All of these works are written by me, do not steal or copy, please!
Disclaimer: All stories contain strong language and mature content. I cannot force you to not read it but if you’re underage please consider it twice before doing it so.
EMPTY
The Other Woman | mistress au, angst, smut
synopsis: when you are not fed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it off knives.
chapters: O1, interlude, O2, interlude II, chapter O3.
EMPTY
ash from his fire | cheating au, angst
synopsis: that’s all you are, ash from his fire
EMPTY
only his | idol!au, smut, angst
synopsis: when he comes back you know it won’t last, he always goes back to to other people but he also comes back to you, promising that it will be the last time even though you let him get under you again and again.
flying in love | friends with benefits au, angst, smut, romantic au
synopsis: Jungkook can’t say he doesn’t love you, because he does love you. But how can you know? He doesn’t dare to tell you, or even to admit it himself until it’s too late, or not.
flying in love pt 2 | stablished relationship au, fluff, smut
synopsis: you’re his everything and he’s not afraid to show it to you, in every way he can.
a rainy sunset | best friends to lovers au, smut, angst
synopsis: your best friend would give you the world if he could, always sighing to you and seeing you with the most in-love look on his face, he’s devoted to you but you don’t see him the same way till your roommate dares to say something about it, then the way you see him starts to change faster than you thought.
the brontës (the complete works is a MASSIVE file fyi)
anne carson
hélène cixous
bell hooks
clarice lispector
audre lorde
virginia woolf
compilations
feminist theory
academic writing (both books and articles)
everything here is in pdf format so you should be able to download and read it on any device. it’s slow going because i have a lot of epubs that i have to convert before uploading and the folders i’ve listed here are neither complete nor comprehensive, but it’s a start!
genre: cheating au, established relationship au, angst, fluff, smut
warnings: angst, themes like depression mentioned, anxiety attacks, super sad oc :(, hoseok is cruel, like for real, he doesn’t deserve any rights. super slight smut, just some mentions about sex, blowjob. miscarriage mentioned too.
author’s note: I had no idea who I should write this about, then I happened to pick Hoseok please don’t hate me 🫣
songs: hoax by taylor swift and at the end clean also by taylor swift. Only because ofc I’m a whore for her .
God, how much you really hate hospitals.
The stinky smell drowning your nose thrills, it’s like disease has its own smell. The worst smell ever if someone asks you.
And oh, the stupid lighting. As if the fact that each wall has a terribly neutral and pale tone - for your taste - were not enough, the lights end up being the cherry on top of the cake. Way too bright to bear. More for you, when your eyes can barely be kept open after you have spent the whole night crying, unable to sleep for at least five minutes.
How could you? Fall asleep, that is- after seeing with your own eyes that your fiancée is indeed cheating on you. Memories flying across your mind on repeat, unable to shut them off that at this point you don’t even try.
“Fuck baby, you feel so tight” Hoseok grunts against his mistress lips as his dick pounds deep inside her pussy. Moans filling the room, bodies crashing against each other. “You’re. The best. I’ve. Ever. Had” remarking each word as he thrust against her as hard as he can.
How could you ever forget about it?
Those words still haunt you. The way he talked to her, with so much lust and passion… like he used to dirty talk to you.
But healing isn’t a straight line, it has curves and it has downs.
fuck this is FUCKING AMAZING.! i love hobi, i rly did but THIS HOBI?? lmao, is such a fucking arsehole and haha i wanna rip his eyeballs and put it back together so he can feel the pain haha.
and namjoon, dear joonie, honey, i love u, HE’S THE SWEETEST PERSON EVER!! GAAHHHH I LOVE U NAMJOON!!! <~
synopsis: when he comes back you know it won’t last, he always goes back to to other people but he also comes back to you, promising that it will be the last time even though you let him get under you again and again.
The snow starts falling, decorating the enormous city you have right in front of you, what a beautiful sight to admire every time you’re here. Which now is every day. You basically live here. In this enormous penthouse he bought for your encounters. You sweared to him that it wasn’t necessary, you didn’t want to look as if you’re just with him because of his fame, his money. And you’re not. He knows that too well, which is why he offered you this place.
You even remember the words he told you when he handed you the keys, after he spent the whole night fucking you hard.
“Just take them. It will be easier for us”
And it really made everything easier. And by it you mean your fucking-encounters. There’s nothing more between Taehyung and you, there never will be. At first you really enjoyed the fact that you were getting to bed with the Kim fucking Taehyung, because every girl would kill to be even at the same room as him, yet you had him making an agreement with you, even bringing a contract just for privacy and you understood. You agreed to every one of his terms.
The first encounter you had here was amazing, he had nothing to worry about because the complex was right in the fanciest complexes of Seoul. You foolishly thought it had to mean something if he just bought a penthouse only to be with you. Only to later realize that it was nothing like that. He just wanted privacy. It didn’t mean anything. He spent the night because obviously is his place, but that was all, when you woke up there was nothing more but the trace of his cologne lingering on the sheets. No soft touching, no kisses outside the sex. You somehow felt like his payed whore, and you hated it.
You felt dirty. Of course he didn’t pay you for sex, not literally, but it kinda seems like his intention when he buys you fancy dinners and offers to pay for your car or your rent on your own apartment. You have difficulties with money recently and he’s well aware, not because you tell him, but because he keeps tracks on you. When he’s not around, he just wants to be sure you’re okay. Because maybe you’re not a couple, but he’s still human. He’s no monster. Hence why you stayed in the penthouse for the last two months.
But it turned out to be more difficult than you expected. Because you missed him. You miss his touch. You miss having him so deep in you. Even though you’re not the only one. You can’t recall when you started to fall for him, because you shared nothing more than physical attention when he wants to, but then you started craving for more of him. Parts of him you definitely can’t have.
You know he has other girls because Taehyung told you himself, to reassure you can be with whoever else you want to be. But ask you to be there for him when he wants. And you are, but it pained you, because your deeply in love with a man that doesn’t belong to you. But only to himself.
The sound of some keys gets you out of your cloud only to bring you back to the situation you need to escape. So you turn once the door locks again and you find a barefaced Taehyung leaving you speechless yet again, how can someone be as beautiful as him? Camera does not make him any justice. Fluffy hair falling to his forehead, definitely becomes him.
He leaves his bag on the couch next to you before looking at you, he tries to smirk. Taehyung wants to guess you’re eager for him, because you never text him first. You never ask to meet with him. Because you learned in the hard way that it’s not when you want, this only sets when he wants.
“You missed me, huh?” he grinned, licking his lips in a cocky manner.
God, how much you wish to kiss him right now.
“We need to talk, Taehyung” he frowns at the sudden name. You always call him Tae. Always. Even when you’re jealous, mad at him or moaning to him.
“What’s wrong?” he’s concerned.
Nervousness kicks right in the gut and you stay standing, not wanting to get any close to him or else you will regret this decision. Decision you took two weeks ago when you started crying, realizing that he will never love you that way, watching those pics that were everywhere on the internet. Taehyung kissing some girl abroad. You knew he did those things, but you never saw it, and now you did, just broke your heart. You can’t keep making this to yourself.
“I can’t do this anymore” the lump on your throat is pretty much there. So you sigh once the truth is out.
“What do you mean?” he knows. He knows but he’s playing dumb because he doesn’t want you to leave.
“I can’t see you anymore, Taehyung. You told me that anytime I wanted to stop this, I could only just tell you. And I have told you some times before but you always try to stop me, and I stay. But I can’t do this anymore. I really can’t”
You are exhausted of the situation, you’re tired of him to only see you as some object. When he’s outside the room, he never texts you to ask you how you’ve been, he never checks up on you. He doesn’t care.
“It doesn’t mean anything, Y/n” he stands up feeling frustrated, so you frown not confused. “The pictures. I know you saw them. It doesn’t mean anything”
“Just like I don’t mean anything, Taehyung. We’re not together” for the first time you say the words out loud and cuts like knives straight to your heart but he freezes to them coming out of your mouth.
“We don’t mean anything?” he stands even closer to you, hand on his way to cup your face but you take one step away from him. Aware of what his touch does to you.
“Please, Taehyung. Don’t put me through this” you beg staring at anything else but him. You can’t stand to look at him.
“Baby, they don’t mean anything to me” it pains you way too much that the only time he calls you that way is when you try to leave him. And more that he’s recalling how many of them can be. “Please don’t go”
“Stop, please”
You beg, because the whole situation has drained you. Loving him has drained you. You’ve been unconditional to him, whenever he wants, however he wants, you’re always there for him to reach.
Your phone starts ringing on the center table and you want to go and grab it but Taehyung’s faster and he takes it, frowning at the name lighting up the screen and then turning the screen for you to see Jake’s name on it.
“Is this why you want to leave? You found someone else?” his words are filled with poison and rage. He stares at you before tossing your phone to the couch and quickly getting closer to you again. Taking you by your wrists. “Fucking answer me, Y/n. You’re leaving because of him?”
“It’s none of your business, Taehyung” you bark at him. How dare him being jealous now? You try to get away from his grip but it is impossible at the way he’s holding you. Like he won’t let you go.
“Fuck yes is my business. You’re mine. You’re fucking mine, Y/n” his words were cold.
You never have seen him like that, he’s never acted possessive of you because he well knows that you haven’t seen anyone else since you’re with him. You’re his.
“Let me go, Taehyung!” you scream at him but it only makes everything worse because while you try to fight him, he sets his leg on the middle of yours and placing his knee directly on your crotch. You instantly freeze. “Let me go!”
This time your voice comes weaker and he smirks, knowing damn well that you can’t resist him. That’s why he pushes you harshly to his chest and kisses you roughly, sloppy kisses you don’t dare to resist anymore. Why you always let him do this to you?
“You’re mine, Y/n. And I will prove it to you” he says, hand on your neck because he knows just what turns you on, he doesn’t apply that much pressure on it.
Taehyung walks with you till your back hits the cold window with that sight you much adore. He doesn’t waste anytime and with his other hand cups your breast to the clothes adorning it, and you moan at how harshly he opens your shirt, not giving a damn about the buttons ripping off. He doesn’t stop staring at you with hungry eyes, he’s about to show you why you can’t leave him.
Once your shirt is ripped open, he rips off your bralette too, letting your hard nipples all to his display and he doesn’t waste any more time. He slaps right at one of them before pinching it.
“Look at you. You’re such a slut” he smirks at the reactions you try to suppress but don’t succeed at it.
Then he proceeds to slaps your other breast with the same force he did the other one. Only for this time to lean and suck on your nipple, hard and rough just like he always likes to. And your eyes shut in pure bliss, biting to your lip at the sight of him, eyes deep into yours as his other hand grabs your waist so firmly you’re sure tomorrow there will be some bruises.
And Taehyung loves the idea. He’s turned on to the thought of you being fully marked by him, which is why he sucks your whole neck, even on your breasts. If there’s someone else waiting for you, he will see who you belong to. You’re only his.
You feel guilty for the way it is turning you on, hard. The wetness feeling sticky to your underwear than soon will be gone too. And Taehyung doesn’t mess around. He wants you. And he will have you.
Then he turns to your pants with his eyes, he bites his lips only to the memory of your wet pussy on full display for him. How he always ate you out, how even he makes you touch yourself while staring at you with hungry eyes, so much as if you are his prey. How he hits it when you’re being bratty or just for his enjoyment. Lord, how sweet you taste.
In just a matter of seconds he unbuttons your pants and gets them out of your legs, with some of your help, which gets him a cocky grin knowing how much you want him too. He kneels in front of you just for a second, hands now on both sides of your thighs but firmly, as if he wants to leave his mark there too, and who are you to protest?
