Hastenburaphobic Landscaper

My name is Kyle.

[ikuharaisabitch]

[wizardnuke]

not to be a history fucker on main but the whole mystery of the lost colony of roanoke is so fucking funny

[wizardnuke]

governor of the colony: hey I’m gonna go back to england to get more supplies

115 colonists: okay

governor: ends up spending 3 years in england bc of a naval war with spain or some shit

governor: gets back to the colony to find everyone gone

governer: sees the word “croatoan”, the name of a native american tribe, carved into a post

croatoan tribe: has members and children with blonde hair/blue eyes, pale skin

everyone: what could have happened to the colonists of roanoke

[chotimoti]

[wizardnuke]

hi! op here. I’m fucking hyperventilating

[brucespringsteen]

good morning EXCLUSIVELY to bruce springsteen fans, people who live in the midwest, feral cats, accordion players and gays who wrote kirk x spock fanfiction in the 60s

[solarmorrigan]

So. 10th grade English class. We all come in one morning to find a balloon and a perfectly sharpened pencil on each of our desks. No instructions, no explanation, which is strange, because our teacher is meticulous about that sort of thing. A couple of people try to ask her and she says we’ll get to it. She takes role and then announces that she needs to go to the copy room and she’ll be back in a couple of minutes

Kinda unorthodox, but no one is complaining because this is advanced English and the teacher usually goes kinda hard. So, y’know. Brief respite. We all sit and chat; one of the boys teasingly steals a girl’s balloon, but gives it back to her easily enough; it’s quiet and kind of a nice break. Then the teacher comes back, stops in the doorway, and just stares at us

After a long moment, she says, confused, “You didn’t pop the balloons.”

To which one of the guys about two rows over exclaims, “We’re allowed to pop them?” and immediately turns around and stabs his friend’s balloon with the pencil

There is a vicious revenge balloon-stabbing, and a few more people pop seatmates’ balloons or their own, and the whole time the teacher is just shaking her head. “I can’t believe you didn’t pop your balloons.”

Apparently we were starting Lord of the Flies that day and she wanted to demonstrate the basic concept of kids turning on each other when there are no authority figures present and it was basically my favorite failed social experiment ever

[loveharuokumura]

Back in my 10th grade we did a similar things around Lord of the Flies, where we had a test scheduled for that day, and when we walked in, the teacher took role by looking through the window of the door and never entered the classroom. On the board were three tasks written and the teacher had brought in donuts. At first we all sat around and waited for the teacher to come in, but eventually we just started tackling the list of tasks. Task 1- the test. Everybody took it silently, no one cheated, everyone turned it in and we went on to Task Two: tidy up the room. So we did, we split into a couple groups and each one cleaned an area of the room. Task Three: Hand out the donuts. There were 12 donuts, and 30 of us. So we split the donuts into thirds, each took a third, and left the extras for the teacher. After this, the teacher came in absolutely FUMING. She was so upset we had followed all the rules and completed the tasks. Apparently she had been texting kids telling them to start some chaos but they all ignored it because they were too nice. She tried to dock our grades for not going absolutely wild because it meant her class didn’t get the point across

[hookedonafeeeling]

That’s because lord of the flies isn’t representative of humanity it’s representative of rich white male shitheads

[tacomel420]

its passover tonight i can finally post this meme

[tacomel420]

its passover tonight i can finally post this meme

[pinkmisspiggy]

being touchstarved makes u absolutely buckwild when someone does smth simple like .share a chair with u

[pinkmisspiggy]

like having someone touch your hand with the tips of their fingers shouldn’t feel like So Much it shouldn’t feel like your whole body is going into anaphylactic shock but here we are. here we are.

[pinkmisspiggy]

ok 2 many of u relate

[kaijuhearmenow]

Someone gave me a compliment and reached out and squeezed my hand and I fell in love and couldn’t speak for several minutes

[felesrubrum]

I was just gonna type this in the tags but I have to say this.

Growing up in North America is surreal.  Every tiny little blip of physical affection is deemed as sexual interest. Boys aren’t allowed to hug eachother because “that’s gay.” Girls can’t hold hands because “are they going out?” And GOD FORBID a female friend hugs a male friend.

Having lived in the Netherlands, and reading up about shit like this, Canadians and Americans are starving. 

I went to Japan for a school trip in 2012. I went to a highschool there. There were boys hugging, lounging on those blue gym floor mats, holding hands, trowing their arms around eachother. I was startled by how shocked I was.

This mentality of “if you’re touching you must have sexual interest in the other person” is so fucking disgusting. Hug your friends. Hold hands with them. Touch their hands when you want to reassure them.

[itsjustanamebro]

Unfortunately that is… Very true

[problematicparrot]

Finally, a sane celebrity who doesn’t bend the knee to feminist bullshit.

Source

[ren-of-rationality]

My god I love her.

[mango-thot-deactivated20190520]

I know people are gonna get salty af about this but by God she’s RIGHT.

When Brad Pitt did Fight Club, he was cutting weight for every single scene to maintain his physique at 155. I’ve you’ve ever cut weight, you know how horrible that must have been. He did it because they needed a “look”.

Changing Tatum said his Magic Mike body doesn’t last for more than five days. He starved down and dehydrated his already fit physique for a “look”.

The male soldiers on Spartacus: Blood and Sand were eating pretty much chicken and veggies for every meal to maintain a “look”.

