Find Me In Velaris

The ACOTAR related musings of a girl that longs to be in the City of Starlight as part of the Inner Circle

[findmeinvelaris]

ELAIN SUCKS

Meanwhile Elain:

buys Feyre paint

Treats the IC with kindness despite her fear

Allows the mortal queens and fae to meet at the estate despite being engaged to a fae hating man

“I hope they all burn in hell”

“It is already bad, we must now decide how to deal with the consequences”

“His name is Lucien.”

Helps kill Hybern

“All you can think about is what my trauma did to you.”

[findmeinvelaris]

“You are my salvation Feyre.” Hits much harder in the context of chapter 54 and 55

[findmeinvelaris]

Feyre talking about Tamlin

ACOMAF CH 30

This captures so much of what I feel about him.

It had been love and I’d meant it- the happiness, the lust, the peace- i’d felt all those things. Once. But maybe those things had blinded me too. Maybe they’d been a blanket over my eyes about the temper, about the need for control. The need to protect it ran so deep he’d locked me up. Like a prisoner.

I had done everything-everything for that love. I had ripped myself to shreds, i had killed innocents, and debased myself, and he had sat beside Amarantha on that throne. And he couldn’t do anything, hadn’t risked it- hadn’t risked being caught until there was one night left, and all he wanted to do wasn’t free me, but fuck me. 

And when Amarantha had broken me, when she had snapped my bones and made my blood boil in its veins, he’d just knelt and begged her. He hadn’t tried to kill her, hadn’t crawled for me. Well he’d fought for me, but I’d fought harder for him.

And he’d had the nerve once his powers were back to shove me into a cage. The nerve to say I was no longer useful. I was to be cloistered for his peace of mind. He’d given me everything I needed to become myself, to feel safe, and when he got what he wanted- when he got his power back, his lands back, he stopped trying. He was still good, still Tamlin, but he was just…wrong.

[findmeinvelaris]

Feyre having to face herself in the Ourobouros was such an emotional moment for me as someone who fears not being loved for their whole self and struggles to face their darkest parts, even though I accept their existence.

[findmeinvelaris]

Reasons to love Rhysand and Feyre 💜🖤💙

He gripped the sides of my face bringing us nose to nose.

“Do not get distracted. Do not linger. You are a warrior and warriors know when to pick their fights.”

I nodded, our breaths mingling

Rhys growled. “They took what is ours and we do not allow those crimes to go unpunished.”

“You do not falter, you do not yield. You go in, you get her, and you come out again.”

I nodded again, holding his stare.

“Remember that you are a wolf, and you cannot be caged.”

[findmeinvelaris]

“I didn’t like stealing from him. I didn’t like hurting his guards. I didn’t like vanishing without a word when, ambition or no, he truly wanted an alliance. Maybe even friendship….i made a mistake.”

“It’s not the end of the world if you do that every now and then.”

This conversation between Rhysand and Feyre is so underrated. They truly love every part of each other ❤️

[findmeinvelaris]

“It is already bad. We must now decide how to deal with the consequences.” - Elain in ACOWAR

I know we don’t get much of her in the current books but what we do get is golden. She’s so underrated. ❤️

[findmeinvelaris]

Reasons to love Rhysand 🖤💜

“Do not condescend to her. Do not insult Feyre for speaking with her heart, with compassion for those who cannot defend themselves, when you speak from only selfishness and cowardice.”

[findmeinvelaris]

Reasons to love Feyre ❤️

“There is a special strength in enduring such dark trials and hardships and still remaining warm and kind. Still willing to trust and reach out.”- Feyre in ACOMAF

[findmeinvelaris]

Mor is the hype girl I love her. For myself and other Feyre’s ❤️

“You have left the Spring Court. If that does not send a message, for good or bad, then your training will not either. I once lived in a place where the opinion of others mattered. It suffocated me, nearly broke me. So you will understand me, Feyre, when I say that I know what you feel, and I know what they tried to do to you, and that with enough courage you can say, to hell with a reputation. You do what you love, what you need.”

