Floccinaucinihilipilification.

Let's dance.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I’m gonna lose it I was just getting my blood drawn and the first vein she stuck wasn’t producing any blood so she took the needle out and it didn’t bleed at all and I said “woah….I don’t have any blood” and she very seriously said “I doubt that’s it. I’m having an issue finding a big enough vein.”

She really thought I really thought maybe I’m outta blood.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

What I learned from this is a lot of medical professionals have had to explain to people they can’t run out of blood and live

[thycatsays]

And a real medical professional shouldn’t have to stick you multiple times to draw blood. 

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

In her defense, my doctor is at a teaching hospital, so there are always students, residents, interns etc. learning. The doctor or nurse or flabotomist asks permisssion for their student to practice on you, and I usually say yes unless I’m feeling particularly sick tht day and don’t want to risk exactly this.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Also I really took a blind shot at spelling phlebotomist huh

[habits-white-rabbit]

Flabotomist

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

You have to be nice to me I have a rare no-blood disorder

[awed-frog]

By the way, just in case this helps someone -

COOKING - creativity is okay

BAKING - stick to the recipe (you can usually adjust sugar content to taste, though)

BREAD - wait for the right weather conditions (or engineer them), be one assertive and self-confident motherfucker because dough can feel it if you aren’t, a blood sacrifice probably helps, trust the gods 

[thepioden]

PASTRY - your God is dead, the god of gluten and madness is risen, abandon all hope ye who enter here

[teacupfulofstarshine]

the great british bake-off (2010-present)

[velinxi]

Stop being mean to me I’ve got eyes and I’m not afraid to cry

[sireneta]

“I’m not used to being loved. I wouldn’t know what to do.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald (via help-n-quotes)

[keithsweatshop]

my kink is avoiding a popular song, riding out it’s popularity & over-saturation & then enjoying it during it’s decline

[art--felt]

I remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release that emotion packaged neatly within a tear. Everything made sense after learning that. That sudden stability of your emotions after crying. How crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. And it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally can’t hold on to all of it. So what I’ve learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely possible and that is living to the fullest extent. So keep feeling and cry often and as much as needed

[wishyroses]

SHIT WHAT

[teal-deer]

Also let yourself cry. It really is a biochemical release valve to dump out all the chemicals that make you feel stuff.

I honestly think one reason men in western culture have so many problems is that we don’t let them cry, and literally their brains get stuffed with all this crap that doesn’t have a release valve. Men, please cry. You’ll feel better. It’s ok. You are not lesser for taking care of your health.

[freewillandphysics]

This is why tears from different emotions look different under an electron microscope. They’re literally made up of different things. 

Happy tears are structurally different than sad tears than angry tears than overwhelmed tears etc.

[samthe-onion-nigga]

I looked it up, cuz that tidbit was dope to me and..

[skyakafreckles]

Never would have known

[lemonlyman-dot-com]

Ah yes, the emotions: grief, change, onion, humor

[ememely]

(wakes up at reasonable hour) (stays in bed for two more hours)

[drunkenssoldier]

(goes to bed at a reasonable hour)(stays awake for two more hours)

[whatamitoyou]

ah, the duality

[ants-are-fascinating]

When ants die, a few days later they emit oleic acid, which tells the living ants to dispose of their corpse.

A myrmecologist named Ed Wilson discovered this and dropped the chemical on a living ant. It was immediately carried off, despite the fact that it was still moving, and clearly not dead.

[periegesisvoid-deactivated]

“I’M GETTING BETTER”

[kuroba101]

Bring out your dead. Eh, close enough.

[glitterandgrunge]

IM NOT YET DEAD SIR

[lazorsandparadox]

You left out the part where the ant, believing HERSELF to be dead, stayed in self imposed exile in the ant graveyard until the acid wore off and she realized she was not supposed to be in the ant graveyard.

[silent-wordsmith]

@finite-experience, this seems like the sort of thing you’d like to see

[mister-christmas]

Ant 1: To the ant graveyard with you

Ant 2: But I’m not dead

Ant 1: You smell dead

Ant 2: Fair enough

[eric-coldfire]

Ant 1: “I thought you were dead.”

Ant 2, after acid wears off: “I got better.”

[ottermatopoeia]

Ant 2, returning to the colony: i lived bitch

[plant-folk]

The full rotation of the Moon as seen by NASA’s Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter.

[frogmp3]

she is WHAT? sickening

[lookskindadeadinside]

I’m not even kidding I teared up a lil

[eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2]

mom

[starshein]

This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen

[earthysuggestion]

if something makes you go ’!!!!’ inside it’s worth keeping around

[classysushi]

-Marie Kondo

[aromanticgcallen]

having an anxiety disorder is like having a dog that barks at intruders but also barks at nothing a lot so you’re always like. what is it boy??? what do you see??? what’s wrong?? like no. it’s nothing. nothing is wrong. my brain’s just a nervous puppy who yaps at the wind.

[blazeofgold-deactivated20190921]

I can stomach bro-type boys who actually are quite sweet and loveable beneath their bro exterior significantly more than like, guys who study philosophy and write “poetry” but beneath it all actually have the skewed moral compass and heedless self absorption of your common or garden bro.

[outlaw-queen-deactivated2018061]

chris evans vs james franco

[6i]

call me when your heart remembers.

[oamul]

Good bye 2018

[gen-zee]

I love how confused adults get with our humor and vine refrences cause like i just replied to my brother with ‘four female ghostbusters?? the feminist are taking over!!’ and he just screams ‘IM AN ADULT VIRGIN’ and my mom still has no idea what we’re talking about

[curiosityisfatal-deactivated202]

Sometimes I fear we accidentally created a new language

[gen-zee]

why fear it when you can embrace it

[wildlyunlikelybabe]

We actually have…an updated version. You know how the idioms we have are said but never finished because it’s assumed that as long as the person you’re talking to speaks the same language they’ll understand the rest?

Ie. Jack of all trades master of none->better than a master of one

Great minds think alike->but fools rarely differ

Over time the second half gets lost because it’s been passed down orally so some idioms meanings have been warped but that’s a different conversation (ie. “Blood is thicker than water” is actually “the blood of the convent is thicker than the water of the womb”)

Vine are like that for us. You only need say the first half and every person under 30 knows the second half, no context needed. It’s cool as shit how the internet has done that for us. Vine sayings have become idioms in a sense…

[gen-zee]

road work ahead??

[timbllr]

via weheartit

[silversarcasm]

*interacts with people*

*has to take a four hour nap*