Write Like the Pen is on Fire

[firefighterpoet]

-Lines-

.

Worried what I’ll say next

By ink or by text

Tear down these walls and find

A beautiful heart, but a dangerous mind

You know the words are true

The lines written for you

[firefighterpoet]

That is You

•

I’m not going to lie

The piece of me

(That is you)

Must die

Like a good tooth

Pulled from the gum

Nothing left,

But the numb

[firefighterpoet]

-Do You Remember-

.

I’m dealing with depression

Self therapy session

Do you remember

What I meant to you?

Do you remember

What I’d do for you?

Modern day stress

Got me feeling less

I’m a mess

Nothing left

Feels numb,

Inside my chest

Feeling dumb

You got my best

Nothing left

For the rest

I don’t want to feel this way

Lay in bed, sleeping all day

Never having words left to say

Wishing I could just walk away

So far away, you’re far away

More and more every day

Far away, you’re so far away

Do you remember

What you meant to me?

Do you remember

All my insecurities?

Far away, you’re so far away

.

From me <\3

[firefighterpoet]

~Discussion~

.

Okay kids, let’s discuss

All my mistrust

Can’t trust

Don’t trust

Won’t trust

Hard to believe this

Rely on Jesus

To fill this hole

When I’m not whole

.

I miss your lips

Your finger tips

Curves and hips

I miss your pain

Hatred and distain

The way you complain

.

I’m feeling alone

Life in monotone

A cure unknown

And if you can’t tell

The fact is I hide it well

I’m in hell

.

I don’t like change

Or human exchange

Allow me to explain

.

This pain is more real

Then Our marriage ever was

[firefighterpoet]

~ Quietly Screaming ~

.

Awkward in society

Battle with my anxiety

Sharing through my poetry

Hoping no one notices me

Or takes a good look and see

And finds my life is a tragedy

.

I remain silent from a far

The screaming in my head

May suggest that I am not dead

But my emotions certainly are

.

I feel fine, I am lying

Suicidal thoughts, I am fighting

Searching inward, I am trying

In my bed at night, I am crying

Loneliness, i am denying

.

Dark hole in my soul

Not feeling whole, no control

I just don’t know, is it time to go?

Mind blown, I’m alone, I’m alone

.

You say I’m missing human connection

Sick and tired of this lecture

I’m so numb, I have no reaction

My self esteem is already torture

.

How you going tell me how I’m feeling?

You have no idea what I deal with

I’m sinking, heavy and deep in

A dark, so thick and full of bullshit

.

Sick of stressing

Sad expression

My obsession

Is my depression

Learned a lesson

Still second guessing

.

I’m addicted to this pain

No drugs, no alcohol, just the pain

I’m alone, with this pain

.

If you were in my position

Would you run or would you listen?

As people point out your bad decision

.

I may never be “me” again

And that makes me broken

Closed the door, no longer open

None of us heal the same

.

We don’t heal the same

[firefighterpoet]

Letters Never Sent (Part 3)

•

Eric,

•

He wasn’t what I thought

I’m so sorry, it is to late

My mistake, but you won’t take

Me back again, damage is done

Alone, world is against me

You were my rock, ground unstable

I am not able, to turn back time

Chaos everywhere, guilt I wear

Like a brilliant red dress

That people notice and address

Dark room full of loneliness

I wish some one would of told me this

Was a bad idea in the first place

I wouldn’t have listened

Blind to the position

Now I’m wishing

I didn’t want new when I need you

I was ready to let you go

Say my goodbyes and let you know

That the grass is greener, or not

Blockage like a blood clot

Trying to pass through life

In strife, end it by the knife

Say good bye to your wife

Goodbye, farewell, goodnight

•

To Whom it Concerns,

•

I remain silent

Emotions violent

Did you just email me?

Is this where we find ourselves?

The space between us, infinite

Distance between unfortunate

Did you just...

