Magnolia

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[fleurs-de-magnolia]

INFO ON THE PROJECT

Ooc: hello, this is Spirit, aka @aspiritdrawings and this is the blog dedicated to posting and role playing as my oc. I recently started writing down the story as an actually written book, So i decided to make this as a way to promote it. i will be posting the chapters both here, and on wattpad AND on AO3, so please support me on both places ! I will try to post a chapter every week, but if im feeling productive expect more than one a week!

Synopsis: Magnolia, a teen girl with social anxiety wanders in the forest to escape from a harsh reality, but is pulled out of her fantasy and forced to confront it. Story is set in: september 2014 - and on

Tags:

In character: *character* = rp as a specific character

Chapters: the chapters

About: *character* = a specific character's thought about another specific character's

Ask: ask & respond!

CHAPTERS:

1

2

3

Extra

5

6

7

8

Extra

10

11

12

13

14

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The Meeting (chapter 14)

"Dear Diary, things have been going quite better these last few days, especially with Zhenzhen, she's much more open with me after what happened, although she's still the same blunt girl. Adriana seems fine too, she's just as cheerful as she always is."

I closed my journal, continuing to walk with my new friends, when I could have sworn I saw in the crowd of the hallway someone...quite familiar. But I shook the thought away.

MaryRose and Adria were talking about a movie the blonde one watched recently, I tried to listen but I really wasn't feeling it. It was some shark movie too, Adriana is awesome but those things are kinda silly.

Then I felt MaryRose giggle besides me, shaking both me and Adria and nodding towards a quiet scene in the hallway:

Christian Laurent trying to strike a conversation with Evelynn Lavigne. "So, uh..." he started, trying to find his voice "are you free this weekend? We could go somewhere, literally anywhere you want!" He stammered, and I couldn't read Evelynn's expression exactly, she had that small poker faced smile as always, her face adorned with snake bite piercings that just sharpened her grin.

"Well, im already going to the mall with Elodie, so unless you want to join us, I don't think that's a great idea."

Evelynn's words made my fist clench, and as my finger nails dug in my hand it felt like a cruel reminder of what I've lost. But how could I blame Elle? Evelynn is just so much cooler than me in every single way. I should be grateful I have MaryRose and Adriana now.

Then, Cèdric arrived, and pushed Christian from behind into the wall "What are you doing without me, Chrissy?" Christian immediately sighed, and went silent.

Mary tried very hard to contain her laughter, and honestly I don't get why... it's just pitiful to see a guy being humiliated like that.

"He's still so whipped!" Mary whispered to us, Adriana let out an exhale, then with her usual enthusiasm she proposed "come on, let's go to class!"

During class, I decided to read older entries in my journal, my head low.

"Today me and Ellie watched a movie at my house, she chose it, it was a really famous one about a girl joining the popular crowd. I really like Elodie's taste, because she likes both dramas and more light hearted stuff, which I think is so cool! We have a similar taste I think, we both also dislike those movies with all blood and guts and stuff."

My hands trembled slightly as I read one of the first entries in my diary. It feels bittersweet, the way things have changed. One day we're best friends, the next we haven't talked in two months.

I raised my head from the pages, and take a quick look at the girl across from me in the classroom. Her dark black hair, and the jewel on her forehead, its all so her. At least, it was. Is she even the same anymore?

I suddenly stop. This doesn't make any sense, she's gone, so there's no point in this. I close my Journal shut, and notice that class is about to end. Thank goodness.

I walked to the cafeteria with my friends, they were talking about something I think was random, I honestly wasn't really listening. The thoughts of Elodie still plagued my mind, and when we reached the cafeteria I instinctively looked to her table, and then I saw someone through my line of sight, I could recognise that long blonde hair no matter what.

"Hazel...?" My voice trembled, it was desperately close to a whisper but certainly not enough for Mary not to hear. "Hazel? Magnolia, what are you talking about?" She said in an amused but all the while confused tone, "woah, who's that girl with Christian and Cèdric? I don't think I've ever seen her before." Adria added, her confusion matching Mary's.

I wanted to run. No, I needed to run. What the hell was Hazel doing here? This must not be real. I must be dreaming.

I felt my breathing get laboured, and my body shook, I tried to get my words out, but it felt as if I had a knot in my throat not letting me spit out the necessary words. "Lia?" Mary called out to me when I stopped walking, and with a huff, she hurried me to a table with Adriana.

"Is everything okay, Mags?" Adria spoke with a calm voice, and although I truly appreciate the thought, it did close to nothing to soothe my nerves since I still felt nauseated.

First Elodie, now Hazel... and why are they all sitting in the same table? Does Evelynn hang out with those two idiots, which is making Elodie also hang out with them? And why is Hazel with them? She's such a sweet girl, why would she ever hang out with someone as... as terrible as those three?!

I took a deep breath. I can't have a panic attack, not here in the cafeteria. "That's... my friend from when I went to the bed and breakfast." I choked out using all my strength.

"And what's so wrong with that exactly?" Mary asked back, which made me make a deep sigh. I can't explain it to them, can I? What me and Hazel had was... weird. I liked her, I really did. She was kind, beautiful, and so incredibly smart. But I used her kindness for my schemes. How can I face someone after that? How can I confess my cruelty to my friends? They'll hate me for sure.

"I just... things didn't really end well." "Did you fight or something?" Adria immediately asked back "it's more complicated than that." I hesitantly answered. MaryRose scoffed "listen, it seems like you really care for this girl, don't lie. Maybe you'll become friends again. Although I wouldn't really do that if I were you, if she's hanging out with asshole Cèdric and dumbass Christian, she must be either really naïve or just as much of a bastard."