“Look how wet you are, whore” he says those words as coldly as he can but still mocking you, tsking while leaning down to give a kitty lick to your wet area even through your panties. “We don’t have much time for this. I have a meeting in one hour. But I will eat you out, tonight” he mumbles as he is promising but now you know better so instead of telling him what you really think, you just nod eagerly for him to continue.
Without doubting, he rips off your panties, gaining a moan from your lips at the shock of it. He definitely must be mad. He likes it rough, you should know it, but before this time he only acted like this three more times and those were times you were role-playing. But this is real.
Taehyung can’t help but smirk at the sight of your pussy exposed to him, but before you can say anything he turns you so you’re facing the enormous window, hands grabbing but you know it’s quite impossible because it only helps you to keep steady.
“Fuck, what a beautiful ass I own” he grins looking at it, hands cupping the flesh as rough as he can and you’re eager for his touch. You want him to touch you everywhere. “Don’t fucking move” he warns, hand quickly creating a ponytail with your hair and holding it firmly, making your head lean back and you can feel it hurting. But it doesn’t matter, you like it that way. That’s why he does it. “It hurts?” Taehyung pretends to whine and you only nod at him, well, as best as you can given the position you’re in.
You can feel the cold glass against your harden nipples, and then you scream at the violent slap Taehyung delivers to your ass, the stinky pain remaining even after he takes away his hand and you close your eyes, gulping hard.
“Fucking slut. Thinking I would care if you’re hurt” the smirk on his face is still there, but also the hungry decorating his eyes. “You’re such a fucking whore, you know that?” another slap, this time harder than the other one and delivered to your other ass cheek. “Going around and fucking other guy”
Taehyung leans to you, feeling his breath against your face when he tugs your hair stronger and he’s quick to lick your cheek before going to your ear lobe and biting it strongly.
“Filling that little pussy with other man’s cum” he tsk again and you feel yourself getting wetter at his words, clenching around nothing but you can’t really press your thighs together or he will punish you. “Don’t forget your pussy belongs to me, get it? This ass belongs to me”
Another slap delivered and you moan loud, you can’t take it anymore and he smirks at how beautiful your moans always fill the room.
Taehyung is wrong, though. You’re not seeing anyone else. You haven’t since the first time you slept with him, you didn’t even try because he is deep buried in your bones. But he won’t listen to you even if you tell him, he won’t hear any reasons because he just wants to fuck you dumb.
A shiver runs through your spine once you hear his belt and jeans, sign of him getting rid of them only to leave it till his thighs with his underwear too. Cock fully erected at the sight of you, always this obedient to him.
“I’m not ready” you whisper knowing how much it will hurt. He doesn’t even try to wet his dick first, he’s already placing the tip at your entrance and you moan at the feeling. “Taehyung-”
“Shut the fuck up” he warns you, entering the tip and you feel yourself clenching again, eager for him. “I will fuck you rough. I don’t care if you beg me to stop. I don’t fucking care if it hurts you. I will keep fucking you till I come” you press your lips together as he pushes himself in. “Fuck. So tight”
You shut your eyes at the feeling, it always feels amazing how he fills you in.
Without any hesitation, Taehyung pulls himself out and then in roughly again. You gasp and whimper at how it hurts, but enjoying it anyway. He knows, which is why he repeats his actions two times more, grinning at how much you like it when he’s this way to you.
“You’re such a fucking slut, Y/n” he mocks you.
Taehyung lets go of your hair and instantly grabs your hips to keep you steady, grinning as he watches how the window’s already steamed because of your breath.
“Taking me like a fucking whore” then he starts fucking you, opening your legs just a little bit more with his. He doesn’t need your legs to be closed, you always feel so tight around him, even if he’s done and just comes back to fuck you again. Your cunt’s always tight for him.
Taehyung wants to fuck your pretty cunt until it’s all red, wet, and messy. He collects a dollop of his salive and spits right to your ass. He starts to pick up his pace, the sound of skin slapping filled the room together with their moans and grunts.
“Taehyung!” you suddenly scream at the pleasure you’re feeling. He has never fucked you this violent, as if you’re just some doll he can use for his own benefit, and yet here you are, walls tightening around his hard cock.
“You’re gonna be my personal little cocksleeve, hm?” the sight before him is ethereal, but even more the thought of him owning you like this, reminding you just that he’s the only one that can fuck you this way.
Without protection, you could feel the veins of his shaft drag against the sides of your inner walls. His pace was relentless, tiring you down until you are nothing but a broken rag doll, going along with however he wants to fuck you— whether he is jackhammering into your puffy pussy, or teasing you with long, slow strokes, pulling out until only the tip of his head remained before slamming the entirety of his length back in.
“Please Tae, I’m gonna cum” your voice comes out whiney and garbled as you are bounced against his cock.
“Fucking slut, can’t even take it, mh?” he slaps your ass a couple of times while continues to fucks you hard, and that’s all it takes for you.
Your walls clenching around his hardening cock pounding into you while you come and scream his name several times, as he fucks you through your orgasm and grins. He licks his lips only to tug your hair roughly again, and you can even see the veins marking on his arm. You look so fucked up.
“I told you I’d fuck you till I come. So be a good fucking slut and take it” he hissed at your ear when he hears the way you start whining because of the over stimulation. You can’t take it anymore, not when he’s fucking you like this.
“You are my sex slave, right?”
You are too blissed out at the feeling of being fucked hard to even answer. You have never felt something so good before, and even though your body can’t take it, you want more.
Taehyung’s movements are quick and sharp, it is almost inhumane of him at how fast he is slamming his dick inside your sopping cunt. All the noises coming out of his mouth are feral, grunting and growling as if he is a dog in heat, desperate to knot his little slut.
You can feel your stomach coiling again as you clench around Taehyung’s cock, making him curse at you. He desperately wants to slap every part of your body, your tits, your face, your ass, your cunt- everything. He wants to bruise you and let that stupid boy know he owns you. You’re his.
Taehyung is aware of how violent he is fucking you and he doesn’t give a fuck. Which is why he doesn’t stop even when he pounds the side of your face violently to the glass, feeling himself getting harder at how much of a slut you look like. He doesn’t stop, even when you cum for the second time and the third. Your body can’t take it anymore but he’s holding you, you try to but your body doesn’t respond to you. It’s like only answers to him.
“That’s a good fucking slut” he praises as his thrusts get harsher and harsher, and you can feel the wetness dripping onto the floor as Taehyung rams into you merciless.
Taehyung’s thrust get sloppier as he wraps his hand around your hair once again, pulling you to him only to get you back against his chest and now it is only him holding you in place. And so he cums, painting your insides white with his seed as you clench around him for the last time, milking every single drop of his cum.
When Taehyung pulls out, his cum seeps out of your cunt deliciously as you let yourself lay on the floor at the exhaustion your body feels, closing your eyes shut tired from him fucking you as you’re his doll, using you.
You try to calm down yourself, feeling your heartbeat still quick as before, not wanting to close your eyes. Taehyung grins at the sight of you, kneeling to the side of your naked body laying on the ground. He kisses your shoulder while his hand travels to your stomach and you shiver at the touch, now your hand on his wrist to stop him while opening your eyes.
“I can’t, Tae-”
“Sh baby. I know” he whispers, laying next to you this time before putting back on his pants. “You’re not leaving me, baby. Please don’t go”
The way he says it, it’s not like he asks, it’s like he’s commanding you to not leave. It’s like he knows you won’t leave him and even thinks, if you ever dare to walk away from him, you will come back to him. Just like he always comes back to you.
You don’t answer to him, you feel so tired to even answer or think about it, you don’t think clearly and your eyes shut to the tiredness and pain of your body. Taehyung smiling sweetly at you, caressing your cheek softly, almost as if he feels something for you.
He knows he won.
So he decides to take your body to your shared room and lays you down, covering your beautiful and fucked up body with the silky sheets Taehyung chose personally for you. He goes straight to bed to sleep too after he rescheduled his meeting, he feels tired and happy. Or at least his ego is happy, sure that you can never leave him.
synopsis: Jungkook can’t say he doesn’t love you, because he does love you. But how can you know? He doesn’t dare to tell you, or even to admit it himself until it’s too late, or not.
pairing: jungkook x reader
warnings: super light smut, angst, jk is kinda an asshole for a bit but then a complete softie :(
author’s note: sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes, I spent the whole day writing it so please try to ignore the several mistakes you’ll find, because it’s obviously not edited. also: it is long! like long long. enjoy 🫰🏻
song: kill for you - The Weeknd.
additional song at the end: turning page - sleeping at last
𝖯𝖠𝖱𝖳 𝖳𝖶𝖮.
Countless times life has let you know how he can’t be the one for you, but you like to play dumb with yourself, you can’t swallow that pill. You don’t like the way it tastes, you refuse to. Because, how can someone treat you like you’re his queen but at the same time holding back all his feelings?
It has been like this with Jeon Jungkook for almost a year now. You’re always back and forth, some kind of dance he likes and you used to at first, because for you, wanting was enough. Living for the hope that it means something the way he treats you, not being compared to the way he treats other girls.
You felt special.
But not anymore. You know he cares about you, a lot, you can’t deny it but he’s not able to tell you how he feels. Every time you try to show him some aftercare, he’s backing away from you. When he notices the loving stare you give at him, when he feels the way you caress his cheek while he’s still inside of you. And he can’t take it. Because he can’t be the same.
And your heart shatters. Just like it is shattering now.
You’re in his bed, right after he fucked you as good as he knows and filled you with his hum, claiming you as his but when you leaned to kiss him then he pretended to cough and got off you.
“You have somewhere to be? Like, at 2 am?” you ask him while you watch him get dressed immediately, like he’s in some kind of hurry.
“I need to keep working on some editions. You can sleep, okay?” he doesn’t look at you.
He doesn’t want to look at you, because he’s afraid what he sees in you. He’s afraid of that unconditional love you hold in your eyes when you spot him, and he’s scared as hell because how can he fall in love with someone? He’s not able to.
Jungkook can’t say that he doesn’t love you.
Because he does love you.
Not that you know. He has never let you know, you’re always one second away from telling him but stops you the fear of him rejecting you, which is what you’re 100% sure it will happen once you openly tell him how you feel about everything.
You sigh watching him close the door behind him once he’s out, that familiar pain setting in your chest but you decide to sleep on it. Like you always do. Because sincerely, what else can you do? You don’t think you’re able to let go of him, you’re in too deep already and you don’t want to ruin this good thing happening to you.
You felt so lucky the first time he brought you to his apartment, ‘cause you were already two months -kinda- together and yet he never even mentioned the idea, until one night he did and you tried to pretend not to be excited. But you were, to the bone. It alight one spark of hope in your heart.
But then nothing. Everything remained the same and you felt disappointed. That feeling is the regular for you now, because even though if you try to tell yourself that you should give up already, you can’t, not entirely.
The deal between you two is that you still can sleep and see other people, which is another thing you’re scared of. That any time now he can just walk in and tell you that he’s found someone new, someone who he can allow himself to love and care. Silly you, unaware of the fact that Jungkook stopped sleeping with other people the instant he brought you to his apartment. He knows it’s a mistake, he can sees the hope you hold on to as your life depends on it but still, he tries to ignore it.
It’s already a mistake to have brought you there, but mostly stop fucking around. He used to, until he didn’t enjoy it anymore. He started comparing every other girl with how you kissed him, held him, moaned his name and god, instantly he pictured you, thinking it was your body giving into him instead of someone else.
“Stop staring at the door like some creep, she told you she’s coming so just wait” the annoying voice of Jimin, his best friend fill his ear mixed with the music and everyone’s bickering around.
