Ahhhhh!! It's finally happened!! And oh, I'm so glad the show took it's time and waited because I adore the little details they added to Jiang Xiaoshuai and Guo Chengyu's first time.
The call from the secretary probably means GCY's at least partially in on this scheme, but I really still like how he went about making space for JXS to feel comfortable enough for it. Because, like, it's interesting to me the journey JXS goes through in these few scenes.
He starts out with his blue over-shirt completely unbuttoned from the earlier in the day until when he interrupts the "fight" in the parking lot:
To completely buttoned up, all the way to the top button when he's watching TV with GCY:
So as much as JSX may want this, there's at least a part of his subconscious very overcome with fear. You also see that in the instantaneous fight or flight reaction he has to GCY reaching for the water glass. The sudden shift to put his back in the 'corner' of the sofa and grabbing the pillow is a clear defence response. It's not a practical reaction - the sofa isn't a wall, it's not that good protection - but it's all instinct which tells us just how deeply ingrained and almost subconsciously rooted JXS's fear of intimacy is.
So GCY does a few things to help JSX regulate: he stays calm and explains why he moved (to get water); when he sits down again he does it with a significant gap between them - one that's bigger than the one they had at the start of the scene; and when he sees JXS's embarrassment and still-nervous fidgeting, he removes himself entirely from the room to give JXS space to calm down.
I just really love how thoughtful GCY is being in this scene. Of course he wants to sleep with JXS - not just for the intimacy of expressing the love he feels to JXS, but also because JXS also clearly seems to want it too, and doing this would be a sign of him healing from the trauma of his past (disclaimer: not that this is the only way one can heal from that kind of trauma, but specifically for JXS it is).
And we actually get to see that GCY's silent assessment is correct, because as soon as GCY leaves, JXS relaxes. It's enough space for his subconscious to chill the alarm bells and for his conscious to remember that he actually kinda does want to get down and dirty with GCY. He even intentionally unbuttons one singular button (Did anyone else crack up at that? He's SO adorable!), makes sure his breath is minty fresh to prepare for some making out, and then literally lays himself out like one of your french girls. JXS wants this, he wants to move forward in his relationship with GCY. He's just struggling because trauma sucks and you just can't control how your body is going to react sometimes.
And we see that again, because as soon as GCY's back, JXS is back to sitting stiff and tight, pillow on his lap. It undoes the whole point of draping himself artfully on the couch. So, okay, the nerves are back, but when GCY sits down right next to him, much closer than before, the fear isn't. Progress!
So GCY does a cautious test. Will JXS react badly to him moving closer like he did earlier? No, in fact JXS all but leans into the almost-kiss, even when GCY's already pulling away. He wants it so badly, just look at how his eyes stay trained on GCY's lips and how his head moves forward as if drawn like a magnet to GCY. Yeah he's definitely ready, he just can't make he first move yet because, again, trauma sucks.
So GCY helps him along even more. He needs JXS's conscious to get the message loudly enough that he can maybe begin to overcome the fight or flight response his hindbrain is giving him. So he gives him the alternative - we don't have to do anything tonight. We can just watch this show and go to bed. There's no pressure, no expectation, you've got all the control.
And what does JXS feel immediately? Disappointment. Again, that isn't how he wants the night to go at all. It's like GCY is saying to JXS, "you want this too, right? Enough to take the risk? Enough to fall and let me show you that I'll always catch you?"
And then the lights go out. I love that JXS's immediate response is suspicion because, honestly, maybe?? GCY would do this. But it doesn't really matter to me if it was intentional or just a stroke of accidental luck because I LOVE what this does for JXS: when the lights are out and his fear of the dark kicks in - it's GUO CHENGYU he wants. The circumstances serve to remind him that his brain has already associated GCY with safety, with protection, that GCY is the first person he wanted to call the last time he realised his lights were going to be out for a while.
Look at how easily he clings to GCY in this moment. Suddenly the fear of intimacy is gone, overridden by the more urgent need to keep his comfort person close. He's gone from being unable to touch GCY to wrapping himself around GCY's arm. The earlier subconscious barriers, the last few ties that signal GCY as 'danger' are being torn down.
So by the time the candles are all lit - and good lord there are so many, GCY certainly went above and beyond to make sure JXS had NO shadows in the room to trigger him - JXS is feeling very content. Look at the sweet smile he has on his face, the easy way he moves into GCY's embrace. There's no more fear or hesitancy here, JXS knows - both is conscious and subconscious - that GCY is safe, that he can trust him.
So when GCY asks this question and JXS nods, this isn't just one question. GCY is asking, "Is the dark no longer making you scared now with all the candles?" but JXS is answering "Yes, and I'm also not afraid of you anymore."
Which is why when JXS initiates the kiss, it feels right and beautifully earned. I love that GCY still does not force anything - that he even pulls back and gives JXS the opportunity to end things before they can begin even now. Because GCY does not want this if it's not done right, he does not want it if it's not freely given. It's the final test, and he passes it with flying colours and when JXS kisses him, he does it with a smile of affection and the full depth of his longing for GCY because GCY has proved himself.
And JXS finally lets the last physical barrier fall away once GCY takes over the kiss. The pillow that has served as a makeshift shield this entire evening drops away because he doesn't need it anymore, he doesn't need to protect himself from GCY because GCY himself is all the protection he needs, even in a moment this vulnerable.
I love the juxtaposition of these two moments. JXS has his back to the couch in both these scenes, his entire focus on GCY, but he's in such a different headspace when it comes to how he feels about GCY and how ready he is to bare his body and his heart to GCY.
Look at this smile?? He's so happy, but it's almost like he's fighting back tears. There was a time when JXS had given up on love, had given up on ever feeling this way about anyone - not just the desire for intimacy, but the ability to trust that he wasn't going to be betrayed in the aftermath. But he's here now, in the arms of a man who has been there over and over again. Who has kept coming back, even when JXS gave him nothing but rejection. Who has paid attention to what JXS wants and needs, and constantly provided. Who has waited and waited, and even in moments of terrible vulnerability, has never taken anything that JXS wasn't ready and willing to give.
This is a man that is worthy of his love, and JXS is just so grateful that he gets to have this, and gets to make the choice to lay his heart in GCY's hands and know it will be cradled with love and care like the most precious of treasures.
blakekathryn
vaporwave
romaincrisis
yousharknotpass
2087
prguitarman
jacobvanloon
discoholicmusic