Mary's words made me realise something immediately. I know for a fact that Hazel is not a bad person, im sure of it. But Ellie also wasn't a bad person, and yet I still lost her. I can't let that also happen to Hazel, I wouldn't be able to stand that.

"I have an idea." Adriana said suddenly, grabbing my attention and snapping me out of my thoughts, then she continued: "why don't we just wait for the right moment, then?" "What do you mean?" I asked, what did she mean, 'the right moment'? "We'll just see what she does with Ced and Chris, and once she's alone Magnolia will go talk to her! This might take a few days, but I think it could work." The blonde explained carefully, "isn't that spying?" Mary asked, her tone one of surprise "not really! It's just, as I said, waiting for the right moment! What do you think, Mags?"

I didn't know what to think exactly. This is wrong, but what other choice do I have? I really don't wanna lose Hazel, and this could be a great way to redeem myself, I suppose.

"Okay, I guess..."

[aspiritdrawings]

...baby one more time

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The Empty House (the Fight EXTRA)

Everyday is tiring, but today especially was exhausting. The fight with Mary... it felt relieving in a way, finally being able to voice my thoughts. But when I saw that Magnolia, someone usually so meek, was able to calm Zhenzhen I felt myself just feeling worse. My body filled with the terrible dread, that all my efforts to stand MaryRose's constant mood swings would be stolen by someone we barely know.

I pushed the thought down, even if Mary ever leaves me, I have far more friends than her. Everyone adores me at school. But still, I hope it never happens.

Suddenly, my phone rang with a notification, I stared down at the screen, seeing that it was a private message from MaryRose. No groupchat. Just us.

"My parents are arguing again."

"Fuck I really hate my dad."

I sighed, I get that Zhenzhen's parents suck, I have been knowing that for a long time. But damn, shouldn't she be more...tactful with her words? I don't even have a dad, and I always have to listen to her go on about how much she hates hers.

I wish I could just take away all her pain, and bring it on myself. But I know I can't do that no matter how hard I try.

I looked up at the clock on the wall, and saw that it would still take a bit for my mother to come back, she usually comes back from work around midnight. Every single day.

I typed a quick message to MaryRose:

"That sucks... if you need to talk, im here!!:)"

Then, I put my dinner for today in the microwave, a lasagna. I put the timer of 5 minutes on, and went to scrutinise myself in the bathroom.

My acne is going away thankfully, it's a lot better than middle school.

Then, I checked my hair, and noticed that my dark roots are starting to show, a stark contrast against my dyed blonde. Whatever, I'll just buy that exact shade again, and everything will be perfect. I smiled in the mirror, and started reminding myself:

As long as I remain happy, everything will go just fine. Mom will be happy. Mary will be happy. And I'll be the light that shines everywhere she goes.

I went to check the microwave, and pulled the food out, then sat on the comfortable couch of my house.

I turned the TV on, and saw that 'Jaws 2' was airing right now! That's the sequel of my favourite movie! I smiled to myself. As long as I smile, nothing will go wrong.

[aspiritdrawings]

"You're terrible, Mary."

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The Bathroom REPRISE (chapter 12)

Tw: self harm

TW: SELF HARM

I didn't exactly wait for Adriana to reply to me, after giving that promise in the calmest way I could manage, I walked out of the cafeteria.

I wondered where MaryRose could be... for a second I thought of the music room, but then I immediately dismissed it, if she's already distressed she'd never go to a place she hates. Maybe a classroom..? Probably not, a teacher would be there.

As I was walking through the school, I felt my breaths come out shallower and shallower with each single step, I still felt myself shake and my mind was reeling. I need to calm down or else I'll not be able to even find Mary.

I walked towards the bathroom, maybe if I wash my face my mind will clear a bit, mom always tells me that helps. Trying won't kill anyone. I turned the sink on, the water dripping down in a quiet but persistent stream. The temperature was cold, and it felt incredibly clean in my hands. It felt refreshing.

I stopped the water, drying my hands, when I heard a sound. A sudden intake of air from behind the bathroom stall. Maybe its someone...smoking? Although I couldn't feel that distinct smell of cigarettes that I learned from staying near my mother. I was about to leave anyways, but then I heard it again. That sudden, frantic gasp of air. My anxiety was starting to come back in waves, what was happening? I took a step closer to the door, should I knock? What if it really is someone smoking...? I should try, in the worst scenario im simply annoying someone, which really isn't anything new.

I let my trembling fist bump the door slowly and carefully.

Everything stilled for a second, no more breaths, the world seemed to go quiet. Then a second or two passed, and a familiar voice that was usually so strong and powerful was heard.

"...what?"

It was Mary. But she sounded so different... her voice was trembling, it was still stern, but it seemed so much more tired than usual.

"Mary...? It's, it's me, it's Magnolia." I tried to still my voice, to seem like the one who knows what's happening. But then she struck: "go away. Now." Her voice now seemed a lot more like the usual Zhenzhen, is she okay now? But...she can't be okay, can she? After a fight with their best friend, nobody could ever be okay. During my fights with Elodie, even during my fight with Hazel, everything seemed to break. "No, Mary, I... I just want to help you, please." "I said leave, now!"

What am I supposed to do? I can't just leave her alone, not like this... I know MaryRose hates me, im sure of it. But leaving her here all alone would just make me feel worse.

