Flower in (b)rain

I ramble a lot. I do most of it here. This blog started as a place where I didn't know anybody and I just sort of lurked around but then I moved away from everything and everyone I know and this is where I ended up finding a lot of my friends and a lot of myself. Most of the stuff on here is more information than you'll ever need to know, but none of it is really intended for you, it's mostly just a space for me to get thoughts out of my brain. With that being said, welcome and hello. Say hi sometime, I (usually) don't bite. Oh and I post a lot of pictures of my cat. You're welcome. "I want to jump out of a plane. I'd be okay if the parachute didn't open. I'd rather die terrified than live forever."

[fl0werinbrain]

Sometimes you just need a place.

It’s been YEARS since I’ve posted here. Like, 4 years.

And the thing is...sometimes you think you are okay. You’re back home where all of your people are. You are in the place where things feel most familiar. But it feels all wrong.

I moved back to NH 3.5 years ago and I am not okay. I don’t feel okay here. But I don’t know how to handle that. I see my family and that’s (medium) okay. I see my friends and I am so happy to see them but quickly remember we have little in common. We have a shared history. I love them.

But I don’t have kids. I don’t think NH is a good place to live. I’m so fucking bored here in this garbage state. I’m struggling but I can’t tell anyone. Because everyone is happy I’m home. And nobody knows the difference between complacency and happiness.

I haven’t felt the urge to pour my heart out on the internet in years but I feel the urge lately. This place (NH) feels like an assault to my soul and I have no way out. I’m stuck here. It’s so overwheliming in a place where I feel pressured to be okay.

Cool. Just wanted to put my thoughts in words. That always helps and I haven’t done it in a while.

[fl0werinbrain]

Best friend stuff.

[fl0werinbrain]

When things feel weird, where do you turn?

[fl0werinbrain]

[fl0werinbrain]

When I touch the baby kitten, she immediately starts purring.

I wish proper humans reacted similarly.

[chuckdrawsthings]

oh, tell me more!

[fl0werinbrain]

My BF is out of town so the cats have decided to take their baths on my lap instead of his.

I’m flashing back to when I was single.

[fl0werinbrain]

Hard to know if I actually miss this place....or if I just miss the connection with others.

This is my face. Sorry. It got fat.

[blackqueerblog]

The look on everyone’s faces - esp. Justin Trudeau’s - PRICELESS!!

[pinkseedgrows]

I love are prime Minister he ain’t perfect but at least has a functional brain.

[journeymanfool]

I’m the lady in pink trying so soo hard not to laugh (or maybe scream)

[cake-warrior]

i feel it man. hang in there

[fl0werinbrain]

It’s like when Jim from The Office looks directly into the camera. Except this is real life.

[fl0werinbrain]

Just checking in after a million months to bring you this Dooneycat update.

He is not winking at you because he thinks you’re cute (but you ARE cute), he just has an eye infection.

It’s gross. You can’t see the volume of snot-like substance coming out of his eye and for that, you are lucky. We hung out the emergency vet yesterday and he’s already on the mend. What a good boy.

[fl0werinbrain]

I’m in DC for a few days taking a course on diversity and inclusion. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to sit through given the current political climate. Luckily, I feel as though my fellow classmates feel similarly.

It’s hard to be a person in the world these days. It’s hard to be a gov’t employee in this administration. Having people standing next to me feeling the same feelings helps. We still stand by our missions, even though the ones in charge shit all over them.

Anyway. I’m eating dinner alone and tearing up about the scene when Gandalf shows up at Helms Deep to save the day. Wishing he could save us now, in the real world.

“Look to my coming, at first light, on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East.”

[fl0werinbrain]

Day three after falling down my stairs (that’s right, I’m graceful AF) and I can now inhale deeply without wanting to cry or nearly passing out.

Being an adult is pretty cool. Especially the part where our bodies are super breakable and easy to damage.

[adonischildsupportcase]

[roguishpixiedreamgirl]

What a beautiful family. What a lucky cub to have two such good moms.

[fl0werinbrain]

Its been a while since I’ve cried so hard at something wonderful. Such seeet babies. I love them all.

[88floors]

Miniature Treehouse Sculptures Built Around Houseplants by Jedediah Voltz

[fl0werinbrain]

Combining things I love! Plants & tiny things!

[unclefather]

[roguishpixiedreamgirl]

David Ford just said “daddy’s home” and I fucking cannot.

[fl0werinbrain]

Same.

[fl0werinbrain]

My Gram passed away late Wednesday night and I’m so heartbroken, I am having a hard time focusing on anything that isn’t episodes of The Office and sleeping. I went to take her off of my cell phone plan today, mostly because I need to be doing tasks or else I just sit and cry. Turns out, you can cancel a line without a death certificate if the phone salesperson is a man and you cry hard enough. I thought I’d have more to say but I am having a hard time putting words together in an order that makes sense.