Why is this such a big deal? Because all these characters are considered physical goals for men. These are actual unobtainable physical standards for men. Male body image issues get swept under the rug so often that some people don’t even think they exist.

[da-boy-o-kultur]

You want proof? Just check out that scene in Captain America: First Avenger where Cap just transformed into that beautiful beefcake of a man. Agent Carter’s actress just HAD to touch them muscles, it was completely unscripted.

[eric-coldfire]

Chris Evans had to wear shirts so small they physically hurt, and he dislocated a shoulder during the helicopter scene in Civil War. But who cares, girls got to wet their panties watching Captain America flex.

[guyveranimefan87-blog]

If we are talking about unrealistic physical standards of male fitness given to us by movies, I would like to mention Hugh “Wolverine” Jackman here.

Yeah, he is ripped, isn’t he?

Well, it is true, but to get that kind of definition, he went through 36 hour period of dehydration, which caused him to temporarily lose 10 pounds of “water weight”. 

Thus during the fight scene he was filming, he was a hair breadth from blacking out whole time, just to look unrealistically muscular.

As he said during interview with Steven Colbert, “If You go three days without water, You will die. Then, when You are halfway there they shout ‘Roll it!”

It’s the same with professional bodybuilders who get into periods of extreme fasting and dehydration to lower their fat-to-muscle ratio to inhuman levels, all in hopes of making their muscle definition a bit better.

According to experts, healthy body fat percentage for a healthy male ranges from 8% to 20%, depending on height, lifestyle and numerous other variables. 

Fitness model and professional bodybuilder Helmut Strebl also known as “World’s Most Shredded Man” as he supposedly managed to get his body fat percentage below 5%…

… But only when he partakes in competitions, since it is not humanly possible to live with such low fat percentage of one’s body for longer periods of time.

I mean, yeah, he keeps a draconian training regime, as well as a very strict diet even off-season, but looks much more human then…

There are documented cases of incredibly fit and muscular bodybuilders fainting on the stage in the middle of their flexing routines, as well as several who outright died, because of cardiac arrest caused by their blood becoming too thick, due to long dehydration…

And let’s not forget about Muscle Dysmorphia, colloquially known as “Megarexia” or “Bigarexia”.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle_dysmorphia

Yeah, it’s a thing, but it’s barely talked about, since it’s apparently not manly to admit to having problems like that, which also creates problems with researching this particular disorder…

So… Thanks Hollywood?

[fierceawakening]

I had no idea that most people who looked like this are dehydrated until I read posts like this.

[brunhiddensmusings]

dehydrated to the point theyre about a day away from actual organ failure okay so chris hemsworth is a absolute god of a man, but hollywood says ‘thats not good enough’ and for the thor movie he has to spend several days having the juice squeezed from his body untill he looses about a gallon of whats supposed to be him so that he can do 2 days of shooting scenes without his shirt, after which he has to have recovery time before he is hospitalized because i am not joking about ‘one day away from organ failure’ thats the benchmark- look at chris hemsworth and process that he is told he isnt suitable for a shirtless scene without prepping for three days and nearly fainting

[shipperwolf1]

real feminism acknowledges the unhealthy standards that men are held to. radfems brush them off as non-existent

guys, feminism is for you, too. it’s for all of us.

[demidejesus]

(The Echo Friendly)

[bixbiboom]

[rosalielesbianhale]

petition to remake all of the twilight movies where everything is the same except that bella is played by john mulaney who has not been given a script and just has to deal with these circumstances as they come.

[beeefy]

john: (walks into the classroom)

edward: 

john:

[eddieswan]

don’t u mean

[gerardseyeshadow]

[claitynroberts]

I DIDNT KNOW I NEEDED THIS

[alleiradayne]

Omfg I’m dying

[claitynroberts]

*Edward comes into Bella’s room that one night to creepily kiss her in order to test his self-control*

Edward: I just wanna try one thing. Be very still…don’t move.

John as Bella: *flops to the ground and kicks upward to fight off attacker according to the infinite wisdom of Detective JJ Bittenbinder*

@alleiradayne

[alleiradayne]

Edward: Do you wanna hang out after class?

John as Bella: Nah, sister, you’re not getting me to no secondary location!

[claitynroberts]

Edward: My family, we’re different from others of our kind. We only drink animal blood, but it’s your scent. It’s like a drug to me. It’s like you’re my own personal brand of heroine.

John:

[alleiradayne]

Edward: You know what I am. Say it.

John:

[yourplayersaidwhat]

I don’t want to do things because they’re VIABLE!

On requisitioning a submarine for a mission into a landlocked jungle (via yourplayersaidwhat)

[milcva-deactivated20201204]

Visit Original Link

is a happy new year here I am again writing in my car and this time I can’t pretend that we are friends we’re not friends friends don’t do the things we did

[milcva-deactivated20201204]

Visit Original Link

is a happy new year here I am again writing in my car and this time I can’t pretend that we are friends we’re not friends friends don’t do the things we did

[charminglyantiquated]

fun fact: once Freddie Mercury was visiting Hungary and he saw a cool building. this cool building.

and he asked if he could buy it and they had to explain that they were dreadfully fond of him but that is our parliament, mr. mercury

[jamiedoesntdoanything]

freddie mercury for ruler of hungary

[make--it--gayer]

[longjump5o6]

I feel attacked by this

[mrpibb]