucky moved with practised ease around the kitchen, checking you still took your coffee the same way as he pressed a few buttons on the coffee machine and it whirred to life, pouring you a cup. He repeated the actions before coming to sit next to you, pressing your favourite mug into your hands, warm and smelling of comfort. You took a sip and sighed softly, basking in the brief comfort and stillness of the moment. The sunlight, coffee and Bucky. It had once been such a common occurrence in your life, but now felt like a treasured, special moment, to be grasped with both hands and never let go. But there was a reason you were here, and you couldn’t ignore the truth forever.
‘What am I gonna do, Bucky?’ You asked, looking up at him and brushing some hair behind your ear. You didn’t understand why Bucky looked so sad in response.
‘You’re not gonna do anything, Doll.’ Your heart sank into your stomach, but before you could say anything, Bucky carried on. ‘We are gonna sort this out. However you want. We can get your stuff and you can crash here or anywhere else as long as you need to. Or I can go get it on my own. I get it if you never wanna go back there. I can get you a hotel room if you don’t wanna explain to the team why you’re here. Or we can come up with a cover story. Whatever you want. But you have a home here as long as you want it. And I’ll do anything you want, but we’re getting you out, and I’m gonna make sure you never have to deal with that piece of shit ever again.’
You sat for a moment, letting Bucky’s words sink in. He wasn’t going to send you away. He was giving you an out. Not only an out. He was giving you a new life, safe, and away from the pain of a life with Mark. You felt the tears welling up, and did nothing to stop them falling as you nodded, a soft smile on your lips, a smile of relief and heartbreak all in one.
‘That,’ your voice wobbled as you spoke, ‘that sounds good. I think - I think I wanna come with you to get my stuff. I think I need to be there, to do it myself. And I think I need to do it today? Before I lose my nerve’
‘Of course, doll. I’ll be there to make sure nothing happens to you.’
‘What do we do if he’s there?’
‘I’ll take care of it.’
Bucky’s answer was so simple, so decisive. You could only trust him. The thought of having to see Mark again terrified you. How would he react? What he would say? But you could see the promise in Bucky’s eyes. He would keep you safe, you knew it. He carried on, ‘How do you feel about me letting the team know what’s going on while you get ready? I can tell them as much or as little as you want.’
‘You can tell them. I just,’ you broke off, colour rising to your cheeks, ‘I just won’t want them looking at me like I’m weak.’
Bucky’s hand rested on your cheek as he looked at you, his eyes promising he spoke only the truth as he said, ‘You’re not weak. Hell, you’re the strongest person I know. You’ve been through hell alone. But we’re here now. Let us help.’
‘Okay. That, that sounds okay.’ You finished your coffee, heading back to Bucky’s room to get showered and changed, while FRIDAY called the rest of the New Avengers and Sam to the kitchen. You didn’t want the sad looks, the pity. But you wanted the support. God, you needed it. And letting Bucky tell them made it feel slightly easier as an idea.
So you stepped into the steaming hot water, letting it run over the bruises on your body, easing the dull ache as the scent of vanilla filled the air. You finally let the tears of relief pour through you with abandon. This was different to the tears last night. They were ones of grief, of mourning. But these? These meant hope. They meant you were getting out. So you let yourself feel the relief you’d been avoiding. Let yourself realise it was real.
Stepping back into Bucky’s room, hair washed and wrapped in the fluffiest towel, you pulled open his wardrobe, taking a soft t-shirt and a pair of joggers out of it, the same kind of outfit he would lend you when you used to spend the night. You grimaced at the sight of the bruises on your arms. But you weren’t ashamed of them anymore. The way Bucky had kissed them last night turned them into battle scars.
Without letting yourself think twice, you pulled the door open and walked back to the kitchen, stopping in the doorway and taking in the sight, the tension in the air, the team sat on the sofas, looking at Bucky. Ava had a tear running down her cheek. Sam looked stoic, composed, but you knew him well enough to recognise the rage behind his eyes. Alexi was pacing, Yelena sharpening a knife, John saying something about tactics. With a deep breath, you walked into the room fully, drawing their attention to you.
The next second, Alexi had engulfed your form in the gentlest hug he had ever given in his life. ‘You are warrior, little scientist,’ he said, voice soft and low, meant only for your ears, ‘Let us fight alongside you now.’ You nodded up at the giant of a man with a tender smile, one that told them of your nerves, your fear, but also your relief and your trust.
