deaths embrace
She was beautiful, more beautiful than a summer sunset, draped in lacey and quite revealing black clothing, her raven hair perfectly framing her elegant face. A mediocre man such as myself had no right to even be in the vicinity of such an otherworldly beauty, and yet here she was. She appeared before me like an apparition, wordlessly pulling me nearer to her, her violet eyes shone with an intense light that seemed to bore deep into my soul, to penetrate my very being. She appeared to be a young woman, deathly pale, but otherwise the image of health, and yet she stirred something in me, something ancient, and something primal. It was fear, fear in its most basic form, a fear that rose in me and gripped my very soul, urging me to run, to turn around and never look back at this terrible beauty that had manifested before me.
She seemed to be scrutinizing me, looking me over, silently judging me, coming too some unspoken decision that I could not even hazard to guess. I could hear the pounding of my heart, feel the blood pumping too my limbs as if my body were preparing to flee or fight.
“How do you find me?”, the question knocked the wind out of me, it had been the last thing I expected. How did I find her? I found her to be the most beautiful creature that I had ever been graced to behold. I found her presence both alluring and terrifying, I feared her,her ethereal grace and the feelings that were stirring in my heart.
“How do I… Find you? Madam?”, I rather stupidly mumbled the question back at her, unsure if my hearing was simply faulty.
“That is what I asked?”, there was amusement in her voice, and her eyes fluttered flirtatiously, my legs were jelly, so despite my instinctive urge to put as much distance as possible between us, I stood dumbstruck. My palms were sweating despite the cool fall air, my throat felt as though it were on the verge of closing up, and despite having just drank a considerable amount of water, my tongue felt like sand in my mouth.
“M’lady, I- I don’t understand your query.” Her eyes rolled and the flirtatious tone was replaced with a bit more insistence.
“You. I want to know how you see me. Do you find me beautiful; do you think you could love one such as me?” I could not pull my eyes away from her full lips, her voice was warm honey, and her eyes were divinity.
“I find you… to be the most beautiful thing I have ever been blessed to have set my eyes upon.”, I paused before remembering there was a second part of her question, “I-I don’t rightly know if I could love you”, a shadow came over her face, a flash of annoyance in her eyes, I rushed to finish my thought, “Only as I do not rightly know you yet milady, I know not your disposition nor your manner.” Her face softened slightly at this.
“I like your manner of speaking human,” she seemed to nearly levitate as she moved closer to me, she placed a hand gently upon my cheek and I felt a rush of intense cold and pure ecstasy shoot through my nervous system. “So tell me, what is it you would like me to be?”, again I felt myself at a loss for words.
“I don’t think I understand milady?” I was very nearly whispering at this point, I could not seem to gain full control over my voice. She moved her hand too my chest and again I felt that jolt of sensation that seemed to permeate even through my clothes.
“I am asking you, what you want me to be, I can be whatever your heart pleases. Tell me what form would be easiest for you to love, and that is what I shall be.”, her voice was tantalizing, I felt myself pulled even deeper into her seduction, I was utterly enthralled in her terrible beauty. I reached my hand out, hoping to touch her, hoping to confirm that she was more than some other worldly apparition, to prove that she was as real as myself. She caught my hand in her own and pressed it to her cold lips, my entire body was wracked with a pang of equal measure pain and pleasure, I had no idea what to make of it, I simply succumbed to the feeling.
“I want,” she continued in a near whisper, “you. And no one else, you are my chosen one, who will teach me the meaning of this word love.”, it was not a question, or at least there was no inflection in her voice to suggest that it was. She was smiling at me, and again that feeling of primal terror rose inside of me, but it was quickly quelled by the immense lust that had taken over my body at her touch.
“Anything milady, anything for you. You but merely have to ask,” I was cut off the feeling of her finger pressing against my lips.
“All I need from you is for you to say that you love me, to say them and mean them in your heart, and then I will be yours and you will be mine for all of eternity.”, such a seemingly simple request, and such a bountiful promise, and yet for all my desire I found myself unable to form the words. I believed that I could love her, I believed that I could enslave myself to her supreme beauty. But inside of me, that terror, that base fear that had been quelled so entirely by her seduction was fighting desperately to be acknowledged and it would not let me speak those simple words. Instead I gave a pathetic stutter, I tripped over the simple combination of sounds that seemed so easy a moment ago. She noticed this, and though she did not lose her composure, I could see that flash of irritation once more.
