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Understanding me

You know I never really expect people to understand me, the reason being I guess is I'm just a little complicated to handle. I know I am. I guess its my family fault for not showing me how to deal with people. Cause honestly my family really couldn't care less about each other. So I mean whats there really else to say if your own family cant understand you then how in THE WORLD can any normal human attempt to.

This is why I keep everything I feel to myself cause when I show what Im feeling it always comes back on me like I'm the one who is an ass hole.

I keep pain, stress, sadness, chaos, and loneliness to myself cause those things are what NO ONE needs to see. Everyone in this world that I perceive has a presumed notion about me and if I sway from what they see and show what I feel on the inside they freak out.

All my life I have always said - Im not aloud to have bad days because its my job to make everyone's day better and if I were to show whats inside of me no one would ever understand.

I don't know how long I can keep it up, maybe until I'm ashes in an Urn on someones fireplace that whats inside of me cause actually come up.

On another note IM NOT POOR anymore and I have other opportunities coming my way that will get me out of this stupid city I live in with all these stupid people. At least I dont have to stress about money!