I wish I’d never let you in. I wish I’d have listened to the voice in the back of my head telling me that it was too good to be true. I wish I would’ve kept my promise to myself to not fall in love anymore. I wish I wouldn’t have let you break down every wall that I had built. It’s ridiculous how In a time span of 42 days you walked into my life and completely changed the person I am. You made me feel so comfortable, so safe and so sure of where I was going and what I was doing. You took all my fears and made them disappear, you gave me something no other human has ever given me. You gave me real true love. You opened my mind, eyes, and heart to a feeling that I never even knew existed. You changed my ideologies, you changed my perspectives on life, you changed my music taste. You made me feel like I was the person that I was made to be. You promised me the world, you promised me your heart, you promised me you would fight for me. And then in a matter of 12 hours, two text messages, and a Facebook status, you dropped me like a brick. You let go, you lost all the feelings you had for me, you broke every promise, and took away the meaning of every word you ever said to me. You left me out in the cold all alone crying myself into a better person. You threw away everything, the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt, is now nothing but a distant memory. Reminding me that life is a fucking bitch. You swooped into my life like a wrecking ball and tore down every defense I had, only to leave just as fast as you appeared. The funniest thing though, even though I feel so hurt, so led on, lied to, betrayed, and angry... I couldn’t begin to hate you, I can’t be mad at you. You made the decision that you felt was for the best, and even though I don’t understand it and it does nothing but cause me pain, I can’t control it, I can’t control you, and I can’t be mad at you for acting on your feelings. If you remember a few weeks back, when we were laying on my bed and you were holding me in your arms telling me I was the most amazing person you’d ever met while looking into my eyes like you loved to do, I told you something that I meant with all my heart. I told you that no matter how long this lasted, no matter how long I got to keep you in my life, whether you woke up in the morning and never wanted to talk to me again, or whether we ended up being together forever, that it was worth every bit of risk to have fallen in love with you and gotten the chance to feel a feeling that words couldn’t describe. I told you that no matter what the outcome, no matter how horrible it may be, that I wouldn’t change a thing, that I would make the same decision over and over again. I told you that I was at the most vulnerable position in my life and that I was risking everything by giving you my heart. You felt my heart beat under your hand, you told me you felt it, that you would never make me hurt, that this was different. You reassured me, only to fucking throw everything in my face. And to be fair, I had no idea that you would leave so soon. And to be completely honest I feel lied to, I feel betrayed, and the hole in my chest fucking hurts. But you taught me some things about myself. First off that I should always keep my promises to myself, that I shouldn’t let somebody change what I’ve made up in my mind to protect myself. Second, you reinforced the lesson that we all learn in life, which is that talk is cheap, if somebody wants to prove they love you they should do more than tell you how they feel. Third, that the universe is unpredictable and that no matter how right something may feel or how good something may be going, it can change in the blink of an eye. So prepare yourself for the worst, and hope for the best. Fourth, that I am a strong, beautiful, independent goddess that can do whatever the fuck I want with or without a man to support me. You showed me the true consequences of playing with fire, because I’ve never been burned quite so badly before. You’ve taught me the aftermath of acting out of selfishness. And also you've taught me to have the grace to accept the things I cannot change. And those are only the things I learned from the heart break. You’ve taught me so much about myself and so much about love. You’ve inspired me and lit a flame within me that I cannot drown. You’ve shown me the importance in giving love to everyone, in maintaining an equilibrium, and in being in control of my mind. I’m going to start making music again. I’m going to continue writing lyrics and lay down some tracks. I’m going to follow my dreams and continue doing the things that make me happy. So thank you. Thank you for the love, thank you for the lies, thank you for shattering my heart into a million pieces. Thank you for being a part of my life and helping to write the most beautiful chapter in it yet. I will never forget you. Ever. You will forever have a piece of my heart. I can’t wait to see where you go, I can’t wait to see you make your dreams come true. And just know, that I will be here watching, supporting, and cheering you on the whole way. You will forever be my soulmate. And I mean that.