He looked stupid. What on earth is he doing staring at the door of a club? He should be hitting on someone right now, like he used to. He can’t recognize himself anymore.
“Whatever. I’m getting a drink” he stood up from his seat and went straight to the bar section, for a moment ignoring the bodies pressing against each other covered in sweat and smelling like alcohol combined with smoke.
Jimin just shooks his head at the obvious denial his best friend’s still in. How can someone be that stupid?
Jungkook feels too stressed. Feels like he’s trying to swim in a deep blue sea whose waves are just crashing against his body and he feels like he’s about to drown. He doesn’t. He wants to keep swimming. He wants to go back before realizing he enjoys your company way too much.
The bartender sets his drink right away in front of him and the guy doesn’t doubt a second before sipping in the whole thing, savoring the bitter taste of it burning his throat. He needs to get drunk. He needs to stop waiting for you. Which is why he orders two more drinks before heading back to Jimin and look like a fool waiting for you to walk in with your beautiful figure and stunning smile lighting up his heart.
Ugh, stop.
“You seem troubled” some stranger’s voice makes his way to his ear, whispering in a seductive manner. Once he knows too well.
When he turns his gaze to her, he can’t stop the smirk forming by the corner of his lips. Licking them before checking her out. One tall girl, mini skirt barely covering her ass and one top barely keeping in place her huge tits. He can even see the nipples through it, being the top plainly white. She notices, which is why he gets near him. Jungkook manspreading for her, starting to think that destiny must want him to keep his old ways, which is why he takes her wrists and get her between his legs.
“Only because you’re not kissing me right now” he flirts back. And so she leans in to kiss him, biting his lower lip way too rough for his taste but he doesn’t bulge, he just takes her lips between his and starts kissing hungrily. Much like he needs to prove a point to himself.
She doesn’t taste like her.
She’s not her.
Stop it.
Hands on her waste to pull her closer, suddenly feeling her knee on his crotch so he instantly sets his tongue in her mouth, playing against hers. Closing his eyes and for a second, Jungkook sees you. Jungkook sees the way you tease him with your mouth, almost able to feel your hands snicking through his shirt but when he opens his eyes overwhelmed by the memory, he sees that stranger in front of him.
“Come with me” he whispers between the kiss.
He needs to do something. He needs to succeed getting you out of his mind. So stupidly, he comes to the conclusion that maybe he needs to do with them what he does you, which is why they’re already on their way to his apartment. Trying to brush off the thoughts of you now waiting for him at the club, asking to Jimin if he knows something or trying to call you to meet you.
Jungkook allows the blonde girl to straddle his lap even when they’re on the back of the taxi, her hungry and desperate lips never leaving his, giggling when he dares to touch her and wanting to convince himself he’s actually having a good time.
❈•≫────≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫────≪•❈
You sigh tiredly as you take your heels out of your feet, stretching them out at the pain of wearing them the whole day and not being able to rest even a bit thanks to the agitated day at the office, walking here and there. Your body feels exhausted, you weren’t in the mood to party which is why you texted Jungkook about crashing in his apartment when it is past midnight and your place is way further than his, it’s nothing out of the blue, you’ve done this before because he proposed a few times before.
Before heading to bed, you go straight to the shower, wanting to relax your sour body with some hot water before actually getting your beauty sleep. It doesn’t take long, you’re not in the mood to keep yourself awake for longer so you head out and get dressed with one of his t-shirts. Again, not out of the blue either or because you wanted to. He always gives you that shirt when you’re crashing in. And you love that fact, it’s like somehow he’s reminding you how you’re his.
Once you put on the t-shirt, you’re able to hear the door closing which is why you brush your teeth kind of quickly, wanting to see him as you assume is them. God, how much you missed him, the past three days you weren’t able to meet each other, only him texting you to check up on you. Cute, you think.
Somehow you want more. But still, that is better than nothing at all, right?
You get out of the room through the hallway, passing Jimin’s bedroom too. Yes, they share the apartment and you’re okay with it. You’re comfortable because Jimin cares for you now, you’re always able to talk to him and trust him with all your feelings, sure that he won’t say a word to Jungkook. He sometimes wishes to tell you how much in trouble his best friend actually is, Jimin can sees the way the brunette stares at you fondly, like you’re his only light in the world.
“Home this early?” you ask with a smile in the corner before your actual body gets to stand in the living room.
You freeze.
You almost hear the cracking of your heart at the sight.
Jungkook laying on the couch, shirt on the ground, some girl sitting on his lap while grinding on him and his hands lifting her top to leave his breasts to the sight. But their movements freeze too.
You’re not able to utter a word even when Jungkook pushes the girl away from him and immediately stands up to get closer to you, panic crossing his eyes and concern too. But you step away, biting on your lip with so much strength that you can feel it’s one second away from bleeding. He panics even more, he tries to reach you but you avoid him. Rightly so.
“Y/n. I- I-” he’s out of words. He sees the tears now clouding your eyes, he sees the way you try to avoid his gaze and remains on the girl only.
“I’m- I’m s-sorry for walking in” your words hit each other, you’re not even sure how you’re managing to speak. “I- um… yeah, sorry” you whisper before heading to Jungkook’s room only to grab your stuff and phone.
Jungkook’s glued to the ground. Mind blank at the sight of you, so broken. He fucked up. Big time.
“Who is her?” the girl, name still unknown to him, asks. He turns to her, only to grab her arm as gently as he can and walking her to the door.
“Please leave” he asks opening and letting her out, wishing to undo everything since he walked to the bar. Kissing her. Touching her.
He puts his shirt on and rushes to his room. Empty.
Then he goes to his bathroom. Empty too.
His heartbeat is way too fast, he can’t seem to stop it, he’s even almost sure that his heart is breaking too. Just because he hurt you.
“Baby, please open the door” he knocks at Jimin’s door, forehead against the wood, sighing once he hears your sniffles in the room. “Baby, please”
He begs. He wants to beg for your forgiveness.
Jungkook wants to explain to you how he couldn’t stop thinking about you, even when kissing her. When he’s at work, when he’s shopping, when he’s even eating by himself. All his thoughts are consumed by you. You’re the only thing clear as daylight, lighting up each one of his days, even the darkest ones. You’re his only salvation. He loves you.
“Go away, Jungkook. I’m not in the mood” you try to sound firm, but it comes as weak words, each one of them.
“Please talk to me baby, please” he pleads. He won’t let this slip away. Jungkook needs to talk to you and assure you what he should have months ago. “I’ll stay here until you open the door”
But you can’t. Your body hurts even more than before, your eyes are swallowed now and cheeks all puffy, mind only replaying what you say there. Of course you knew he was seeing other people, but you also happened to know -courtesy of Jimin- that he never brought anyone home. You still kinda thought it was something only reserved to you. It had to mean something. Only that it doesn’t. You’re no special. How can you be?
How stupid of you to think that he actually might reciprocate your feelings.
You barely listen to him still begging outside the room, your mind’s too loud and you’re not able to stop yourself, crying and crying. Arms hugging yourself as if you need to keep yourself together but you’re failing terrible at it. You feel yourself falling apart.
He didn’t fuck her. But what hurts the must is that he was about to. If you didn’t walk in, he would have. Proving to you that he doesn’t care that way about you, you’re no special.
You mean nothing to him.
❈•≫────≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫────≪•❈
A week.
It’s been a week since that happened and you’re not okay, crying every time you’re by yourself because you’re not strong enough to pretend you don’t care. You do care and a lot, or else you wouldn’t be suffering for a guy that has showed you he doesn’t deserve you. Even if that guy happens to be Jeon Jungkook.
That night you spent hours crying, ignoring the pleads of Jungkook till he gave up and not that you knew, but he stayed outside, he was willing to wait for you but when the morning came and you still didn’t go out, he decided that the best thing was to give you some space.
He had to do something, he spent hours thinking about what he can do to earn your forgiveness. He wants it. He wants you. He’s way too sure.
He needs you.
Once you woke up, a headache made a suffering out of you and you wished that all was a nightmare, you suddenly wished to have never come here and went straight to your place. Defeated, you turned to the clock and check that’s already 10 am. You change into the clothes you wear yesterday, and when the moment to take off Jungkook’s tshirt finally came, you felt as if some part of you was letting him go. You didn’t want to keep it, so you decided to leave it on Jimin’s bed.
Silently, you got out of there, praying for Jungkook not to be up just yet. You needed to get out of those walls that only reminded you something that was buried deep in the back of your head. You hated the way your body weights, feeling every step tiring you to the bone, you’re pretty sure you look just as bad as you feel but you can’t care right now.
Jungkook spent the whole week trying to reach for you, to contact you somehow but you never answered to any of his calls and never replied to any of his texts even when the seen-hour was there for him to dwell on it. His mind lingers with you, how could he do something that stupid? He feels as guilty as if he cheated on you.
Nights went sleepless for him pretty much as yours, he wasn’t sure what to do because he had never been on that position.
Jimin noticed the change, every hour he had free Jungkook spent it working out, trying to figure out how to see you. But was worthless, even when he came to your place, you were never there and at some point he had to leave because your concierge killed him with his eyes to the excuse he can’t be there if he doesn’t live there which makes sense but Jungkook’s aware that he just hates him.
It’s fine, he thinks, I hate me too.
When the moment came, Jungkook told Jimin what happened and Jimin swears to him that he has never met anyone an idiot as he is. Jungkook knows, he’s that harsh to himself and he deserves it. Which is why Jimin tries to reach for you, and texts you, wanting to meet with you so even if you hesitate for a moment, you end up setting a time and place, being this a coffee shop near to your place.
“Jungkook told me” he mumbles once the waiter brings your coffees and leaves.
You want the earth to swallow you whole, and feel the lump un your throat making an appearance after… what? two hours?
“It’s fine, really. We were nothing serious”
“Is that what you’re trying to tell yourself?” your eyes find his and his look is soft for you. He feels sorry you have to go through all of this. “Look, Y/n” he talks again, this time with a sigh at the end only to continue, “I know you love him, but, if it’s hurting you too much then you should just tell him. Or do you plan to avoid him forever?”
He’s genuinely concerned for both of you. Jungkook seems like a ghost and you, well, you look like a mess right now. He is his best friend, but even so, he won’t let yourself get -more- hurt than you already are, if Jungkook doesn’t dare to do or say anything about his own feelings then it’s time for you to let go, even if it hurts.
Your vision turns blurry from the tears that are threatening to come out and you swallow, this time turning your sight to the coffee in front of you.
“I- I don’t know” you haven’t made up your mind, it’s true.
Because you don’t know wether if you should just let it pass or if you should let him go already. You’ve come to the terms that he’s not sharing more to you than his body, but those times he held you, he kissed your skin with so much care… those memories made you think that maybe someday it would happen. You day-dreamed about both being a couple. He being proud to tell anyone to have someone like you, both doing domestic activities, he being just yours, because you already belonged to him.
“I want to feel okay again” you whisper, and he leans through the table to hold your hand and caress your wrist with his fingers.
You don’t remember the last time you spent a whole day without thinking and feeling hurt about him not returning your feelings, afraid that some day he would get rid of you.
“You should talk to him, Y/n” Jimin’s trying to be careful with his words and soft too. It hurts him to see you this way.
“Can you please come with me?” your eyes rising to him. “I came her walking, my car’s with the mechanic and I- I know I’ll be a mess” you try to laugh about the situation but it comes out bitter.
“Sure, you don’t have to ask” he tries to smile at you.
So you sigh. Free hand grabbing your phone, even if it’s trembling. You don’t feel like you’re able to look at him, it will hurt. Saying goodbye.
Letting go of all the memories.
Letting go the hope of it all.
