sit my ass at home

oh! hello. welcome to myspace. gongractulations

[kygerbearr]

mid-conversation I toss a pistol onto the table not to suggest or imply anything but just to change the situation a little

[teaboot]

Names that are normal for old people but weird when you're a baby:

Bartholomew

Dolores

Norman

Harold

Magnolia

Names that are normal for babies but weird when you're old:

Maddison

Tanner

Skylar

Mckenzie

Logan

Names that are normal for old people and normal for babies:

Elizabeth

Mary

Michael

Finnegan

Peter

Names that are weird when you're a baby and weird when you're old:

Radish

Kerosene

Australopithecus

Anthill

Hedgemony

Names that are weird when you're normal:

Balthazar

Romulus

Clandestia

Persephone

Kremulon

Names that are normal when you're weird:

Al

[papasmoke]

He's so cool

[skittynation]

ok well my phone died and i went off to do something else for a little bit and my app reopened to some bullshit i now have to try and decipher

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[hotvampireadjacent]

[totally-kasane-teto]

@ buresu_U

[lymphonodge]

[ka-waltz]

rhyming couplet written by craigslist

[capacity2]

They flew to the moon 🥹 okay….. like okay…. I’m supposed to give a fuck ???? It’s like everyone’s on drugs

[hotvampireadjacent]

[orcboxer]

wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.

[orcboxer]

experiencing microaggressions apparently

[c-bassmeow]

This is the funniest tweet of the entire year

[xaveria]

noticed my coworker was on tumblr so i told them “i like your shoelaces” and they said “never say that out loud to me”

[xaveria]

this is the correct response btw

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was woken up (in the dream) by my girlfriend to the news that our roommate, (who had irl just gone to a mental health ward) had died and was being unethically reincarnated. the text she showed me in the dream was from her friend going "my best friend just DIED. and theyre turning her into a JUJUTSU KAISEN CHARACTER"

it was a deeply serious and horrifying thing, because she was simply getting isekaied into jjk, and presumably wouldnt have any powers or anything.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[dogpuppy]

[chkq-deactivated20260531]

dude no way

[nyancrimew]

"for other uses, see..." bro what other uses

[pastabot]

[marshals-2]

Actually he took out a gun with which he shot himself

[spaghetti-explod]

why did the italian restaurant give him a gun instead of a meatball marinara......

[sugarfriedspice]

They didn’t the meme is fake to trick people. he didn’t get a sandwich he shot himself in the news because he got accused that he was doing embezzlement and was in trouble so he just took out a gun from the bag and killed himself but not from an Italian restaurant he just brought it from home

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i feel like he would’ve had a better time with a meatball sub to be perfectly honest