The rest of the team had stood now, not rushing to crowd you, but making space for you, letting you know that if you wanted them, they were there. You walked over to them, filling a space between Yelena and Sam on the sofa as the rest of the team sat with you. Without a word, Sam pulled you into his side in a hug, while Yelena whispered lowly, ‘You have us now. We will keep you safe. Whatever you need, we’re here.’
You squeezed her hand in response before Bucky cleared his throat, drawing your attention to him. ‘They’ve all offered to come, Doll. However you want them, in the car, in the apartment. Or they can stay here. It’s up to you.’ There’s no adequate way to describe the fullness of your heart in that moment. You thought you might burst as emotions filled you that you didn’t even know you could still feel. They had your back. All of them. And they wanted you here.
‘Can they come, but stay in the car? I don’t know if he’ll be there, but I don’t wanna cause a scene unless he tries anything.’
John said something that sounded like ‘he won’t even be able to try’, but you didn’t catch the full thing. Bucky jumped in before anyone else could say anything. ‘That sounds good. Are you ok if I come in with you, in case he’s already there?’ You nodded your head. Yes. You wanted Bucky everywhere. Anywhere and everywhere. You felt safe with him. You trusted him.
From there, you let the team talk logistics that washed over you. You recognised the sounds, but knew you could trust them to plan. You just needed to think through what you needed. It wasn’t a lot. The rest of the team went to prep their gear - minimal, Bucky instructed - while Sam stayed with you, a quiet comfort, while you made a list. A few photos. Some clothes, but not many - they held too many memories. Some toiletries. The music from your mum. It would be quick. In and out. Then you would be free.
Sam’s voice drew you from your thoughts. ‘If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can come to me. Or if you want it to be someone else, I can find you someone. Just let me know.’
‘Thanks, Sammy,’ you replied, hugging him. You were the only person in the world other than his nephews, he let call him that.
‘Of course. I just - whatever you need, just let me know.’
‘Can we have a movie night tonight? Like we used to? With popcorn and chocolate?’
Sam’s rumbling laugh vibrated against your chest, ‘one film night coming up.’
A few quiet moments of comfort later, the team had all returned to the sofa area. They all looked more or less unarmed, and you decided not to probe. You trusted them to listen to Bucky for this. To follow your lead. To give what you needed, not more. No guns blazing. No wild punch-ups.
Bucky was the last to enter, standing in front of you on the couch. He offered you a hand. ‘You ready doll?’ You took his hand, drawing in a deep breath, before standing, saying ‘yes’ as you did.
The ride to your apartment was quiet. You, Bucky, Yelena and Sam were in one car, Alexi, John, Ava and Bob in one following close behind. Someone had turned the radio on, and you were thankful for the quiet, meaningless noise floating around you that stopped you thinking too hard about what you were about to do.
You knew you were close as the streets Bucky drove through led you to what was once your home. But not anymore. Bucky pulled up outside your apartment building, softly letting you know there was ‘no rush’. That they would stay there as long as you needed, in the safety of the car. And if you realised you weren’t up for it today? They could always come back tomorrow.
A minute passed. Then five. You took a deep breath, trying to calm the thoughts whirring like a hurricane in your brain. His car wasn't in its usual spot, so he probably wasn’t in. You just wanted it done with. So with another deep breath, you clenched your jaw and turned to Bucky. ‘I’m ready.’
With shaky hands, you opened your car door, sending a grateful smile to the team in the back seat and the car behind you. Bucky came to stand next to you, his hand coming to rest on the small of your back, giving you comfort and support in one. You let him guide you through the lobby and into the elevator. As the doors closed and the elevator started to rise, he spoke softly: ‘You’re safe. I promise. I know how hard this is. You’re doing so, so well.’
The elevator doors opened slowly, letting you and Bucky step out onto your floor. Bucky led the way to your door, never rushing you, but helping you along, knowing that you needed support through this. When you lifted the key out of your pocket, your hands shook. Without a word, Bucky’s larger hand closed around yours, helping you steady yourself as you put the key into the lock. Before you turned it, he whispered, ‘let me go in first, make sure it’s safe.’ You nodded in response.
The door creaked open, revealing your front room. It had been destroyed. The coffee table was on its side with a leg broken off, lamps were shattered, books thrown across the floor, and, of course, bottles of beer scattered across the rug. But the lights were off. You let out a shaky sigh of relief at that. Still, you let Bucky go in first, waiting for him in the corridor as your heart nearly pulsed out of your chest.
