Who hasn't wanted a romantic italian summer romance with Kai Havertz?
WORD COUNT: 2.6K
The Italian riviera is exhilarating, from the way the sun makes the sea glisten the most beautiful shade of turquoise, bleeding into bright white when waves hit the cliff beneath the road, to the way white birds swoop in and out among white boats, with sails that disappear and reappear along the horizon like tiny meteorites in an endless sky. Driving along the coastline where the mountains meet the depths of the sea makes your breath hitch at every turn Kai takes on the small roads built into the rock walls of the cliff. You feel your knuckles turn white every time you grip into the handle of the door or edge of your car seat and your stomach drop whenever the car takes a sharper turn, grazing the pebbles of the road side.
You look over to Kai as the wind plays with his hair, his features framed by a pair of dark vintage frames and a black tshirt that hugs his torso perfectly, his tattoo peeking out when he moves his arm. He looks like a heartthrob plucked straight out of an old movie. Like he will turn to you and feed you a line just for it to be followed by a million women swooning and fainting. You are mesmerised by the way his hands steadily hold the wheel of the vintage BMW cabriolet, guiding the car, traversing it between the cliffside and rock wall. You admire the way his face is not showing any sign of worry or concentration, as if one wrong move would not send the two of you tumbling straight into the mouth of the sea with glistening white teeth of the crashing waves a hundred of metres below. The way the corners of his pink lips curl upward resemble those of a cat laying in the perfect spot of sun, you think, content and happy - a man at peace.
If you consider the past six months you don't think you have seen Kai look this way in a long time, his mind always torturing him about could-have-beens and should-have-beens. Even after games that he's won his mind would always trap him in a spiral of self pity for not doing better. It is almost as if you are not sitting next to the same man anymore, this Kai is not pale from the constant rain clouds and time spent indoors, instead his skin is glowing a light olive colour, reflecting the warm summer rays.
“You're thinking again,” he chuckles.
“I just don't like looking at the sea right now.” You throw your eyes over your shoulder and your stomach drops as he nears the edge of the lane again to pass an oncoming car.
“We'll be done with this road soon,” he soothes you, “schatz.”
You know he adds the last part to make your worries trickle away. He only uses that nickname on special occasions, in fear of it somehow wearing off, of becoming less special. Even though he is aware of the effect it has on you.
“You called me schatz.” You smile at him, letting your cheek fall onto the headrest as you look at him dreamily.
“I know I did,” he chuckles, not taking his eyes off the road.
“You look happy,” you observe.
“Yes, I'm with you, of course I'm happy!” He chuckles and the way his face lights up makes your stomach erupt in butterflies.
“I like you happy,” you sigh contently, “I like it so much.”
The car goes back to being silent, the italian radio station mixed with the sound of wind whizzing over your heads. You keep sneaking glances at the man next to you, your attention drawn to the fleeting views passing by the car.
—
The apartment you are staying in is small and quaint and humble in contrast to your spacious and luxurious house in England. The building is old, with old creaky floorboards and pale blue walls in the kitchen and living room faded from the decades of history that the bones of the home carries. The rooms are connected by heavy wooden double doors on rusty old hinges. The bedroom, much like the living room, is adorned by big windows framed by white linen curtains moving slowly in the breeze, beyond them a balcony overlooking the town below and the beautiful sea beyond the lively streets. The air of the space is heavy with the evening heat and humidity that mixes seamlessly with the smell of saltwater and wind that has seeped into every wall of the apartment over the decades. The distant bustle of the streets floats in through the open window making the apartment fill with life and warmth.
“Do you like it?” Kai's soft voice startles you.
You turn to look at him, your mind trying to find the words to encompass how everything, the trip and apartment, feels.
Even though the apartment is a stark contrast to what you would expect a professional football player to book as a holiday getaway, it is somehow perfectly Kai. Simple and humble, yet beautiful and extravagant in its own way. Special and one of a kind. You see him in every nook and cranny of the place. From the walls the colour of his eyes or to the sturdy and reliable furniture. A treasure tucked away from prying eyes.
And there he is, standing in the midst of it all, in a loose white t-shirt and a pair of simple shorts, hair still messy and windswept from spending all day driving a cabriolet, illuminated by the aura of the apartment. As if he was made for this place. This moment. Made for you only. The light from the cheap bulbs and windows illuminating him like he is something sent from heaven. An angel that has been cursed to walk the world until he finds his true love and now, here, in this moment, he's looking right at her. His eyes glisten in the evening glow filled with love and care and excitement.
“It's perfect Kai,” you say. Perfect seems like such a dumb and bland word to describe this place. You scramble for more words - superb, magical, breathtaking. None of them would describe the way you feel. None of them live up to the moment.
He doesn't reply instantly, taking his time to walk towards you, slowly, to let his eyes take you in. Finally he cups your cheek with his palm, slender fingers tracing shapes on your cheek. You lean into his touch the same way a sunflower always finds the sun. Kai slowly reaches down and kisses you. Your lips move slowly, lazily, both of you aware that you have nowhere to rush, nowhere to be. You tangle your fingers in his ebony hair and his hand cups your lower back as a cellist would hold his beloved cello. You feel his muscles ease against your body bit by bit, Kai melting into your body, finally letting himself relax.
“I think it's pretty great too.” He smiles pullin back and looking down at you. “I was thinking we could maybe go get dinner and explore the town?”
“Only if you hold my hand the whole time,” you tease him.
“Who said there was any other possible way of doing this?” He kisses your nose letting his hand slide from your cheek, down your shoulder and arm finally finding your fingers, intertwining them.
You try to find words or a stupid question, to stay here, in this moment, not to leave this perfect bubble of love. To have him kiss you again in your perfect safe haven from the world beyond the doors. To lock him away from prying eyes and sharpened tongues that make him doubt himself. To protect him.
But you know you cannot. He is not yours to lock up in an ivory tower, or in this case a small apartment by the sea in a small Italian coastal town. The worry lines on his forehead will come back and his muscles will tense again, this Kai in front of you, right now, is all but a mirage, smoke and mirrors. A sight only occurring once in a blood moon. A fleeting image that you are desperately trying to catch before it fades.
And then, like clockwork, as quickly as it appeared the air of peace and relaxation is gone. Even if he tries to hide it his shoulders become more rigid and the hints of self doubt and pain sneak back into his eyes. Your heart breaks seeing how easily, like it's second nature to him, Kai slides right back into the role of the tortured and haunted prodigy that will never live up to the expectations set on him by the world. Like Sisyphus always trekking up the hill just to be knocked down again when he thinks he's reached the summit. Never giving up or giving in - determined to bring every ounce of glory home to his team and family and friends.
“You ready to go?” you ask him, kissing his cheek. You are scared that if you stand here for a moment longer, look in his eyes for a second longer, you will break down. Fall to your knees sobbing. Beg for him to give up football. To move here. To run away with you. So the vultures can't get him. So he is safe.
“Yes ” he smiles, leaning down to kiss you, as soft as before. His touch feather light against your body, like a warm summer breeze.
—
The streets of the town are lined by citrus trees, the smell of oranges and lemons mixing with the warm sea air sends your head spinning. Kai swings your hands between the two of you as both of you exit the little pizzeria, bellies full of cheese and bread and wine. Cheeks already sore from smiling and laughing.
“That wine was amazing!” you say to him as you near the seaside.
“It was phenomenal,” he exclaims, bringing your hands to his lips and kissing your knuckles.
Phenomenal. Another word that seemingly loses all its magnitude and weight if you were to try and use it to describe this place and feeling. It feels too overused and mundane if you were to use it as a verbal expression of your feelings. Many things are phenomenal - meals, songs, films or football games. But if you tried to describe the smell of the fruit trees lingering on the nightly streets of this city or the way waves crashing against the rocks by the seaside create a perfect symphony of background ambience to your walk it would not be phenomenal. It's too much of an overused word for that.
“Do you wanna go in here?” he asks, pointing at a small outdoor bar, swallowed by flower vines and adorned by metal tables, music playing from the speakers, people milling around the courtyard.
You nod enthusiastically. The place looks like pure magic, out of a movie. The kind of place people go to fall in love.
You find a place to sit while Kai goes to fetch the two of you a bottle of wine and glasses. As he walks through the crowd you sigh happily. It's the way his face can't help but light up at the sight of you, every millimetre of his features filled with pure unadulterated love and joy. He slides into the seat next to you and pours the wine. The two of you begin to talk about the surroundings, looking at the people passing by. You tell him about how you think you should plant roses like these at home, a reminder of the trip always with you, growing and wrapping around the sleek and seemingly perfect terrace of your England home, breaking up the sterile feeling that the home has even after years of living there. He tells you about how the two of you must find out who makes this wine before you leave so he can import it, so there is always a piece of Italy with you, because never has he tasted a better wine ever. You debate about whether you should stay here another night or move on to Lake Como. Both of you captivated by the sheer beauty of the seemingly meek town that has rooted itself into your hearts. You take turns picking the bottles of wine and making a game of it.
Currently you are on your third bottle watching an old italian couple slow dance to the upbeat music. Both of you grinning at the seemingly oblivious pair, lost in their own world, moving to a beat completely opposite of the current song.
“You think that's going to be us in a few years?” you ask, chuckling.
“Definitely,” he says when you look at him, he isn't watching the elderly couple, instead his eyes are glued to you.
“Kai...” you chuckle, blushing.
“Come on! I'll give you a taste!” He says getting up.
“Kai...” you laugh.
“Come on!” he laughs gripping your wrist. “I want to dance with you!”
He pulls you up from the seat grinning like a maniac, and you don't protest. His eyes are dark like the sky above, the light from the lanterns above illuminating them with flicks of light like stars. You let his limbs pull you after him, the two of you soon moving to the rhythm of the song. Suddenly the air around you is light and time doesn't matter.
“What are you thinking about in that head of yours?” You ask him.
For a moment Kai forgets the missed penalties, the goals that should have been, the booing of fans at away stadiums and fans dressed in blue. His muscles relax and briefly his heart is not weighed down by worries and pain. In the moment, under the moon in this small quaint Italian town, he is not “Kai Havertz - football player”, he is just Kai, a man from Aachen, dancing with the love of his life under the starry skies, not worrying about tomorrow. The way she looks at him makes his heart skip a beat, as if she saved him from himself and nothing matters anymore, he's not pushing a rock up the hill just for it to tumble down again. He's not searching for glory, tripping and falling over his feet. Having her look up at him like he put the stars in the sky and pulled down the moon just for her, makes him feel like there is nothing he can't do. Having her in his arms, knowing she doesn't hate him, even if the whole world does, and knowing she is always in his corner is enough to bring him to his knees. She was sent from heaven above to save him from himself.
“Just how much I love you…” he smiles. His smile is different. Brighter, more genuine. “What are you thinking about?”
“Just how much I love you.” You nuzzle your face into his neck, kissing the warm skin earning a laugh. The kind that makes even the deepest parts of his chest rumble.
In that moment you feel like nothing matters, like no one can ever break this moment. Like in one of those postmodernism books your mother used to read on holidays, time is a construct, and you and Kai have briefly become timeless. Stuck in this moment that is filled with love and calmness, passion and excitement. Excitement for the future and what stands before the two of you. You realise that the magic is not hidden in the apartment, or growing in the vines of flowers everywhere or even bottled and corked here, it is instead rooted between you. Like a secret only you and Kai are in on. Finally the word comes to you. Finally you find words that describe the place, the moment, the feelings. Everything and everything and everything. It's all - Kai Havertz.
(TW: mentions of past abuse, past domestic abuse, past emotional abuse)
You have lived alone ever since your last relationship ended. Some people might say its depressing, the way you refuse to share the space with anyone, closing yourself off to the possibility of companionship this early in your life. You would usually, quietly to yourself, list off the reasons why it makes sense to you - the unwillingness to lean into the thought of letting anyone else occupy your home like he had. Truth be told after your ex, “Mr. Big” as you and your girlfriends had dubbed him weeks into dating as a homage to the main love interest in Sex & The City, the mere thought of letting another man close, to trust him with your heart, makes you recoil in disgust.