"...im sure you and Adriana will be okay, she's just," I tried to find the words, words that would make me feel better in her situation "frustrated. I don't know what happened, but you can tell me...!" "Don't mention her again! Don't you dare!" I remained silent at MaryRose's louder tone, I couldn't exactly tell whether she was sad, angry, or maybe a mix of both. "I hate everything! I hate my dad! I hate my mom! And I hate Adria the most!" I couldn't tell whether this was true or just her blabbering out of anger.

"Why?" I asked, the voice coming out of my throat choked and drowned.

Mary bit back a sob, "I don't know!" My eyes went wide, my head slowly starting to lean forward, leaning against the door. "I just..." Mary took a deep breath to no avail.

"...she's right... that's the problem. I don't want to lose her too, but I just can't seem to stop." I could hear her actively sobbing now. Poor Mary... this is all those two guys' fault. "Sometimes I just see red and have to attack, you know...? Please tell me at least you understand..." I freezed, she was asking for my opinion now? "I sort of do the opposite. But I understand, it's not your fault people are...shitty." I said, it was true, and I was finally starting to somewhat understand: when Mary feels attacked, she hits back. When I get attacked, I run away. I suppose that's how this works.

MaryRose sniffled, then in a shaken but more stable tone, she muttered: "Im gonna come out, okay...? Just please. Leave the bathroom for some minutes, wait for me outside. I need to use the sink."

I was kind of confused, but immediately hummed in agreement and left the room. From outside I could the water coming out, and I was starting to have a really bad feeling. Those breaths...the constant long sleeves or gloves...was she...

Mary returned, looking at me with tired eyes, the black pencil under her almond eyes smudged, the proof of her vulnerability.

"Let's go meet Adria, if that's okay with you." I muttered softly, not wanting to anger her again and the redhead nodded.

We walked through the corridors, MaryRose's strong front up again. Then we both saw Adria, and Mary was the first one to go up to the dyed blonde.

Zhenzhen took a deep breath, and approached with steady steps. "Hey, Adria..." she started, and Adriana didn't seem surprised at all, she seemed almost unimpressed, but then her eyes went to me and that's when she looked surprised. Mary continued: "im sorry. You're right, I should not have given in to that asshole's jabs." Mary scrutinised the tanned girl's face, and so did I, her large brown eyes seemed still exhausted, but she sighed. "It's okay." She started, "just...try not to do it again. Please." Mary nodded immediately.

Im happy... I helped someone, and I wasn't annoying.

[fleurs-de-magnolia]

What's yiur favorite color?

"I like...yellow, a lot. And green. I mostly like colours that remind me of nature."

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"My dearest Hazel, I've been missing you terribly. I deceived you, didn't I? I used you. I miss how you would show me all of your vinyls, or how caring you used to be even when I was acting difficult. I wish I could come back to the farm and clear things up and apologise... but I can't. And the fact that I'll probably never see you again haunts me terribly. Im sorry."

-Magnolia Lefevre

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The Fight (chapter 11)

"Dear diary, after yesterday's meeting with those two boys, I've come to realise that I really don't know that much about Adriana and ZhenZhen... and im not sure I want to. The way MaryRose argued with that Cèdric... it really shook me. If she's that mean towards him... could she be as equally hateful towards me, too?"

I continue writing in my diary, looking down at the ink on the page as I've finally arrived to the cafeteria, approaching the usual table me and the pair of best friends usually ate at, only for my train of thought to be interrupted by the commotion coming from said table. I snapped my gaze up, closed the book shut with the pen inside, and stopped in my tracks.

Some students around pretended not to hear, others listened in shamelessly. "I can't always just go along with all the trouble you cause, you know that right...?!" Adria whisper-yelled, remaining still in her seat, her expression seeming fed up. This was so different from all that I've seen so far from them, I never...saw them fight, I have never even seen Adriana actually not rolling with whatever MaryRose does. MaryRose gave her a wide eyed look of something between anger and a deep sorrow. And without saying anything else, she stormed away.

"Ohh, I sure do wonder what happened between Muñoz and Anker..." I heard someone say from not too far away, I turned my head to see who it was, and saw the strange guy from yesterday, Cèdric, leaning against the wall with a smirk, and the remark got him a hard push from his friend besides him, Christian, I think his name was..? Whatever, those two idiots didn't matter right now. As I started walking back towards the now alone Adria, I saw a head of curly black hair looking at the situation with a cold expression from a nearby table.

'Elodie?' I thought. Why was she looking here? Was she friends with Adriana?

...Was she looking at me?

I snapped out of my thoughts. Elodie didn't matter, not anymore, right? So I pushed through and walked towards the blonde. "Adria?" My voice trembled, I desperately hoped I wasn't making things worse. "Can I ask what happened...?" Adriana sighed deeply, then turned to look towards me, her usual enthusiastic demeanour gone: "Mary made a mess of everything. That's what happened. You were with her, weren't you?" Wait... is she referring to what happened yesterday with Cèdric and Christian? "You mean...the music room?" I murmured, my entire body trembling now. Way too much was happening in a single day. Was this my fault, partly? If I stepped in yesterday would this not be happening? Adria nodded: "yes. I mean, I just want some peace and she just keeps...fucking everything up! Can't she not argue with someone for at least one full week?! She knows damn well Cèdric wants a reaction, so why does she keep giving him that satisfaction?!" I winced at Adria's tone. She sounded so tired. I sighed, if this was also my fault, then im gonna try to fix it for good.

"Don't worry, Adria. I... I will go find Mary, okay? Stay here."

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The extra courses (chapter 10)

Some time had passed, and life felt like it was going steady again. Not quite like before when I was still Elodie's friend, or like when I had Hazel with me, but I'll just put up with that.

