"You set my soul alight"

-Muse

[twilightisacomedicmasterpiece]

My mum used to keep a picture of carlisle in her wallet when she was single. Still weirds me out

[samphonia]

I’m readin this and I’m raising you my grandma replacing her wallet photo of me with one of Jacob Black

[reclaimingtwilight]

this is fucking savage

[twilightmidnightsuns]

What Bella Swan saw the first time she entered Forks High School:

[gayvampiretown]

Twilight characters things I heard at my college graduation today

Bella: *leans over 30 minutes into the ceremony* “the edibles just hit”

Edward: “This official document does not cure my depression but I will smile for instagram.”

Jacob: “I need a drink” “would you like a margarita?” *pulls out a flask*

Emmett: “Line up? I didn’t major in LINES”

Rosalie: “oh, I’m not actually in the top 3% of the college. I bought these scholar cords on amazon so I could look smart.”

Alice: “why is she barefoot?” “She showed up this morning drunk and tripped and broke her shoes”

Jasper: “Our president looks like he’s about to drop a mixtape. I wouldn’t buy it. But id for sure pirate it.”

Carlisle: “there are 1500 students graduating today. Statistically, one of those people will trip. In my bones and in my soul, I know that person will be me.”

Esme: “I brought granola bars for everyone in our row because I know none of you motherfuckers came prepared, except for the margaritas.”

Seth: “the graduation cap adds 20 years to my face. Today someone said ‘Sir, there’s a wasp on your cap’ and I didn’t even care about the wasp. I was just sad that he called me sir.”

[ree-duh]

The twilight renaissance was a mistake i swear like someone genuinely requested a moodboard with Carlisle as John Smith and Sam as Kocoum and someone actually made and posted it and neither of yall thought there was anything wrong with that huh

[alicegotthestrap]

me thinking i can trust yall to act right

[openbookbells]

Edward: Bella Swan is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She’s like my worst nightmare. Her existence was created to oppress me, specifically.

Alice: you just doodled “Mr. Edward Swan” all over the back of your biology notebook?

Edward: irrelevant

[breakingisabella]

edward: how is the prettiest person in forks doing today?

bella: i don’t know, how are you?

edward:

edward: [voice cracks] fine.

jacob: [yells] I’M GREAT THANKS

[reclaimingtwilight]

Eclipse (2007) : a summary

[cozycullens]

yall know edward remembers everything mean and cringy he’s ever said to bella in crystal clear HD vampire clarity™️ and sometimes it makes him just want to hit up the volturi again

[incorrect-twilight]

Seth, t-posing in the doorway to Carlisle’s office: Good morning, father figure.

Carlisle, without looking up from his book, sighing: Good morning, my child.

[Emmett’s booming laughter in the distance.]

[bellasredchevy]

I would have loved if smeyer had cut the love triangle entirely from the series. The animosity between Edward and jake still would have worked if Jake’s hatred toward Edward was framed as ONLY protectiveness and platonic love for Bella, who is already canonically his best friend. Jake being the friend Bella turned to when she got dumped and then being angry at the guy who dumped her and then came back? That makes so much more sense for his character and makes his story arc way less creepy

god this is THE take… jake’s hatred for edward is infinitely more compelling (and more in-character?) if he’s just mad at edward for hurting bella instead of being mad because he’s tryna fuck AND it also hammers home how much the events of new moon wrecked bella and allows for those conversations jake initiates in which bella finally tells edward how bad things were and maybe admitting some resentful feelings instead of immediately sweeping it under the rug and forgetting about it like anon.. how does it feel to single-handedly solve 99% of the problems with the series

[gayvampiretown]

Ruff bois video concept: everyone competes to make the best brownies, Jacob is the only one who can eat so he’s the taste tester. He eats every single one.

Bella wins because she put weed in hers but Esme is an honorable mention because they’re made with so much love.

And if there’s two things Jacob Black enjoys, it’s love and weed.

And human rights.

[denalis]

edward freaking out when bella is sick bc “what if she dies” and esme freaking out bc she needs to figure out what soup is bella’s favorite… and carlisle is just sitting there like she has a cold get a GRIP.

[rosaalee]

bella’s parents in a nutshell.

[incorrect-twilight]

Edward: Did you stab Jacob? Not that I’m opposed….I just wondered why.

Bella: ….You didn’t hear what he said to me.

Edward: And what did he say?

Bella: “What are you gonna do? Stab me?” So I did. It’s okay though. He heals fast.

Edward: Fair enough.

[incorrect-twilight]

Bella: So if one energy drink can keep me up for 2 hours, chugging twelve means I can stay awake 24?

Edward, already dialing 911: No! Absolutely not!

[twilightisgaynow]

edward: oh cool a new kid time to read her mind

bella’s impenetrable mind:

edward:

bella’s impenetrable mind:

edward:

bella’s impenetrable mind:

edward: 

[twilightisgaynow]

this is my favorite passage from twilight bc

1. iconic stupid shiny volvo owner line which used to be on every single twilight themed bumper sticker on fb

2. “the wasting of finite resources is everyone’s business” is one of the funniest lines of dialogue i’ve ever read and an exquisite attempt at flirting and

3. edward treating bella like “he were talking to someone mentally handicapped” this raises so many questions.

[carlislescoven]

literally nothing on this planet is funnier than riley biers screaming “WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT A LOW PROFILE?!” at the newborn vampires