You jumped a little as Bucky reappeared in front of you. ‘It’s all clear, doll. You wanna come in? It’s not too late to change your mind.’
You gave Bucky a sad smile. ‘It’s okay. I knew something like this would happen when I didn’t text him or come home last night.’ Still, it hurt your heart to see the life you’d made scattered across the room in front of you. He’d done this before. But every other time, it’d been you having to put it back together again. But not this time. You didn’t have to cover for him anymore. Never had to clean up his mess ever again.
You walked through the space like a ghost, as though you weren’t really there, Bucky following you close behind, protective and reassuring every step of the way. You walked into your bedroom and pulled a bag out of the closet, filling it methodically, grabbing only the essentials while Bucky stayed by the door, giving you some privacy and keeping watch over you.
A door slammed. Glass shattered. Shit.
‘Where the fuck are you?!’
Your entire body tensed, your knuckled turning white around the strap of the bag you were holding. Your head snapped to Bucky, panic rising in you, breaths shortening and turning into gasps of fear. He looked straight back at you. Your hands were shaking. Your feet wouldn’t move. He was here. He was here, and he was going to hurt you. You were never going to get away. Never going to be safe.
‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You fucking slut, bringing your boytoy here.’ Mark spat at you, sending violent gestures your way, ‘Bet you already got on your knees for him. Let him use you like the pathetic bitch you are.’
In the space of a second, Bucky had put his body between you and Mark, who, red-faced and fists clenched, now stood in the doorway to the bedroom. He held the broken top of a glass bottle, sharp and deadly, clenched in his fist.
Bucky’s voice cut through the room, jaw and fist clenched, low and deadly. ‘You’re not going to take one more step towards her.’
‘Oh yeah? Or what, you stupid, soviet mass-murderer? What the fuck are you gonna do about it? You’re just mad that you don’t get your favourite fuck toy-’
Mark’s tirade was cut off with a strangling, choking sound. Bucky had crossed the room in a single stride. You hadn’t even seen him move. But Mark’s feet were dangling in the air, two feet above the ground, and Bucky had his throat clenched in his metal hand, Mark's body pinned between Bucky and the wall behind him. The glass bottle shattered into tiny shards as Mark dropped it, clawing at the hand around his neck.
‘You will never,’ Bucky growled out, ‘never speak about her like that again.’
Bucky dropped him to the ground, barely giving him a second to breathe before his fist collided with Mark’s face, making a sick cracking sound as he broke Mark’s nose, blood flowing as he collapsed to the ground.
‘You will never look at her again. You will never even think about her again, or I swear to god, I will find you. And I will kill you.’
‘How dare you think you can lay a hand on her? How dare you hurt her? The only reason I’m not killing you here and now is because of her. Because I know that, no matter how much of a pathetic, worthless human being you are, and how much you deserve it, it would hurt her to see. Because she is good. She is so god damn good, and she is too good for you.’
Bucky muddled his fist into the front of Mark’s shirt, pulling his limp, flailing body up to him, speaking low enough that only Mark could hear what he was saying. ‘But if I hear that you’ve even breathed near her, or that you’ve hurt anyone else, I won’t be so kind.’
Bucky threw him to the ground, ignoring the grunt of pain that left Mark’s lips as he did so. He left the man curled in on himself, looking every bit like the pathetic piece of shit he was.
But then he turned to you, and every single part of him softened. His eyes which had been hardened with hatred, melted into pure love and concern. Your eyes were fixed on where Mark was lying on the floor. Your hands were still shaking. You’d all but stopped breathing. Bucky moved towards you slowly, careful not to spook you, ducking his head into your eyeline with the softest, most caring blue eyes you’d ever seen. His hand gently found its place on your cheek, moving your face to look him in the eye. A single tear fell down your face.
‘You’re okay, Doll. He can't hurt you now. He’s never going to hurt you ever again. But it’s about time we leave, okay? Do you think you can walk?’
You nodded numbly to Bucky, letting his other hand come to your face, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead, before whispering, ‘I’m so, so sorry you had to see that.’
‘It’s okay,’ you whispered out, looking into his blue eyes, asking ‘Can we go?’
‘Of course we can, darling.’ Without another word, Bucky took your bag over his arm, wrapping the other around your still-shaking form, his hand on your lower back slowly guiding you out of the room. He kept talking to you the whole way out of the apartment. Kept whispering praise into your hair, promising you that you were safe now, telling you how well you’d done, that you never had to see that man ever again.