ZhenZhen and Adriana are very fun people, which is why I don't mind spending time with them, but our interests are not quite alike, unlike me and the sweet blonde haired girl from the farm.

I was walking with Adria and Mary, or rather following their lead, till the dark skinned girl looked at me and asked with her usual enthusiastic tone: "Mags, so you don't do any extra activities, right?" I immediately shook my head. I never did any extra curricular activities in my life, not even now in highschool even though the school offered many courses. And with that, Adriana got an idea, she grabbed MaryRose's shoulder and then stopped to look at me: "what if you join an activity with Mary?" ZhenZhen instantly gave her a look that simply screamed 'what are you doing?' I, on the other hand, didn't know what to say or how to react: I was afraid that if I accepted I'd anger Mary even more, but refusing was rude, wasn't it? So I stuck to the most neutral reaction I could think of: nodding.

Suddenly, I heard an unfamiliar voice down the hall:

"Adria! We need to go to swim practice!" The unknown girl shouted, which made Adria give a wave to us, her other hand holding a swim sack. And that's how me and MaryRose got left alone together, the red haired girl gave me a scrutinising look, then soon after sighed in defeat. "Whatever, i'll just...show you around." She said, starting to walk without even advising me first, but even then, I followed her lead, even though my hands were shaking from the fear of messing up with the only friends I somewhat had.

While walking, my eyes locked on one of the rooms: 'musical courses'...i didn't know there were musical courses. I feel like Hazel would definitely love learning an instrument, I wonder what would she play? She seems like she would play more classy stuff, like an harp, although I also wouldn't mind seeing her play bass or something... I reluctantly snapped my thoughts away from the long haired lady, because, well... she's gone, isn't she? But the curiosity lingered, so: "so-" I took a deep breath "so there are music courses..." My voice shook a tiny bit, but Mary shouldn't get mad at this affirmation, right? ZhenZhen stopped walking suddenly, and turned to look at me, then her eyes narrowed with an expression that scared me. "Listen here." The boyish girl started, "you're not joining that place, not even over my dead body." She said, the warning hanging in the air, but something wasn't clear to me at all, why? "Uh..." I tried to get the words out of my mouth "...why though?" Mary scoffed indignantly "damn, you really don't know anything at all, do you?" Then she actually elaborated: "listen, I didn't only have Adriana as my friend till a while ago. One of the guys in the music courses, Christian Laurent, was my friend." She pointed at the brown haired guy that was playing an acoustic guitar in the middle of the room. Christian? Yes, I had heard that name before, Elodie mentioned him to me once... then Mary continued "and you know who else was my friend? His best friend. Cèdric Sallow, the biggest asshole in this place. He sucks, you hear me?" She whispered while peeking at the door, then turned to me. I had never heard of this Cèdric, so I assumed he wasn't popular. I didn't ask why they stopped being friends either, that would've probably been too pushy...

While we were about to walk away and continue our tour, someone else entered the room, a guy with mostly black hair, since he had dyed the tips purple, he gave me and MaryRose a look of something I couldn't quite identify, before grinning and sitting down next to who I learned was Christian, immediately putting an arm around his shoulders, and starting to whisper while looking at ZhenZhen with no shame.

Mary certainly knew him, and before I could put the pieces of this surreal situation together, MaryRose stomped over to the two guys, and the black haired guy spoke out "look who's there, the little tomboy." I tried listening to them arguing, but it all seemed so strange and sudden that I just...zoned out, for the most part, while standing behind Mary. Nothing like this ever happened to me before, I never witnessed a fight that wasn't between my parents, or about petty things, and even then I never actively fought with someone, maybe just verbally a few times...

After I don't know how much time, the brunette boy put his guitar down, and pulled Cedric by his sleeve "dude, stop it. This is annoying." The black haired guy seemed to reluctantly stop his mouth from spouting any more insults or low blow comments. Mary grinned with what I assumed was victory, and announced while pulling me by my arm to leave the room: "yeah, Run to your little princess, dumbass!"

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The Room (the farm, extra chapter 9)

It's been a week since Magnolia left, and yet im still thinking about her. It's terrible, truly terrible. While I'm thinking this, I grab the pencil from beside me as im laying on the floor, I feel so lonely.

I wish it didn't come to this, I mean, I was just being nice because my parents told me to, wasn't I? I always do this, be friendly to someone the first day so that they feel at home. But then she wanted us to pass time together, and it felt so foreign. I don't think someone ever actually wanted to spend time with me. It's not that I dont have friends: I have my brothers, I have Dorothy, although she lives quite far away from me and I only see her when we go to the marketplace... but there was something I just felt for Magnolia, something so unknown... I don't think I ever liked anyone this way, whenever I was with her my heart would beat so fast. I was just faking it, but then we started talking about music and something changed.

So then why did she get so mad on her last day? I was just being nice, like always! So what was her deal? Did she figure out my fake kindness?

My hand trembled over the paper, the figure in the drawing finally taking form: Magnolia. My hands continued meticulously creating lines resembling her curly hair, and my chest ached at the sight.

"Hazel!" Franciszek called from downstairs, and I quickly hid the drawing to the place closest to me, the wardrobe. Although I really like drawing, my parents and brothers think its a waste of time, and how can I blame them? They're right. It is a waste of energy.

"Wait a second!" I shouted back, and I could hear him groan from downstairs "we need to go to the market! Come on!" And so, I wiped my tears away from my cheeks, and made my way downstairs.

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The Farm III (chapter 8)

Note: omg doomed yuri

Some days have passed, five to be exact. The vacation will be over tomorrow, and I'll go back to being without anyone who understands me, or lets me talk about my interests. Its over.

