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Since 2009. Just recording and reblogging shit.

[fkinlaaance]

It’s almost been a year. I feel so regretful. I haven’t forgiven myself at those last physical moments with you. I feel terrible today. I miss hearing my mother’s voice. It’s weird how the World seems to have moved on. I don’t believe you’ll ever fully heal losing a loved one.

I’m anxious about my next assignment in Hawaii.

I lost my shit yesterday. I was constantly being compared to the last person who held the position. That’s not fair. Especially if he’s going behind my back telling people I’m ruining all the work he did the past three years.

He didn’t do shit. Selfish prick. I cannot wait till he leaves this Friday.

[godsconnect]

[fkinlaaance]

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Back to reality. I realized I took time granted.

I only now want to reach the twenty and retire. I spent too much time away and didn’t get take advantage of the opportunity to be with family and friends because I got caught up on working on myself.

I returned to work and I don’t miss being in the Navy. A big chunk of why I stayed in was for my mother and it just feels heavy I just don’t want to be here but I’m going to finish it.

I still don’t know where my next duty station is going to be for this window. It’s been staying in Japan or going back to California. We’ll see.

[fkinlaaance]

In San Diego, it’s bitter sweet.

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First window closed. I almost got selected for San Diego because the command ranked me as their #1 pick for whatever reason. They even emailed the MF who makes the call but he picked someone else who was #7. It would be bitter sweet to be home but I ranked Diego as 6/7 on my list.

As for the rest, Singapore, Italy, Okinawa, Japan, Miami got taken and closed. Whack. I really hope this second look will be better.

I’m off for the next two weeks. Finally.

I was starting to lose myself just working nonstop and I was getting annoyed with the people I was once close with but they burned my bridges and I’m not going to be forgiving this time.

I’ve done a lot and when I needed help, where the fuck were you at? I just needed to someone to listen, not lecture me. Go fuck yourself.

You two have been gone every month and I’ve been stuck doing your bullshit. And you want waltz in asking why I’m tired and pissed all the time? How about you do your fuckin’ job. Useless fucks.

Also, what works for you is for you. Don’t expect yo shit will be my solution. I don’t want to talk your person or take medication. I’ve taking care of myself since joined the service.

I’m well aware of what my needs are.

I cannot wait till March next year when they transfer.

Sighs, finally got that off my chest. I’ve been gone and traveling to other bases unfucking their shit and reporting they got two years worth of shit to do before the inspection. Fuck. Six more years of the Navy.

I pray the next place will be better and established. I’m tired of building up so the policies, documentation and digging up the history of sites. I miss the technician hands on side of IT.

[fkinlaaance]

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I swear. Sigh.

I don’t want to waste my time with these fucks anymore. Lazy, micromanaging, clueless, straight bitch and just delegates. Each of these words are fuckin characters I deal with.

11 more months. Singapore, mainland Japan, Italy, San Diego or stay on this island working for someone else. I hope I get an answer soon.

[fkinlaaance]

[fkinlaaance]