That is of course until you met Matty. Sweet, caring and considerate Matty. When you met Matty you finally felt like you were able to let out a breath you had been holding in for years. Being with him is easy. The two of you fit like puzzle pieces, carved for each other. He never makes you feel like you are not doing enough, respects your time, cheers you on when work gets hard and always celebrates your wins. Even when the two of you fight the anger rolls off your heart like water off a duck's back. After an argument he brings you into his chest never daring to leave when either of you are angry. He knows love doesn't come easy to you so he is patient. Seeing his eyes follow you carefully whenever he asks you something is one of the things that made you fall for him. You never worry about turning him down, he never takes it wrong.
“I'll ask again at a later date,” he always says, not letting you dwell on it or worry “Don't worry. I'll always wait for you, love.”
The way his eyes glisten and his voice is calm, the kiss and hug that always follows solidifies that he means it. The butterflies in your stomach on the other hand solidify that next time you might not turn him down. It took Matty five tries to get you to move in with him. He asked you, you turned him down, and he waited, and he would still be back two months later to ask you again every time.
Now as you set down the last box in the living room you thank your lucky stars for finding him, for him being so patient, so trusting. You look at him, white t-shirt clinging to his chest with sweat from carrying boxes around all day in the summer heat. His hair is tousled from him pushing it back all day to keep it out of his eyes. Seeing him here, in your shared home makes tears well up in your eyes, for the first time in a very long time you feel like everything is good. And somehow you fall in love with him all over again.
You turn on the record player smiling at Matty,your boyfriend walking towards him swaying your hips to the rhythm until you are safe in his arms. The music plays in the background and the two of you begin to sway to the slow beat of the music. You smile up at him, taking in the way his eyes glisten in the golden light seeping in through the window of your apartment. There is a stray piece of hair hanging from his pushed back hair, making you smile. The moment feels perfect, you let yourself get lost in the way everything feels mundane. Like there is no one else in the world but the two of you on a Tuesday. You rub your hands on his broad shoulders, feeling his muscles tense under your touch. You grin looking in his eyes once more. In your peripheral you see his hand come up to touch your cheek and you flinch.
Your hands fly off his shoulders and in front of your face, the stance of a fighter. You see the confusion in his eyes turn to worry. It's too late, you know it's too late.
“Ha-ha got you” you try to joke, lie to him. You always hated lying.
Lil cheeky anon request:
Hey a request for mason falling in love with reader who’s from London and him not wanting to go it can angst fluff anything
This one is gonna hurt like a mf
Words: 1.4k
Mason's living room is warm, windows open to the warm summer showers outside drowning out the world around the two of you. The two of you have spent the last hour or so lazily making out on his couch having nowhere to be. Both of you feel the comfortable heaviness in your limbs from the lengthy laying on the couch and doing nothing.
“I could just stay.” Mason runs his fingers through your hair murmuring softly against your neck.
“You have somewhere to go?” You chuckle softly.
“I meant in London…” his voice muffled against your skin, making the spot where his lips meet your throat tickle lightly.
“Masey…” you breathe mindlessly as you run circles with your thumb against the light stubble on his jaw.
“At Chelsea…” he finishes, the words coming out soft and quiet almost like a whisper told under street lights and starlight.
“You could do none of that! I'm not letting you throw away your future in Manchester or Liverpool just because of me.” You lean back, looking him in the eyes, anger and annoyance evident.
“But my future is where you are…” he coos again, making his voice seem sweet as honey. You see him reposition himself trying to get you back against his chest.
“Your future is where you have the best option to be yourself, to play football and to feel appreciated.” You don't waver, your words short and serious. Your body now rigid and unwavering like a marble statue.
“But Chelsea loves me and I love Chelsea.” You can hear the annoyance in his voice grow with each syllable.
“You and Chelsea have become a toxic relationship, Mase.” You say, now softer, with more care. Maybe he will listen if you coddle him, maybe being this way will make this conversation easier. Maybe it will hurt less. Maybe the two of you will get through this unscathed if you just keep your cool.
He looks at you,his eyes big and glistening with tears threatening to spill at any moment, taken aback by your statement. You watched the cracks appear in the facade that Mason had crafted over the years inch by excruciating inch. He would never let anyone see the stoic image waver even for a second, and now here you were making it fall and crumble, exposing Mason bare. Forget getting through this unscathed, this will be painful.
“Oh, don't dare look at me like that! You know I'm right!” You say almost helplessly, still trying and hoping to make this as painless as possible “You are so ready to just throw away your happiness and career, to sign away your soul, be payed less-”
“It's not about the money,” he interrupts you, a hint of annoyance in his voice. Painless? Painstaking.
“It's always about the money Mason." You almost plead for him to understand where you are coming from, “there is never such a thing as it's not about the money for a person in your situation. You can't tell me it's not something that played a huge impact when you decided to leave and explore other options!”
“Yes but things change!” His eyes are full of fury, voice loud like a clap of thunder. This isn't your Mason anymore.
“Yes! But I refuse to be the catalyst of you blowing up your life by staying!” You scream, trying your best to keep your voice from breaking. You know better than anyone that if he even for a second saw you were hurting like he was, he would sense your weakness. Mason would call your bluff. He was trained to see weak spots his whole life. You have to stay strong.
“What are you saying?” He asks, not believing what you are implying. Of course. He wants to hear the words leave your mouth.
“Mason you know what I'm saying,” your voice is small, pleading. You know you don't want to say it and you know he does not want to hear the words.
“I want you to say it out loud." Each word comes out slow, calculated, cold.
You swallow hard, looking at him. Begging him to let you not say it out loud. Nausea crawls up your throat like the cold hand of death.
“If you're telling me you have to choose between your career and me…” it feels like a high speed train coming to an instant stop, the air in the room freezes as you mull the last words in your mouth. The moment they will leave your mouth everything will change. “I'm taking myself out of the equation.”
“So it's that easy for you?” He says coldly. You can see how much it hurts to hear those words. You feel as if you have dug a knife in his chest.
“You know it's not.” You finally let the tears escape your eyes, screaming.
“I think it is!” He screams back.
“I'm doing this because you are about to ruin your life for me!” How does he not get it! How does he not see you are right?
“Because I love you!” The way his voice breaks as he confesses his love for you makes something in your chest shift, like a shard pressing against your lungs.
“Mason, that is not love! That is not something you do to a person you love! You cannot expect me to live with the knowledge that I'm to blame for you staying at Chelsea!”
“I want to stay.” You are not sure who he's trying to convince more - you or himself.
“You don't! Stop!”
“I love you!” You see him break, his body threatening to give out.
“I love you too but I have to do this!” you try to say it as calmly as you can, but you know you sound like a banshee.
“You mean walk away?” he asks calmly, hiding the tremble of his voice. You know mason well enough to see the way his eyes dart around the room as if to ground himself. You hate being the reason for the panic in his body.
“I mean make sure you make the decision best for you.” As the words leave your mouth you know there is no way back. You can't backtrack anymore. Your hands twitch, ready to fly to your lips as if able to catch the words you've spoken.
“Then leave! Go!” he shrieks. Tears finally spill down his cheeks. Suddenly he's a child again, helpless and hopeless.
“I'm sorry," you plead. Part of you wants to fall to your knees, tell him you didn't mean it. Maybe part of you didn't. But you know you have to carry it through. You and Mason are gonna get through this. It's just a fight. He's going to forgive you.
“GO AWAY I SAID!” he pushes you lightly, to put distance between the two of you. It's not like Mason to get physical, you know he didn't mean to hurt you by the way his movements are still careful. You hate yourself for putting him in a place where he reacts like this..
“Mason-” you look at him shaking your head in disbelief.
“If you walk out that door I never want to hear from you again." His voice shakes as he gives you the ultimatum. He points a shaking hand to the door. You know he doesn't mean it. He can't mean it. But you love him and you have no choice.
You are laying on your couch when the announcement drops on your phone. Mason is grinning at the camera holding up his shiny new red shirt and the text above talks about how excited both player and club are to have made the deal happen and how they cannot wait to have a fruitful future ahead. A mix of pride and sadness fills your chest seeing him happy at a new club, but the knowledge of the price the two of you paid still feels like a shard of glass you will always carry in your heart.
You consider texting him, to congratulate him on the move, but something in the back of your mind tells you to stop in your tracks. You know the pain that the change came with, it would not be fair to either of you to open up the wound again. There is no sense in prying it open and seeing what is left. So you slide your phone back in your pocket and try to bite back the tears.
Even though you miss him like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky, but you know he's not yours to miss anymore. And again you tell yourself you did the right thing, hoping one day you will believe it yourself.
You join your best friend on a summer all expenses payed trip to spend some time on a fancy yacht in the Mediterranean sea. What you don't account for is her boyfriend's hot friend also being there.
Word Count : 2.6k
The Mediterranean sun burns hot, making the deck of the yacht smell of dry charred wood mixed with the salt from the sea filling the air. You walk out of the safe cool shade of the cabin hissing the moment your bare feet reach the burning surface of the deck. Your eyes scan the space for a comfortable seat, to read your book while catching some sun rays - to work on your tan. As you move you let yourself stretch the muscles of your body, still feeling the lingering feeling of last night, and the man who you spent the night with.
You get comfortable on one of the deck chairs and let yourself get lost in your book. Your mind wanders back to just a few hours ago, when you were engulfed in the touches of the man, his soft, laboured breaths in your ears. Your fingers touch the space where your collarbone meets your neck, where only hours ago he worshipped you like you were a goddess, only for it to now become a measly patch of soft, pillowy skin. The feeling of his strong hands on your hips - now only a memory. You shake your head trying to rid yourself of the memories - after all this is what you wanted. You asked for this when you let yourself give in to his smile and gorgeous eyes.
“Good morning beautiful.” The sound of Mason’s voice brings you out of your thoughts.
“Hey you!” you smile shielding your eyes from the sun with your book.
“Did you sleep well?” he asks, sliding into the chair next to you, the warm summer breeze playing with his hair making you chuckle.
“Yeah pretty decent,” you flash a grin at him. “What about you? Had a good night?”
“Oh yeah me, Ben, Grealo and the girls stayed up playing beer-pong and shit… You should have stayed with us!”
“And have you fight for my attention?” you tease. “I had to give the girls and beer pong a fair chance.”
“You wish!” Mason laughs.
“It’s just because you and Sasha are boring old hags.” Ben’s voice ringing from behind you startles you.
“Who are you calling a hag, bro?!” you swat your book at him as he sits at the foot of your chair making Mason laugh loudly.
“No but for real,” Ben says, glaring at Mason. “It was really great! I’m glad we did this.”
You chuckle, about to say something when Mason interrupts you. “Kai! My boy!” he shouts wolf whistling “You absolute dog!”
You look over your shoulder to see Kai Havertz emerge with one of the instagram models the boys dragged along, by his side giggling about something he must have said. You thank the stars that you are wearing sunglasses so the others don’t see you roll your eyes.
“So that’s why you were not at beer pong last night!” Ben exclaims, wiggling his eyebrows.
The german shoots them a cheeky smile which makes your stomach churn into a knot. You glance at him, not meeting his eyes.
“Good morning,” he says, letting his palm graze your shoulder, making something bubble inside your chest.
“Hi Kai,” you say coldly “Sleep well?”
“Fantastic.” You don’t need to face him to know he is giving you a lazy half smile.
“Good to know.” You return your gaze to your book, trying to act unimpressed by the addition of an instagram girl at his side.
“How about you?” he asks.
“Decent, nothing to write home about.” You shrug and finally look at him expecting to see a reaction, but all you receive is a polite and friendly smile. You can’t lie, there is a certain part of you that feels hurt and angry at his coolness. You clench your jaw to not show any semblance of emotion.
“Anyways,” you bite back a reaction, not wanting to give him even an ounce of the satisfaction he just robbed you of, “I’m gonna leave you guys to catch up I need some water… See you later." You ignore the protests of your friends making your way back into the cabin. Truth be told you need to get a grip, away from Kai and his girl.
