Calm After The Storm

When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.

[finding-my-strength]

So as you guys know I'm obsessed with cooking and baking. It bring me so much joy to cook or bake a dish for family and friends and see their faces light up at how good it is. This time I decided to make cornbread muffins with the #keliwamuffinpan and it was a major success. This silicone muffin pans makes baking a breeze as they easily slip out and you don't have to work about having liners for the pan or it getting stuck. I totally recommend this product for anyone who loves baking and cooking like me. Give it a try: http://bit.ly/2dhaz0C 😋😋🌽🍞 #baker #cornbread

[gentle-reminder]

gentle reminder

try your best to not carry the entire world on your shoulders - breathe, please, it’s going to be okay

[queenofheartsonthesleeve]

[finding-my-strength]

My Anxiety + Phone Apps That Are Helpful

If you have already read my last post then you know I have been struggling with anxiety for a year now. I have a lot of good days when I feel like I didn't allow my thoughts to control me and I won the battle but I also have some bad days where I allow my thoughts to take over and force me into sheer panic mode. Those days are the worst, where I cry almost all day and feel like I won’t make it to the next.

The first time I noticed that I may have anxiety was a month after my grandma died. My family and I were going on a vacation to North Carolina in a car. We woke up at 2am and hit the road and as much as I wanted to fall asleep, thoughts kept running through my mind that I might not wake up again if I fell asleep. So I stayed up and worried until I got tired enough to knockout. That day was the first day of my worries.

Another time I started feeling like my heart was beating way too fast, I was developing chest pains and of course, I went straight to Google and tried to diagnose myself and that just sent me into a downward spiral of worry. I swore I was having a heart attack. I made my dad take me to the doctor and got a checkup and was completely FINE. My blood pressure was good, he listened to my heart and it was good, I even took blood and my blood test came back great. It was all in MY head. I was causing myself to worry over nothing. I was letting my thoughts control me.

I still am trying to find the balance of letting myself worry but also letting go of the ludicrous thoughts that run through my mind. But I have found some apps that help me in my time of need and thought I would share in case someone else is in the same predicament as me. 

1) Pacifica- I’ve been using this app for about a year now and it helps me tremendously. It allows you to tracks your daily activities and how they might relate to your anxiety. It also provides a relaxation (basically meditation) opportunity, as well as a chance to record your daily thoughts and worries. The best part has to be the chat option which allows you to enter group chats with people who are struggling with the same things as you are like “anxiety, depression, PTSD, Hypochondria etc.

2) Happify- I actually just started using this app and I love it This app uses a series of positive-thinking activities — such as posting about something you’re grateful for or imagining what it would be like in someone else’s shoes — based on what they call the “Science of Happiness.” They also have stress relieving games to take your mind off your worries, even if only for a little bit.

3) 7 Cups- Another app that I just recently got into and like so far. This app allows you to follow a path of 7 steps where you answer questions like “writing down three things you are thankful for”. It also allows you to chat one on one with a “listener” who is like your personal counselor and gives you advice on whatever you’re going through.

4) Anxiety Coloring- this happens to be my favorite because it’s not just an app, you can buy anxiety coloring books online or even in book stores and allow it to take your stress away for a little while. They even have some that come with positive quotes on those not so positive days. Highly recommend them and even the app which is called Coloring Therapy.

I hope theses apps find you and help you just like they help me and I’m always here to talk. This world is very cruel so whenever we can just love one another and help one another, I’m all for it.

Until Next Time,

Lana

[cwote]

A Dozen Daily Reminders...

The past cannot be changed.

Someone else’s opinion doesn’t define you.

Everyone’s journey is different.

Things always get better with time.

Overthinking will lead to sadness.

Happiness is within you.

Positive thoughts create positive things.

Smiles are contagious.

Kindness is free.

You only fail if you quit.

What goes around comes around.

All of this is temporary.

[positivelypositivethoughts]

[swaverlys]

I think it makes you clean.

[finding-my-strength]

Update + New Name

It’s kinda funny how I waited until there were literally 4 and a half months left of 2016 to come back to my blog but the quote “better late than never” keeps repeating in my head so I’ll just go with it. Last January when I started this blog I had big plans for how much I would start writing about love, life, my new years goals and even answer some advice from my inbox but unfortunately REAL life got into the way and this blog was officially nonexistent. 

So, where should I begin? 

I have a lot to say and even if nobody ever reads this but me, at least I know that I got all my feelings out and not keep them inside anymore or only talked about with certain close friends or family. First and foremost, those New Years Resolutions were not accomplished and 2015 was not my year of flourishing. It was my year of picking up the pieces and finding my way back after a lot of turmoil.

I graduated college May of 2015 and it was the happiest day of my life and the best part was that my 90 year old grandmother was right there, cheering me on, so proud of me, so proud of my accomplishments considering that during her younger years she never got a chance to go to college. I recall her always asking me “how does college work? what exactly do you do?” I was able to achieve something so spectacular for her and the fact that I got to make her proud made that the best day ever. I guess the worst part of that was that a month later, she would be taken from me on June 20th, 2015, just three weeks away from her 91st birthday. It felt like a piece of my heart was just ripped to pieces and someone tried to put it back together with tape. My best friend, the woman who practically raised me was gone and I never even got a chance to say goodbye.

I held in my pain throughout the whole process, only crying a little at the funeral and smiling and laughing to mask my pain. But little did I know that my life would change completely after that. I went into a deep depression for a month, I cried everyday, never smiled, never felt happy. I had to be taken to the doctor. I had a severe panic attack and was hyperventilating. I lost myself in July and August of 2015. My birthday came and it wasn’t happy for me, I started thinking every little pain I got in my body meant that I was going to die next. My fear of death is real and because of that I had to hide the Internet from my phone because I would Google symptoms and send myself into panic mode.

2015 was the worst year of my life. But 2016 was about picking up the pieces and finding me again. finding my happiness after the storm. finding my own strength and that’s why I changed my tumblr blog name to that. I can’t tell you that I’m 100% normal again because I’m not. My heart will always have that missing piece, I suffer from anxiety and some days are worst than others but I cant and will not allow it to consume me. I hope this page will be useful to those who also struggle with anxiety. I will be writing a separate post on in depth details of my anxiety as well as other thoughts. Thanks so much for reading and listening. My inbox will always be open to talk back and forth with one another.

Until next time,

Lana