Y/n: we need to talk. I’ll be at your place in 15.
❈•≫────≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫────≪•❈
Jungkook remains glued to the same spot since 10 minutes ago when he read your text. He blinks a few times while still reading it, over and over again. He suddenly feels scared. Scared of you leaving him once and for all. He knows that every one has their limits, and he’s terrified you’ve reached yours. He doesn’t want to hurt you anymore, he’s willing to do everything to keep you by his side.
He starts walking around the apartment, feeling somehow as the walls are closing around him and suddenly he feels tiny. So tiny because he’s about to expose himself, giving you the power to hurt him if you want to.
So when he hears the door finally, he feels as breath is nowhere in his lungs and when he turns to look at you, his heart breaks a little bit. You look tired, eyes all puffy and red, as if you were crying. Silly of him to think that maybe you might be okay without him. Which is why he didn’t reach out to you today, thoughts tricking him to think that you are better off without him.
He frowns at the sight of Jimin beside you.
“Hey, Kook” he greets, trying to smile and Jungkook only nods at him. “So, I’ll be in my room, okay? When you want to leave just tell me” this time he turns to you and you nod in response, feeling a little bit relieved.
Leave?
God, this can’t be good if you’re already planning to leave.
You watch Jimin walk to his room and you try not to look at Jungkook, you’re not strong enough. Feet almost dancing at one another, moving uncomfortably in your spot as you try to calm yourself. The moment you hear his steps getting closer to you, you decide to put your hand in front of your chest to stop him from coming any closer.
“Please stay there” that sounds more like a beg, and he swallows.
Jungkook feels as if you’re slipping through his fingers.
“Y/n…” he says your name with so much care and almost, almost you think it could be love. But at the thought you want to laugh at yourself. “Look at me, please”
You hesitate for a second, deep sigh before daring to look at him. His eyes consuming you immediately and you want to lower your gaze. He looks tired.
“I’ll be quick” you mumble. How can you do this?
“Y/n-”
“Let me talk, please” you lick your lips. “I’m in love with you, Jungkook” he swallows hard at your words, feeling his stomach suddenly become alive with a thousand of butterflies hitting him in the most beautiful way.
“But it hurts. It hurts so much. I’m aware it’s not your fault because you were crystal clear about your intentions. Telling me you were seeing other people, and I get it, but that night-” your voice cracks playing that scene in your head again. “It hurt seeing you actually doing it. And I know it’s not your fault too, you’re free to be with whoever you want. But I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I know you don’t feel the same way and I need to get rid of that hope keeping me alive and eating me alive at the same time. I can’t do this anymore. I- I want to end this”
Jungkook swears he feels himself falling from the sky to the concrete, hard and painfully. He feels as if his whole body shatters, bones breaking and heart too.
“Please don’t” he pleads, eyes watering. He can’t remember the last time he cried, maybe even so many years ago. “Please don’t” he repeats himself, and you turn your gaze to the ground not being able to look at him anymore. “Please listen to me” he begs again, voice cracking at the thought of him having to live his life without you.
“Listen to what, Jungkook? We both know you’ll be better without me holding you back. You can be with whoever you want, not having to worry if I’m here or not. It’s better this way, yeah, it’s better” you still mumble trying to convince yourself of this.
“No. It will never be better. I need you” he’s being sincere, but you can’t believe him. Your mind tricks you to think he’s only saying those words to still be able to get you to bed with him. Jungkook sees the way you shake your head, almost as if you’re denying his feelings. “I swear, baby. That’s why I need you to listen to me. I-”
“No, Jungkook- I’m done” you feel defeated and you can’t hold back anymore the tears running down your face. You grab your phone again to text Jimin to come out. You’re ready to leave now. Well, kind of.
“Please Y/n, give me a chance to explain” you shake your head again at his words and suddenly he feels lost.
Jungkook feels as if he’s losing everything.
Then suddenly Jimin gets out of the room, he of course listened every word you told Jungkook but he understands where you come from. He knows why you’re not giving him a chance to explain himself.
Jungkook watches you leave without turning around and when you walk away he feels like you’re taking his heart with you. His hope, his light, his love. You’re leaving him with nothing. Tears blurring his vision and he lets himself fall to the ground, knees hurting at the impact but it’s okay, it doesn’t hurt as much as his heart does right now.
“Jungkook-” Jimin comes back after telling you he forgot his keys. Lies. He just needs to check up on his best friend after comforting you too. “Stand up, buddy” he grabs him, body way heavier than his but still he managed to get him on the couch. Jimin has never seen Jungkook this way. “I need you to please listen to me” Jimin cups his cheeks kneeling in front of him and starts to clean his tears with his sleeves. “Give her some time, okay? She loves you, a lot, but she can’t trust you right now and we can’t blame her. Get your feelings together, I know it’s too much for you too, but get them together and think about what you can give to her, and when you feel yourself ready to do so to her then go for it. Try, okay? Don’t give up if you really love her, and you really do, I can tell” he’s caring.
Jimin has always being this way and Jungkook always envied this part of him, he is so easy with words and at comforting everyone. Jungkook tries to make sense to his words and nods several times. Not giving up. He can’t give up.
Giving you all of him.
Not giving up.
Not giving up on you.
“Not giving up…” he whispers repeating his words and Jimin smiles at him.
“Good. Now I need to go, but I’ll be back, Kook. Please focus on not giving up”
Jimin knows Jungkook behavior’s resembles the one of an asshole. But he’s still his best friend. He can’t blame him, not entirely, he’s like that because his heart being broken years ago. Jimin thinks he should grow up and behave like an adult, but at the same time it is hard when you don’t help yourself. Jungkook is so mature in most of his stuff and yet lacks of maturity in other aspects.
When Jimin leaves, Jungkook’s mind replays the words from his best friend. Of course she wasn’t going to give in that quickly, stupid of him to take her for granted, thinking that she will. She needs to heal, but he feels the need to help her to.
Space. He needs to give her space.
But how can he? All he wants to do is to hold her and wash her pain away, kiss all the scars he made her and kiss it better.
God, this is the hardest part for him. And yet, he’s willing to not give up. He can’t give up. He wants you.
Jungkook’s sure he will do anything for you to take him back, no matter how long it takes to win you back.
❈•≫────≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫────≪•❈
Life goes on, is something you try to tell yourself everyday, even if it’s only been 15 days since the moment you walked out of him. Out of his words. Out of his world. Not that you’re counting the days… obviously not.
It’s been hard. Mostly because inside your heart, you wish for him to come and kiss you. Love you. But you know you’re just day-dreaming again, realistically agreeing that will never happen. He’s probably already moved on. And yet you haven’t, not one bit. You spend every hour of the day thinking about him, about the way he used to kiss you, about the way he listened to you rambling nonsense. You miss him, so much.
Nights are way too worse. Because you fall asleep watching at your phone, hope at its finest thinking that maybe he will call anytime now but he doesn’t. He never does.
“What’s with the sighing?” your co-worker asks you, growing kinda tired of your sighing every time you have more than one minute free to let your mind run wild.
“It’s nothing, Carl” you try to smile looking at him this time, and he rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, right”
He has watched you attentively. You two aren’t best friends but still, you’re close to each other and for him you sure make this horrible hours at work a bit enjoyable because you’re always shining, lighting up the room with your single presence and he likes that. But lately you seem off, he doesn’t want to pressure you but after working together for three years now, it’s safe to say he knows you.
“Okay, so miss-I’m okay, we’re almost out so I was wondering if you want to have dinner with me. Not feeling like going home yet” bullshit. He’s lying, he’s happily married and every hour wishes to get out of there to go home to his beautiful wife who happens to be at the eight month of her pregnancy. “Pretty please?”
He pouts and you smile at him, a genuine one. You roll your eyes at him, faking an annoying response.
“Fine, you don’t need to beg” he smiles feeling like he won the lottery. Well, being over dramatic but it’s still nice to know that you wanted to go out too. Carl doesn’t know what’s going on with you, but he feels like you might use the company.
Time flies fast and now you’re both suddenly having dinner on some place Carl promised you his wife adores and you should trust her judgement, so you do, hearing to everything he tells you about his baby and the way the hormones are taking over completely the corpse of his lovely wife. You laugh at his stories, feeling nice to think about something else than him. Enjoying some food, which you haven’t since that night. You just ate at some point because you had to, but now you really feel hungry and you allow yourself enjoy that nice moment shared with your friend.
He orders dessert for both, all of this with a plan. Because he has noticed the way you barely eat, so he wants to be sure you’re going home with your belly completely stocked. Then comes a moment in silence, when your look seems lost again and you go back to the miserable self you’ve been. He’s worried. He has never seen you looking so broken.
“Wanna talk about it, kid?” he asks you, getting your eyes at him again. And you sigh, thinking that it might be a good idea to tell him everything.
Every damn thing.
And you do. From the moment everything started, to the moment you realized you loved him, to the moment you realized too that he was not yours to keep, to the mixed signals he sent you, to the moment you decided you couldn’t take it anymore. And even the things Jimin has told you about to try to heal yourself because Jungkook is doing the same, you both need time, he said. He just stares at you and nods sometimes, thinking that this guy must be an idiot but at the same time trying to get why would he close himself like that? For Carl it is pretty obvious that this Jungkook dude loves you too, but you’re so deep in your insecurities that you listen to nothing else.
“Okay, now, do you want my opinion? Like, my real and sincere opinion?” you almost want to say no, because you’re not sure you want to listen to someone else tell you how he obviously doesn’t love you. So you just nod, preparing yourself for the worst. “You probably already know this, but they guy is an idiot”
“Carl-”
“Let me finish, kid” he licks his lips, being far from done talking. “But you are too, a bit, if you ask me. He obviously feels something for you, but the way he acts. Mm, I don’t know, I’d bet my life that he’s been hurt before”
Jungkook?
You shake your head. “It doesn’t make sense, Carl. If he’s been hurt then he should try not to hurt somebody else”
Carls genuinely giggles at your words.
“Don’t be silly, kid” his words are not mocking you, he’s being careful and kind. “Some people manage to get out of the hurt without hurting other in the process, other people are not strong enough and to me it seems that he’s one of them”
You remain speechless, trying to make sense to his words.
“But I would never do that-”
“But he’s not you, kid. You can’t expect to every one be the way you want them to or expect to. He dealt with his hurt the way he thought best, and we still don’t know what kind of pain he went through but I can bet my life that he was cheated on, probably left”
“What should I do?” you whisper.
“Give him some time, kid. We men are some idiots, we need time to go through our own feelings because most of the time we’re not fully aware of them. But mostly, give yourself time. You need to heal too. Focus on yourself for a while, heal yourself. Grow out of that thought of yours, and then maybe you can be able to be ready for him, if he is for you too”
The night ends with you thanking him for the dinner, and well, his advice too. Now feeling glad that you agreed to go out with him. He just smiled at you and waved from his car now leaving, being just you at the front of your house, the tiredness kicking in and praying to fall asleep as soon as you can, your brain and heart being in a constant battle can really exhaust you. And when you’re about to enter, there’s a bouquet of roses on the ground.
Your heart skips a beat at the sight.
It could be from anyone, right?
Except you don’t want it to be from anyone.
You lean in to get them, the smell of fresh roses covering your nose at the same time you try to open the door. You can’t help the tiny smile your lips curl into, setting them at your center table to look at the envelop on them. And so you take it, at the same your heart decides to take a bit of hope with it.
“You see, until I met you,
I had only ever experienced desire.
Love, never.”
– Vicomte de Valmont.