Me and Hazel agreed that she'd sneak out of her room, and meet me in mine. I listened to the seconds passing by on the clock, I had faith that she'd show up on our last day together. Soon after, I heard a sharp sound from my window, a rock had been thrown at it. I moved slowly, I likely knew who it was, but it was still best to be careful. I looked down at the grass, and saw Hazel holding a big metal staircase, which made me immediately open my window to let her in as she climbed.

She was wearing a trenchcoat over her pink dress, I could understand it, it was night now and it was quite breezy outside. I was wearing a simple white shirt and pj pants, but it felt quite comfortable, isn't that what matters? Hazel always wears those old-school dresses, sometimes I wonder if she ever feels uncomfortable in them, and if her parents are the ones making her constantly wear something so...plain. They don't even have fantasies on them, just checkered every once in a while. I think polka dots would fit Alicja very well.

"Hey?" She said, smiling as she stood right besides me. "Hey." I replied, looking down at the floor; "You seem sad." She pointed out, to which I sighed. Of course I was sad, this was our last day together, tomorrow it'll all be a memory. "Im just..." I tried finding an excuse, then settled on "...tired." Hazel hummed, then moved closer to me: "want to lay down and talk about it?" I was hesitant, I mean, I don't really like talking about my feelings, every time I try to explain them to my parents they seem to come out as gibberish;

But this is Hazel we are talking about, so of course I gave in. I nodded my head, and we laid down the hard wooden floor, the cold air seeping through my body, and yet the room felt so warm with Hazel in it. She turned her head towards me: "you know, 'Gnolia, you may just be the most interesting girl I've ever met." My brain took a while to process it, and I stared at the ceiling with a blank expression, then they registered. What the hell was she talking about?! Me? Interesting? She must be going nuts, because im anything but interesting, I'm insignificant. And yet when I turned my head towards hers, and saw the way she looked at me, I felt like the most precious thing.

"You..." I stammered, trying to find the words as my face got more and more flushed. "...you're pretty cool too... like, very cool. You're actually way cooler than most people at my school, I mean I don't think any of them knows the beatles as well as you-" I started blabbering, and her smile got even softer, and before I could notice it, her hand tangled with mine. My skin got even hotter at the touch, my palms sweating. Although it felt good, the thought that I was never going to see her again lingered, and with Hazel's presence near mine, it hurt even more than before.

When the clock struck midnight, the blonde stood up, "I'm supposed to go now, if I dont they might notice i'm not in bed." I nodded, my heart was aching, I had dreaded this moment. But I couldn't stop it. I knew this was gonna happen. I should've prepared myself better. Hazel moved towards the window, and although I tried to contain myself and wait to break down, just as she was about to climb out a sob escaped my throat, and in return her head whipped towards me, her body retreating from the window as she slowly walked towards me.

"What's wrong...?" What was I supposed to say? That I was sorry I was going to leave her all alone? That I shouldn't have gotten myself so attached to someone that I knew I was eventually going to leave? That I was awful for using her for my social skills? "I-" I tried to make actual phrases that made sense come out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop my cries. "Please...go away..." I blurted out, Hazel's eyes widened a bit, her hand that was about to touch me hovered just above my shoulder.

"...if that's what you wish." she stepped back towards the window. I wanted to scream, tell her that I was sorry, and that I didn't want her to leave. But I didn't, my mouth and mind simply refused to operate.

In the morning when we left, I didn't look at Hazel. I couldn't do it. I felt too guilty. Poor Hazel, you're too kind, im sorry I deceived you this way.

[fleurs-de-magnolia]

The Farm II (chapter 7)

We started walking, I really hoped I wasn't gonna regret this. That this wasn't going to backfire. I just needed to practice socialising, right? So I took a deep breath as we arrived at the henhouse.

"So, im gonna pick up the eggs from here, you can ask me anything in the meantime." Hazel said calmly, putting on some gloves, then picked up a basket from besides the door.

"Okay, so... umh, to start, how old are you?" I muttered, she was a lot taller than me, so maybe she was 17 or something. "Im 15, turning 16 soon." I nodded, "im 15 too. 1998 kid." Then there was silence. What else could I ask...? Hazel continued picking up the eggs, the basket almost full to the brim now. "Umh, what music do you listen to?" Alicja stopped, her eyes glowed with excitement at the question, she left the creel on the floor and came closer to me again: "lets go to my room, I have all my vinyls there!" Just as she said this she started wandering again, "wah?!- wait for me!" I started running after her.

Soon, we arrived. Her room felt old: it had a yellowish, almost beige wallpaper, her sheets were snow white, just like the curtains, and a grey circular carpet covered part of the wooden floor.

She immediately reached for something from the shelves: and pulled out a vinyl of 'I'll cry if I want to' by Lesley Gore, "this is one of my favourites!" Hazel exclaimed, she seemed genuinely very happy, unlike when she first greeted me.

I felt...relieved, did she truly trust me? Did she want me as a friend? I didn't think anyone could ever like me because of how awkward and shy I am, but maybe at least someone found me fun to be around.

"Do you like music from the 60s, then?" I asked, trying to be nice even though I rarely listened to music from that era, Hazel nodded her head, so I spoke again "can I look at your vinyls? I'll be careful." I asked while rubbing my wrist with my thumb, the blonde gave me a thumbs up, so I stepped closer to the shelf: the soundtrack of the wizard of oz, Skeeter Davis, and The Beatles.

