Wow, Tyrion truly is the luckiest motherfucker in all the land, huh? He just has to open his mouth and wax poetic, and they hand him another fucking Hand pin.
And we can’t have the citizens of Westeros voting in some capacity for the ruler they deem worthy (the mighty lords shat their pants laughing at the mere suggestion) and yet Ser Bronn of the Fucking Blackwater gets to be appointed goddamn Master of Coins and bestowed lordship of arguably the richest region of the continent?
I’m not even going to touch the resolution to the Starks’ storylines–Bran the Broken (nice touch, show; tactful), Arya the Explorer, and whatever’s going on with Aejon now. Or how they all had a chance to actually break the cycle of the “wheel” in Westeros but never fully committed to it. I may never.
As everything else is hot garbage, this is the only thing I’ll acknowledge:
Truly, we’ve been knew.
Long may she reign.
I've had a good six hours of sleep, but I still woke up pissed and huffing about the ending the show gave to Bronn. Damn it. Why does he get to have so much in the end? Because he walks with the gait of a pirate and cracks jokes? His position in the small council is 100% a Tyrion pitch, and now I'm also pissed that Tyrion was given such a huge say into how they were going to shape the future of the realm going forward. Why not Samwell? No Meera fucking Reed, but I had to sit through that bullshit with Tyrion dragging the chairs around and listen to Bronn's five-year brothel reinstatement plan.
And, really, Bran the Broken? What a fucking ableist nightmare. Tyrion just went on and on for eons about how Bran is the perfect choice for king because he managed to take back control of his destiny after falling from that tower and being crippled only to then hail him Bran the Broken in the next breath? WTF make it make sense. (Sidenote: I also don't buy that bull from Tyrion about Bran having the most interesting story when Arya and Sansa were sitting right there! No women in that writers' room, and it shows.)
I've seen a lot of infinitely better name options floating around here and on Twitter, and I love Bran the Winged or Bran the Raven. But my favorite is Bran the Rebuilder. Why not go with that, show? It was literally right there. Bran, being king, is at the helm of rebuilding not just King's Landing but also the rest of the realm after a series of wars and losses that tore it apart. Bran the Rebuilder is not only in line with House Stark's naming conventions; it also sounds hopeful and promising, fitting for the king who's going to lead the six kingdoms as they greet Spring.