Your eyes water at reading and recognizing his handwriting. Brain flashing that time you read that book with him by his side, you thought he was actually not paying attention but he did. He was pretending to be busy editing, but he still sneaked through his eyes to watch the way your eyes got caught up on your lecture, licking your lips wet from time to time, sighing when one quote became too cheesy and boy, the sight you threw at that quote. Only wishing to have a love like that. From that moment, his heart awoke in some way he never knew it could and the quote got engraved deep in his heart.
Pretty much like you.
❈•≫────≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫────≪•❈
The moment Jimin told you about the party he’s throwing because of his birthday, you hesitated. You haven’t seen Jungkook, in fact, you even haven’t heard from him since the roses thing and you’ve grown sadder thanks to that. You’re pretty sure he gave up, or probably he didn’t even mean it, but at the same time you try not to dwell on it -or at least not too much-, you still find yourself crying at the memories slapping you, find yourself missing him and craving for his touch. You’ve been -what one might say- okay, you go to work and get yourself buried in it, trying to avoid spending too much time with your own mind, for your own sake of course.
But after Jimin begged you, convincing you that you can’t miss his birthday party and how awful friend you’d be if you did, you ended up accepting. But you wouldn’t bare go there alone, the thought itself made you suffocate, which is why you begged to Carl to be your plus one. “Trying to make him jealous? That’s childish of you, I’m not in” he would say, but instantly you assured him that you only didn’t want to be alone there, so he accepted too, of course reminding you that you would pay him with lunch the whole week and promising presents for his future baby. You even called his wife to thank her for letting you borrow him for a while, Carl rolling his eyes as if you’re talking about some clothes instead of your coworker.
“You look nice, kid” Carl mumbles after you enter the car. Of course he’s taking you, he’s pretty much of a gentleman to let you go back alone after going there.
“You don’t look too bad yourself” you smile, or something like that.
You can’t find any good reason to not be nervous, when you chose your outfit that evening you tried to look somehow okay, putting on some make up to hide your bad-looking-non-sleeping-face. Not that you were planning going barefaced but after Carl politely told you that you need to change your make up brand because the current one was making a poor job hiding your suffering look, you decided to add a bit more of it for this occasion. You don’t want Jungkook to think you’ve been pinning about him, when he’s probably over you now.
“Ah, the last time I went to a club probably was about almost two years ago” Carl announces once he enters the club with you. Bodies washed in sweat mixed the smell of alcohol filling your nose, music blasting your ears. You don’t enjoy that kind of environment either.
“I promise we won’t be long” you hope he hears and you don’t see him but he’s nodding at your words, instantly taking your hand in his only to walk in front of you through the bodies till you get to spot Jimin and his friends at some table and point your finger at to Carl.
Your mind’s already regretting coming here, and nothing could have prepared you to the dizziness kicking in as you walk to the table and feel like everything else disappears once your eyes spot Jungkook, sitting there with one drink in hand, manspreading and making his black leather jeans hug his muscled thighs, one black leather jacket laying in one of them as there’s this sky blue shirt accentuating his upper body and you swallow hard at the sight. God, how you missed him.
“Y/n! You came!” Jimin gets closer to you and smiles widely as he tugs you in one hug.
“Happy birthday, Jiminie!” your attempt to get your eyes off Jungkook is not succeeding that much, which is why Jimin clears his throat once he notices and giggles at you. “Here, have this” you hand him the present you got for him the same day he told you about the celebration. If there’s one thing you’re sure he deserves, is the world. But he will have to settle with some haute couture outfit you once caught him staring at too much but never dared to buy it.
Then you introduce him to Carl, instantly clearing the air by telling him how he’s your coworker and Carl points as his wedding ring, giggling after Jimin told that for a moment the thought you are together.
Jungkook wishes he could hear, but the only thing he’s able to hear is the sound of the music accompanied with everyone’s voices, except yours. Are you already over him? God, he misses you so much. The moment his eyes got to you, his breath was taken away, that dress you got making no justice to your beautiful body. Not too much but not too little, just like you. Red is definitely your color.
Hell no, every color is your color, he thinks.
But there’s a pain in him once his eyes dart to the guy’s hand on yours. He really did lose you. Jungkook feels defeated. He wants to get up to you and hold you so close, and never let you go.
“We’re having dinner in the roof, so you can go upstairs and I’m about to go there too” Jimin happily says after he already introduced you every one of his friends, obviously leaving Jungkook out of it. And he’s glad, kind of, he doesn’t want you to feel obligated to say hi to him.
“I need to go to the bathroom, can you wait for me?” Carl says on your ear and you nod, letting him now you’ll wait for him at the stairs.
You don’t want to be closer to Jungkook, you don’t know what you’re capable of doing or telling him. Your stupid self is probably most likely to even cry if there’s someone with him. Which is why you head to the stairs through the sea of people, closing your eyes for a bit once you lean your head to the wall and a deep sigh escapes your mouth. You feel yourself being pulled to Jungkook, it’s like a magnet force, and you hate it.
Every time you’re in the same room you’re not able to think clearly.
“Missed your date?”
You think you’re dreaming, but as you open your eyes the vivid image of Jungkook in front of you makes your throat dry. He looks way too handsome up close.
“Mmh- no. He- he went to the bathroom” you try to sound clear even above the music. But as you felt before, when you’re together it seems like every thing else disappears. “Wait, he’s not my date” you clarify way too quickly for your own liking.
“He’s not?” there’s hope in the way he talks, and even when you now dare to stare back at his eyes, you find yourself melting. You shake your head in denial.
“My coworker”
Relieved. Jungkook feels relieved to the bone to know that the other dude is nothing more to you. At the same time he feels relieved that you’re talking to him, he doesn’t show just how surprised he feels, because it’s notorious too that you’re looking for your coworker.
“Can we talk?” he asks. No, he’s praying that you might want to listen to him. He doesn’t care if you’re mad at him and want to yell the hell out of you, he just needs some reaction from you. He needs to know that you still care, even if it’s just a tiny bit.
“Kook, I don’t know-” the name rolls out of your tongue beautifully. And he sighs, eyes growing wide now becoming those doe eyes you fell deeply in love with months ago. “Sorry-” teeth biting into your tongue roughly. It just slipped. So easy.
He feels like his heart is about to go out of where it belongs at the time. Not being able to watch you properly courtesy of the dim lights in the club, mostly dark but when the lights come shot your way then he sees your perfect factions, those big eyes he adores so much and holds his entire world in them. It’s not like he can help it to this point, those feelings just go camping on his heart and mind.
“Hold on-" you blink twice taking a look closer to his lip. There’s a shiny thing on the corner of his lower lip. “You got a piercing?”
He smirks then, and you happen to notice because your full attention is on his lips, corners lifting at your words.
“You like it?”
That question shoots fireworks in the pit of your stomach and makes your gaze turn back to his brown eyes. He has never made a question so personal, so intimate.
“Uh- I…” gulping, your eyes turning to his lips once he licks them. “Well, yes-”
“I’m back” Carl’s voice saves you from saying something really stupid. Something that would get you back to square one. “Hi, I’m Carl”
You want to kill him.
He’s supposed to save you. Not make friends with Jungkook.
“Jungkook” both stretch their hands and your eyes are pin-poning between both since you don’t know what to say. You’re sure you just need to breath. Away from Jungkook. When he’s around, your lungs suddenly seem to forget what they are supposed to do naturally.
And once you tug Carl’s shirt, he gets the hint so Jungkook excuses himself taking the hint, being careful as he whispers that he’ll definitely see you later and your knees get weak. For God’s sakes, he is just a man.
You hate men.
You hate them very much.
Unless it is Jeon Jungkook. Now with a freaking piercing.
❈•≫────≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫────≪•❈
That night went better than you thought, Carl actually spent most part of it talking about his wife and baby-to-come, which every one found endearing. From time to time your eyes couldn’t help but dart to Jungkook, same guy who happened to be staring back, eyes catching his. At some point became hilarious, and his heart came back to live once he could the see corner of your lips curling, his copying yours.
He didn’t make a move for the rest of the night, not that he didn’t want to. Oh, he wanted to. Desperately. But at the same time, he wanted to prove you that he wasn’t there with anyone else nor he desired to go home with anyone and you did notice, trying to shrug off the thought but Jungkook knew that it would linger in your brain.
Days flew by, you seriously start to think that maybe he getting close to you somehow is a product created by your imagination. It has to be, right? You know nothing from him, even though your weekly appointments with Jimin are still on and each time you’re biting your tongue to not ask about him.
Failing of course. Jimin notices and starts telling you something about his week that happens to include Jungkook, in between letting you know that he is okay and hinting that he even misses you.
“Princess, don’t forget to come next friday” your dad reminds you as he ends your call. As if you’re about to suddenly forget about your mom’s birthday.
Leaving your phone again at your bag, you hold your cardigan closer to your body which is freezing as time goes by, having forgotten your gloves at the office and scarf too. Not your fault, but Carl’s. As you enter to the jewelry shop, you mental-note to grab a hot chocolate on your way home.
Counters as soon as you pass the front door, your eyes dazzling at the brightness of ever piece laying inside the counters. You instantly smile, is the perfect gift for your mother. Not that she hadn’t been mentioned for the past few months how much she would love a bracelet engraved. Not at all.
For a brief moment you get lost on the beauty that every ring, bracelet and necklace possess and as you’re about to ask for help, you happen to hear a very familiar voice. Once you would recognize even in a sea of people.
“What do you mean is not ready? I really need it for tonight. Like right now” Jungkook’s back to you, you wish not to be seen but the curiosity hits in.
He’s here to get something? He already found someone?
“I know, sir. We’re just a little bit delayed. It will be ready in about 30 minutes. We apologize. We can have it delivered to your place if you want” the girl in front of him politely answers, offering him an smile.
Jungkook inhales feeling defeated.
“It’s fine, I’ll wait here” then he turns and your freeze.
His eyes getting bigger, fear creeping in to his body and his lips part a bit in shock.
“W-what are you doing here?” he’s quick to ask and you frown at his words.
“What? I am not allowed to go shopping?” no clue why that comes out of your mouth as if teasing him.
“But- but you shouldn’t be here”
“Come again?”
He licks his lips, Jungkook needs to think a way to get you out of there. As fast as he can, so he presses his lips in a thin line. Maybe he’s doomed.
“May we help you with something?” the girl from behind asks to you. And you’re still frowning when you turn to her.
Why is he acting that weird?
Jungkook steps away allowing you to take his place and talk properly, but you still look at him with confused eyes.
The polite girl clears her throat as a reminder of her question, which is why you turn your gaze to her now and search through your bag till you get your phone.
“Yes. I want this bracelet” you mumble as you scroll through your pictures till you found the one that you chose a few days ago. From the options your mother sent you. And so you hand her the phone. “And I need it engraved, please”
“Sure. Can you please make a sketch here?” she hands you one notebook and pencil. You’re awful at drawing so your hand starts attempts to. Her birthday date and her initials, not too much. Just what your mother wants.
“Who is it for?” Jungkook gets closer to you and stares deeply at the draw. He asks out of pure curiosity.
“My mom” you answer back, handing her the draw and the lady asks you to wait a bit, nodding at her and turning again to Jungkook.
Black hair really looks good on him.
Every thing does.
“Wait- another one?” this time you stare closer to his eyebrow.
He grins amused at your reaction.
“You like it?” he asks again, but this time with much a cocky voice and you roll your eyes playfully.
“Are you going through some phase? What’s with the piercings?” you really want to know.
What if he’s dating someone that happens to like piercings and he’s just acting on it. God, why can’t you never shut your mind?
He laughs.
He laughs. And with it bringing a hurricane inside of you, instantly smiling to that beautiful sight. How you missed seeing the way his eyes reach their corners first, eyes following a second later. He holds stars in his eyes.
