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elysia, etc. she/others. adult.
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Oshi no Ko - In defense of Ai's "lies"
Warning: Manga spoilers below.
This post is a reaction to people occasionally saying, "Maybe Ai was the real villain all along" or "But Ai lies" as evidence of her character being sucky. And just... come on. I know, dear reader, that you understand how silly that is but I'm gonna spell it out anyway.
I always want to say in response: "Who did Ai hurt with her lies?" There is one character you may be thinking of and I'll get to that, but the person she hurt the most was herself. Because she told herself nonsense about how she was an irresponsible, dirty liar.
This breaks my fragile heart because this, right here, is the lie. Her negative self-talk stemming from a childhood filled with abuse and loneliness framed her issues with understanding love as if it were her fault and not, I dunno, the woman who fed her glass (see 45510) and abandoned her.
What were Ai's lies? Should they even be classified as such? Let's break it down:
She hid her kids. I would hardly call this a lie so much as a totally normal boundary for a celebrity with a public and private life. It only mattered because of the absurd standards for idols. It was more of a lie by omission anyway, but if someone asked her point blank if she had kids (maybe after one too many times nearly mentioning her kids lol) it would be perfectly acceptable to say no.
She put on a happy face at all times, hiding her emotions. This primarily hurt herself because it increased her social isolation and caused the girls in B Komachi to view her as untouchable and inhuman. Nino wouldn't have been so hurt by their fight if Ai better knew how to express herself, or maybe even if she had shown that she cared by yelling back, but that's a lot to expect from someone with Ai's background and lack of experience with relationships.
There's also Ai's neurodivergence. I don't want to speculate too much about that as I am not hugely familiar with the topic besides what I've learned by googling, but it can cause difficulty with social situations and expressing emotions. Sounds pretty familiar.
We are told in ch 137: "She could neither love nor trust people. She was timid and sensitive. She got hurt after being at odds with her friends. She really was an ordinary girl you could find anywhere. That's why she lied. A big lie that concealed her weak self completely."
Another description for this is a defense mechanism. Ai was not raised in an environment where vulnerability was met with reassurances. Moreover, as an idol it was hammered into her that she needed to hide anything about herself that could be deemed as negative or ugly. Anything that made her human. Ichigo told her at age 12 to lie until she understood love. She was set up from the get go to consider herself nothing but a liar.
She lied to Hikaru when she said, "I can't love you." This is actually not a big lie so much as the most negative take on her emotions. She wasn't sure she could love him but she wanted to. The real untruth is the way she flippantly strolled out the door as if she didn't care about him. But that doesn't make her a villain and her reasons are obvious given everything told to us about her in ch 137 and her avoidant tendencies she used as a shield to protect herself. She handled the breakup with all the grace of an elephant wearing ice skates but I'm not about to blame her for it.
She lied about love. I saved the big one for last. The thing her characterization hinges on. But it was hardly a lie at all. Not only because she actually did love her kids or that she was trying so hard to love which was its own form of love ("lies are love"), but because the idea of having to love her fans in a personal manner that goes beyond appreciation is actually ridiculous.
Nobody expects an office worker to love their clients or someone working at Starbucks to love their customers. But as an idol she was marketed as a perfect, pure girl, someone men could project their fantasies onto and who was supposed to genuinely love each and every one of them in return. It's nonsense. Ai was certainly not the only idol failing to live up to this. She just took it incredibly hard because she felt her lack of understanding of love was a personal failing.
We are told that Ai was a liar but she was honest as often as she hid the truth. She asked Gotanda to film the real her after he called her out about putting on an act. She was candid in the fan Q&A in 45110. In Viewpoint B she wrote a song that expressed her genuine feelings. She adored her kids so much that she slipped up and nearly talked about them on camera. Ai wanted to share how they had impacted her life but couldn't except through veiled statements. She was completely honest with Ryosuke, treating the moment as if she was in a confessional detailing her sins.
None of this is to say Ai was perfect. We're bonked over the head with the fact that Ai was a regular person who could get angry, who was too timid to push herself to connect with her fellow members of B Komachi, who undoubtedly did and said things that did not reflect her best self just as we all do. But I don't think liar is her defining trait. It's probably not even in her top five. I would describe her as sensitive, loving, mischievous, playful, and intelligent (she could be airheaded but she was incredibly savvy about her image) before I'd call her a liar.
There is no Real Villain Ai. And I can't tell you how glad I am that the theory some people held about her forcing sex on Hikaru was thoroughly debunked. Right up there with people speculating that Crow Girl is actually reincarnated Ai. That just made me laugh. The last thing reincarnated Ai would do is jerk her kids around.