"You listen to the Beatles too?!" I asked, I should've probably expected it since they're one of the most famous bands ever, but still, it's not exactly easy to find a teen in 2014 that still listens to the Beatles. "Huhuh!" The blonde clapped her hands together, I gasped, my guard completely down now as we started chatting about one one of my favourite bands.

"Who's your favourite Beatle?!" "That's an hard choice! Don't make me choose!" She giggled, but I pressed on "come on, choose! Mine is Paul, have you listed to 'hey Jude'? Its- its a masterpiece." Hazel continued laughing, then hummed in thought while sitting crisscrossed on the bed. "Mmmhh... if I really have to, I'll go for George, or maybe John!" I was starting to get nervous, but like, the good kind of nervous, like when you're on the verge of finishing a book that really got your attention, but I didn't want this to end, so I tried to make the conversation keep going: "and- and do you like imagine by John Lennon? His solo album, I mean." Hazel sat up, and grabbed that exact album from the shelf, "how could I not?" She smiled wide with her teeth showing, "my favourite song from here is 'oh Yoko', it's so sweet!"

We began talking even more, I found out many things about her: she liked Cynthia Powell and adored her style, but didn't despise Yoko Ono either, and that her favourite Beatles song was 'while my guitar gently weeps'. We spent a lot of time talking about music, to the point that we fell asleep while listening to it together, her brother finding us close since her bed was so thin.

[fleurs-de-magnolia]

The farm I (chapter 6)

I managed to survive the school week, it was difficult. But I did. Im proud of myself. It had been a while since I went there for a full week.

Now im in the car, and we're finally going on vacation: somewhere on the country side, in a farm, yes you heard me, we'll be sleeping inside a farm with the animals and the workers.

After a two hour car ride, we arrived. It was extremely refreshing, being immersed in nature. I took a deep breath, I could feel my joints ache from staying still for too long, so I started walking. Finally some peace again, I mean; sure, those days with Adriana and MaryRose were nice, but i'll always prefer some peace over constant noise and change. I want an easy life. In fact, I wonder what kind of job ill end up having as an adult, I just really hope its not some corporate job in a busy city. That would kill me.

"Hey?" A voice as soft as a blanket called while I was walking, making me stop in my tracks. I raised my gaze.

"Are you lost?" The girl who claimed my attention muttered, I looked around, it did seem like I lost the path. I nodded. "Yeah..." I gulped, who was this girl? Another visitor, maybe?

She hummed, then a smile spread across her pale face, "are you a client here?" Client? I suppose so. I shook my head 'yes' once again. "Then come with me. I'll take you to the reception." And when she started walking with no warning, I followed silently, because what else was I supposed to do?

"So." The unknown girl started, "you're a client. But who exactly are you? What's your name?" "Umh... my name is Magnolia." I replied, stammering. A giggle left the stranger's lips, "Ma...gno...lia." She pronounced slowly, then she smiled wider, showing her crooked teeth. "what a great name. Suits your attire." What did she mean by this? How could a name 'suit' the way someone dressed? It's not like I look like an human flower. Then she added "im Hazel Alicja Sadowski. Pleased to meet you, Magnolia." I waved a bit, and finally we reached our destination. The reception where my family was, a woman who's blonde hair was tied in a bun was talking to them.

Hazel took a glance at me, "since you'll be staying here, I shall show you further around." "W-wait! I don't understand, why are you being so friendly towards me? We don't know each other." Hazel's smile dropped for a second, her right hand fidgeting with the cross around her neck. Then she responded simply: "im the daughter of the owners of the farm. I thought i'd make myself useful."

That made sense, now that I think about it... if she was a tourist like me, she wouldn't have known how to reach the reception so quickly, my gaze moved to the woman my parents were talking to: she had green eyes, dirty blonde hair and freckles all over her nose. Then I looked back to Hazel, and the similarities were there. Maybe that was her mother? "Umh... okay. Show me around."

Hazel smiled, leaving the reception and starting to walk away again, I followed, obviously. I didn't completely trust this girl: she was weird. Not weird like an actual weirdo, but more so too perfect. Uncanny. But...maybe I could take this situation to my advantage.

As we continued walking, she showed me around. She wasn't an only child, she had two brothers who's names were: Franciszek, the oldest, who was currently feeding the animals; and Casimir who was the youngest, who was currently coloring the images of a colouring book. They seemed like...nice people. Although I can't imagine what having two siblings must feel like it, must be hell.

"Okay, now that the tour is done. I'll go do my duties, so-" "wait." I called out for her as she was about to leave, and Alicja turned around to face me once more.

This wouldn't go wrong. This was just to exercise to socialising, nothing more... its not like i'll ever see this girl again outside of this bed & breakfast.

"Want to...spend time together?" I muttered, rubbing my hand against sleeve. Hazel seemed extremely surprised, but nodded.

[fleurs-de-magnolia]

The class (chapter 5)

Dear diary, I have to admit, Adriana and MaryRose are... actually quite fun to hang out with. Although they seem more connected with eachother and exclude me a bit, I can't really complain. Its at least something. I had great fun with them.

I had just entered school, it had been a while since I've arrived before my classmates, it felt almost alien, seeing the classroom so empty. No, scratch that, being at school itself felt alien now.

I sat down, taking deep breath, what if they were weirded out that I finally came back? God, I really shouldn't have done this, they'll think im weird, and- I might see her, I don't want that, I don't want to--

My classmates started entering the room, joining the class as if they were a swarm of bees. I looked around anxiously, my hands sweating and my breath laboured. But I tried to contain my huffs, tried to make myself as small as one possibly can.