Without any of you noticing, you both start walking through the aisles, pretending to enjoy the view of many jewelry displayed for you. But Jungkook and you are head over heels for each other, he can’t keep his eyes off you and mentally slaps himself for being such an idiot before.
You’re the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes on.
“Please excuse me. I need to make a call” he mumbles and you nod. Your brain playing scenes of him calling his new girlfriend and letting her know that he’s about to go home to her.
What a tricky thing can be the brain. Convincing you of things that are not really happening. Going through suffer and pain when you could just ask. But you don’t want to nor dare to.
“Please Jimin-hyung, I swear I will pay you. You need to come and get it. It’s getting late” you can barely hear Jungkook’s voice, because he’s trying to be the most quiet he can be.
“I know it’s getting late, you fucking idiot. I’m still at her place finishing the last details. I can’t go” of course you don’t hear Jimin barking at him, stressful enough dealing with Jungkook’s high demands about the night.
“Jiminie, please. I will do anything” Jungkook feels desperate. He so doesn’t want you to see why he is here even though you can take a guess, you don’t have to know.
So Jimin ends up telling him he will pick it up, he can’t never resist the youngest. So know Jungkook sighs relieved and turns to you, instantly all his attention going back to you. Seeing you talk with the same lady about prices and delivers, he only waits by your side.
He feels attracted to you as if is about gravity. He feels himself getting pulled towards you. He can’t help it.
“Did you come here walking?” he asks once you’re both out. Nervousness striking to his guts, and you notice.
Is he hiding something?
“Are you okay, Kook? You seem- weird” the name doesn’t go unnoticed by him and it’s like the millionth times you called him that before but every time feels like the very first time, always calming whatever storm might be crashing his head -and heart-
You hope deep in your heart that he makes a move, because you so desperately want to kiss him, forgetting the very reason you left him in the first place, which was for your own good. And the reminders sinks in again, making you feel this itchy pain you thought you were past.
“I’m fine, baby. I was thinking I could take you home” shyness takes the best of his words and your heart almost stops at the pet-name. But then his eyes grow big, and for a moment you think he’s taking it back, “unless you don’t want to, I don’t want to force you into anything- if you don’t want to then it’s fine. I mean- not that I want you to go back for yourself but-”
He starts blunting. And the grin covering your lips makes him smile too, “what’s so funny?”
“I’m fine with you taking me home”
The smile on his lips growing wider at your words and he stretches his hand for you to hold. There’s a moment you hesitate, looking at his hand and then at him.
What’s the worst that could happen from only holding his hand, right?
Jungkook gets it. He gets the doubts crossing your eyes and if it pains him to know he’s the only guilty, he’s also aware that he would wait for you a whole lifetime. Whatever it takes. But when you hold him, he’s careful as he intertwines your fingers and taking your hand up to his lips to give a gentle kiss.
As he drives, he can see it now. He can see all the green flags that were always there for him but he was dumb enough to ignore them. Now realizing how much calm you bring to him and this time he allows himself give yourself to you, even though if he hasn’t told you yet. You’re so hypnotizing, you always got him laughing even from the dumbest things and even smiling on his sleep because if there’s one thing he thinks about before going to bed, it’s you. Before he couldn’t allow himself to reach for the sweetness you offered him, the love, the caring, all those feelings… it was too much for him. He couldn’t risk let his hopes get high because every hello ends with a goodbye, lesson his parents taught him.
But you feel different. He feels himself falling harder for you, the way your eyes shine when you stare at him. God, how much he wishes to always see that. One might could think that once you fall in love then that’s it, well, it’s not that way with you. He falls deeper and deeper. But if you were to ask him, he doesn’t feel as if he’s falling. It feels like he’s flying.
When he finally gets to your place, some part of you think your brain’s tricking you into thinking that the driving took longer than it should. But no, Jungkook has his reasons. He was actually just waiting for Jimin’s text to let him now he was back, only then he tried to drive faster. Now that you could notice any of that, you were too busy thinking about how it feels new.
“Wanna come in?” you ask him, not regretting it, at least not instantly. He turns to you and nods with a twisting smile as he turns off the engine.
He’s quick to get out of the car only to open your door and give you his hand to hold, again, which surprises you. His heart is beating faster inside his chest.
“You’re holding my hand too much tonight. What if you let me fall?” you swear you try to tease him, but words come out as there’s a second meaning behind them.
”It’s okay, baby. I’m here to catch you now” he whispers once you’re out, right in front of him, his body only mere inches away. And God, you’ve said it before but he’s way too more handsome up close.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Jungkook feels his heart about to explode. He wants to kiss you so badly, but he has to wait. So he settles for leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. Completely melting you. He has never done that. He even takes one second before backing away again, and you close your eyes at the sensation of his lips pressing against your skin. From body to toe, your whole body reacting to him instantly.
“Can you let me change in your bathroom?” his voice gets you out of trance, eyes staring at the way he gets from the backseat one suit-bag and a box of shoes.
“You have somewhere else to be?” he hears the sad tone marking your words, you swallow hard.
Did you just imagine everything that has happened so far?
Without waiting for his reply, you start walking to the front door and he hurries to get to you, biting his lip to stop himself from talking what he wants you to see with your own -and beautiful- eyes.
He doesn’t answer though and it makes you nervous, because your mind’s starts tricking you again, and you’re already trying to find a name for the girl he’s about to meet.
You open the door and something feels odd, actually everything is in its right place but something just doesn’t quit fit.
“Could you please stay here?” he pleads. “I’ll go get changed super quick, but please don’t move from here”
Huh?
The only thing you get to do is nod, and he disappears quickly to your bathroom. Leaving you with a frown and confusion all over your face. What’s going on?
You take off your coat and leave your handbag too, sigh leaving your mouth as you’re about to take a sit. But there’s something strange, you don’t hear the same silence that receives you every day. Gosh, maybe you’re just overthinking, as always.
The back of your head leaning to the couch as you allow yourself to close your eyes while Jungkook comes out, and without you expecting it, there’s a smile curling from your lips at the simple thought of him. But gets you back to where you were: it feels weird. Something’s off.
Then you hear Jungkook clearing his throat and your eyes fly open, lips parting at the sight of you. And you’re speechless. Your reaction gaining a smirk from him, and he suddenly feels shy. Exposed even. Which is why he licks his lips and turns to look at his shoes, suddenly finding the items entertaining.
But hell. He looks hot.
Black tuxedo covering his body. Even so, anyone could still notice just how wide his upper body is. White shirt underneath, even his cologne gets to you and you find yourself standing to get close to him. Black bow matching with his suit, and before you can stop yourself, your hands are aligning right the bow. Getting him to look at you again, and there are again those doe eyes that make your body feel so weak.
“Please understand I’ve never done this before, this is unknown territory from me, so bare with me, yeah?” you’ve never seen him this shy. Not towards anyone and certainly not to you.
But there’s again a frown on your face as you rethink his words, but he doesn’t let you dwell on them before taking both of your hands and starts walking to the back of your house. Turning just one second to open up the doors but he stops himself.
“Close your eyes, baby” you definitely can get used to the pet-name.
There’s a devil in his smile chasing you, so you nod before closing your eyes trying not to let your mind wander away. You perfectly hear the sigh escaping his so kissable lips before hearing the sound of the doors being open. He takes your hands again helping you to get in to your backyard.
“Open” he whispers.
Oh my god, the first words leaving your mouth cause Jungkook to smile, forgetting about anything else in the world. Nothing can be as important as seeing you his happy. Nothing else matters. Jungkook wishes to take a picture only to save it for his whole life, eyes shining as bright as the moon once they wander through the room. And he mentally does.
Roses.
Red roses everywhere.
How can they even fit here?
There are red roses covering every inch of the room and you gasp, then eyes setting to the middle of the room where there’s a white table, candles lighting up the beautiful scene.
“H-how?” you’re speechless. Which is why you’re not sure why you ask that.
Jungkook giggles at your reaction because you’re till not looking at him. His giggles gathering your attention and suddenly turn to him now, and he sees the gleam in your eyes, there are tears building in them.
“There’s a rose for each day I’ve spent loving you” there are sirens in the beat of your heart. You must be dreaming. It feels like a dream. “You can go to your room and find the rest there too”
“Kook” you’re still speechless.
Tears blurring your sight. But these are happy tears. You feel so happy, like you haven’t in a while and there’s calm owning your heart.
“You like it, baby?”
He gets closer to you, hands leaning to cup your cheeks gently. New too. He’s never held you like this.
Jungkook’s thumbs cleaning the tears that are now falling from your eyes. And he lets you take a moment before speaking again. He even understands if it’s too much for you. As he thought before, he’s willing to wait as long as it takes to be with you.
“I-I love it, Kook” your words are still stuck in your throat. What can you say that can resemble what he’s doing for you?
“Here” he says as he reaches something inside the bag of his pants, a gasp escaping your eyes as he takes out a little black box. He holds it in front of you, and opens it.
A beautiful ring.
A silver ring with a big diamond in the middle. Then it crashes your mind the memory. When he accompanied you to the same shop you just met earlier that night, for you to buy a necklace for your little sister for Christmas. And you spot that ring, eyes unable to apart from it. You never told him, but at the moment you pictured the time when he might give it to you. Day-dreaming as you used to.
But now you come back to reality. He’s there. In front of you. Holding the ring. When you though he didn’t even notice. But he did. He panicked at the time, seeing the way your eyes shone to the sight of it. But then, a month ago he went straight to that shop to ask for it, it was already sold -obviously- which is why he payed a big amount to get another one done. And it was worthy, every dollar payed for it, it was worth it as he sees tears making your eyes gleam again.
“It’s a promise-ring” he whispers, inhaling deep to prepare for what he is about to say, “I know I was a dick, baby. I know I put you through a lot and I regret it, I wish I would have treated you better. But I’m here now” Jungkook bites his lower lip, eyes searching yours. “It’s a promise-ring. So when you see it, it can remind you that I’m here. That I’m not going away. I found out in the hard way that it’s you. You’re it. You feel like home. I want to face every damn thing with you, the calm, the storm. We’ll face it all, my love. I’m not letting you go. God, I’m so in love with you. I swear. I should have realized sooner, but I’m here now. And I won’t let you go, if you give me the chance”
The he realizes just what he just said and his eyes grow big, “I’m not saying I don’t want to marry you- I swear. I do want to, marry you, you know. But it’s only a promise ring” he blurts and you start giggling at the sight of Jungkook’s nervousness taking the best of him. “But I want to marry you!” he clarifies and when he’s about to open his lips to utter some words, you take the box in your hands and immediately cross your arm through his shoulder to bring him closer and kiss him.
When you pressed your lips against his, you tasted sweet to him. You always did, but now it’s different because he’s allowing himself to drown in your taste. And when his tongue slips into your mouth, you’re even sweeter. The kiss isn’t needed or rushed. He can feels your fingers threading to his hair with now your other arm pulling him closer too, as his hands go straight to your waste to press you against him.
How many nights he had dreamed about this.
He is sure once again, he doesn’t want you to be another notch of his belt as other girls were, to use and discard once he get what he wanted. You deserve way more than that and he’s willing to give everything in his power for you get that every damn thing you deserve.
Jungkook wishes to be there for you when you feel yourself exhausted, returning home from a tiring day only to find him already waiting for you. He wishes to wake up every day to your face, going to bed every night in his arms. He wishes to be the one you take home and introduce to your family. He wishes for the whole world to see a man-deeply in love with you when you go out. He wishes to take you on so many dates. He wishes to give you flowers every day, for each day he didn’t and each day there’s ahead of your adventure together. He wants to be there for you.
