I got recommended by a friend of mine to try start a blog where I could talk about my experiences and the journey I am going on. This is mostly because whenever I try to access online resources to find information, the only valuable sources are from those who have gone through it all before and I want to contribute to that. It might make someone who stumbles across this have a way easier time of it.
This first little post is just going to be a little introduction, laying out complete honestly as far as it won’t reveal my identity and stuff (haha dont want people knowing this is me)
My name is Ronan Fitzpatrick, and I am a ftm Trans guy. I am 18, 19 in a few days and just recently I came out to the people in the world who are the closest to me. Those being my nuclear family and my closest friends. All in all i have told 5 friends, my parents and one of my brothers.
All of my friends generally had the same reaction. “this makes so much sense” which caused a sense of huge relief to me, to hear that people that had known me for over 7 years say “yep that makes you as a person seem clearer to me” was just so good. It was like validation that of course I’m a lad because all of these people who know me so well are not at all surprised. I have been lucky so far in the friends I have told that all of them are allies of trans issues, and one of them is trans themselves. They understand and I don’t feel any different really, just happier.
It was the same thing with my brother, a member of the LGBT community he was instantly accepting (not all will be, because they’re trans exclusionary) although not without wanting the reasoning behind why I thought I was Trans. (.which I will post on a later post) he was just excited to have a younger brother and to be honest, I was ready as I’d always been to be his little brother. He also told me that it just fit into place with my whole childhood and growing up.
Then there is the parents. I deeply love and care about my mam and dad. They are some of my best friends and have always been there for me, when I came out as a Lesbian, when I was in depressive states. They were by my side. I knew this would be a shock to them though.
I told my mum first, and she was supportive. She didn’t give me a hug or anything but she asked what was next, as in what could we do about it. This was better than a hug, because I knew she would take me seriously about what I wanted even if she disapproved herself
My dad was a different story. He coaches my gaa team (sports team) and I told him as we were finishing off our last pints after the rest of the team had headed off. He told me I was too young, that surgery was gross, that I was beautiful and that he couldn’t wrap his head around it.
Fair enough, He wasn’t raised in the same society I was or my friends or brother or even mam, he was in the country under the thumb of the catholic church. What shocked me so much was what a loss he felt, he said to me that he felt as though he lost his best friend, that our relationship could never be the same and it all boils down to him not understanding transness as a concept. He thinks even if I do get treatment or whatever I will eventually regret it.
My advice to myself is this. Give it time. He loves me, I know he does. I am not going to stop trying to make myself happier now though. I will do all I can to quell the weight that is on my chest.
When I speak to people who are supportive, I am so sure of myself because they validate me and how much sense me as a guy makes not only in my head, but in theirs as well , but it makes me feel like I’m making it all up when my dad looks at me and calls me his darling, because I was for so long and part of me identifies with that person but way more of me is Ronan, his son, who justs wants to play gaa and go on the sesh with his mates.
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