The Last Book on the Left
By the Last Podcast on the Left.
"I am paid literally hundreds of dollars to suck on television."
"Always use a condom."
"I'm actually supposed to be a very important millionaire."
"Disgustingly, this is an actual genre on Pornhub."
"This is before they started killing people!"
"There are more red flags in this relationship than what you see in Google Maps when you search for bagel shops in Brooklyn."
"You have no business having this level of confidence."
"Now I am scared."
"None of us care what you learn in your fancy law school books."
"They might as well have been driving Jigsaw's bicycle."
"If you want to get out of responsibilities, you do something badly and no one asks you to do it again."
"It would be really inspiring if it didn't lead to so much homicide."
"Most cold-blooded SOB is Stone Cold Steve Austin."
"I hope to play them in the eventual CW teen drama about his life."
"It's hard for a parent to comprehend their child might be a vampire."
"You gotta get good at the cunnilingus and keep yourself in the game."
"Oh wait, that's bad."
"Fucking metal! But also incredibly scary."
"This is like blaming the road for you crashing your car while drunk."
"I can't be mixing any thoughts of brunch into this."
"Remind me to get a 'not welcome' sign on my door immediately!"
"You look at them like Wayne looked at the Excalibur guitar in Wayne's World."
"Here is where I tap out like Kurt Angle tapped to Chris Jericho."
"You're living a metal god's dream."
"Most homosexual lifestyles involve going to work, making dinner, watching Top Chef, and going to sleep."
"I will say if someone really loves kombucha, they might be a serial killer."
"More information that gives me pause regarding my friendships."
"Evidently the recipe isn't the only secret there."
"That's a city ordinance violation."
"Excuse me while my skin crawls off my body."
"I would have loved to see their Tinder profile."
"I also haven't committed dozens of murders."
"I am certain this made you very popular at school."
"You're finally ready for Hollywood!"
"Weed makes me want to watch movies, eat a burrito, and stare at the sky to see if any stars move."
"I'm completely romanticizing the life of a detective."
"When are you guys going to catch that motherfucker?"
"Life you haven't stroked it covered in popcorn."
"But those people are nerds."
"We've got a nerd alert!"
"It really was a different time for angry mobs of people."
"It's official, I am never having children."
"This is why I only hung out with the troublemakers in school."
"I fucking hate you."
"I do it better and I can come faster."
"And what I wouldn't give for a taste of that sweet Baba Yaga milk."
"This is where humor saves people from becoming a cannibal."
"You have to put the blame on yourself if you get caught."
"Nothing good happens under a bridge."
"Sounds like a Hardy Boys mystery."
"I'm not going to sleep for the rest of the week, but it was fascinating information!"
"Similar to when I get super stoned and realize all the Domino's I just ate."
"And I thought the fleshlight was a bit extreme."
"What the hell was going on in the 1980s?"
"I'm never going to trust my neighbors again."