Then I saw her. The one that I dreaded meeting again so much.

Elodie.

Her short, wavy black hair bounced as she walked, and I couldn't help but stare at the mole just above her full lips. I noticed her attire and how she carried herself, it was quite different than when...we were friends. But I wasn't surprised, ever since they stole her from me she just... wasn't the same anymore. She changed her hairstyle, her clothes, even her attitude towards everyone. It was torturous to see her like this.

Then her dark eyes that were splattered with hints of green noticed me, and my heart sank. She was actually staring at me. Feels like its been years...

"are you listening?" Our gazes broke the connection at the same time, it was Evelynn who was speaking to Elodie, grabbing her attention with just one sentence. The one who stole her from me using her 'popular-girl-charm'. Gosh, I hate her. I know that 'hate' is a strong word, but I can't help it, I always had a bad feeling about Evelynn, but she just wouldn't listen to me! She just had to talk to her...

...and now im all alone.

Class soon started, I didn't want to think about Elodie or Evelynn, or anyone else for that matter. This is why I hate school: I can't trust anyone here, no one at all. I buried my head into the history book, trying to disappear completely.

Soon enough, it was lunchtime. I didn't mind the canteen too much, surprisingly. As long as I was alone, I didn't have to worry about chewing too loudly or eating too much... I started walking towards where the food was, standing in line, when I heard someone calling for me from not too far away:

"Hey Liaaaa!" I recognise that voice, it was high pitched and enthusiastic enough to the point of reminding me of the happy bark of a golden retriever. I turned around, an awkward smile plastering my face, I waved my hand for a short while, then turned back around, hoping everyone would leave me alone for good.

Then I heard footsteps. Oh gosh. No, no don't come any closer! Is what I was thinking, till i felt an hand touching my shoulder, it was Adriana.

"Come on, come sit with us!" "I was actually getting my food..." Adria hummed, then nodded "okay! Ill stay with you till you get it, then!" I felt my insides shiver at that, I told myself just two night before that this was gonna be temporary... so then, why is she still so attached to me?! I shook my head 'yes' anyways, and got my food.

Adriana accompanied me to the table, where MaryRose was already eating her roast beef. I didn't want to stay with them, its not that I didn't like them or something, its that I just I feel like they're secretly making fun of me for literally any reason ever: the way I dress, my hair, how I talk, my attitude, and I could go on forever; there's literally so many reasons for someone to dislike me.

I sat down, the blonde started eating her food, while MaryRose gave me subtle glances that I took as judgement that made me honestly want to run away, go to the forest, become an hermit and die. Then Adria spoke up, breaking the silence "so, Mags, break is soon, are you going anywhere?" I stopped eating. Stopped doing everything. I didn't even realise the one one week break was so soon. My parents did mention a bed & breakfast recently, didn't they? "Umh, im pretty sure i'll just go to some b&b in the country side." MaryRose huffed "yeah, seems like you, going to a farm and shitty things like that." Adriana punched her friend's arm, "come on, Mary! Don't be rude!" MaryRose grumbled.

I didn't know how to feel about this... not at all. Adriana is so nice to me, and then there was Zhenzhen, who was weirdly hostile. Im not surprised, just weirded out.

[fleurs-de-magnolia]

The bathroom (EXTRA CHAPTER 4)

TW: IMPLIED SELF HARM

God, why isn't it that stupid girl impressed? Does she think she's better than me or something? Tch, she wishes... she's just an insect, yeah, that's what she is, a damn worm. I won't let her think she's better than me. I'll prove that im not some nobody.

The water kept running, I had everything prepared: the disinfectant, the bandages... aftercare is important, afterall. Just thinking of my scars getting infected feels icky to me.

I wiped the blood off, and then started the procedure. The disinfectant stung, but this is what I deserve. I deserve this for being so damn pathetic, and I deserve this for showing that so openly.

My phone's screen suddenly glows, Adria has texted me.

"So, that girl Magnolia is kinda silly, don't you think?"

Tch, yeah. Silly. More like irritatingly annoying.

I wrapped the bandage around my arm, then picked up my phone to reply: "she pisses me off, not gonna lie to you." I typed back, my hands trembling as I started crying again, sniffling hard as sobs came out of my throat before I could stop them. Then I put the phone on the sink, the screen facing down.

I am so tired.

[fleurs-de-magnolia]

The amusement park II (chapter 3)

MaryRose started dragging Adriana towards the inside of the amusement park, and I had no choice but following. For a second I thought of something bad. What if I ditched them? What if I ran away and stayed on my own? But I knew better. Mom would find out, and then i'd be dead and buried. I walked across the path of food stands and rides, I could hear Mary and Adria chatting, and suddenly the latter turned around and grabbed me by my hand "what are you so busy thinking about, eh?" What am I supposed to say? I can't just tell her the truth, can I?

"I-"

I took a deep breath. She seemed nice. This isn't bad. Nothing bad is going to happen, but even so, my hands didn't stop shaking... "I was just wondering what school you went to." Yes! Great lie! MaryRose and Adria hummed simultaneously, and ZhenZhen responded shortly afterwards with "we go to lycée Jeanne d'Arc. First year." Adriana nodded. "Ah- well, I also go to lycée Jeanne d'Arc... and im a first year." "Oooh! How come I've never seen you around before?" Adria piped up. How am I supposed to explain to strangers that I've been skipping school for days on end for god knows how long without looking bad?

