My Notebook

I'm just some girl with some thoughts and some opinions. You can read them if you want. No pressure.

[writingprompts]

#793

love letter project

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WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

Bright, florescent lights, I'm in the backseat of a car, in a car seat. We seem to be at a gas station... My dad comes back from the inside with a Brittney Spears Pepsi poster, a ButterFinger, and a BugJuice, for my two sisters and I...

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Rirrim

In the world of Rirrim, we live as our reflection. I suppose you'd say everything's backwards, but for us it's forwards and you my friend are the backwards one. We drive on the left side of the street, and the stop sign reads "pots". It's quite difficult to explain this world, because our characters are reversed. Through with this small poem you may understand a bit more:

We read from right to left, though for you it's left to right,

It's rarely ever dark here, we are gone without your light.

We cannot help but copy and mime what you say,

The ironic part is once you're gone, we're allowed to stay.

As long as you look in our world, you'll see for you behind,

While we reflect to you your world, you're reflecting mine.

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I like doing things alone. I like reading alone, I like watching tv alone, I like singing, eating, dancing, writing, playing music, -- existing -- along. And I have. No sisters, don't usually have friends over at my house, but one day it occurred to me: although I like doing all these things alone, I don't fancy being alone. I'm usually alone because I'm not very social, and I say stupid things. I talk too much because I can't filter the things I think. I get really annoyed because I can't communicate the things I need to and that's where the second part of the question comes in. The only thing we really want in life, is to be understood, and to know we're not crazy. Right?

This was my answer to my English Prompt: Write about loneliness. What is it like to be without other people to talk to or who understand?

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To feel true happiness and accepted within one's peers while living in a world of perpetual judgement and hatred is often difficult. Whatever words you use, everyone around us is appraising everyone else, seeing every flaw and using it to make themselves feel better. Some people build themselves up higher and higher, leaning on other's weaknesses; but that makes the weaker ones crumble even lower until they are nothing but dust. Stay alive becomes a harder and harder thing to do, and when you're the one on the bottom, there's not much you feel you can do. When I was feeling on the outside looking in, I used music to mollify me. The lyrics of those who had gone through the same thing I was going through brought me back to life. Talented, experienced people had somehow written down everything I felt, along with a strange sense of solicitude that the music expressed. I needed that. While these songs are playing through me, it's impossible to feel incongruous.

For my English class we were given specific words to use, and the theme "being an outsider" to write a paragraph showing certain sentence enhancers and other various requirements. I guess I must think this is good enough to share, so here's what I put.

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Waiting

To be quite honest, I spend most of my time waiting. Waiting for the cars to clear so I can cross the busy street. Waiting for the bell to ring so I can get to the next class, only to wait again, and again, until the day is over. Waiting for my homework to be finished, so I can get on the internet, which I am desperately addicted to. 

Even when I'm not waiting for something I'm waiting. I don't spend 3 hours watching YouTube videos because I'm lazy. I do it because I can't do what I really want to do. I have ambition. I want to be an actress, or a singer, or a songwriter, a screenplay writer, an author, comedian, director, editor, editorial cartoonist, or a sound technician for crying out loud. I want to go into film and theater. 

For now I have to wait till I'm old enough to get a job.

So I can wait to have enough money.

So I can wait to buy the right equipment, along with a car -- which creates more things to wait for, like a license, and money for gas, and all those grown-up things like tags and insurance -- so I can wait to go to university.

When I get to uni, I'll have to wait till I'm experienced, then graduate, then move somewhere to get a job. 

What am I supposed to do in the mean time besides wait?

Plan? Practice? 

Well let's say practice.

I should probably get a guitar...

Hmm... that takes money...

Which I won't get without a job...

But I can't work till I'm 16...

I haven't played in a while, so I should practice a bit more once I get the guitar...

Then I can perform at the cafe uptown...

But I still have to wait...

and wait...

and wait...

Then I'm always waiting for the weekend to come, or the next holiday, or for summer. Stores do it, too. The decorate weeks in advance, then swoop in with the next one when that one has passed. We are constantly anticipating the future so we forget to appreciate today.

If you focus on making today the best it can be, tomorrow will be worth the wait.

That's my New Year's Revolution I guess. Because I'm tired of rushing to tomorrow, but then having nothing to show for today. I want to look back at this next year with a list of things that I accomplished, rather than a longer list of things I want to do next year.