The coolness of the kitchen in contrast to the heat of the deck covers your skin in prickly goosebumps. You lean against one of the counters rubbing your face, a desperate attempt at trying to remove the heat from your cheeks. The quiet that surrounds you allows you to finally let out the breath you have been holding in for the last ten minutes. You open the tap and rub your hands under the running water as if trying to wash off the memory of his sweaty skin against your palms. You bite back tears of frustration at your own stupidity. You shut off the water bringing your cool hands to your face once again as if trying to cool off the mess of emotions bubbling behind your eyes and in your head. Memories of you and him come rushing back to you instantly. You bite back the sour taste of remembering how your limbs had been intertwined on this same counter not even a day earlier, the same one your lower back is currently pressed against. You can almost feel his body pinning you against the cool marble once again, his lips on yours telling you how hot and perfect you are. The slow rocking of the boat mimicking the way he would guide your body back and forth to feel better. You bite your lip remembering the feelings that he had made you experience, almost being able to map him out again just by standing here. You let your fingers trace the curves of your body the places he had touched, throwing your head back feeling pleasure creep up in your stomach again. As you slowly let your fingers run from your hip to your inner thigh, biting down your lip and closing your eyes you hum his name to yourself.
Suddenly you hear the sound giggling approach and you quickly straighten up pretending to be interested in the contents of the fruit basket, that you had already become familiar with when you knocked it over the night prior. Within seconds two girls appear around the corner. You have barely had time to talk to them as they have been circling the boys like fruit flies, although you recognize the tall brunette as the girl Kai had shown up with this morning.
You’ve agreed to come on this trip as Sasha’s friend, after Jack dragged her with him on his “big lads on tour summer break bonanza” or whatever they call it. You and Sasha have been friends from way back when Jack had barely broken through first team ranks and she was still an up and coming model, but since then you have been an inseparable duo. Sasha and you had always spent a girls holiday away together with your other friends, but this year Jack had practically begged his girlfriend to tag along and so she had dragged you along as well citing “What bad could happen on an all expenses paid holiday on a yacht with a couple of close friends?”. Then of course the close friends of your close friends had invited a few girls they had met and here you were, surrounded by a bunch of football players and instagram models. Of course you weren’t complaining as Sasha had made sure you were treated like a queen, besides you had already been pretty chummy with Ben due to social functions at Sasha and Jack's, and you and Mase had clicked instantly from day one. The boys had treated you like one of the gang quick enough, probably because you were Jack’s VIP for the time being. The only one who you had not instantly become friends with was Kai.
The two of you had spent the first few nights sharing glances and exchanging lingering touches disguised as something purely accidental. Then one of the days you had caught him watching you from the safe shadow of the cabin door, while you and Sasha were sunbathing on the front of the boat - the laser sharp focus of his blue eyes slowly untying the loose strings of your bikini bottoms making you feel your skin tingle with shivers that felt like pure fire. You had smiled at him, excusing yourself, saying you wanted to quickly give your mom a call. Once you made it inside you had pulled him into one of the bathrooms.
“What do you think you are doing?” you asked looking up at him, which was a huge mistake because the moment your eyes met you felt something in your stomach drop.
“I was just looking at the sea,” he smiled down at you a lazy grin on his face.
“Yeah sure that’s what you were doing,” you breathed feeling his fingers slide up and down your side.
“You didn’t like it?” he asked quietly as he tugged at the string and it came undone.
“I never said I didn’t like it.” You smiled letting your nails slowly run down his arms feeling him flex under your touch. “Kai.”
“I like it when you say my name like that.” His lips were on your neck.
“Like what?” you pressed against him feeling him against your stomach, “Kai.”“You accent,” his breathing was unsteady. “Say it again.”
“Kai,” you purred, “please?”
He didn’t answer, just gripped you so your legs were around his waist within seconds and his mouth was roaming every inch he could get to. Your voice hoarse from whispering his name over and over again by the end of it. And then you would move along without a second thought, two ships in the night, a relationship built only on meetings in secret when it was convenient, leaving both of you panting and your heads spinning. And then you would always go back to Sasha and watch Kai have other girls all over him. But it was okay because you would never fall asleep next to him, in his arms. You never let it get that intimate. Until last night.
“Eyo!” Sasha's waving hand in front of your face brings you out of your daydream. “You here?”
“Yeah,” you blush, unaware how long you've been zoned out looking at the fruit basket. “Just zoned out.”
“You okay?” Her face full of concern.
“Yeah… just got a bit hot in the sun I think," you brush it off. You hate lying to your best friend, but you don't know how to tell her the truth. You don't want to admit spending the night with Kai has made your head all a mess. And you don't want to admit that seeing him with the girl just a pair of hours after you were the one curled against him practically ripped your heart out.
“Oh babe didn't you wear a hat?” she asks, her voice sounding dangerously close to that of a mother hen.
“Yeah love,” you say “I went out to read this morning and I think I forgot to get some water, that's why I'm in here."
“You feeling better?” her eyes are still full of worry.
“Yes!” You smile. “I was actually heading back outside! Let's go relax and enjoy some fresh air!”
The suggestion seems to take away all the worry from her big doey eyes and replaces her face with excitement. Seeing her happy like this momentarily takes away all the worries plaguing you for a moment.
The two of you make your way back to the deck where everyone is already celebrating the holidays. You see Ben chatting up a leggy redhead a little bit away while Mason and Jack are having what you would best describe as an idiot-off by the edge of the boat, but judging by the group of girls around it's very entertaining. The only person you cannot seem to get your eyes on is Kai. You breathe out a sigh of relief at the realisation that you can avoid the german.
Your joy however soon ends when you see movement at the end of the boat. Soon Kai's body appears on the ladder, water dripping from his black hair. Your eyes follow the droplets as they map out the smooth curves and angles of his perfectly chiselled chest and then move lower down to his abdomen. The water making his shorts heavy, sticking low on his hips. You bite your cheek trying to keep your eyes off his hips, you move to look at the way the veins pop on his forearms where he grips the ladder, every muscle bulging as he moves. By the time you realise you are staring and Sasha's been talking, it's too late. You meet Kai's eyes and you feel your breath hitch at the way droplets cling to his lashes.
“I'll be right back, Sash,” you panic, all you know is you need to get away before the tears in your eyes spill. “I'll run and get a hat."
“Okay,” she smiles, “I'll go make sure Jack doesn't get hurt with this wrestling match-on-a-ledge.”
“Okay see you in a few.” You pray she didn't pick up on the way your voice broke at the end of the sentence.
You practically run to your bedroom praying no one will bump into you, see the tears currently adorning your cheeks. You reach the room and fall into the bed gasping for air between sobs. Why does this man have such an impact on you and your feelings. Why couldn't you be like other girls and let yourself enjoy a summer-holiday-no-strings-attached moment like other girls had always done?
You hear the door open and turn around expecting to see Sasha, already trying to come up with an excuse she would believe, but instead you are met by his ocean blue eyes. The eyes that make you feel like every inch of your body is made out of poison, poison that only he can suck out and make you feel okay again.
“Hey I- Are you crying?” He looks at you concerned, shutting the door behind him.
“What do you want?” Your words come out harsher than you intended, but good, he deserves it.
“I wanted to talk!” His defences kick in.
“Talk about what? Or do you mean - quick blowjob?” Your voice is soaked with resentment and anger as you wipe tears from your cheeks.
“What has gotten into you?” he asks, his face contorting with anger or is it disgust? You don't reply, only watch him from where you are sitting in your bed.
“You've barely talked to me today. I almost feel like you are avoiding me.” He says.
“Oh you noticed I'm not in a mood to talk to you?” You know you have no right to be this way but you need to get the hurt out, before it tears you apart. “Thought you were busy with the model girl… the one you must have fucked after I left your bed.”
“Why are you bringing her up? You jealous or something?” He spits in anger. “What do you want from me?”
You don't reply but look away, shame clouds your features, tears threaten to spill again. The clump in your throat hurts against your windpipe.
“At first I wanted you to just fuck me,” you confess still not meeting his eyes, digging your nails into your own shoulders “but then I got greedy… and wanted you to love me. I wanted to be yours and no one else's.”
Silence falls across the room. You finally meet his eyes, trying to get a read on his emotions.
Short one about being completely intensely in love and saying goodbye to Kostas before he leaves for international break.
(It's very artsy so thats a warning for you ❤️ )
Word count : 1.4k
The stadium is brimming with excitement, the cheers of a sea of blue, red and white drowns out the sound of the Greek fan cheers. With each passing moment your stomach grows more worried and excited, cold sweat trickling down your spine. You are very aware of the power difference between the two teams - the tale of Ereuthalion and Nestor from the Iliad retold on the pitch in front of you. And so you can't help but crane your neck searching the pitch, trying to find the man you are looking for.
There he is, your Greek boy. Kostas' skin glows from spending the seemingly endless days under the Greek sun. Your eyes trace the tattoos along his skin, fingers itching to touch him. To have him in your orbit for just a minute. You admire the way his muscles bulge with each movement of his slender body as he chases the ball, trying to keep it out of the french defender's reach. Your eyes admire the way his clothes drape against his body, like armour made of cloth. His hair is shorter than when you held him last, you note. And the colour has morphed from his usual water soaked wood into a dark gold now framing his face with unruly waves that move and bounce with his swift movements. He's cut it most likely due to the heat and how it got in his way when playing, you think to yourself. The sun illuminates him like one of those Greek heroes from your books and movies, missing only a crown of golden laurels.
The shrill ringing of Kostas's alarm wakes the both of you, and somehow everything suddenly feels cold and distant. A sadness fills the air around you. A sense of finality lingers in the air, like the blade of a guillotine, threatening to cut through the fleeting moments of closeness that the two of you have been trying to latch onto.
You blink your eyes open to look at him, to see the way the sleepiness fills every crevice of his features chiselled by a sculptor. You let your fingers trace his cheek and shoulder, almost expecting marble, noting the way his beautiful eyes follow your movements, like the would an opponent, careful and sharp, except his eyes are full of nothing but love and adoration,something reserved for only you. You bite your lip and close your eyes, treasuring the ability to touch him, feel his smooth skin against the pillowy fingertips, making it last just before the moment passes.
“Is there anything I can say to make you never leave?” you whisper, meeting his eyes once again.
“We both know there isn't.” He frowns, moving a lock out of your face. “I would love to stay… but you know it would not be right.”
“I wish I could come with you,” you let your thumb run over his bottom lip as you speak, “wake up next to you every morning. Like this.”He doesn't reply, but the way he almost bites back tears at the mere thought of what that would be like, makes everything sting. It's not fair to make him imagine a scenario like that. You feel your own chest drop as if someone has pierced an invisible dagger through your sternum and pulled out your heart and lungs rendering you unable to breathe normally, painlessly, a curse for even suggesting the option exists. You know he has to go and you know it's only temporary. A few weeks, not even a month, but each time is as painful as the last.
“I love you,” you whisper, unable to find other words to fill the silence.
“I love you.” He breathes out before turning onto his back and pulling you closer to him in one swift movement.
“I love you.” You say again, as if saying it a million more times will make time stop or make Kostas stay.
“I love you.” He repeats once for you and then again for himself. “I love you.”
You mouth his words along with him, tasting each consonant and vowel like it is your last meal on earth. Sweet and sticky and poisonous.
You turn onto your stomach and place your chin on his chest, looking him in the eyes. You watch as he meets your eyes. He looks well rested, not a sight you see often, the traces of his insomnia only a long forgotten ghost edged into the smallest details of his features. Something only someone who knows his face better than their own hand would notice. You mentally count the hours that separate this moment from when you would be able to lay like this again. To look at him and touch him and kiss him.
“What are you thinking about?” you hum, a desperate attempt to not worry about the number in your head.
“How pretty your eyes are…” he says softly, like he is too scared to startle some cosmic entity.
As if on cue the alarm goes off again and the magic is lost, reality once again rearing its ugly head. You clutch onto him like a person drowning would to a life raft. Your eyes begin to sting and your heart speeds up and the man below you begins to move. The feeling of everything crumbling around you sets in.
“Don't go yet!” You plead.
“I have to…” He says in a defeated voice, the sense of duty battling his love for you behind his eyes.
“Don't go yet!” you cry out against the skin of his chest. You know you are acting like a child but you want to prolong this as long as possible.“I know you have to go… just not yet!”
“Okay,” he stops moving and settles against the pillow. You both know you can steal each other only for a brief moment, to make the fantasy last only a few breaths longer.
“Okay." You lay your head on his chest counting the beats of his heart, mentally making sure he's real.