You barely remembered the journey out of the building. The team stood outside, weapons drawn, just waiting for the signal from Bucky after they’d seen Mark appear. The drive back to the compound was a blur. No one said a word. But you felt Yelena’s hand softly squeeze your shoulder as she got out of the car, leaving only you and Bucky behind. You sat for a while, just staring numbly out of the front window of the car, until Bucky’s voice, thick and heavy with guilt, broke through the fog in your mind.
‘I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have seen that. If you want to stay with Yelena, or Ava, or get a hotel, if you need some time away from me, I get it.’
Your head snapped up to face Bucky in shock, a frown pulling at your eyebrows.
‘Bucky, you saved me. If you hadn’t been there, he- I…’ you trailed off, not wanting to admit just how badly it could have gone. You would have been bleeding for sure. You probably would have been dead. Bucky Barnes had just saved your life, and he was beating himself up over it.
Slowly, your hand found his, perched on the gear stick, clenched so tightly his knuckles were white. They softened under your touch as you squeezed his hand, telling him, ‘There is no one, James, no one, that I feel safer with than you.’ He turned to look at you, surprise colouring his own expression, only to be met with complete honesty in yours. You squeezed his hand again. ‘Let’s go inside, yeah?’
‘Yeah, Doll, let’s.’
As you and Bucky entered the common room, your breath was taken away. Everyone else had thrown on sweats, made a mountain of blankets, put soft lighting on, and fired up the TV. Popcorn was being thrown by Sam at John while he made some stupid joke. Yelena walked over and handed you a glass of wine. Ava called you over to pick a movie. Alexi was getting comfy on a beanbag while Bob brought through chocolate and sweets.
Everyone was there. A small, silent part of you had dreaded the idea of your first night alone. But Sam had listened to the small thing you asked for. And here it was. A film night. Everyone, buried under soft fabrics and lit by the glow of a TV screen, together. No room for panic or noise in your head. Only comfort and safety. Bucky stepped to face you, offering you his hand. He whispered quietly to you, ‘only if you want to.’ Letting you know you had a choice. That if you needed to run and hide, you could.
But you didn’t want to. Your days of hiding in misery, sorrow and pain were done. You had a family now, one that was welcoming you back with open arms. You were safe. You were loved. You were seen for all of the small things that made you whole, that made you happy. And your family, Bucky was there to give you it all.
You slipped your hand into his, smiling up at him as he led you to a spot on the sofa, reserved for the pair of you. He wrapped you in a blanket, passed to popcorn and snacks, and held you tight against his side. His fingers carded through your hair, careful of the now nearly faded bruise in your hairline.
The film in front of you was playing, everyone else enraptured, when you realised Bucky wasn’t looking at the screen, but at you. You turned to him, whispering a ‘thank you’ that held so much in it. You rested your head on his shoulder as you carried on watching.
‘Always, Doll. I got you always. For everything. The big things and the small things. I got you.’
taglist: @happygalaxymilkshake @honeywithemoney @siorcguardian @energerstar @sinistersnakey @avatarofthetimelords Legends i cannot tell me how much it means that you enjoyed part 1 enough to be tagged for p2 !! Sending you all so so much love
Summary: You kept the small things to yourself. But when those small things were bruises and pain left on your body by your boyfriend, they were never going to stay with you forever. During a lab visit, Bucky finally realises why the reader pulled away from him, and swears to keep her safe forever. - PART 2 Here x
TWs: Domestic abuse, detailed descriptions of bruises, injuries, and pain, verbal insults and controlling behavior, themes of isolation and manipulation
Everything was fine. Everything would keep being fine as long as no one asked any questions. Because if anyone asked you a question, something was going to break open inside you so wide, so broken, that you could never force close it again. So, coffee in hand, makeup checked and double checked, laptop in bag and shoulders squared, you walked into the compound.
You smiled and waved at Gary, calling out a soft ‘heya’ to the security guard who sat at the front desk daily, diligently checking everyone coming in and out of the labs. When you could, you remembered to bring him a coffee: for such a giant of a man, he loved an extra-sweet latte. He kept you all safe, or as safe as he could, and you thought he probably didn’t get enough recognition for it. He was as part of the brickwork of the place as much as any avenger or director alike. He kept the place going, and it was important to you to recognise every turning cog of a machine.