"Umh... I don't really do extracurricular activities, so since we're not in the same class, I'd say its not too weird that we haven't met." I said, hoping this was gonna work and they weren't gonna pry into my business any further. Adriana let out a noise of understanding, she started speaking again, when MaryRose pointed at one of the games: shoot the bottle, where you have to, as the title explains, shoot down a bottle, and if you gain enough points you win a reward. I always lost at those games when I was younger, but mom reassured me they were rigged to get people's money. "You...want to play that?" My voice was hesitant, and I played with a lock of my hair, curling it around my finger over and over... I couldn't help it, believing something actually wanted to loose a game was insane to me; MaryRose soon responded with: "yeah? Do you have a problem with that or something?" She asked sternly, as if leaving no room for arguing, I shook my head quickly, and the redhead scoffed "tch, yeah, thats what I thought." She turned around to buy three turns of the game: three tries for the each of us.

Meanwhile, Adria eyed me with what I perceived as amusement, but said nothing. Mary turned back around: "so, who goes first? I want to be last." This was stressing me out way too much... I didn't want to be first, actually, I didn't want to play at all! People would see me fail and laugh at me, that's how it always goes. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth.

Adria raised her hand, and spoke: "me! Me! Lia will go second!" The girl immediately moved forward, grabbing the toy gun. She shot the first try, managing to make one bottle fall, then shot again, no result; one last try... nothing. Adria sighed "oh well, it'll be for another time." She grabbed the smaller price: a little teddy bear.

Now it was my turn... I took the gun in my hands awkwardly, then started shooting; first try, nothing. Okay, maybe it'll go better the next try; I shoot again, trying to take a better aim of the target; nothing. Umh, guess I'll only win one price...? I shot one last time and...

...nothing, yet again. I always sucked at taking aim, and at anything remotely sporty. "Its okay, Magnolia, we can play something else later!" Adria reassured me, and just as she talked MaryRose took the gun from my hands and I stepped away from the stool, she took aim and then shot: and made the bottle fall perfectly! I was in awe, how could someone be so good at these rigged games? She shot again, making the second bottle fall. Then, one last time, and she successfully shot them all down! The worker handed Mary a fox plush that was significantly bigger than the teddy Adria got.

The redhead handed the plush to her taller friend, then she smirked cockily, "poor little Magnolia, did you not win anything?" She laughed, Adria shot her a look of an emotion I couldn't quite identify. I felt like sinking into the ground and staying there, my hands shook and inside I felt like crying and letting it all out. But luckily for me, my face didn't show any emotion at all as I fidgeted with my hands, it was as stoic as a rock. Mary scoffed indignantly, then started walking away towards another ride. The dark skinned girl put a hand on my shoulder: "dont worry, she has nothing against you, she just..." Adria sighed "...acts like that sometimes."

Eventually, we reached the ride that was most popular within adolescents: the centrifugeuse de la terreur, ever since I was a child, I was always scared of that thing. It was possible to hear the people's screams from the ground. So imagine my shock when MaryRose stopped walking, and Adria suddenly pointed at it, exclaiming "we should go on here!" She smiled excitedly, and Mary gave me a quick look, noticing my discomfort, then shrugged "well, if that's what you want." I backed away slowly from the pair of girls, my hands holding eachother close to my chest. When Adria noticed she said "come on, it'll be fun!" She giggled, wrapping her arm around my shoulder "if crashing is what you're worried about, then don't worry! There's only about a 1% of possibility of us having an accident!" That didn't help my worries at all, then Adriana continued, sighing "well, if you don't want to, then I guess we'll just not do it..." my eyes widened, I felt very guilty because why were they losing their fun because of me? It'd be selfish of me to let them not go, so...

"We can go. Its okay." I reassured, taking deep breaths. Adria immediately cheered, "then its settled!" She grabbed both me and MaryRose by our arms to get the tickets. I spent the entire wait time with my mind running over multiple possible outcomes: everything could go well, but it could also go terribly wrong...what if there's a malfunction? Or if I scream too loud and they think im weird? I sighed.

When our turn arrived, I felt a shiver run through my body. Adriana, who had put the plushies we won in her tote bag, was practically shaking in excitement, while MaryRose seemed...unfazed, and yet she still wore that annoyingly arrogant smile on her face. We got into the ride, I was on the side, besides Adria, who was in the middle, while Zhenzhen was on the other side. The ride soon started, going round and round slowly, till it went faster. And even more fast, still round and round, sometimes going backwards, at some point I felt like throwing up all that I had for lunch, I looked to my side, and saw that the blondie was yelling her lungs out at every single time the ride went faster; and Mary wasn't any different, although it was clear she was trying to remain cool and not scream, she kept flinching.

When we got off I had to sit down on the bench closest to me, I don't care if that made me seem loser-ish, my head was spinning way too fast for me to function. Adria let out a disoriented huff, rubbing the back of her neck; "damn, that was tough..." then, I turned to look at Mary, who was basically trembling from how much she had been shaken up on that funfair attraction, not talking. Then she started laughing, punching the other girl's shoulder: "God! That was- so fucking cool!" I stared at them incredulously, I felt like passing out, and they...somehow enjoyed it? Gosh, this was weird...

Suddenly, I felt my buzzing from my bag, so while they talked about how cool the machine was, I took out my phone, and saw that my mom was texting me:

"Get out of there. Its time to go."

I nodded to myself, finally, it was over. "Umh, my mom texted me, I need to go, bye..." I said to the pair, who turned their heads to look at me. Mary gave me a side eye, while Adria waved her hand enthusiastically "alrighty! Bye bye for now, Mags!" I smiled softly, even if it seems like MaryRose is irritated with me, at least Adriana was nice, so I waved my hand back, and walked away towards the exit.