You almost keel over when you see the way his face grimaces as he stands in the doorway of your apartment, bags in hand, after hugging the dogs. You take his hand as if it is some kind of consolation prize, a kind of “you can't stay, so here hold my hand.” He takes it, squeezing lightly. You don't speak, there is nothing that you could say that would salvage the situation. Kostas pulls you towards him, pressing your lips against his. When he finally moves backward out the door, your fingers touch until he's out of your grasp. You never were good at goodbyes, even if by now you should be used to them.
The door closes behind him and he's gone. You are left alone. You lean your back against the door and your body loses control. Tears stream down your cheeks and your breath hitches with sobs. You run your hands through your hair trying to calm down, to ground yourself. Both Maui and Fuerte refuse to leave your side until your sobs calm and you are left helpless and alone.
Only a few weeks, not even a month. And you will talk on facetime every night.You can do this.
Your phone beeps with a text from Kostas:
“I love you❤️”
The game ends and you run to him as fast as your feet can carry you. The only thing you can think about is how much you want to be in Kostas' arms and how if you don't run fast enough he might somehow vanish. He spots you and his arms fly open instantly. Nothing around you matters to him anymore. The sadness from the loss is gone from his mind, replaced by the need to hold you.
You collide and he nuzzles his face into your neck, breathing in your smell, his lips kissing your neck.
“Kosti!” you cry out, tears on your cheeks. “Finally!”
“Finally! Every “I miss you” and “I love you” and “The moon does not hold a candle to you.” and “You are the reason I believe that the Gods might fall in love with mortals.” does not feel worthy enough to express how much longing I have felt for you. Every minute and every breath we have been apart” he speaks into your shoulder, the smell of grass and sweat mixing with the scent of the summer evening air and your tears.
Lil cheeky request from @yellowkitkieran because sometimes we all need someone else hold down the fort and write about our fave people for us so we don't have to.
Kieran at Scotland camp, missing his girlfriend so bad he decides to get a 2nd opinion from a teammate about how to woo a girl. Cute and sweet.
Hope you are all enjoying int break!
Word Count: 2.2k
Days on international break have become mundane and repetitive to say the least, the weather of somehow always cold and rainy Scotland making the days seem grimmer. Kieran used to yearn for international break, the chance to play for his country and wear the crest above his heart being his favourite time of year. But this time it's different. This time he had to leave you behind and travel back up north. His heart had almost broken and shattered when he had to get out of your comfortable and warm bed to say goodbye, painfully aware that you would be out of his reach for so long. He had however not expected missing you to be this hard and painstaking. He did not account for that worry that you have somehow forgotten him would cloud his mind once in a while, even though you texted at any chance. He had also not accounted for the fact that not being able to spoil you would somehow make him feel less worthy of your time.
The man has spent the last three hours pacing his room trying to figure out how to make you feel loved and appreciated. He knows you are not the type for grand gestures like hiring a skywriter or a limousine that would take you to Scotland, although the thought has crossed his mind. He also doesn't want it to come off as a second thought like sending you a balloon that said I love you. It was too early for that and somehow also too late for that.
Kieran has always insisted that his one true love is the beautiful game of football. Ever since he was a wee lad his life has revolved around the ball at his feet. No matter what was happening around the man, whether it be teenage breakups or moves across the country to follow his dream, to a place where he has no friends, football had been the one constant in his life. But now after you have come into his life everything has changed and been tossed upside down.
No matter how he tries to wrap his head around the issue and live up to his own expectations, somehow none of the ideas in his mind seem to measure up to what he thinks you deserve.
—-
And so here he is, standing at the door bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet. He stretches the sweaty fingers from the fist they have been the whole way here, trying to calm down. The man tries to stretch his neck, to hopefully get rid of the cramp that has formed between his shoulder blades.
He's never been stressed to talk to any of his teammates, let alone Andy. But somehow he is thrown back in time, back to being a child about to ask one of the older kids if he can join their football game after class. Kieran considers giving up and retreating to his room and spending another five hours trying to find a way to swoon you.
But it's too late, because the door is swinging open and he is met by the warm brown eyes of his captain.
“Kieran!” the older man sounds excited, the surprise evident on his face.
Kieran doesn't reply, suddenly a knot is stuck in his throat, all the colour drained from his face.
“Are you okay?” Andy's eyes fill for worry and honestly it almost makes the Kieran cry. Andy's eyes have always given away every ounce of his emotion he's feeling and now seeing himself be the reason for those same usually gleeful eyes to be full of pain and sadness and worry makes him want to scream into a pillow.
“Yeah I'm okay.” Kieran almost doesn't recognize his voice from how strained it sounds.
Andy doesn't reply.
“I-” Kieran stammers “I- Can I come in?”
“Yes, of course,” Andy replies instantly, stepping aside so Kieran can walk into the room. “You are not making my worry less however.”
“Now tell me, what's wrong?” Andy asks Kieran, who stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, feeling the burning gaze of his friend on him. “Kieran? Sit! You are stressing me out!”
“Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!” The younger scrambles to plop down on the end of the bed. Andy sits down on one of the chairs in the corner of the room.
An awkward silence falls between the pair, the only sound is Kieran awkwardly and rather desperately running his hands up and down his thighs in an attempt to dry his hands over his pants.
“Kieran!” Andy is the first to break the silence, his voice dripping with urgency.
“I shouldn't have come here,” the younger groans.
“I'm worried about you and I won't let you leave. You look absolutely distraught, dripping with sweat and pale as a ghost…” Andy raies an eyebrow, “and that's coming from me!”
Kieran cracks a smile letting out a heavy breath. “I need advice” he finally let's out.
“Oh God if you need me to check a spot that may be a std-” Andy exclaims, rubbing his hand over his face.
“Ew no! Is that something that happens?” Kieran looks at him startled.
“Oh thank God! You would be surprised and slightly concerned if you knew how often.” A heavy sigh of relief tumbles out of Andy's chest.
“Who?” Kieran cracks a half smile.
“Did you come here to gossip or?” Andy laughs lightly, an undertone of authority still evident beneath the playful exterior.
“Okay okay.” Kieran rubs his temple in defeat.
“Well?”
“Okay so…” Kieran begins and pauses.
“Okay so?” Andy repeats as if to encourage Kieran to talk.
“Okay so… I miss my girlfriend.” Kieran pauses waiting for Andy to laugh, but no sounds follow, instead Andy watches him with genuine kindness and almost love in his eyes.
So Kieran continues, “Like, it's new and I know it's silly but she's so different from anyone before. Like usually I love being here, but right now there is nowhere else I'd rather be than on her couch watching one of her stupid shows and laughing about the people on the screen or walking around London trying to find the best kebab in the whole city or trail behind her as she explores every inch of the museum, observing her never ending curiosity to learn new things in real life. Fuck I'd even gladly sit shoulder to shoulder with her on the stuffy train, just cause she needs to try a specific doughnut flavour on the other end of the city just to find out they had a store around the corner from her apartment a few days later. As long as she's next to me. Like how the hell have I fallen this bad for someone in a few months…”
He looks at Andy through his lashes, a helpless look in his eyes.
“I get you,” Andy says without much thought. The earnest look in the older's eyes almost shocks the younger, but then Kieran realises that Andy and him may not be in such different situations. It's the way Andy looks beyond Kieran's shoulder, his gaze searching for someone or something. Kieran thinks about how he's seen Andy and his wife embrace whenever they have games, how the older looks at the woman and how she looks at him. Like they are each other's light in the dark, he thinks about how Andy always sneaks off away from the other lads to call home and wish her goodnight, to read bedtime stories. Kieran thinks back to how he's never seen his captain more happy than when his son runs into his arms at games.
Andy might not have a hot, sexy girlfriend that makes his head spin and butterflies erupt in his stomach, but he has a family. He has a wife that loves him through all the highs and lows, someone he's withstood the trials of time with. Andy has something Kieran wishes he would have with you in a few years.
“So what can I help you with?” The curiosity in Andy's voice brings Kieran out of his little daydream. The suddenness of reality makes his cheeks sting and burn.
“I'm not sure she knows how important she is to me,” he croaks.
“Now that I doubt. I'm sure she knows how important to you she is.” Andy softens his voice, mistakenly thinking Kieran is here looking for comfort. The slight unintended pity makes Kieran want to crawl into the ground never to be seen again.
“No! It's not that!” the words fall from his mouth like a waterfall, harsh and messy. His hands grow sweaty and shame fills his eyes. This was a mistake.
Andy straightens up, clearly slightly taken aback by the younger's outburst. The older's face is contorted in concentration, searching for an answer without having to ask. He must have noticed the panic in the eyes of Kieran.
“I wanted to ask for advice on how to make her feel special… Like you have a wife, you know these things.” He scratches the back of his neck, each word making him internally cringe and retract.
“Oh?” At first it sounds like a hiccup but based on the expression on the other man's face Kieran deduces that it was Andy who was left surprised.
“Do you think,” Kieran is suddenly overly aware of everything around the two of them, “you might have any advice?”
“I can try.” Andy laughs, the sound making Kieran feel more safe and relaxed instantly, “Does she like flowers?”
“Uh I think she does,” Kieran says unsure of himself.
“What's her favourite flower?” Andy asks, leaning forward, waiting for an answer.
Kieran doesn't reply at first. He closes his eyes replaying every moment of the two of you together, trying to remember you mentioning flowers or plants. With each passing second his heart beats faster, his skin becoming moist again and worry creeps up his spine inch by excruciating inch.
“I don't know." Kieran's voice sounds pained and small and full of shame. His eyes are now lined by tears.
“It's okay,” Andy says softly. “It's still early in the relationship. Maybe you just forgot at the moment. How about we go off what flowers remind you of her?”
Kieran nods.
“How about roses?” Andy offers.
“She's not basic like a rose,” Kieran instantly retorts.
“Okay no roses.” Andy nods, mentally noting down the comment, “I'll know not to get you roses too.”
The comment makes Kieran ease up again, to relax back onto the bed.
“What about lilies?” Andy asks again.
“Too posh.”
“Daisies?”
“Not special enough.”
“Irisis?”
“No…” Kieran feels frustration creep into his mind at coming off so difficult when it's just flowers. It would have been so much easier if he had just known what your favourite flower is.
“What about peonies? They are very beautiful and I think those are special.”
Kieran shakes his head, eyes filling with tears again and his lip quivering. There has to be a million types of flowers in the world and none of them seem to hit the mark.
“Okay no peonies.” Andy nods “How about you tell me what she reminds you of? Maybe then we will know what flower to look for?”
“She's like the sun. She makes every day worth waking up to and she brightens my world. Until I met her everything seemed to just be chaos but now I feel like she's pulled me into her orbit and now we revolve around each other. Like it's not been so long since we started dating but all I think about is her and I know I sound crazy and whatever but something about her just pulls me in and I can't explain it.” Kieran's face lights up as he talks about you.
“You really like this girl huh?” Andy's smile illuminates his eyes.
“Yeah.” Kieran feels himself blush.
“You should get her sunflowers,” Andy says, “they are pretty and special and have the name sun in them.”
Sunflowers! Sunflowers are perfect! You took Kieran on your first date to the art museum to see an exhibit about Vincent Van Gogh and you spent hours telling him about how much you loved his art, especially the painting of sunflowers. You were wearing a lingerie set with tiny embroidered sunflowers the first time the two of you were intimate.
“I should send Rachel some peonies,” Andy wonders to no one in particular. “It's been ages since I sent her flowers just for fun.”
Kieran smiles at the older.
“You want some company at the flower store tomorrow?” Andy asks Kieran. “I'm sure they will let us sneak out for a few hours.”
“I'd love nothing more,” Kieran grins at his friend.
As Kieran and Andy stand at the door Kieran hugs him tightly.
“Thank you so much Andy ” his voice is muffled against his friend's shoulder.
“Any time,” Andy chuckles. “I'm here to help you on and off pitch after all.”
You and Conor have been apart for way too long and he's worried about the next game in the Euros.
Happy international break guys!
Word count: 2.7k
You adjust yourself against the pile of pillows stacked haphazardly against the headboard of your bed waiting for the FaceTime call to connect. Once the call connects your face falls when Conor doesn't greet you with his usual giddy smile. . The seemingly permanent brightness in his eyes has been replaced by a certain veil of dullness, his hair unstyled, messy, and unwashed, his sticky locks falling against his cheek, framing the dark circles that have formed under his eyes now absent of their cerulean spark.