It was the small things that mattered. They could make someone’s day. They could blow your life wide open in a way that made it hard for you to sleep at night. Focus on the little things. Sleeves pulled down, top button done up. Hair down to cover the bruise, just skimming past the edge of your hairline. He usually paid more attention when he hit you. It was usually easier to hide.
Never mind; you’d just have to work a bit harder at hiding it until it faded.
You passed a few fellow scientists on your way through to your lab. Dr Sophie Rosen, who was working on improving the space tech Stark Tech had started and got bored of, caught up with you, and you made your way through the winding corridors together, catching up after the weekend. You were meant to meet her for drinks on Saturday night - a group from the lab had agreed to meet up. But Mark had made it clear you wouldn’t be going when he’d thrown you to the floor and slammed the door to your shared bedroom in your face, locking it behind him. He’d left a boot print on your back, bruises on your wrists, and a ringing in your head.
‘Anyway, I’m jabbering on. I wasn’t sure to expect you in today’ Sophie’s comment pulled you back into reality as you turned to look at her, confused. She looked back at you, an equally confused smile pulling at her lips, ‘your cold? Gone now?’ Oh. God, you were slow today. You’d told her you were sick to get out of drinks.
You brushed it off with a laugh, ‘Oh yeah, must have been one of those 48-hour things! All good now.’ The words rushed out of your mouth slightly too quickly, and slightly too dismissively, but Sophie didn’t clock it. Instead, she knocked into you gently, whispering in mock conspiracy, ‘Mark better have looked after you or I’ll send him up to space next instead of a test dummy.’
You laughed her comment off, the same way you did every time someone at work brought Mark up. Smile. Laugh. Brighten your eyes. Keep the small things hidden. Don’t think about the friends you’ve lost. The nights alone. The nights in agony.
You made up some story about ‘soup or something’ before being internally flooded with relief as your lab’s door came into view. You sped up slightly, rushing to get away from a conversation you didn’t know how long you could lie through. You told Sophie that you were close to a breakthrough and that you were gonna ‘crack on’. You hoped she took the startled gasp of pain you let out as she pulled you into a hug as one of surprise. She didn’t need to know your ribs were pulsing in sharp pain at the contact.
As the doors to your lab let off the gentle hiss that told you they were closing, you walked to your workbench, gingerly, letting the pull of your aching body envelop you for a second. You all but fell into your chair. Shut off inside your lab, you let yourself have a second to think of what happened on Saturday. A few seconds to process before getting on.
Mark had come in from his shift in a shit mood. You should’ve known better than texting him to say you were going out that night. Should have asked permission. Should have had his lunch ready when he came in. Should have woken up early to clean the apartment.
But you were tired. You were so tired, and you had been for a while. So, in the safety of an empty apartment, you’d let yourself rest, let the warm sunlight lull you into a false sense of security as you dozed.
But suddenly it was midday and the door slammed open. Suddenly, he was in the bedroom. Suddenly, he was on top of you. Suddenly, you hurt. Different parts of your body screaming at you in pain while he spat abuse down onto you. You’d tried to curl in on yourself. Begged him to stop, tears streaming down your face. It didn’t make a difference.
The slight sting of the cold metal workspace in front of you pulled you back to the lab as your forearms rested on it, your head cradled in your hands. You’d loved him. He’d loved you. He still did. Or at least, he told you he did. What was worse, you knew a part of you still loved him. It hurt to stay, but what if it hurt worse to leave? How could you even leave now? Where would you start?
Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
In. Out.
You pushed the thoughts from your mind as you picked up an AJ and your souldering iron and got to work. What better distraction could there be than finishing your upgrades to the arm in front of you?
About five years ago, you’d finished your degree and stepped into the world of the Avengers. Or, more accurately, you’d been brought in. The tech you’d made for one of your final projects had caught the eye of Fury; the next thing you knew, you were sat in SHIELD HQ being given some equipment and designs, and told to ‘have fun’. By the end of the day, you’d signed a contract.
Like every other SHIELD agent, you’d had to complete basic training to become a fully qualified agent, basic self-defence, weaponry and combat. It was how you’d met Tasha. She was training your group one day, and while you were sparring, she used a Widow Bite on you. Once you’d recovered, you’d asked her if you could hold on to it. When you brought it back a week later with five improvements and a more compact design, she got you relocated to the compound.