We're told Ai was a liar because that's how she viewed herself. It's not an objective fact or at least not a fact that trumps everything else about her. So the next time someone says "Ai was a liar" my response would be "OK. So what?"
core kinning from onk is the worst thing ever
⭐️🖤💙⭐️Blue Royal Stars⭐️💙🖤⭐️
girl who is extremely scared about avemuji anime, actually
they cannot possibly do this to me he's back on the piano and he wants to perform with me again
just read ena5 don't worry about my kinlist
ena is so so pretty ... wrragghhh i 🩷 my girlfriend
i miss my mom. i miss my brother. i want to be seen. i want to be comforted. i feel like i dont exist when im not seen and i cant handle anyone now
marlena by julie buntin
waking up tearful with memories is surely normal
embarrassingly touched starved. i miss having kitty cuddles.
if anyone else has kinnie questions please feel free .. i will probably get to them after worky.
some kinnie questions for you :]
Amiya: did you have a favourite location that the landship visited? anywhere you wish you could've gone? or a favourite location on Rhodes Island?
Mizuki: what did you like to do in your spare time? any skills you wanted to learn but just never got around to?
Aya: favourite genre of music? or just some favourite songs in general?
Uika: what were your relationships like with the other Ave Mujica members?
Lemuen: tell me about the people you were closest with?
feel free to answer as many or few as you want to!!
👑: mm chernobog? is not my "favorite" per se but it is dear to me due to... things there. i do like lungmen a lot and i remember being there often. the whole city vibe of it is what i associate with my amiya memories a lot. on rhodes island i spent a lot of my time in the medic bay with kal'tsit and in the greenhouse to relax.
🎀: window shopping! and browsing cute things and fun places. because i'm in charge of nightcord outings so i'm always looking for things for us to do, places to go, etc. i didn't really have much else when i'm not at my job or on nightcord making mvs and i hated going to school so. and i'm not my sister so i can't make fancy clothes but i also liked making little accessories like bows and such and i'd share them with friends so we had matching things.
🌸: i just like j-pop? that's a generic thing i feel but it is what hugely inspired me as an idol and especially the fast upbeat ones. i spent a huge of my time practicing songs of that genre with singing and dancing both. and my favorite pasupare song that i associate with most is wonderland girl.
🌌: this is a complicated thing... but speaking generally i felt less close with them than i was? i got along with them well despite our different personalities, but i rarely feel seen at all by anyone except saki. she's the only one who actually knew me but i didn't really know her. or i thought i did? but crychic destroyed her in many ways, i didn't know how to truly alleviate her pain and that brings a lot of related guilt in our relationship. everyone else is pretty mild i say, me and nyamu had a lot of mingling mostly because nyamu is just nyamu, but with mutsumi and umiri they're both pretty distant, so i hardly had run-ins with them outside of band stuff. the reason for ave mujica was i mostly wanted to feel something and saki was eager to have me in her band so... yeah.
🌼: mhm. well i love my sister much, i thought about her often and i wish i did more for her even in my absence than just send letters... because it's not my intention to keep her in the dark and stuff, but i didn't want her to really worry about me. and i love fia and mostima much too. i was glad that they stayed so close and cared about each other as much, even if they wouldn't admit it to each other's faces. i had a lot of fun with them.
i don't know if it's the uika or my trauma but i've been feeling doll-like more than ever and i guess that's... something?
Uika and her inner monster, Doloris
Admittedly when I first watched It's MyGO and Ave Mujica 0th, I didn't really think much of Uika. She and Doloris are presented as such vastly different entities that my brain kind of glossed over her, because I don't tend to go crazy for characters who are presented to us as always being bright and warm. Even when the last episode aired and I saw her undergo the transformation from Uika into Doloris, it still hadn't fully set in for me (though perhaps this is simply because I was busy losing my mind in excitement about seeing Ave Mujica at all as well as the sequel announcement).
But reading the interviews that came out after the anime finished airing completely changed that. Uika is Tomori's opposite in every regard? She has a secret so intense it made her voice actress stand out of her chair and yell when she heard it? I need to know more! What on earth could this seemingly kind character be hiding?
I've been keeping a close eye on her content ever since, and it's slowly making me feel insane. So, in anticipation for the anime, as well as their 4th concert which will happen in December and thus give us even more Doloris lore, I wanted to compile a post on the both of them in which I will present my various thoughts and theories.
i need civilight eterna today or i will be evil.
now she gets to greet me everyday (it's not really her, and it won't ever be, but still.)