He wants to be with you. Only you.
Seconds fly away, but time freezes for you. Wishing for the shared moment to be eternal. And it will be, for both.
“About the marry thing-” you smile between kisses and take one step away only to settle one hand on his chest while the other one still holds the tiny box, “Some day, sure” he wants to frame those words. That moment.
Because for a brief moment there was this thought that killed him, that maybe you might reject him, that you might hesitate but there’s no trace of any of that as you tell him that. And he leans again to peck your lips, several times, causing your smile to grow wider.
“Remember when you sent those roses? And the message?” he nods as his eyes look at you attentively, fingers squeezing gently your waist. “Why you didn’t talk to me after that?”
“Well. Someone told me that giving presents to someone who wants time apart it’s like pressuring them, and I didn’t want you to feel pressured, not you know, after all” he traces his words as soft as you’ve never heard before.
“You should ditch that someone because it’s a lame advice to that situation. I wanted more from that” you pour and he finds you adorable, he can’t help himself as he leans again to kiss you softly.
“But it wasn’t just someone” Jimin’s voice chiming in causes you to jump a little bit in Jungkook’s grasp. “You should have seen the hours he spent reading crappy blogs on the internet about how to get the girl back” he mocks Jungkook, but for you, it is cute.
“Were you?” you turn to Jungkook again, whose eyes hold two big guns against Jimin’s head and Jimin laughs at it, finding the memory amusing still.
“Okay, no need to repeat that” Jungkook tries to hide the grin on his lips, as he leans again to kiss you, a second longer as he savors your lips. He could kiss you forever.
Jimin smiles at the sight, feeling genuinely happy about how his best friend went from 0 to a million with you. From not wanting to love you, to making you this romantic dinner as if he was proposing you marriage. And he gets back inside the house. When you notice he’s gone, Jungkook answers to the confusion in your eyes: “He helped me with all this, and he’s taking care of dinner as we speak. Wanna sit?”
He doesn’t want to let you go, he wishes to hold you forever. But you nod, and he again kisses you, feeling the need to kiss you in every chance he gets, and of course he will. Oh, he will.
“Wait-” he remembers as he gets you back in place again, the place obviously being his arms, this time tugging you closer, not getting enough of you. And hell, at the moment he even wishes to go straight to make love to you. Jungkook places his hand on your cheek, caressing your skin as softly as if it was one of the many petals decorating the room. And you see it, that sparkle in his eyes, that look you’ve only seen tonight but not before. Before you just were used to see a battle going on in his mind and sight, struggling for not knowing what to do with what you offered him. But now, there’s something more. “I love you”
Now, as he kisses you as he means those three words he wasn’t able to say out loud before, Turning Page by Sleeping at Last playing softly in the background -song he especially chose and added to the playlist only made for tonight-, your warm body presses against his, he knows. There is no other way around it, everything clicks, and he wishes to have more moments like this with you, intimate moments. Because he looks at you and only wishes to stare longer at your ethereal face. He loves you and only wishes to love you a lot more than the second that just passed. He wants more of this- a lot more of time, forever if he can ask for that long; that he can’t imagine himself being with anyone else but you. Nothing seems as important as placing his heart in front of you and ask you to please keep it for as long as you’d like.
He is yours. And plans to stay yours for as long as you want.
Forever, that’s what you want too. And you let him now at the way you respond to his kiss. Heart on your sleeve only for him, giving him your entire being for him to hold and lean on.
Sorry for bother you, but I wanted to tell you that I love your stories specially “the other woman”… also I wanted to asked if you will update it soon, if not don’t worry, I don’t want to put pressure on you, take your time; it’s just that I check your profile everyday 😅😅(sorry for my english it’s not my first language)
First of all, no need to be sorry, English is not my first language either 😊 and you’re not bothering me at all, I truly appreciate your ask, thank you so much for reading my stories and I’m really glad you like them 🫶🏻
As for the updating, I stopped because I went through a rough patch that I’m still trying to work my way out of it, but ever since last week I’ve been writing again and I think I will update on the next few days, and I’m working on new stories too. Please hold on just a little bit 🥺💗
author’s note: I spent the whole day working on this one, I hate myself for writing this way about my bias but I couldn’t help myself. There is a lot of angst, and I’m pretty sure there won’t be a happy ending but I’m still not totally sure. Feedback is always welcomed <3 enjoy!
warnings: mentions of sex, smut obviously but just light, a looot of angst, mentions of abortion between the lines, jin is super rude and a cheater, unprotected sex, oc has a lot of issues but please try to understand her. seokjin dom for obvious reasons.
chapters: O1, O2, O3.
songs:
• halsey – is there somewhere
• lana del rey – terrence loves you
• taylor swift – illicit affairs
• marina – starring role
• amy winehouse – back to black
• patrick watson – je te laisserai des mots
• lykke li – unrequited love
• taylor swift – wildest dreams
• lana del rey – the blackest day
• nancy sinatra – bang bang
You are lying if you ever admit out loud how exactly all of this started, how one single glimpse of the so handsome man standing in front of you back then, introducing himself as your brother’s best friend and his fiancé lead to now having his cock inside of you, pounding into you almost as his life depends on it. Groans leaving his plump and pink lips, the same that just minutes ago were bringing heaven to you as he ate you out.
‘‘Fuck dolly, you feel so good around me,’’ you vaguely smile, full on the extasis his pace showers you. Mind completely clouded to dwell on the fact that the only praises he ever gives to you happen to be when his cock is disappearing inside your cunt.
He’s been fucking you for some time now, which is why doesn’t surprise you when he commands you to cum with him for the last time and you’re quick to comply, coming undone only for him and there’s this orgasm-smile curling his lips as he watches you from above, praising you again as you squirt while he still pounds into you, quicker this time and that’s when he can’t hold it anymore, groaning loudly as his cum fills you in. His glorious lips now kissing the crook of your neck, the same skin that now is fully marked by him just as much as his back is totally scratched by your nails, and you rejoice when you do because that’s the only trace in him that proves his wife that he belongs to you- even though he does not belong to you.
That’s when you come to your senses again and so it returns the sting of pain in your chest, the realization that he is married, that he only uses you when it’s convenient to him, that he’s in love with her and not you. And yet, you live for these moments. Moments when it’s only you and him, bodies intertwining as if they belonged to each other. Those moments when you’re so full of him that you can’t even remember your own name.
‘‘Are you coming tomorrow?’’ his voice brings you back to this world, the world that hates you so much that doesn’t give you a chance to love properly the man that’s currently dressing in the clothes that he so quickly dismissed right before fucking you.
‘‘I don’t have a choice really,’’ you stand up too and start dressing, only that this time you’ll have to return home comando. ‘‘It’s your birthday’s wife after all’’
author’s note: I spent the whole day working on this one, I hate myself for writing this way about my bias but I couldn’t help myself. There is a lot of angst, and I’m pretty sure there won’t be a happy ending but I’m still not totally sure. Feedback is always welcomed <3 enjoy!
warnings: mentions of sex, smut obviously but just light, a looot of angst, mentions of abortion between the lines, jin is super rude and a cheater, unprotected sex, oc has a lot of issues but please try to understand her. seokjin dom for obvious reasons.
chapters: O1, O2, O3.
songs:
• halsey – is there somewhere
• lana del rey – terrence loves you
• taylor swift – illicit affairs
• marina – starring role
• amy winehouse – back to black
• patrick watson – je te laisserai des mots
• lykke li – unrequited love
• taylor swift – wildest dreams
• lana del rey – the blackest day
• nancy sinatra – bang bang
You are lying if you ever admit out loud how exactly all of this started, how one single glimpse of the so handsome man standing in front of you back then, introducing himself as your brother’s best friend and his fiancé lead to now having his cock inside of you, pounding into you almost as his life depends on it. Groans leaving his plump and pink lips, the same that just minutes ago were bringing heaven to you as he ate you out.
‘‘Fuck dolly, you feel so good around me,’’ you vaguely smile, full on the extasis his pace showers you. Mind completely clouded to dwell on the fact that the only praises he ever gives to you happen to be when his cock is disappearing inside your cunt.
He’s been fucking you for some time now, which is why doesn’t surprise you when he commands you to cum with him for the last time and you’re quick to comply, coming undone only for him and there’s this orgasm-smile curling his lips as he watches you from above, praising you again as you squirt while he still pounds into you, quicker this time and that’s when he can’t hold it anymore, groaning loudly as his cum fills you in. His glorious lips now kissing the crook of your neck, the same skin that now is fully marked by him just as much as his back is totally scratched by your nails, and you rejoice when you do because that’s the only trace in him that proves his wife that he belongs to you- even though he does not belong to you.
That’s when you come to your senses again and so it returns the sting of pain in your chest, the realization that he is married, that he only uses you when it’s convenient to him, that he’s in love with her and not you. And yet, you live for these moments. Moments when it’s only you and him, bodies intertwining as if they belonged to each other. Those moments when you’re so full of him that you can’t even remember your own name.
‘‘Are you coming tomorrow?’’ his voice brings you back to this world, the world that hates you so much that doesn’t give you a chance to love properly the man that’s currently dressing in the clothes that he so quickly dismissed right before fucking you.
‘‘I don’t have a choice really,’’ you stand up too and start dressing, only that this time you’ll have to return home comando. ‘‘It’s your birthday’s wife after all’’
this broke my heart🥺💔poor oc got herself into a sticky situation and things are only getting worse!!! seokjin is an ass and I personally would like to have his ass whooped bc he definitely deserves it so far (but I’m hoping for some character development, or just him getting a punch in the face)
synopsis: whenever your life feels like is finally going through a good pad, always comes the reminder that nothing good lasts. certainly not when you see him again.
author’s note: it really took me a looot to finally decide which draft would make it alive, but here it is, an interlude to spare some details that will definitely be mentioned in the next chapter. hope you like it, feedback is always welcomed, I would love to hear your thoughts about what you think might come next. enjoy <3
warnings: I don’t think there are any jshdjd but of course it includes angst, some mentions of parenting issues and Seokjin not knowing how much of a dick he is but what else is new, oc is too sensible due to hormones but she deserves to be happy, the pov varies and it’s not so clear for obvious reasons, aaaand Misuk is really suspicious 🫣
chapters: O1, interlude I, O2, interlude II, O3.
''I swear I will fucking kill you.'' it's all you whisper through clenched teeth to both Seonho and Yoongi.
Your big brother is trying to suppress a laugh by biting his lower lip because you're not the kind to curse, the only exception being when you're really really mad and well, not is his fault- and Seonho's. Both men watch you disappear inside your current room at Seonho's place, which has been yours too since four months ago, it's been quite a journey if someone were to ask you. However, what is quite a journey is the fact that both men tricked you by bringing your father- who you hadn't seen or heard of since months ago.
You may think that it took a lot to convince the man to come and reach out first, but it actually wasn't. Once Yoongi let out about your pregnancy even his brows furrowed completely went up to show surprise. Your brother left a deep exhale out hips and lips in relief seeing that your father isn't disappointed in you, he just wants to be there for you from now on.
''How far are you?'' after a few seconds of silence in that room Seonho put a lot of effort into making it comfortable for you and the baby still growing inside your belly, now clearly visible even through the oversized t-shirt you're wearing. Out of muscle reflect, your hands immediately are placed on top of your baby's house –for the meantime–. “Y/n? Please look at me''
Your father's mentally praying that you won't turn your back on him, even though he pretty much deserves it, he wants to be close to both you and the baby. What he's missing is that thanks to the stupid hormones basically ruling you day-by-day you're currently on the edge of breaking down, because from the minute he walked into the apartment there is not that haughty aura surrounding him, but he seems ashamed. His shoulders are still curving as if he would like to go unnoticed by you.