“Conor,” you let out and he just offers you a weak smile in return, most likely an attempt at calming your worries.
“Are you feeling okay babe?” you ask him , your voice full of concern.
“Yeah,” he says, laying his cheek on the pillow, a content sigh escaping his pale peach coloured lips, “just tired… been training hard.”
“You look awful.” Your eyebrows knit together in concern at the sight of the state the man is in.
“Thanks," he laughs, the skin by his eyes crinkling as a chuckle escapes his mouth. “I missed you too.”
“I'm sorry, I-” you fumble looking for words, trying your best to salvage the situation you've gotten yourself into.
“I know,” he smiles reassuringly, nuzzling his face against the pillow to get more comfortable. “Do I really look that bad though?”
Your face must give away the answer since the man sighs, rubbing his tired face. “I just haven't been sleeping that well, you know?"
“Jude's snoring that bad?” You chuckle, trying to get him to light up, silently hoping that is the problem and it's nothing more serious.
“No, no,” he says absentmindedly, “Jude's a good roommate…”
“What's the issue then?” You search his face hoping for a hint of an answer or something to ease your mind. Conor would sometimes get nerves before big away games but this seemed different.
The answer doesn't come instantly, your boyfriend looking around just to avoid meeting your gaze, slight shame clouding his features.
“Babe?” you ask softly as if speaking to a frightened animal.
“I just… I know these few games are very important… I know a lot of people are watching. Nothing serious to worry about.” He searches for the right words to ease your worry. Or maybe he's trying to calm himself, reassuring himself. You silently wonder how many times he has said the same words to himself in the mirror, hoping they would feel less like lies and more like the truth.
“Conor…” you frown seeing the subtle remnants of past emotions linger in his features - the way his youthful features are made heavy and older with worry, the way his bottom lip is red and coarse probably from him biting it when he thinks too much, the absence of the familiar rosiness from his soft cheeks. Conor looks so unlike himself it makes you want to tell him to come home now so you can protect him from the world. You are brought out of your thoughts however when he speaks again.
“They wanna potentially sell me you know." He averts his eyes to play with a loose thread sticking out of the pillowcase his cheek is currently laid on. You frown seeing his icey eyes briefly become misty before he blinks the frustration and sadness away. You hate seeing him like this, helpless and deflated. The past few months have not been kind to him, between fans losing hope in him and everyone having an opinion to share between people on social media and pundits. He had bravely held up a front for you but now the whisperings of Chelsea selling him as part of their summer clearout had obviously become the final straw that broke his back. Your heart broke to see him push himself to the limit, often coming home barely being able to keep his eyes open at the dinner table.
“You have to take it easy though Con,” you say, finally breaking the brief silence that has fallen between the two of you.
“I have to prove to them that-" his voice is laced with frustration and fatigue as he tries to mask the anger threatening to appear on his face. You know he is trying to keep his head down, work as hard as he can for both club and country. He had always been adamant that actions speak louder than words adopting it as his work ethic, however somehow no matter how hard he would work and push himself it was not enough to keep up with the expectations from the people who held his faith in their hands. And even though he was insistent it didn't bother him too much it was clear to you that was getting to him. But both of you knew Conor would not run his mouth and rather keep it in until he could leave it out on the pitch.
“No you need to listen to your body,” you say firmly. “We can't have you pick up an injury."
“Babe I'm fine.” His voice becomes shaky once again.
“Conor you look horrible.” You sit up in frustration. You know you are being harsh to the man on the other side of the screen, but you want, no, need to shake him and make him snap out of it before his inherent need to please people gets him hurt.
“Please listen to me,” you plead, “ you have to be more careful. I want you home in one piece, not on crutches.”
“I have to prove to the club that-” he starts again, his voice laced with frustration and anger, you know it's not directed at you, but you feel your face turn sour.
“If the club is too blind to see what you bring-” You raise your voice, aware in the back of your mind that the conversation is beginning to move dangerously close to an argument.
“The club has made a ton of signings. Guys who are younger, fitter, more talented than me and if I don't step up my game and earn my place I'll end up benched forever or worse…” you see his face tense as if holding something back. “sold.”
“Why would getting sold be so bad though?” You say without thinking, too caught up in wanting to eliminate the way his eyes are full of hurt and exasperation.. .
He looks at you in surprise. Him leaving Chelsea has been lingering in the air for a while now, an unspoken subject that neither of you ever dared breach. Both of you very aware that it has been the reason for Connor to wear himself thin, for the small arguments about seemingly mundane problems. However it is also the one subject you and Conor would not dare touch due to fear of it consuming him completely.
“Chelsea is my home,” he says after a moment, his PR training kicking in.
“Conor.” you say tiredly.
“Chelsea is my home” he says again. His voice quieter, like he's reassuring himself more than informing you. You know lately he's been having his moments of doubt whether he and the club have become too distant from each other, whether he has outgrown his roots, whether it's time for a new challenge. You cannot help but wonder if with the plethora of changes at the club Conor still feels has a home at Stamford Bridge.
“Conor,” you say, “I know you love Chelsea, I know it's home, but you know no one would blame you-” you soften your voice speaking slowly, carefully observing any changes in his expression.
Conor looks at you as if asking “are you kidding me?”
“Okay SOME people would blame you… All I'm saying is - moving to a club that loves you and cherishes you wouldn't be that bad… I just… I hate seeing you like this baby. I'd rather you move than run yourself into the ground trying to prove something they should already know. I just worry about you, you know.” The words fall from your mouth before you have a chance to catch them. You close your eyes and hold your breath bracing for the wrath that may follow now that you have overstepped the unspoken boundary that is Conor and his football career.
When you don't hear a reaction you open your eyes expecting him to be furious or having hung up on the call. You would deserve it for taunting him like that. But all you are met with is pain in his eyes.
“Your whole life is here,” he says calmly. He looks soft and tired and defenceless almost like an angel. You feel as if he has laid down his weapons, unwilling to fight or argue, completely at your mercy. The moment feels incredibly intimate, you know Conor has never let his guard down like this in front of you. He is the type to grit his teeth and suffer alone in silence. And yet here he is, offering you himself completely. He's tired of being the strong one, always saying the right thing, looking the right way, not a hair out of place even after playing a 120 minute match in a UCL final.
“My whole life is wherever you are Conor.” You offer him the words he has yearned to hear for what feels like forever, an olive branch of sorts.
The man shuffles, about to say something but you cut him off. “I can work from anywhere, wherever you are that's where I want to be, if that means I might have to get up earlier to take a train or have a few business trips here and there just to see you doing whatever you love and glowing, I'll do it.”
For the first time that evening Conor's face lights up with the familiar smile that finally reaches his eyes reigniting a spark the size of a forest fire that has been dormant for months now ,making you feel like all your problems melt away for a moment. Seeing the glow return to Conor's features makes your chest ache with longing to kiss him, to run your fingers through his hair, to feel his body shake as he laughs at your antics. You watch him, counting the freckles on his nose and mapping out each millimetre of his smile, the way the corners of his lips curl upwards.
“I love you,” you say smiling, “so so much.”
“Where is that coming from?” he chuckles, a certain sparkle dancing in his eyes.
“I don't know… I just wanted to say it," you felt a blush creep onto your cheeks. “I miss saying it to you in real life."
“I'll be home soon enough,” he murmurs hiding his face in the pillow most likely trying to hide his own love sick grin and blush. “Just tomorrow's game and…”
“And you'll do amazing,” you smile tilting your head to the side watching him look at you with one eye..
“Think Southgate is benching me.” he groans and just like that the forest fire turns into a candle flame in his eyes.
“Well I'll be hoping for bench cam then." You notice a small smile ghost his lips, “Now do you wanna hear about my extremely boring day that had zero football involvement?”
“PLEASE!” he yelps, “Go into detail as much as you can."
You chuckle at his excitement and begin to tell him about how you had been, what you had eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner, the dogs you had seen on the street, work and office gossip.
Conor's eyes flutter shut about half way through the in-detail analysis of the newest episode of the tv show you were watching to pass the time. You spend a moment admiring how peaceful he looks dozed off, not disturbed by everything going on in his head at the moment and all the worries haunting his waking hours. You wish you could wrap your arms around him, move the strands of hair out of his face, drape a blanket over him so he's not cold, to be able to draw circles on his shoulder as he slept but alas you have to settle for the tiny screen in which he lived, what had felt like a permanent situation as of late.
The game had been a stalemate since the beginning of the game. Any attempt at scoring by England had been eliminated by the North Macedonian defence and a few mistakes by the England squad. As Conor had predicted, Southgate had opted to bench him and play Mason instead, citing that he was a better fit for today's strategy. Once you saw the lineup and Conor out of the starting XI you felt your stomach drop, knowing he probably blamed himself for not doing enough, reciting all the foul things people on Twitter would toss his way. At the 79th minute the other team's centre back did a dirty move on Jude making him stay on the ground gripping his knee. Your breath hitched as you watched the medics and his teammates crowd around the teen tending to him, you had seen Conor's teammates limp off with serious injuries what felt like countless times now, seeing the same fate hit someone as young as Jude broke your heart. Luckily the boy was on his legs in a few minutes being helped off the pitch by a medic and Mason. You would have to remember to get an update on that from Conor later. The camera on the big screen panned to the dugout where Conor was stood next to Southgate being briefed as he still adjusted his kit. trying to haphazardly stretch his muscles and warm up.
You felt yourself shift in your seat, almost spilling your drink as you craned your neck to get a better view, earning a chuckle from Sasha who was sat next to you. Your eyes followed Conor like your life depended on it watching him run wherever the ball went. You could feel your heart beat faster and faster by the minute. Every time someone got close to Conor you would hold your breath until you knew he was safe from danger. When extra time rolled around you felt yourself slouch in the seat. They had five minutes to create a good chance that would bring them a win. You watched as the rest of the midfield played tightly passing between each other while Conor ran around them looking for empty spaces to cover everyone else. Finally at the 92nd minute he had the ball at his feet skillfully outrunning the other team, not letting them get the ball. You could see him desperately searching for a teammate to pass to, but everyone was too far or being covered by the other team's players. Conor pulled back his leg and shot for the goal causing you to yelp. Your heart stopped in the minute as you watched the ball fly through the air followed by the entirety of the stadium erupting in cheers. Connor was surrounded by his teammates hugging him and cheering. You felt your friends pat you on your back and tell you congrats as you couldn't keep the bright grin off your face until the whistle blew signalling the end of the game. You watched as Conor ginned at the crowd clapping his hands above his head doing his round with his teammates surrounding him with matching smiles. For the first time in ages you felt like the fans loved him the same way you did, even if their love would pass soon enough, you hoped he would soak it in while it lasted. And by the looks of it he was doing exactly that as Conor looked elated-like he had just won the World Cup with England and with that erased any doubts or worries that could have found home in his mind. He walked around the pitch clapping his hands above his head at the crowd, however his eyes searched for you in the crowd. Once he got sight of you his grin spread even wider. You mouthed a “I'm so proud of you” at him, not sure if he discovered it, but judging by the way he threw his head back in joy he knew exactly what you had tried to communicate.
First date with Kepa and all the nerves that come with that. One of those getting back out there after a breakup fics
Word count: 1.6k
You take a deep breath looking in the mirror trying to fix the pleats of your tennis skirt before taking a final look at your outfit. It's been ages since you last wore your heels and you aren't even really sure if they even go with your sweater and skirt, but today is a perfect occasion to put them on again. Blake had hated it when you wore heels. Always complaining and nagging about the way they made you look like a prostitute or a desperate floozy. And so to avoid any arguments and complaints you had shoved the pair deep in your closet only taking them out when you were clearing out your closet. It's weird seeing yourself in heels again, your legs looking long and slender, a picture of femininity and beauty. You do a final twirl to see how you look before grabbing your purse and keys and heading out as to not be late.
You find a parking spot a few blocks from the cafe and get out of your car. Finding your headphones, you turn on the music for your walk smiling at the song that comes on shuffle. The song brings back memories of singing it loudly in your car drumming the wheel before the chorus starts. You frown remembering how Blake would always look at you weirdly as if you were an alien.