Fuck

[firefighterpoet]

Letters Never Sent (Part 2)

Babe,

•

He looks at me with adornment

Holds the door open for me

Has conversations with me

Takes me out and lays me down

You took me for granted

Always feelings disenchanted

Never having the whole you

The full you and now I ignore you

What am I to do, stop crying

I’m laughing but inside I’m dying

Fuck

•

Amber,

•

Don’t call me babe anymore

You closed that door

Not your babe no more

Loyal and driven, faithful

Man of my word, floored

Can’t believe you are ready

To throw this all away, forget me

I’m not insane, no rinse and repeat

Our love is six feet deep

Grave stone is blank

And to think

Forever and a day

Turned into “ I can’t stay ‘

And I do

Become “ I don’t, I won’t

Not for you, this is about me “

Loving you is all I did wrong

Learn from my mistakes

This one cuts deep

Hills to steep

Futures bleak, pride I keep

[firefighterpoet]

That is You

•

I’m not going to lie

The piece of me

(That is you)

Must die

Like a good tooth

Pulled from the gum

Nothing left,

But the numb

[firefighterpoet]

You

•

Subtle reminders

And subtle nuisances

Linger on my lips, my skin

Marks of satisfaction

Of excitement

Like tattoos, black and blues

You occupy my thoughts

Tiptoe in my soul

But no one knows

Because we never tell

Longing for belonging

We are thirsty

Mouth so dry it hurts me

Love like a desert

As you insert me

Don’t worry, our story

Is no longer one night

I’m falling and I’ve caught you

Yearning when I’m without you

Desperate when I’m around you

“You” as a smiles creeps

Another night we lose sleep

In to deep, as pleasure seeps

Skin to skin, hand in hand

Passion vast like the ocean

Out stretch beach as

As far as the sun reaches

Breath deep as, I exhale so

We come together as

“One” blank expressions

My impression, is discretion

And Happy New Year

My dear, a new year

Means new beginnings

Beginnings worth giving

A chance and a try

Send our past with a “Goodbye”

Greet are future with a “Hello”

She has me writing again. The writers block was real because I forgot how to feel.

[firefighterpoet]

Letters Never Sent (Part 1)

•

Dear Eric,

•

Let us not pretend

That you don’t hide behind

That paper and pen

And now I have to read about me

Again and again

But you never gave me what I needed

You had time for the kids

The fire department

Your YouTube channel

Your cars and your work

Time for camp and volunteering

You have time for volleyball

But you never had time for me

To lay on the couch and be

Cuddle in bed or satisfy my need

Or have a real conversation

•

Dear Boots,

•

I would of loved you to the end

And now you’re with someone

Who only needs you on the weekend

I miss feeling feelings that are real

Abandoned is how I feel

You’re so cold, I’m freezing

I was good to you and your boys

Does he even know you for you?

The broken, being held together

With duct tape and glue

You love him more then you ever did me?

Is that true, if only you knew

No one will treat you the same

Now our family is empty frames

[firefighterpoet]

Crazy,

How much I miss you

When I’m not with you

You say you’re needy

And I need to be needed

You succeeded

Where many fail

This is our tale

To tell how we want to tell

Capturing my heart, my mind

My pen my rhymes

Take your time

Yes, confused

Become my muse

Take a chance

Slow dance

As we slow dance

[firefighterpoet]

[firefighterpoet]

My Heart

My Heart

•

You are to nice

But I have the trowel in hand

And laying the concrete thick

Brick by brick, building this wall

Strong and high as the sky

No one will be able to take advantage

You are protected now

From the liars and the cheats

You’re a gentle heart, beat by beat

We shall defend while we mend

Cast off the condemned

There is no easy cure

For the ailment you’re recovering from

•

I need heals

[firefighterpoet]

Life’s little mysteries

Package in a box

And discard amongst the trash

Is it negative or positive?

[firefighterpoet]

I’m not okay

[firefighterpoet]

You’re suppose to be my wife

Not this knife, lodged in my heart

You said you would be here for life

And when times were hard

All I needed was a hand to hold

And you just packed your emotions

And left, leaving a shovel in my hands

Your laugh like daggers, reminders

Don’t confuse kindness for weakness

I did this alone and I’m stronger for it

My heart is fragile, protected with walls

So high, so strong, no trust, no sympathy

Don’t pity me, envy me

I’m not afraid to be on my own

Like you are, when did that happen?

[firefighterpoet]

So I tried something new on my YouTube channel.