When you finally gain courage enough to look at him, you find out he's already closer to your figure, eyes filled with worry and regret, he looks apologetic. And he is, if anyone would go dive inside his mind they would only find out that he's been spending the last few months thinking about how he should have been a better father both to Yoongi and you, but mostly you- you always were distant from him and the few times he tried to create a bond between both, he failed time after time obviously because it was too late.
You clear your throat while your eyes try to blink away the tears that are threatening to come out any second now, ''I'm about to turn 7 months''.
By the second you end with your sentence, there are already waterworks leaking down your cheeks and the moment Mr. Min notices them he panics given that he's not the best at that parenting thing, he never was. He never was sure of what he was supposed to do whenever you were hurt. So the best thing he comes up with is to close the inches that separated your bodies and carefully place his hands on your shoulders to tug you closer to his chest, hugging you. Much to his surprise, you hold onto his suit and start sobbing in his chest. Comes to your mind the many circumstances that lead you to break down throughout your life and how he should have been there, your father's place should have been by your side, comforting you.
''I'm sorry, princess. I'm really sorry.'' You're not certain if he means it, but you will take it.
You accept it because you want your baby to be surrounded by family. You don't wish for her to walk the same path you did, no, you're determined to load her with all the love you can. It's kinda funny if you think about it, how you spent most of your life not even loving yourself and now the only thing you want the most is to make her feel your love.
From the moment the doctor joyfully announced that indeed is a girl, while your eyes overflowed with tears –thanks to the beating heart that was filling the room– were on the monitor by your side showing the little baby growing in your insides, you just knew that you would give her everything. She deserves the best, and she will have it. All of it.
After a few seconds, your father pulls you away just a few centimeters and his eyes go down to your belly, asking permission with his eyes and you can only nod in response while the image in front of you clenches your heart in a big dimension. ''I'm sorry that I didn't come before. Yoongi told me last week,'' he pauses when his hands cover the front of your swollen belly, and the touching feeling that sets in his heart creates a sigh escaping his lips, ''but I couldn't come empty-handed, right?''
It takes a few seconds for your brain to process the information of what that means to your father, your brows now knitted showing confusion and the corner of his lips curling once he notices, one of his hands reaching inside his pocket, eyes never leaving you as he takes out two credit cards and a set of keys. Only then is now that he notices how much you really resemble your mother, it's like you were only copy-pasted, and much like your mom, your beauty is breathtaking. All of you are.
''Dad, no.'' your voice comes out shaky, due to the fact that you don't want him to think you want his money. You don't. You only want your father. And even though you didn't think he had the ability, he basically reads the look on your face as if he is reading your mind and is quick to take both of your hands with one big of his.
''Let me explain, princess. No-'' your dad shakes his head as he corrects himself, ''allow me to do what I should have done years ago.'' He knows that money won't cut it completely, but still, he's certain you will need it. Parenting is never easy, not emotionally or economically.
''These are the keys to your new place, okay? Is already furnished with Yoongi's and Misuk's help but feel free to change whatever you want, is your home now,'' his words cause you to sob once again but before he tries to console you again, he hands you both of the cards too. ''One for you and one for her, okay?''
Your father is scared to the bone that you will turn down his help because you've always been like that, even a couple of times yelling at him that he can't make up his mistakes by throwing money at them, but even if he's terrified, he doesn't show it, the tone of his voice is firm, contrary to his eyes that manifest care for his daughter.
''But dad-''
''Let me finish, baby.'' He widely smiles by then, showing his gums too and you can't help but copy him almost as muscle memory because it has been ages since your father smiled at you. Not like that. Reminding you how many times you used to touch his lips when you were little, assuring him that he was your gummy because of his gummy smile. ''A trust fund is already settled for when she turns 15, that's from your grandfather. He didn't only leave money for Yoongi and you, he was a clever man.''
You gasp at the words considering the amount of information you're receiving in a short span of time. ''And there is another one, from me, will be released the moment you say.''
''Dad-'' he goes to interrupt you again, now coming with the strongest card he holds under his sleeve.
''Oh no, that's not it,'' there is a tease in his voice, to him you look completely adorable with your brows furrowed as you go back to your state of perplexity. ''Your complex is just a block from mine, so we can meet anytime you want. Please.''
It doesn't sound like a command, more like a plea from him for you to forgive him. That's what you read. That's what his eyes are showing to you, a shower of regrets and hurt. Hurt by the thought of not being the father you deserved. You don't even notice when there are more tears making their own way to your chin, sniffing out all the sentiments that are hitting you one after another.
Being completely done, he once again embraces your body in a soft hug, carefully to not squeeze your big belly but it's enough for him. It's enough for you to feel him this close, the warmth that you so much need at such uncertain times. Because no one knows Seokjin's the father of your child. Nobody even asks out of prudence, it's not like many people know that you're pregnant anyway, but it won't take much for them to notice– not, especially when you're attending your brother's birthday party next week. But eventually, the question will meet the surface and that's your current biggest fear, even though Seonho's already told you that he won't mind if people think it's his, you still don't want to go down that road. It's not fair to him. It's not fair for your baby to create a web of lies, being enough that she will never know who her real father is.
He doesn't even care what's going on with you. You're pretty sure that he doesn't even remember you anymore, as what you have taken from the news, his full attention is on his family– his new baby to come. Your heart can't help but ache at the sight, a reminder that even if he knew you are pregnant with his baby, he would never be like that with you. Because you're not Hana. You're not his big love. So it's better like that, you come to conclusion that is best for him not to know– even best for you 'cause it will destroy you even more if your thoughts come true.
[ 𖦊 ]
Seokjin thinks he will be the worst dad to ever exists.
He feels his guilty building up again when his eyes land on his beautiful way standing just a feet away from him, looking radiant as always with that navy blue dress tightening perfectly his body and obviously showing up her swallowed belly. Hana smiles at everyone that gets closer to them to congratulate them, being exact with their comments about how she should be laying in bed given that only the next week they will receive their baby. And Jin gets terrified only of the thought because the excitement is no longer there for him. It went away the second Hana with excitement adorning his voice that the baby was kicking her for the very first time and although he felt the enthusiasm crawling through his veins when he rested his hands on the barely –back then– seen belly of his beautiful wife, the baby kicked again. And just like that, it was gone. The connection evaporated away.
''Baby, I will take a sit for a moment.'' Hana turned to whisper before leaving a peck on his plump limps, he nodded trying to smile and hiding how much he hates himself.
Jin feels repulsed by himself because his marriage is not what it was.
He despises the fact that even though he clearly doesn't miss you, at some point of the day he comes to the conclusion that he could be washing his worries away if only you were there to please him. The kind of pleasure he doesn't receive with his wife.
He loathes that even if one baby is always supposed to make a marriage to be perfect, it only seems that they are driving each other away. Something feels off, and he hates that he has no idea what it is. Just great, he won't have a connection with his own son and he's not that head over heels for Hana anymore.
''Here hyung,'' a glass of champagne is placed in front of him, as his eyes lead him to the very owner of said hand holding the glass, reaching Yoongi with a crook smile, his best friend padding his shoulder. ''You really need it, you look like hell.''
Yoongi tries to tease him but obviously is not working. As his best friend, Yoongi knows that something is different, he can sense it with Hana too but both of them are stubborn enough to ignore it. So they haven't talked about it, according to what Jin has told Yoongi anyway. They don't seem the lovely couple whole Seoul used to ship, sometimes only acting as if they were only roommates.
''You're old, y'know?'' Jin calls out to his best friend, who in response only rolls his eyes and scoffs.
''You're older.''
''Yah! It's only one year!'' Yoongi can't help but laugh at the way his best friend always seems offended by that simple remark.
Yoongi feels incredibly happy. There are no words that would amount to such a heavenly feeling for him. He feels lucky. His marriage with Misuk just keeps getting better day by day, of course, they have some arguments from time to time but nothing big. His baby sister is having a baby, and when you first told him the news, the first thought that came to his was that you are really young but tried to brush it off because you sounded unsure. He didn't like how sad you sounded. This is why he decided to do everything in his power to keep you happy, as you deserve to be each day of your life. Your dad is finally on good terms with you and after some hard convincing work, you ended up accepting what he offered to you. On the material side, the company is on its way up and even the board is deciding the best next place in Europe to buy a building to expand there too.
Everything is great.
Not that he will ever admit it with words, but he thinks this is the best birthday ever. Nothing too big, more like an intimate gathering with his closest friends a family, dinner made by Misuk, and the chocolate cake bought by Seonho and you after you insisted that if someone had to be in charge of something as delicious as a cake then it had to be you.
Whenever his thoughts get to the whole topic that is Seonho and you, as a couple, he tries to find the exit sign every damn time because if he's honest, he doesn't get it. But again, he has no saying in your decisions. It is your life and if you're okay with your decisions then that's fine by them– kind of.
''Yoongi! Y/n is here!''
At the mention of your name by Misuk's announcement, Jin's head snapped to the door without noticing how he swallowed and a wave of agitation washes his heart. Yoongi doesn't notice again, but Misuk does.
She clearly sees how Seokjin immediately drinks the whole glass in just one sip and grips it with so much strength that she even winces at the thought of him breaking it, but it never happens. Not when her attention is stolen by Yoongi's giggling when he calls your name and Misuk can't help but smile standing to Jin's side still, her smile reaching her eyes because compared to the last time she saw you two months ago, you look healthier. It is enough for her.
Misuk never mettled in your personal matters as much of a sister she thinks of you, it's not her place. But her heart hurt whenever she caught you crying, and it doesn't take a genius to know why you were crying, especially once you admitted that the baby's not Seonho, and still, you never admitted who's the real father.
But if Misuk's well known for something, is for her capability to join every dot. Every signal, she notices. She sees what's not so visible to others. Just as easy as her eyes are witnessing how your body tenses when your eyes pass her to set on the broad man you're definitely not ready to see again. She definitely notices the flash of panic that conveys in your eyes. And hell, of course, she catches sight of Seokjin's jaw tightening when Seonho's hand goes straight to your waist in order to pull you closer to his body in some kind of protection.
It's even a little funny seeing how tense the air became the moment you walked to greet Misuk, but you can't help how your heart stops the second your eyes caught Jin's. Heart sinking in the middle of the sea when you notice how charming he looks, handsome as always with that same strong aura, failing to miss Jin's shock still written all over his face only to your sister-in-law 'cause you're definitely so lost in your own thoughts as deep as he is.
I have like a 30% written of the part two from the other woman, but as I re-read it in order to edit the chapter I just don’t like it anymore. So today I’ll just write a new one 🥲
Just wanted to let you know that I love Tis the damn season!
ow! 🥺 thank u so much! It actually means a lot because it holds a big place in my heart but even though I have the idea for the next chapter and wrote some drafts, they don’t make the cut. I’ll try to update it soon though. Thank u again 🥺💗
Do you have a timeline for the other woman Kim seokjin fancfic
not really, sweetie ☹️ there are some days that I’m really busy and loaded with a lot of work which makes it impossible for me to write during the day. But I’m so into the story that I’m planning to upload next chapter in one week exactly, if I have it earlier then earlier ofc, I’ll try my best 🫰🏻
Can you write more mistress stuff and van you recommend some fics on it too?please?
the other woman will have two more chapters! and to be honest I’ve never read any story where oc is the mistress, I only find those where the member cheats on oc :(
Im very angry at taehyung in only his. I hope OC will get her happiness 😭
I think we all are, but he seems so hot 😭😭😭 she deserves to be happy though, only that sometimes it can be so difficult to let someone you love that much go