“You listen to this crap?” he would always ask his words laced with disgust.
You quickly skip the song trying to shake the memory from your mind. Suddenly your feet feel uncomfortable in the heels and your sweater is too tight. Honestly, what were you thinking - showing up dressed like this. Maybe you should just turn around and skip the date, claim you have a bug, there is still time.
But your plans soon falter when you see Kepa already standing by the cafe, waving at you. He looks gorgeous, wearing an oversized tshirt that hugs his broad shoulders perfectly paired with dark pants and a pair of sneakers. You can't help but almost trip over your feet as your eyes meet.
“Whoa there careful” Kepa chuckles, his accent is music to your ears “hey”
“Hi” you try to keep yourself from blushing
“Shall we go inside?” he asks a kind smile plastered on his lips
“Oh yes yes” you say eagerly
“You look very beautiful, I love the shoes” he compliments as you walk through the door of the little cafe
“Thank you” you manage to reply, fighting back a grin “You look very handsome too”
“Thank you” he says walking next to you “wait let me!”
He pulls out the chair for you, helping you sit down. You feel butterflies flutter in your stomach at the seemingly mundane action, something inside of you heating up.
“Wow a gentleman” you tease as he makes his way to the chair opposite of you
“Of course! Especially for a girl as beautiful as you” he raises his eyebrows as a smile warms his features.
“Oh you are doing overtime work today aren't you” you shoot back matching his smile “trying your best to leave the best impression on me”
He tilts his head back laughing at our comment and instantly you feel yourself retreat into yourself. He must think you are being an idiot. Blake would have told you off for opening your mouth and saying something that stupid.
“What are you laughing about?” you try not sounding too defensive
“You are funny” he says looking at you, his brown eyes full of kindness and honesty
“You think that was funny?” you ask, trying to play it off as casual as possible.
“Yeah! It was silly funny you know” he says “I like silly funny”
You feel heat travel to your cheeks again at the comment, but luckily Kepa is too busy looking at the menu to notice. You let your eyes roam over Kepa, taking in the sight properly. You feel mesmerised by how soft his skin looks, making you wonder how it would feel to run your fingertips up and down his arms. You think back to the last time you touched someone like that and feel something drop in your stomach.
You think back to the last eight months that have been some of the hardest of your life. Between going through a divorce and moving halfway across the globe to escape the town that felt so suffocating you've had almost no time to look for friends let alone love or intimacy. The last stint of you and Blakes marriage had made you develop a distaste for being with someone physically or emotionally. The constant fights and tears, compromises upon compromise had made you detest having to lean on a person. Growing up you had always thought love was easy, that it would swoop you off your feet and you would be on cloud nine. Sure it had felt that way with Blake at first, back when he would bring you flowers from his moms garden or your favourite doughnut from the gas station, but as years went on Blake had become complacent and wooing you had become a secondary thought to him. Soon enough, by the end of it, the two of you would spend more time arguing about anything than actually speaking, intimacy becoming an afterthought unless it was a quickie or frustration sex. Nothing that you would classify as intimacy or sensuality. However looking at the man sitting across from you at the moment you can't seem to keep your thoughts from wandering. You allow yourself to quietly take in the way Kepa's hair falls, the veins on his strong arms, the way whenever he smiles at you you see stars.
“So you always wanted to be a football player?” you ask intrigued, taking a sip of your cappuccino, watching him with a curious gaze.
Kepa throws his head back laughing that contagious laughter of his. The sound fills you up to the brim like the feeling of a warm room after having spent all day in the snow. You like seeing him like this, eyes shut and a content expression on his face. However part of you seizes up at his reaction to a seemingly mundane question.
“You have milk foam on your face” he says once his laughter subsides “here, let me help you”
He reaches over the table and brushes your nose with his thumb bringing his finger to his lips, his chocolate brown eyes not leaving you once.
You can't help but chuckle, feeling yourself blush. You still cannot fully grasp that he finds you funny or adorable, when Blake you have made you feel like you were uncultured if you got your face dirty like that in public. But Kepa is nothing like Blake. Kepa finds it endearing to see you like this, not a polished version, but clumsy silly you. He seems to like you for you and that makes a scary feeling of hope begin to build in your chest.
When you leave the cafe the sun is already setting over the London streets, the streetlights slowly turning on one by one. Kepa offers to walk you to your car and you agree, excited to spend as much time as possible with him. The walk is nice, his hand is in his pocket and you've looped yours around his elbow leaning against his side. Both of you walk slowly like you have nowhere else to be, soaking up every last bit of each other's company you can get. You steal a glance up at him only to notice him already looking back at you, his cheeks instantly turning pink making you throw your head back and laugh.
“You have a beautiful laugh” he blurts out
“That's the first time i get that compliment” you confess “might be one of my favourite ones ever”
“No one has ever told you you have a beautiful laugh?” he asks surprised
You almost tell him how Blake used to think it was too loud and too high pitched and how you've hated your laugh for so long due to that.
“It is one of my favourite things about you” he cuts you off before you can speak and ruin the moment “it reminds me of this actress from Love Actually”
“Love Actually?” you ask taken aback
“Yes, me and mamá, tía and abuela watch it every Christmas” he says, suddenly aware how silly it sounds making you chuckle at his cuteness.
“I've never seen Love Actually” you confess
“YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN LOVE ACTUALLY?” he stops the two of you in your tracks looking at you in surprise
“No” you laugh “is it that tragic that I haven't?”
“Yes it is a crime! We have to fix this!” he says very seriously, making you laugh more and more “Next wednesday we are watching Love Actually!”
“Next Wednesday?” you ask smiling
“Yes cause that's the one day im free” he says “same time as this week”
“So Wednesday is date night?” you ask
“Yes Wednesday is now officially date night” he proclaims and resumes walking, both of you sneaking glances at each other the whole way back to the car.
Kepa tells you about all the movies him and his family watch together on holidays and for the first time in a long time you can't find a painful memory associated with it. And finally for the first time in forever you feel yourself starting to fall head over heels in love all over again.
Summary: NSFW! Kai Havertz doesn't take lightly to others talking about his girlfriend. He'll defend her by any means necessary- even if the offender is a teammate.
This was written by an anonymous friend of mine who is very much amazing at writing even if they don't believe it... so help me prove it to them by leaving comments/encouragements!
You always supported Kai, no matter what game it was, whether he was playing or not you always were there in the stands cheering his name the loudest. Kai had been on a roll lately, scoring in the last three games which he knew was something he needed to keep up at and you knew today was his shot to make it four.
You had expected him to start, almost everyone around you expected him to start as he had been recently and you were so excited, his name on your back in a kit that was definitely from his own personal collection, and you watched intently as you waited for the boys to come out and warm up.
You knew the boys were in the changing room, but what you didn’t know was exactly the drama that was erupting in there.
Kai was known to be possessive over you, it was actually a well known fact that he wouldn’t let any guy even take a second glance at you if you guys were walking through London together.
So when Kai had started hearing whispers coming from his right he was immediately tuned in, especially when he heard the English contingent muttering your name, so quietly just so Kai couldn’t hear.
Oh how they were mistaken.
“Nah Mase- she’s tied her shirt today, so it’s cropped and she’s showing skin…”
Oh who is Gallagher talking about now?
“You’re kidding me on- how am I meant to focus on the pitch when she’s out there like that- with Kai’s name on her back? Nah she’s too good for him mate- telling you that now!”
They better fucking be joking. Oh you’re having a laugh.
Kai tried to contain himself, knowing he shouldn’t have been listening in the first place but when he heard your name he had to listen. Kai Havertz is seething through his teeth as he watches Mason and Conor quietly chuckle to themselves, continuing to gossip about what you were wearing whilst they got themselves ready.
“Oi! Lads! Wanna shut up about my missus? Focus on the match and not what my girlfriend is wearing.”
Kai’s tone would be laced with aggression, he tried to hide it but it would be a little bit too much for him. Random guys he didn’t know, they got a bit of a pass, but his teammates? They got nothing from Kai. It was expected that they should show some common decency and not talk about his girlfriend like that.
Mason would mumble to Conor ‘hard to focus when she’s showing off like that’ and that would have him up and pulling Mason’s by his pre-match top.
“What did you fucking say Mason? Don’t make me tell you again! Shut the-“ and his curses would be interwoven with the players yelling from them to stop, Mateo doing everything he could to pull Kai back away from Mason.
He knows this could get him in trouble but he didn’t care. Why would he care? His first priority is you, before football, before his friendships; you are his everything and he will protect you with his life.
The gaffer would pull him to the side before they all got sent out for training, “I’ve made a change… I’m sorry Kai but after that little incident, I just can’t play you today. You know that’s not allowed, and I can’t let certain players think you can hurt a fellow teammate and get away with it. The lineup is changed so don’t even bother trying to argue, I’m sorry Kai. You know better.”
Kai is left pissed, knowing that he deserved to be on that pitch today, scoring for you and showing Mason why he was dating you, and now here he was completely stuck on the bench because he was defending his girlfriend.
Tell my fellow teammate to not chat about my girlfriend gaffer, how about that?
Kai just eye rolls to himself, lugging himself outside, being the last man out and he would begrudgingly join the subs side of the warmup. He knew where you were sitting, but he was ashamed to look up at you, less than ten minutes ago he was starting, and now he was benched, probably not even going to get subbed on so the gaffer could prove a point.
He would trudge around the pitch, doing his stupid warmups and just wishing he could be with you. This punishment only made things worse for him, he was glaring at Mason across the pitch, his once best friend turned enemy by choosing to speak about you.
You were watching from the stands in utter confusion, you could’ve sworn the leaked team news had Kai in the lineup, yet there he was warming up with the subs. Why was he warming up with the subs after he’s scored in the last three games?
You knew this would hurt Kai, no reason being given online as to his exclusion from the team and you were pissed, as were so many fans online. It truly made no sense and you could tell he was also pissed over by the corner flag where he was warming up. He looked so happy when he left this morning, almost like he knew he would be starting and all he was reduced to was a stupid substitute.
It was only when he turned his head in a way that you could truly see the anger on his face, except that anger was directed over to the group of the starting players. You couldn’t see who exactly but a little shoulder bump and a shove when Kai passed Mason walking into the tunnel made it all the clearer who that anger was directed towards.
You just had no idea why.
Ninety minutes of a game without your boyfriend playing was so annoying to watch, and you couldn’t help but think the manager was trying to prove a point. It made no sense otherwise. Chelsea were chasing a winning goal and he still didn’t bring Kai on, and all it took was one look over to the subs bench and you knew he was getting angry.
You just hoped that anger would be taken out on something before he was ready to go home.
You normally had to wait for him to shower up before you could leave but since he didn’t play there wasn’t too much of a wait, you waited for him in the box so he could take as much time as he needed to.
You heard a little knock come from the box door and you smiled and turned your head to look at your boyfriend, still visibly angry from the game but a smile on his face when he finally sees his girl.
“Hey Schatz, I’m sorry I didn’t play… you wore this for nothing eh? Next time… I promise you, I’m playing and I’m scoring a brace to make up for this.”
You would stand up and pull him for a kiss, one that you would feel him take control of, mainly as a way to get some of the anger out and you didn’t blame him. Kai was the type who got passionate when he was angry, and more times than not, he would use you as a way of getting the anger out without hurting himself or anyone else.
“Hey… it’s okay Kai, don’t apologise for something that isn’t your fault. Potter chose the team, and he made the wrong call.”
Kai’s face slightly grimaces but that is quickly replaced with a frown when he comes back to the whole reason Potter pulled him in the first place.
“No- no it is my fault… I tried to pick a fight in the changing room before the warm up, and I got dropped. Before you ask- Mason and Conor were talking about you, and I uh- tried to ask them to stop, but Mason kept talking and I… kinda almost lost my shit.”
You would frown, letting a hand run through his curls to soothe him, an action you’ve missed doing after he decided to shave his hair. Your nails were scratching his head and it was making the anger turn into lust, the anger only fuelling his need to claim you as his own and make Mason back off. Ensuring that everyone knew who you were dating and that they shouldn’t dare come near you.
In an instant he would let his hands roam down to your ass, pulling you right against him and looking down at you, the height difference making the state even more intense and your heart race anxiously.
