just so you know
2020

izzy's playlists!

shark vs the universe
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

Janaina Medeiros
we're not kids anymore.

★
Sweet Seals For You, Always
noise dept.

#extradirty

Kiana Khansmith
macklin celebrini has autism

Love Begins
styofa doing anything

⁂
Today's Document
Cosimo Galluzzi
trying on a metaphor
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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seen from Brazil

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@fishcroquette
just so you know
2020
I feel like her today
Addiction recovery isn’t about talking out of your arse
It’s about shutting the fuck up and listening
Its the years of isolation and sometimes repentance
It’s not warm and fuzzy
What makes you think you deserve warmth after what you put yourself & your loved ones through?
If it’s sunshine and rainbows then you’re probably going to bust or die soon.
You need to die before you can live
Otherwise it’s obvious your hearts not in it.
Addiction is a fucked up disease. I am going to be battling it for years, everyday, for life even. Everyday is an uphill battle, sometimes it’s still waters. It never really leaves you. If I say “what if” then just prepare the hearse. It’s very serious, because I take my life and livelihood very seriously.
I find it amusing to see he has groupie dumb cunts think that they can love someone like that back to life. You best believe I tried. You want to surround an abuser psychopath with love, smother him in it. You know it’s just getting to his head right. You know he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Love doesn’t have to be earned, but it can be lost. You’re all just slowly killing him. All I can do is roll my eyes. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Live, die, just leave me the fuck alone and never enter my life or life force again.
I believe in right and wrong. You don’t try to kill someone and get away with it. You are a fucking liar and only time will tell. You have entrapped yourself in this because you think you are deserving of all the good things, when you tried to destroy my life when all I wanted to do was love you. You are a fucking joke and honestly, with the amount of times you had told me that you would kill yourself if I left, why has it taken so long? I’m so sick of acting like I’m above this. I’m just wondering if your words ever held any weight, or you are just a fucking liar. Everyone said you never really hung yourself and you had just said that to guilt and scare me. You are a fucking liar and I cannot stand that this happened to me. You are such a fucking liar that you don’t even know what the truth is. You are such a fucking liar and fucking piece of shit. You are a disgusting murderer. You would absolutely kill me if there were zero consequences. Fuck you. Coward.
I remember almost dying when telling my then bf that I needed to be institutionalised last year, and he forbade me from going. He dug himself in whatever he’s in right now. I haven’t been able to sleep at normal hours and my appetite is scarce again, I don’t know if it’s just the Halloween atmosphere or the fact that he’s going to attempt again. Either way, I’ve prepared for this for years. He’s always told me that it was going to be violent, so he violent, I don’t know how long you’ll have to talk for. I don’t even say this out of malice, I’m just wondering if his word is ever going to hold any weight, if I’ll ever get any true closure in the places I will never get to understand.
This bitch genuinely wouldn’t last a day in the asylum I was raised. I have little capacity to feel bad for people like him, people who want to wallow & go on about what happened to them, when I’ve literally been girl interrupted. You will never be a box blonde teenage girl locked up inside a public psychiatric ward with criminals and addicts, all you know is your silver spoon. This dumb ex bitch best friend also thought she had been so downtrodden and now can operate like a sociopath, not knowing how ugly it’s made her and how she’s just a laughing stock in the eyes of everyone who can see. You pathetic little twerps that think life is your little game to play, playing God in the most embarassing way… you are just as bad as each other.
It’s Monday morning. I will walk to my market, I think I want cheese and fruit. I will work through the day and see how my ribs are.
injury x ophiuchus necklace for afw 24
I fall in and out of love with the world all the time. Everything is my muse then nothing is my muse. Sometimes what I have to say is genius and then it’s just dumb as fuck. I don’t know where I’m going, or who’s going with me. I don’t know who sees me, if anyone sees me. I worry about things that I can’t touch. My thoughts are frayed. Sometimes my heart beats out of my stomach and I don’t know where to look or where to go for comfort. There’s nowhere safe enough to hide. I could sink into the ground; that’s how heavy my heart is. I have big dreams but nowhere to go. I try to meditate but I fear I’m not doing it right. I try to journal but I write myself into a spiral. I’m agoraphobic on my own, I’ve lost my fins. It feels like it never ends. I can feel my melancholia in my sleep. I think my brain is broken. I refuse to go to the Dr, I won’t take his pills, I need to feel it all, I think.
Last Day of Spring 2024
You get to cry & tie nooses in your kitchen & feel through your loss. Youre admitted rehab for the fourth time in 2 years. During your admission I imagine Youre doted on by mum, given endless pep talks from dad.
Quit the theatrics already cunt, you & I both know you will find a woman, a wife, a family, a house, all that u envisioned for yourself. Im not your dream girl, i was never yours, you were never mine, you are deluded and i was just a lesson for u to grow and learn to “become a man”. You and I were just pawns in each others’ game. It’s often the belief that a man’s first heartbreak is the most painful becos they never really get over it. I wonder what it will be like when I bump into you again. When you’re with your wife, when you’re talking with your son, when you’re at your deathbed, did you really mean all that you said or felt? Will I linger? Was it forever or fleeting? I only want to know for self indulgent purposes. After writing this I will stop thinking about you for a while.
I don’t know what there is for me from here, I feel that I lack direction & I’ve had writers block for weeks— or no time to think of ideas— I’m not a compass… so what direction is it I’m trying to figure out? I guess i’m so confused about my life. I’m confused as to why boys always chase me but don’t know what to do with me. I’m confused as to why I get sorry bouquets & letters & declarations of love& seem to drive these boys up the wall by just existing. Don’t chase me, walk with me. Just hold my hand and walk with me. Just be nice to me. Don’t try to impress me. If I’m giving you any attention at all I’m plenty impressed already. You say that I’m this wonderful beautiful hot sexy smart funny wifey creative dreamgirl but I can’t live up to that. I’m 22 about to have the best summer ever. Can I just have that?
I love la
"once upon a time, there was candy and dan. things were very hot that year. all the wax was melting in the trees. he would climb balconies, climb everywhere, do anything for her, oh danny boy. thousands of birds, the tiniest birds, adorned her hair, everything was gold. one night the bed caught fire. he was handsome and a very good criminal. we lived on sunlight and chocolate bars. it was the afternoon of extravagant delight. danny the daredevil, candy went missing, the days last rays of sunshine cruise like sharks. i want to try it your way this time. you came into my life really fast and I liked it. we squelched in the mud of our joy, i was wet-thighed with surrender then there was a gap in things and the whole earth tilted. this is the business- this, is what we're after. with you inside me comes the hatch of death, and perhaps I'll simply never sleep again. the monster in the pool. we are a proper family now with cats and chickens and runner beans. everywhere I looked and sometimes I hate you. friday -- I didn't mean that, mother of the blueness, angel of the storm, remember me in my opaqueness. you pointed at the sky, that one called Sirius or dog star, but on here on earth. fly away sun. ha ha fucking ha you are so funny dan. a vase of flowers by the bed, my bare blue knees at dawn, these ruffled sheets and you are gone and I am going too. i broke your head on the back of the bed but the baby he died in the morning. i gave him a name. his name was thomas. poor little god, his heart pounds like a voodoo drum."
Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually
i did this when i was 12
Everything was green, somewhere at the side of the road on the Isle of Skye
Green Path