mikhailkadyrov:
Perhaps he thought about it, about patting that floor beside him in invitation – he certainly would have liked to, would have enjoyed the company on that cold surface – but Mikhail also understood that they weren’t the teenagers they used to be. Things changed, people changed, and sometimes those people wore nice clothes that they would rather not sully for the sake of humoring an exhausted man’s eccentric habits.
Thankfully, Faddey seemed to need no invitation, and that faded smile upon the illusionist’s face seemed to brighten just a bit as his old friend joined him on the floor. This was pleasant, actually, not just a remembrance of time long passed that could never be retrieved, but also just that moment, just … away from business and responsibilities, not an encounter for the sake of a report, just … lying there, watching some fish swim overhead, the scent of seawater on the air.
So Faddey had been tired. "Mm,“ he replied with a short hum, indicating that he understood and empathized with his friend’s motion. But then he was quiet for several beats as they mentioned not knowing how he did it. Part of him wanted to nonchalantly reply with ‘I don’t’ … but silence kept his lips still as the shark passed overhead and out of view. In truth, he didn’t even know himself how he managed to keep it all together, sometimes having muted and private breakdowns within his own mind three to four times a day. Always kept inside – always – because he had to keep up appearances, he had to remain strong for the others. Finally, he offered a sardonic and perhaps mildly playful lie upon a mumble. "Coffee and the sheer will to succeed.”
How had Mikhail been? "Oh, just peachy,“ he replied flatly in that all-too-familiar dry sarcasm that accompanied his tone when he was exhausted. "Living the dream.” Only that dream was a nightmare – he was just trying to find a way to navigate everyone through it safely.
Faddey knew there was gulf between what they had and what they were now. Mikhail wasn’t Misha anymore, wasn’t the boy who was so afraid and scared of himself, of his power. Faddey wasn’t that lonely teenager who hungered for some form of connection, ready to latch onto anyone who showed him the smallest ounce of kindness. They were grown now, Mikhail the second in command of the Leyas and Faddey in charge of a house with people who needed his guidance as much as Mikhail’s followers. They both weren’t the children they were.
Yet here they were, in an arrangement that echoed their younger selves. Mikhail, however, had far more to worry about than just keeping his nightmares in check, he now was the right-hand man of Rainha. She even intimidated him now, even if he had grown into being the right hand of Alina, and co-owner of a house. They both had far more responsibilities, and Faddey could feel it suspended over them, like the thousands of liters of water filled with sharks above their heads.
“Wine and the desire for money for me, my friend. Sometimes a little something extra.” Faddey wasn’t ashamed of the occasional drugs his clients gave and used with him, it moved things along. “Don’t start on me. At least I’m not Andrei.” He tapped his fingers on his thighs, sighing again. “Sorry, I.... I didn’t mean to —” A harsh breath out. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad things.” Faddey stuck his hands in his pockets, withdrawing a little bit. When did this gulf open up between them? “I just, I wish it could back to how it was. You know?”
