it always happens in less than an instant. one moment she’s fine , skimming through a french newspaper that was delivered to their home each morning. and the next moment , her chest tightens , eyes going wide and frantic as an empty hand groped at the space where she used to hold her rifle. the walls were closing in on her , the warm walls of the kitchen moving closer and closer until there was no space left to breathe. her hands are now shaking and she pushes away from the counter , on her feet , but stumbling into the wall. despite the weeks which had passed , danielle still couldn’t get used to the sharp corners , the shiny white surfaces and fluffed carpeting. she didn’t belong here , didn’t fit in. the beds were too large , the blankets too soft and the food too rich.
danielle stands by the kitchen wall for a moment , attempting to do what asa always tells her , breathe deeply and slowly. but it doesn’t seem to work. she can’t gather enough air in her long , can’t stop her hands from shaking , or the room from growing smaller and smaller , closing in on all sides. and still , asa’s no where to be found. she knows he had just stepped out for a moment , but now she can’t remember where. hurried footsteps carry her through the kitchen and throws the sliding door to the backyard open , stumbling outwards until she’s standing before the flower garden , one hand tugging on the collar of her shirt to pull it away from her throat , the other clenched in a fist at her side. breath in , breath out.
the hand sliding around her waist surprises danielle and she flinches , her chest coiling tighter for a brief moment before a soft voice allows her to relax slightly. ❝ i can’t breathe… it —— it’s too much. ❞ she gasps between shaking breaths. it’s not the first time they’ve gone through this , and yet , danielle feels like she’s been left behind. asa is every bit the doctor he was before the island , a normal person , and she can’t even read a newspaper. fingernails dig into the skin of the man’s hand , attempting to bring herself back to earth, ❝ you must think i am crazy… ❞
“Here. Look at me.” Gently does Asa pry her fingers from his hands ( that sting, but his wince is barely visible ) and step in front of her to place both palms on her cheeks. Blue eyes look into her green ones, hoping it’ll ground her just a bit more. “I’m right here, Danielle. Everything else is static.”
He’s been there. After having gone on a two year tour in the army and coming BACK to his father ( only to be sent to the island a few months later after his father passed away ), he knows where she is. It feels too good to be true, this calm of NORMALCY. It feels like there should be danger right around the corner, at every moment of every single day. That perhaps there’s going to be an explosion nearby, or more wounded coming in to keep yourself on your toes. To keep yourself from standing still and dealing with. And then you find yourself wishing it to be true. Wishing you could go back, because this STANDSTILL life of yours that you have to live now, it’s not enough.
Or at least that’s how it was with Asa. Why he went to the island. Because perhaps the island could provide more excitement to his life than living back in Maine did.
Thumbs caress Danielle’s cheeks, a small smile tugging at his lips. It was only more easy for him to step back into the normalcy of things because what he went through on the island wasn’t..... well, he had a community. He wasn’t isolated for YEARS on end. “No. Not crazy. Quite the contrary... I think what’s happening to you is normal. And I think together we can get through it.”