“Well uh- I certainly don’t like that… I- I’m sorry they said something. But uh… you do remember we’re still in public right? I mean… they’re gonna need us out of this box soon.”
Kai would just grin as he could sense how hard your heart was beating, and how much just his hands on your ass were making you go crazy. Kai knew how to get your thoughts going and he also knew once you were excited, you needed to act on that excitement quickly or you would be whiny for a while.
Kai would never let you whine unless that’s what he wanted from you.
“You know I can tell them to give us fifteen more minutes, that’s all we need… don’t tell me you’re not excited schatz. I can see it in your eyes, they light up very easily you know…” and his hands would roam to your skirt, your exposed thighs that he loved so much. He could feel you tense and it would make him chuckle, murmuring in your ear as his hands roamed further upwards and under the fabric of the skirt, “Let me make sure we’ll be left alone…”
Just like that, his hands were off of your skin, the touch still burning you and your head spinning so much you needed to sit down. You knew he liked having a claim on your but the anger made his possession even worse, something which you weren’t going to complain about.
Especially if it led to him fucking you in the box at the Bridge.
Kai would come back a few minutes later, closing the door and pulling you right into him, a hand on the dip in your waist and his other on the side of your cheek.
He pulls you in for a kiss like he has never kissed you before, not letting you up to breath, until he knew you needed to. Only then would he start peppering messy kisses along your jaw, down your neck, leaving a few scrappy marks along the way. He was acting like a primal animal in heat but he needed this.
The skirt made it easy for him to lift you onto the table that they had set up, a table which he would gladly eat his favourite meal off of.
Leaving soft kisses up your legs, across your thighs, dragging his tongue up them slowly to tease you, before brushing his nose across your clothed clit. An action which drew out a long, whiny moan from your lips and he would grin up at you as he moved your panties to the side with his teeth.
“Hush schatz- we can’t have everyone hearing me eat my favourite thing can we?”
You would carefully tip your head back as he said that and also as he let his tongue tease you, painfully running it up your folds and your clit. Letting his nose brush over you a few times and enjoying watching you struggle to keep your moans from escaping. He wouldn’t need to spend much time slickening you up before he could slide his two fingers into you, fucking you all while he scattered marks all over your thighs.
He knew the pleasure of it all was already too much, but he wasn’t ever going to stop just there, your thighs becoming a painting of his own making, one that he needed to continue all the way up your body. So that’s what he did.
Scattering marks all over that exposed stomach those two idiots talked about before the game, making sure next time they knew they shouldn’t talk about you, as if it wasn’t already clear enough. Leaning over your body and adding more the masterpiece on your neck, making sure that there was some dark enough to the point where you couldn’t cover them and you had to go out with them on you.
He could feel you clenching around his fingers and he knew he was edging you closer to your climax and that’s when he pulled his dripping fingers out of you and he pulled his throbbing dick out of his joggers, letting himself glide across your dripping cunt before sliding himself into you, relishing in every little noise you make as he starts to fuck you so hard the table underneath you is rocking with you.
He is letting the frustration cloud his head but he really didn’t care, he needed to make sure you knew that you were his, that he knew you were his and that everyone else knew you were his.
He wasn’t letting you leaving Stamford Bridge that day without a lasting memory of how lucky you are that you get to fuck Kai Havertz every single day of your life.
Kai’s grunts would fill the box, along with the occasional German curse to which you would let out a breathy moan and he would only encourage you even more by wrapping his veiny hand around your throat letting you choke on the moans you needed to let out.
You wouldn’t even know how to register what you were feeling in the pit of your stomach but for as much as Kai liked to fuck you, this was a whole new different feeling. He absolutely was just not giving up and you kinda were loving it, feeling that coil in your stomach and getting to the edge where you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold much longer, despite the German trying to get you to hold on.
Once he was twitching inside of you then you couldn’t hold it back any longer and with Kai continuing to fuck you through your high, you would completely let go forcing Kai to spill his load into your soaked cunt, making sure every little bit was inside of there, with any little bit that threatened to spill he would push his back in with his dick, and would make you lick him clean.
With one last kiss he would help you up, putting himself back into his joggers and making sure you were all clean and the box was left in an acceptable state for the staff to come back to.
He would wrap his arms around your waist in a loving way, swaying side to side with a stupid grin on his face, that was one thing you loved about Kai. The way he would always turn soft no matter how dominant he had been during sex.
“Ich liebe dich mein schatz," and he would place a kiss on the top of your head before grabbing your hand and mumbling to you as he led you out of the box and out to the car, "Now I know your mine and no one else’s."
I'll let y'all fanfic readers in on a little secret: if you find a writer who portrays your favs or that specific trope just right and you want to get more of it, the trick is reblogging or even just commenting and/or going wild in the tags, and you'll probably get more
listen, I am but a simple duck, if you feed me I'll just FEAST on those crumbs and you can bet your ass I'll come back to that pond for some additional bread crumb feasting
Did someone say good vibes, Kepa and puppy content? (ft. Ben, Mase and Kai)
“Kep, we can’t take her in” you said for the fiftieth time today as Kepa nuzzled his nose into your shoulder as both of you were curled up on the couch.
“But babe look at her little eyes” he said holding up the puppy in his arms.
“Kep, honey” you sighed “we don’t have the time…”
He pulled back a pout evident on his plump lips.
“Babe you are busy with Chelsea and I have heaps of work to tackle. Between the two of us we barely have time to take care of ourselves let alone…”
Kepa sighed as he looked down at the puppy apologetically.
“Lo siento princesa, big boss says no, I tried my best.” He murmured
“Oh don’t make me the bad guy now” you glared at your boyfriend before looking at the puppy.
She was a gorgeous black boarder collie with big brown eyes, her fur curling in loose waves on her back. Kepa had found her crying, left in a soaked cardboard box in some bushes on his morning run and brought her home instantly. His own brown eyes had been identical the puppy’s as he floated the topic of taking the stray in. You had done your best to avoid the pleading gaze of the pair the majority of the morning. Luckily Kepa had been busying himself by giving her a warm bath and now having spent the majority of the last hour carrying her around, cradling her to his chest as if she was his child.
“We’ll find you a good home baby” you cooed running your fingers through the dog’s fur, trying to ignore Kepa’s puppy dog eyes next to you.
“Yes! I’ll not let you go to a home where you aren’t treated like a little princess” he cooed at the dog
“Maybe one of your friends wants her?” You asked looking at your boyfriend curiously “I bet you would not mind being tio Kepa”
You suppressed a love sick chuckle at the way Kepa’s eyes lit up at the potential nickname.
“I’ll make some calls” he said determined as the puppy had now fallen asleep in his lap.
Kepa’s first offer had been Mason, as the man had been talking about getting a dog for ages. When Kepa had called to offer the man to meet the little dog, Mason had jumped at the opportunity. He had told Kepa to come to Ben’s house and to bring the puppy along.
Kepa had volunteered to drive instructing you to hold the puppy while on the way to Ben’s. You were not stupid knowing exactly what the hidden intentions of the man were. You avoided the animal’s face keeping your eyes trained on the road as to not give your boyfriend the satisfaction of crumbling in the moments before you could hand it off to Mase.
The moment you got out of the car Ben’s door popped open revealing a grinning Mason.
“Where is my new little baby?” He said grinning from ear to ear
“Right here” you smiled lifting the puppy a little bit as you slid out of the car.
“Give her here!” As he approached put out his hands as if he was a small child asking for a toy. You couldn’t help but laugh fondly as you obliged with the request.
“Mason be careful” Kepa said frowning “she’s still small! Don’t squeeze her”
“I’m not gonna-“
“Mason you almost dropped her”
“I’ll go say hi to Ben” you said eager to get away from the argument and eventual scolding that was currently brewing.
You walked through the door kicking off your shoes before venturing into the living room in search of the left back.
You found the man sitting on the couch his nose in his phone and Oscar curled at his feet.
“Hey there” you laughed
“Oh” he looked up smiling “Hey! So where is the puppy?”
“Mason and Kep are having a stern conversation about how to hold her” you said plopping down in a chair opposite of the couch
“So it’s gonna be a while"
“You know how Kep can get when he has to explain something”
“Should we go save the dog?”
“I’ll give them a few more minutes before I go break it up” you rolled your eyes playfully earning a laugh from Ben.
“How are you?” You gestured to his elevated knee currently sporting a bright blue ice pack
“On the mend” he said petting Oscar’s head “Oscie is helping me get all better”
“I bet he is” you smiled at the two as you heard voices approach.
“That was quick” you said to Ben who bit back a laugh as the pair rounded the corner.
“Give me back MY dog!” Mason wailed as Kepa stomped in, the puppy wrapped in his strong arms.
“Mason you are too rough with her!” Kepa grumbled
“I am not” Mason protested.
“Hi Kep” Ben laughed at the antics of his two friends, knowing he was clearly an afterthought.
“Hey” Kepa smiled walking over to the couch ignoring Mason’s pleas.
“So that’s the little troublemaker I’ve heard so much about, hm?” Ben hummed looking at the bundle in Kepa’s arms.
“Yes this is her” Kepa smiled at Ben as Mason plopped down next to Kepa.
“Hi there little one” Ben cooed leaned over to scratch her nose
“She’s so cute right” Mason beamed “I cannot wait to show everyone. Can I hold her?”
Kepa sighed as he handed the dog over to the younger. Mason smiled down at the little dog as it let out a small sound. His fingers tangling into her silky fur as he grinned down at the dog.
“How are you feeling Ben?” Kepa asked looking over at his teammate as Mason played with the puppy all of his attention on the animal.
“Better” Ben smiled at the goalie “will be back to defending you in no time.”
The three of you fell into comfortable conversation while
“FUCK!” Mason shouted “not on my good pants!”
All three of you looked at him instantly. Mason was holding the puppy in the air, a big wet spot on his lap.
“Mason put the dog down” you frowned
“She’s yelping” Kepa said as his arms flew to take the dog off his teammate instantly going to soothe her.
“She peed on me” Mason cried out
“Yeah mate” Ben laughed “she’s a lil’ puppy… they pee”
“It’s nasty” Mason said making a disgusted face
“Well you better get used to it” you said “they do that a lot. It’s one of the reasons me and Kep can’t keep her… it’s a twenty four hour job”
“So now I have to smell like puppy pee all the time?” Mason frowned looking at his lap.
“Pretty much… You can borrow some of my pants this time Mase” Ben said finally having his laughter under control “just go find a pair… and not the good ones… I know you’ll never bring them back”
Mason rolled his eyes getting up from the couch and disappearing around the corner.
“Babe…” Kepa’s eyes were full of panic as he looked at you
“I know baby” you said frowning “but give him a chance… to be fair I think he is rethinking the whole dog dad situation while looking for Ben’s best pants”
“He better not be” Ben huffed looking at the puppy, his blue eyes shimmering as the dog wagged it’s tail at him.
“You wanna hold her?” Kepa asked
“Can I?” He asked reaching out his hands as Kepa passed the dog to the defender who broke into a huge smile as the puppy’s little pink tongue hit his stubbly cheek.
“Aw she likes you Benny” you cooed
“She’s such an angel” Ben smiled rubbing the puppy’s head “the littlest snuggle bug aren’t you?”
Oscar lifted his head making an annoyed sound at Ben out of jealousy towards the petite creature in his arms.
“Oh stop it you” he said rolling his eyes at the older dog “I still love you most”
“You should take her” Kepa said “she adores you”
“I don’t think Oscar would be very happy” Ben chuckled “besides I’m in no state to chase a puppy around the house with the leg and rehab and everything.”
“Well we can’t give her to Mason” you said under your breath earning nods from both the men on the couch
“Have you offered her to Kai? He has a mini dog farm” Ben asked now rubbing the dog’s belly as she laid on his lap.
“That’s a good idea” you smiled at the man “Kep, text him”
“Poor Mase” Kepa said “he was so excited”
“I think the pee incident might have cured the urge to adopt, those were his favourite pants” Ben chuckled
“Double poor Mase” Kepa said trying to suppress a laugh
“Stop laughing it’s not funny” you said biting your lip not to laugh
Kai’s house was beautiful surrounded by trees and plenty of area for dogs to walk and play. You smiled at Kepa as you pulled up to the house.
