Lie is “our” way to hurt for you
“My grandpa died without being told about his lung cancer” I casually mentioned, with knowing it’s probably a rare thing for him to hear.
“THAT IS SO BAD!”, my friend, one side of his ancestors immigrated from East Asia several generations ago reacted.
I completely agreed with him, but still I was surprised by how shock and strong his reaction was. A week later, he told me about The Farewell and suggested: “we gotta go see this”.
Whenever I complained about the struggle of being an immigrant here, he answers “ yea, that’s the reality of being Asian in this country”. He says he likes me, cause he never had any friends to share his Asian struggles with.
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My cousin was driving me, my 3 suitcases and my parents to 上海ShangHai. This isn’t my first time “move away”, but it’s my first moving oversea and the first moving away with all the families’ agreement that it’s a responsible decision with an ensure brighter future. On G204, I told my parents “If HaoPo(好婆, grandma on mother’s side) has any situation, you have to tell me, no matter what I’, doing in the future If you try to conceal anything, I will never forgive you.” My mom nodded, and I added “So does NaiNai”, partly true but also partly to comfort my dad. After I passed the customs and before my boarding, I texted and called my mom to ensure she gets my points. I never realized how deeply I am in the lie till this moment of recalling.
Throughout my childhood, “为了我好for the best of mine”, I was concealed from the death of my pet rabbit and pet baby chicken, the steal of my bike, the medicine I was taking, selling the house I grew up with, etc. Once, I was told to not tell a classmate of mine that her dad died from a car accident because it was a month before GaoKao(高考，the university entrance examination). It’s such a common sense that I don’t even remember whether my parent or my teacher or my other schoolmate told me.
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We went to see the movie at the daytime of a weekday. There are 4 people in total in the theatre, 2 of us identify ourselves as Asian and 2 other we identify them as White.
My eyes got warm around the first 10 minutes of the movie . My tear turned from dancing into pouring, when Billi arrived at NaiNai’s and finally answered I swam back, and it never stops since then. The Captain Obvious kind of questions and the quirky answers is exactly how I communicate with HaoPo and I even told her I swam back once.
When Billi ran to make the fake medical report,
“She’s going to lie!” , I said in surprise
He said, “She’s going to be a good Chinese”
I chuckled, thinking: Is she? I hope my life is so easy to be concluded. I couldn’t take any of his comments afterwards, cause I felt my life is being judged.
This is an honest movie. It’s finally an Asian-casting movie that neither pile up the “mysterious east elements” nor cater to the specific audiences, it records the true dilemma with a film language. Every single reaction of us is telling the true cultural identity of us. It’s so true that it hurts. My reactions are reminding him of not being Asian enough, and his reactions remind me that I am not an actual North American Asian like him and he will never understand my background. These are probably the truth out there, but it’s still not easy to take and especially accept together.
After the move, 2-hour of crying, he tries to convince me that NaiNai knows the lie and she’s acting as well. “Don’t you think it makes the story more beautiful” he added after my disagreement.
“I’d agree with you from a viewer’s point, but I can’t cause it’s my true life!” I said with pain. I would scream if I wasn’t in pain.
“You don’t have to agree with me” he said with clear disappointment.
Why it’s so hard to understand you can’t establish your join above others’ pain? It’s not exact about how much you know, it’s about what kind of person you are.
I truly appreciate everytime he took me to experience somewhere “North American”, but he sees the only reason I can enjoy that is cause I want to be assimilated, just like an ignorant white guy.
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My PTSD was triggered by some lines from the movie, I was trying my best to pretend I’m fine just like Billi’s families. He tried to make me feel better, then he got frustrated by me not being able to catch his joke in English, which is my 3rd language. I told him I feel bad to let him see me in this way, and I suggested “you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to”. He left. A few days later, he told me he knew I was having PTSD.
The story is more beautiful if he respects Asian culture.
baratheonpilled
andulkaphoto
dededos