You missed her fiercely. She’d been like a big sister to you, so when you’d come back from the blip to find her and Tony gone, something in you withered. Back then? They would’ve noticed the small things. They all would have. Nat, Tony, Steve, Sam…Bucky. They would’ve seen the way the fire in your eyes had turned to smoke. They would’ve seen the long sleeves in summer, the high necks. The black eyes hidden under bad makeup.
They would’ve gotten you away from Mark before you even realised what he was doing was wrong. But most of them were gone now. Mark had pulled you away from the rest. And you were trapped with him. Someone with basic fucking shield training couldn’t even defend herself. Pathetic.
So, you kept your distance from the rest of the team that came back from the blip. You clocked in. You clocked out. You did good work, and you went home. You pulled away from everyone. No more training days. No Avenger and Co get aways. No film nights.
You smiled softly at the project in front of you, the upgraded arm for Bucky. You remembered how he’d told you late one night that the weight of the metal pulled at his shoulder uncomfortably. A small thing, he’d said, barely mentioned in passing, but something that you’d remembered. And one that you’d, hopefully, just fixed. A gesture. A way to remind him you were still there. To keep him in your life when Mark had cut him out of every other part. You pulled up a holo-screen, sending Bucky a quick message: Upgrade’s ready when you are! :)
You knew he’d come pretty quickly; he always did when you called, but you kept yourself busy anyway. Less time to think that way. Yelena had said something about her batons feeling ‘clunky’ - you could help fix that. The problem was, you got a bit carried away. So carried away, with your ear defenders on and angle grinder going, that you didn’t hear Bucky come in. Didn’t notice him until a hand landed on your shoulder.
You couldn’t stop yourself from flinching, no matter how much you wished you had. You shrank into yourself, expecting a blow that, of course, would never come. You turned around as fast as the disk on the grinder spun, to find Bucky, stepped slightly back, wide-eyed and hands held up as if he was looking at a startled deer, not a woman with a tool that could be lethal. Your finger left the trigger, your heart hammering in your chest at a thousand beats a minute as adrenaline burned through your body and every muscle clenched out of fearful memory. ‘Fuck’ you breathed out, panic coursing through you. The second the tool spun down, you placed it on the counter, yanking off your gloves and ear defenders; ‘Oh my god, Bucky I am so so sorry! I didn’t hear you come in.’
Bucky hadn’t stepped any closer. His hands were still up, but his brow had furrowed slightly, his eyes flickering up and down your body, before catching on the purple, hand-shaped bruise, encasing your wrist where you’d just pulled your glove off. Your eyes followed his own.
You couldn’t help but gasp a little as you saw it, turning away from him and immediately pulling your sleeve back down. No. No no no no no. Not now. He couldn’t see now. Not after everything. Not after you’d survived so long like this. Bucky’s voice came slightly gruff from across the room as he tried to force some lightness into his tone, ’It’s okay Doll - you alright? Thought you were gonna get me for a sec there.’
Your heart was still running at a million miles an hour, but you let out a slightly breathless laugh as you turned back around to him. There was something sad in his eyes. It was only small. Barely noticeable. But you liked the small things. You saw the small things. The way his frown crinkled the skin between his eyebrows, how his eyes seemed to get darker when he was upset. And Bucky was sad. Sad, and maybe angry. But he didn’t say anything, didn’t push. He kept a false, gentle smile going your way. Kept his voice soft and his tone light. He was trying to make sure he didn’t spook you.
‘Nah, gramps. I think it’d take more than me and an angle grinder to take you down,’ you laugh out, picking Bucky’s new arm up and crossing the lab space towards him.
‘I don’t know. I reckon you got some rage hidden in there.’
‘Hah, if you say so, old man.’ You were standing just across from him now. ‘You okay if I attach it the first time?’ Bucky nodded at you, ‘Sure thing, genius,’ you could feel his eyes flickering over your form again, searching for something as the hem of your t-shirt rose up without you realising, Bucky’s eyes immediately honing in on another bruise. But he didn’t say anything. He added it to the mental catalogue. He’d taken your disapperance the hardest, never knowing why. Except now, now he was finding out, and he hated the answer. ‘Remind me what upgrade this one is?’ You’d just finished attaching the new arm as he asked, so instead of replying, you told him to ‘give it a go, soldier, you tell me.’