“See pequeña” Kepa cooed “this is gonna be a much better fit than Mason’s flat”
The dog looked up at the man with an empty, excited expression.
“I really think she could be happy here” you smiled fondly
“I just hope Kai falls in love with her” Kepa scratched the puppy’s ear
“How could he not?” you kissed Kepa’s cheek “She’s a little heart stealer”
“Didn’t work on you” he mumbled but you decided to pretend you had not heard getting out of the car.
“Hey” Kai’s familiar voice rang from the doorway as a trio of excited dogs flooded out of the door, running circles around you and Kepa.
“Kai!” Kepa grinned
“What’s up bro? What did you wanna talk about?” Kai asked cheerfully walking towards the two of you
“Uhh…” you smiled at Kepa
“I wanted you to meet someone” the man next to you took over from you.
“Oh” Kai looked at you questioningly causing you to just smile and tilt your head towards the dog in your boyfriend’s arms.
“Oh my who is this?” Kai cooed walking up to the goalie inspecting the pet closer.
“This is a puppy I found this morning on my run” Kepa began “and since we can’t really keep her we are trying to find someone to take her in… we tried Mase and-“
“Mason?” Kai lifted his eyebrow “I love him but I don’t think he’s fit to take care of a puppy”
“Yes we are aware” you said rolling your eyes
“Then we offered her to Ben” Kepa continued as Kai bent down to the dogs eye level “but he has his injury and Oscar and just…”
“Yeah I get it” Kai smiled up at his friend
“And then he suggested…” Kepa trailed off
“…that we maybe try seeing if you might fall in love with her…” you continued
“… and maybe keep her” Kepa said sheepishly
Kai looked up at the both of you, straightening up meeting both you and Kepa’s eyes. His grey eyes darting between the two of you.
“So?” You whispered finally “what do you think?”
“I’d have to check with Sophia” Kai said the gears clearly turning in his head “And-“
You smiled encouragingly at Kepa who returned the favour to you.
“I don’t know-“ Kai frowned as he kept petting the dog’s head “With all my dogs and Chelsea… But she is adorable”
“You wanna hold her?” You asked hoping that would seal the deal.
“I see what you’re trying to do” Kai laughed as he took the animal from Kepa’s arms hugging her close to his chest “it’s not gonna work… well maybe”
Both you and Kepa let out a laugh as Kai’s features melted looking at the dog.
“I think it worked” Kepa said
“Don’t say that” Kai groaned
“I mean you have a gazzilion dogs already” you said teasingly “what’s another one?”
“I have to ask Soph” Kai said “she’s already been on my ass for adopting dogs the last time”
“Well let me take a picture of you with the dog so you can show her” you smiled pulling out the phone and snapping a picture of the midfielder and sending it to him grinning.
“There” you smiled “now you can have a conversation about having addition to the family later… And I know she won’t be able to say no.”
The drive back home was quiet, Kepa cradling the dog close to his chest whispering something in spanish to the little animal.
“I was so sure Sophia would agree and fall in love with her” you soothed your partner “We can keep looking for a home tomorrow”
“I just want her to get a good home you know” Kepa didn’t take his eyes off the dog.
“I know me too” you smiled focusing your eyes on the road
Once you got home you disappeared to get some work you had neglected due to your little road trip done leaving Kepa to keep an eye on the dog. He had barely spoken to you after you had left Kai’s house and to be honest you felt maybe giving him space was the best scenario right now. A few hours of peace and quiet with his thoughts usually helped him reset. And you could spend the time looking for potential homes to present him.
You walked into the living room a few hours later to see Kepa, with the puppy laying on his bare chest, both of them softly snoring as some old movie played in the background. There was something about the soft curls of his hair falling over his forehead and the peaceful, soft expression adorning his usually tightly wound features. Your chest tightened as the sight practically melted your heart. You had sworn all day to not let the puppy sway your decision whether to keep it, but what you had not accounted for was that gorgeous, cute boyfriend of yours to look so paternal with the tiny animal that somehow mimicked him. There was no way you would be letting her go now.
You snapped a quick photo of the two of them so you could print it out later and hang it on the fridge or use as your lock screen. As you moved a floorboard loose floorboard creaked making the puppy lift her head from where it had been melting against Kai’s chest. Her eyes were sleepy yet full of curiosity, big and brown identical to Kepa’s whenever you woke him.
“Shh” you shushed her “don’t wake Kep”
The puppy let her head fall back against his skin as her eyes flattered closed once the sense of danger had passed.
“You really are daddy’s girl huh” you chuckled as you savoured the moment for a bit before going to tell Kapa he could keep the little animal.
A/N
Thanks for reading ❤️ Sorry for any mistakes I’ve been distracted but I just wanted to get it out asap. So yes I’m aware its clumsy af.
Lil' 1.2k sleepy pondering about Kieran idk what else to tell you lot
As far as new relationships go dating someone who had a schedule just as busy as yours had been hard to say the least. It was almost like the two of you were just two ships in the night most of the time, having to settle for mostly FaceTime calls and texts. That had not kept you from falling head over heals for Kieran in just a few months. His accent didn’t help much when it came to not seeing heart eyes.
The two of you had finally found a night where you were both free and in London. You had been dying to have a proper date night, but the thought of paparazzi’s and prying eyes had instantly put both of you off the thought of going out in public. You wanted to savour the intimacy of the honeymoon period without speculation about what this was even before either of you had the answer that question for yourselves.
So when Kieran had offered a movie night at his apartment you had jumped at the opportunity. On paper it was the perfect date idea for both of you. However what you did not account for was that both you and Kieran were exhausted from traveling, games, training and work. So when one movie had turned into a mini marathon both of you had fallen asleep on the couch, tangled together into a mess of limbs.
You both woke up in the middle of the night looking at each other grinning at each other. Originally the plan had been for you to drive home after the movie but now was too late for that. Kieran had suggested you just sleep at here, he even offered to take the couch while you enjoyed the comfort of his big bed. You had called him a muppet for even thinking that you didn’t want to spend the night tucked safely in his arms, breathing in his scent, wearing one of his old t-shirts,
——————————————————————————————————
When you woke up the early morning sun filled the room with a pale light, making everything seem quiet and peaceful. You opened your eyes letting them adjust to the light. The room around you was quiet, filled only with the hum of distant traffic mixed with the slow and steady breaths of the sleeping man next to you.
You watched as his sculpted chest rose rhythmically, his lips slightly ajar. You could lay here and watch him sleep forever, you thought. You wanted to spend eternity studying the way his rosy cheeks faded into the pale skin of his cheekbones. Your hand twitched at the urge to run your fingertips along the porcelain like skin draped over his boyish features. You bit your lip, holding your breath, when his eyes fluttered under his closed lids for a second, worried he would wake up and catch you staring, but much to your delight he did not stir awake instead letting out a content hum. A sigh of bliss escaped your lips at the chance to spend just a little while longer admiring your sleeping boyfriend. You wanted to savour each inch of his body, meticulously filing away each inch of Kieran in your memory. You wanted to be able to recall each freckle and every mole that covered his body even when the two of you were apart. To trace them like consolations in your mind whenever you couldn’t manage to fall asleep and counting sheep seemed redundant. You wanted to map out the way his slender fingers fell on to the blanket, how his arms bled into those strong shoulders, how the muscles that shaped his chest moved with each breath.
You allowed yourself the luxury to get lost in the way his hair was a mess atop his head, loose strands falling against his forehead, framing his brow perfectly. He would probably say he needed a haircut, but all you thought he needed in this moment was your fingers tangled in his locks.
He looked like a statue that may belong in the Louvre or Vatican museum. Perfectly still and breathtakingly beautiful, most certainly crafted by the hands of the most talented artist on the globe. The only thing indicating he was not cut from marble, shaped specially for you was the boyish pink of his cheeks and lips. His lips. They looked much like a juicy peach would, sweet and delectable on a hot summer day.
All you wanted in this moment was to hold his perfect statuesque face and taste those lips. To kiss him till you were both breathless, for the only sound filling the room to be both of you gasping for breath, grinning like idiots. However you did not want to wake him, to disturb the beautiful sight of his serene state. To intrude on something as celestial and pure as this moment, seeing him illuminated by the morning sun, much like if he was some mystical being sent to walk amongst the living.
You shifted closer to him, trying your best to not disturb him, wanting to soak up the warmth his beauty was emitting, your faces inches apart. His breath hitting your body, creating the familiar tingle of goosebumps appearing wherever it hit your skin. You would only need to move a millimetre to connect your lips. To taste him, let him fill you with a sense of life and belonging. But instead your eyes scanned the way his lashes curled, the way his nose curved, the way his perfect lips curved.
“I swear if you don’t do it I will” Kieran’s scratchy morning voice sapped you out of your trance making your cheeks burn with embarrassment. His eyes were still closed as a lazy smile danced on his lips.
You didn’t reply, not trusting your brain to form a sentence in your embarrassed state.
“Well?” He asked opening his eyes, rising an eyebrow.
The moment your eyes met his you could swear you were a goner. You felt like you had died and gone straight to heaven. You were usually weak in the knees for his glance, but something about the way he looked at the moment, innocent and pure, the softness of sleep still evident in his hazel eyes, made you lose any ability to think. Maybe it had something to do with the way he looked at you like you were the only person in the world, like you had hung the stars in the sky. You wanted to wake up to this every single day for the rest of your life.
You opened your mouth but no words came out, making Kieran chuckle. He leaned forward connecting your lips. Your hands instantly cupped his jaw as you felt a grin spread against your lips. You felt like the world around the two of you disappeared and this moment of pure bliss would never end. The way his lips lazily moved against yours, with no rush making your heart skip a beat. And at that moment, in the privacy of Kieran’s bedroom you knew there was no way back. You had fallen in love and there was nothing in the world that could change that.
Basically just Kepa surprising you at your graduation bc he's supposed to be in a different country for training but he came home early.
"You could at least try and not look like you are getting ready for excitation" Your mom said sitting on the bed
"Well why does it feel like that EXACTLY where I'm heading?" you huffed
"Baby don't be dramatic" she chuckled
You made a face as you went back to attempting to fix your hair. You knew you were being childish at the moment, but part of you could not get over the fact that you would not have a chance to have your boyfriend at your graduation party.
Kepa had been by your side over the majority of your univeristy life, supporting you through the seemingly endless hours of cramming, he was the one who would make sure there was pre made food when you had projects to finish, he was the one to hold you when you woke up with nightmares about that one assignment that you forgot to deliver on time. It felt unfair now that he had sat through all the bad parts and didn't get to celebrate the biggest happy part.
What made matters worse was the fact that he had been so preoccupied with training today he had been ignoring you all morning and what's worse his phone had died probably laying idle in his locker at the Spanish training compound.
Needless to say - today was shaping up to be shitty.
****
Once the ceremony ended and everyone walked out to the courtyard for pictures. Your mom had tried so hard for you to give her a little smile, but knowing that you wouldn't have Kepa in any photo honestly made your chest tighten at the thought alone and ears appear in your eyes.
You were currently standing in front of one of the buildings setting up for a family photo, your parents standing behind you. You tried your best to put on a strong face. At least you would have something to send him when he finally called this evening, hopefully.
"Okay" your best friend smiled holding up her phone "Now everyone look at me. Smile."
The girl walked up to you to show you the picture smiling like an idiot. You rolled your eyes at her excitement, she really didn't need to make such a damn effort to rub off some happiness on you. All you wanted was to just go curl up on your couch and sulk about you stupid absent boyfriend. And still you entertained her annoying apparently life or death need to show you the photo she had just taken.
You cast your eyes down at the phone and there he was, towering between your parents - huge grin plastered on his perfect face.
It took you a moment to register the fact but when you turned around your parent's had already moved aside so you were met by a smiling Kepa holding up yellow tulips, a whole bouquet of them. He was grinning like he had won the lottery.
"Kep?" you looked up at him, your lip trembling as tears came into your eyes
"Hey" he said calmly
"You're here" you whispered
"I am" he smiled at you
"But... how? Should you not be in Spain"
"Uhh I lied about training" he said "like camp ended today and I thought I would surprise you, mi amor"
"I hate you you stupid idiot" you let the tears fall grinning like an idiot
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