[findmeinvelaris]

Feyre is having suicidal thoughts and thinks it would be a mercy to go when…

A broad hand gripped my face-gently enough not to hurt, but hard enough to make me look at him. “Don’t you ever think that”, Rhysand hissed, his eyes livid. “Not for one damned moment.” 😭❤️❤️

[findmeinvelaris]

Feyre spends another week in the Night Court. This time, Tamlin awaits her and Rhysand. The sentries return in full force despite Tamlin’s word. He still refuses to let Feyre train. Lucien gets threatened for suggesting it. The boys leave to deal with the threat. Feyre begs him to let her come. Tamlin says her presence makes her a “liabilty.” With that he wards the house locking her inside. Feyre has a panic attack, cloaking herself in darkness and melting her ring. Mor and Rhysand save her.

Tamlin I understand you have trauma but this is the cruelest thing you could have done to Feyre. She does her best to be open with you and you just keep resorting to sex instead of talking and keep shrinking her smaller and smaller. No matter how many times I read this I will always get emotional in a bad way. I am so like Feyre and her journey, thoughts, and feelings are so relatable. Again how is this okay???

Just because Tamlin said he wanted to help her it doesn’t excuse this behavior at ALL. I understand the other high lords could have killed her, but he didn’t have to go to the extremes he did with this behavior and everything leading to this. And yes, on top of this he completely ignored the fact that she was wasting away physically and emotionally. Tamlin ignored EVERYTHING. He was always looking her over, but still did nothing. His behavior is explosive, abusive, controlling, and dismissive.

Even some of the way he treated her before under the mountain shows behavior patterns that are unsettling. And I know he went through a lot in his early years and didn’t have a father to guide him, but no trauma is an excuse to hurt people. It only provides context . I know hurt people hurt people, but it doesn’t make it right or okay.

Yes Rhysand’s behavior UTM especially with the forced kiss was not the best choice either, neither are some of his choices after, also not an excuse. For me the difference between Tamlin and Rhysand is that even before the mating he cared for her. Tamlin loved the idea of Feyre and what he could give her. I personally don’t see Rhys mind controlling Feyre. He says himself he sparingly uses that power and most of what he knows of Feyre’s thoughts are from her dropping her shields.

[findmeinvelaris]

“It makes me look weak.” Tamlin is pissed at Feyre for helping the water wraith, because he “can’t make exceptions” though he has no idea what it is like to go without. When Feyre finds Tamlin in his study later he gives a half assed apology and gifts her the painting kit. Feyre admits that she is suffocating with the constant guards due to some threat. When she says “I’m drowning.” Tamlin snaps and destroys her gift and the study along with it. Feyre is so terrified that she shields herself.

How is this behavior okay? I understand Tamlin wants to protect Feyre, but this is not protection. This is lack of accountability and brushing under the rug. This is control.

[findmeinvelaris]

Rhys and Feyre’s banter will always make me smile.

[findmeinvelaris]

Feyre returns from the first week in the Night Court. She is excited to see Tamlin. Tamlin tells her he destroyed half the house waiting for her. Feyre starts to kiss and love on him. Tamlin breaks away from her in the middle of this to take Feyre to the study to ask her about the Night Court. Feyre complies and tells him as much as she can remember. Even with the threat of Hybern coming Tamlin brushes it off as a scheme from Rhysand and refuses to let Feyre train. TAMLIN SHE IS NOT A DAMSEL.

[findmeinvelaris]

“You look ridiculous…It didn’t excuse what he’d done, even if he’d saved me from having to refuse Tamlin, having to explain.”

Tamlin’s behavior leading up to the wedding made Feyre feel so trapped that she would have run out anyway, whether Rhysand came to get her or not.

Feyre told Tamlin multiple times that she couldn’t handle being in the manor area all the time and surrounded by guards day and night. He kept them anyway. I understand wanting her to be safe but she is high fae now. They both hated the dress but she was made to wear it anyway, because Ianthe “knows best”.

The conversation she had with Lucien going to the village didn’t do anything to ease her mind. He was following Tamlin’s order and that was that, even though we know Lucien wanted to help.

And the roses, oh the roses.

[findmeinvelaris]

Rhysand was the one who screamed for Feyre. Rhysand was the one who started fighting Amarantha. Tamlin sat by until his supposed beloved was already dead. Tamlin didn’t fight for her until he realized something that brought good to his life was gone. He killed Amarantha, but only when his possession was no longer in the picture.