Bucky quirked his eyebrows at you, a cheeky grin pulling at his lips, as if saying if you say so. You weren’t talking. Either you didn’t realise he’d blocked a bruise on your wrist that was filling him with rage, or you were hiding it. So he played along. He curled his fingers into a fist before swinging the arm in a full circle, the machinery now barely making a sound at the action. A surprised look came onto Bucky’s face as he brought his arm up backwards and slowly moved his arm in a back-and-forth motion a few times. ‘It’s not pulling,’ Bucky almost whispered in disbelief, before locking eyes with you, his features softening in gratitude, ‘you remembered.’ You smiled and nodded your head slightly, ‘you said it was hurting, I wanted to stop it.’
Before you knew it, Bucky had closed the distance between you, pulling you into the gentlest hug, but you couldn’t help but flinch again. Bucky felt every single muscle in your body tense, but he held you close, not letting you, but pulling you closer, letting your body realise it was safe, letting it relax into the hug. The contact put pressure on your ribs. It was worth it. Above you, Bucky simply whispered a ‘thank you,’ into your hair.
The pair of you stayed like that for a while, bodies pressed against each other, pulling comfort from the other. It was nice.
You’d been so close once. Bucky was your person. Your best friend. Your safe place. You were one of the first people he was introduced to. The pair of you had bonded over 40’s music and good food. Movie nights happened weekly, and you’d stayed over in his room more than once after falling asleep mid-movie. Bucky always took the couch when you did. But Mark started making comments about the men you always seemed to hang out with. Then the comments turned into punishments. So you’d pulled away from the team. From Bucky.
But you missed them. Missed him. Missed his messy hair in the mornings and the way his hoodies smelt of home. Missed how you felt safe with him. Eventually, you pulled away from each other.
‘What are you doing tonight, Doll? We’re gonna have a movie night if you want to join us?’ Your heart broke a little knowing you had to say no. Everything in you wanted to say yes, to hide away with the team and never come back. But you couldn’t. Not with how Mark had been recently. Staying would only mean more bruises. More pain. You couldn’t cope with it.
‘I’d love to Bucky, but I can’t, Mark wants me home tonight.’ You didn’t miss how Bucky’s jaw clenched at Mark’s name.
‘But what do you want?’
You tried to laugh it off, ‘Come on Buck, it’s a Monday night.’
You tried to pull away. Bucky wasn’t having it. He fixed his gaze on you, immovable and hard. Before you knew what was happening, Bucky had your wrists gently held in his, pulling you over to the couch that sat in the corner of your lab. He sat you down before letting go of your hands and kneeling in front of you. You couldn’t look at him. His hand came up to your cheek, softly guiding your face so that you were looking him in his steel blue eyes.
‘I miss you.’
He said it so simply, so matter-of-fact. It hit you in the gut like a bullet. You were frozen in time. Your brain was running at a million miles an hour, but you couldn’t make sense of any of it. You drew in a sharp breath as Bucky’s hands gently closed around your right wrist, and his voice, soft as sunrise, said ‘I miss you. And you’ve been pulling away from us. And now, I think I know why.’ He turned your palm upwards, cradling it in his hand, before shifting to sit next to you on the couch. You couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t do anything about the rising panic storming inside you. About the fear. The shame. The embarrassment. You couldn’t move when Bucky’s hands slowly pulled your sleeve up, revealing those small things you’d worked so hard to hide.
Ugly, purple and black bruises, fading green ones with a sickly colour, and scars.
‘I’m going to kill him.’
Bucky’s eyes, filled with anguish, took in the bruises, cuts and burns as he drew in a shaky, stuttering breath, his thumb gingerly tracing over the marks. He didn’t yell it. Didn’t shout. Didn’t rage. He said it like it was a fact.
You’d been hurt. He was going to make sure it didn’t happen again.
You were crying. From nothing but the sheer gentleness that Bucky held you with. You hadn’t been touched, held, gently, like something precious, for so long. From the fact that he looked so sad that someone would ever hurt you. A stray tear turned into two, into a litany of sobs that were racking your body.
At some point, Bucky simply curled his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. He held you close, held you tight, a promise that he wasn’t going to let go. A dam had opened, and water was flooding through. All the misery. All the sorrow and hurt of the last year, hitting you at once.
Finally, you let it break you. You stayed in Bucky’s arms, protected from the rest of the world so long as he held you. And through each wave, each sob, each cry, he whispered comfort to you. Promises that ‘I got you now’, encouraging you to ‘let it out’, swearing that ‘you’re safe.’
Eventually, your cries wore out. You weren’t done crying. You weren’t gonna be for a long time. But for now, you’d tired yourself out. You pulled away from Bucky. He wouldn’t push. You knew he wouldn’t. But there was no going back now. Something in you had finally admitted the nightmare that your life had become, and you needed to tell him. Voice wobbling, breath shaking, you started talking.
‘He didn’t used to-’ you paused, swallowing, steeling yourself as you looked into Buckys eyes and saw no judgement, only comfort and sorrow, ‘He didn’t use to hit me. I swear he didn’t. It started last year, when he got his new job after the Blip. Money was tight, and things were tense. We’d been arguing, and I said I was gonna stay the night here. It-‘ you broke off, looking away from Bucky. ‘It was the first time he hit me. Said the only reason you guys liked me was because you were probably passing me around like some fuck toy. It started that night and-‘ You could hear the groan of Bucky’s arm as his fist clenched, ‘and he hasn’t really stopped since.’
‘I wanted to come to you. I swear I did. But we’d just lost Nat and Tony and I…’ You looked away from Bucky, blush colouring your cheeks in shame, ‘I didn’t know how. It all happened so quickly, I couldn’t get out, couldn’t admit what he’d done. I’m sorry’
‘Dont,’ Bucky’s voice broke in, hoarse, sad and deadly, ‘don’t ever apologise for what he’s done to you. Don’t you ever feel embarrassed about this. We should have seen that something was wrong. I should have.’ Suddenly, Bucky was kneeling in front of you again, looing up at you like it was a prayer, ‘I am so, so sorry I wasn’t there before. But I am now. Please let me help you, Doll.’
You couldn’t speak, couldn’t say it. The pressure in your throat was too much to battle against. But you nodded. It was timid. It was scared. But it was there. He’d offered to help. You’d accepted.
He knelt up in front of you, pulling your body into another gentle hug. ‘I got ya. I’m gonna look after you now. I promise.’ He stood gently, helping you stand on shaky legs and wrapping you into his side.
As you stepped out of the lab, you could feel eyes on you, your colleagues, on their lunch breaks, chatting, watching you be all but carried by Bucky Barnes into the personal quarters of the compound. But above you, Bucky was on high alert. Someone’s eyes locked onto you? He stared them down in seconds, making sure that not only would they look away, they’d never mention it ever again. He would protect you. Not only from Mark. From everyone. From the rumours. From the whispers. From the world.
Before you knew it, you were sitting on Bucky’s bed. Gentle hands passed you a pair of joggers and one of his hoodies. You and Bucky were moving in a peaceful silence until you pulled your top off. The low growl that left Bucky’s chest was unmistakable as he took in the extent of the damage Mark had done. You locked eyes with his, which were full of apology and anger. He whispered out a sorrowful ‘I am so sorry.’ You didn’t need to reply.
Without saying anything, he grabbed a balm off his bedside table and lowered himself onto the bed next to you. ‘Can I put this on you? It’s just a balm, helps bruises heal quicker.’ You gave a gentle nod of your head, and Bucky got some of the balm out onto his metal hand, warming it up with his human one. He kept all of his movements in your eyeline, quietly promising not to touch you without your consent, not to surprise you, and promising that you were in control.
Warm hands started to work the balm over the bruise on your back while Bucky’s frown deepened. ‘It’s not your fault Buck,’ you whispered out. Bucky barely grunted at you in response, so you turned to look at him, moving your back out of reach and catching his hands in yours before he could carry on. ‘Bucky, look at me,’ he did. ‘This is not your fault.’ He just clenched his jaw and shook his head. ‘I should have noticed.’ A stray tear fell from his eyes. ‘I made sure you didn’t, Buck. This is no one’s fault but Mark’s. Promise me you know that?’ It was Bucky’s turn to nod in reply, but it was enough for you to turn back around and let him keep applying the balm.
When he’d finished your back, he moved on to your arms, placing a kiss on each wrist when he’d finished. You stood up, quickly changing into Bucky’s sweats while he was turned around, before sitting down on the bed again, the smell of Bucky’s clothes immediately making you feel safer.
In the smallest voice he’d ever heard, you whispered out, ’What do I do now, Bucky?’
‘Tonight you rest.’
‘And tomorrow.’
‘Tomorrow we get you out of there for good.’
AN: Hello dearies. The mental health is not healthing right now, so I can't promise when the next part will be, however, THERE WILL BE A PART TWO, confrontation with Mark will occur, Bucky will be protective as fuck - so do let me know if you'd like to be tagged in it! Thanks as ever for reading x