“Come now, am I not beautiful to you, am I not everything you mortals could ever wish for in a lover. I promise you I can be all of this and more, whatever it is you desire, whatever it is you crave.”, she gave me a smile that did not entirely reach those intense violet colored irises and leaned in to kiss me. The feeling of a cool summer breeze caressing warm flesh, of cool water gushing against parched lips, it was everything I had never known to want. It took me a moment to find my words again, she had stolen my breath away with her cold, soft lips.
“I…. I….” but the two little words refused to follow, and for the life of me I could not determine why. Surely I was in love, how could I not be, it was as though everything about her was designed to draw me in and hold me captive and yet… I could not say it. Her annoyance visibly intensified, and her eyes turned a darker shade of violet and seemed to glow even brighter. The wind itself seemed to turn cold, a chill began to set into my bones that I could not recall being there before.
“What is your name human?”, her voice was still gentle, but there was a tone of command that sat just below the surface. It was obvious that she had not expected my resistance, it seems we had both been caught by surprise.
“D-delion milady. Delion of White Orchard.”, that fear that had been clawing its way from the pit of my stomach was growing more and more powerful with the passing moments. Whoever this mysterious woman was, she was something that I had always feared, perhaps since my birth, without even knowing it. It was the fear born not of experience, but of instinct, an instinct passed by generations of humanity, deeply rooted in my very being.
“Delion of White Orchard. Do you know why it is the sunsets?”, I hadn’t expected this question and found myself stumbling inside my mind looking for an answer. “Or why it is the tides come in and out on the coast? Perhaps you know why it is the seasons come and go?”, I was still searching for an answer in my head, I opened my mouth to give some pathetic guess at any one of these questions but she made it obvious she was not looking for one.
“No. You do not know. Nor does it matter if you do, does it? Because these things are inevitable, just as I am inevitable. I do not know if you are actively trying to insult me, or if you are simply an idiot.” despite her insult she moved her hand to caress my cheek once more before forcefully jerking my chin upwards to look me directly in the eyes. “It is the height of idiocy to fight against that which is inevitable, whether you struggle or not, life and death will happen in our cycle. So I urge you, do not fight against the inevitable, you will love me, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but you will grow to love me. When is not important, the only thing that matters right now is that you say the words so that I can set about making sure the feelings follow them.”, the annoyance had vanished from her face which was now the picture of adoration and tenderness.
“I am sorry, I do not know what it is that-”, she cut off my hushed tone with another press of her chilled lips. She lingered there for a moment before once more pulling away and smiling down at me.
“All of these words are unnecessary my love, I only need to hear those three. Let me hear them, do not prolong my suffering, we could be together for all of eternity if you would only say. Those. Words.”, there was a slight desperation in her voice now, and for some reason that was the indication that made my fear finally take a hold, and when it did, something inside me woke up. In the place of that beautiful woman, that image of perfect and cruel beauty and grace. Stood a figure of half rotted flesh, of thin and sparsely rooted black hair crawling with maggots, teeth that showed through where lips had surely once been, cracked and black with age. The hand that was holding my chin was now bone and blackened flesh, she… it was not the woman I had seen. I yelled and fell backwards feeling myself slam into the unyielding ground, my mind was racing, I couldn’t understand what had happened. When she spoke again, that warm voice had been replaced by a sound that reminded me of tearing pages, of crumbling stone and the terrible sound of a death knell ringing through a church yard.
“My love? What has come over you? Am I not beautiful to you? Why do you resist me?”, she reached down with that decaying hand, my flinch was all the indication she needed, those still violet eyes showed a flash of understanding, understanding that I had seen through the form she had so carefully crafted for my benefit. This understanding was quickly replaced by a look of immense pain, while her face may have been mostly gone, there was enough for me to read that much. Before I could process this fully, fury took a hold of those decomposing features, the violet of her eyes turned a fiery red, and the cold wind become infinitely colder, biting into my flesh with invisible teeth.
“What… what are you?”, they were the only three words I could muster in my bewilderment, and unfortunately those were not the three words she had wanted to hear.
“I am the end of you. I am the end of all things that walk, swim, crawl or fly, of the things that grow in the ground and the things that dwell above and below it. I am the killer of kings. I. Am. The. Inevitable.” it was then that something inside of me fully understood the reason for the great fear that had risen inside of me at the sight of her, I had been looking at the face of Death herself, the primal fear inside of me was that animal instinct that causes the deer to run from the wolf, that makes the swallow fear the hawk, it was the fear of death's embrace.
“You reject me?”, through the rage that filled her voice, there was an underlying pain, the pain of an eternity of loneliness, “No. I reject you.”, she moved closer to me until she stood directly over me, insects falling from her mouth as she spoke.
“Please, let me be! I am a young man still, i’m not ready to die!”, my pleas were pathetic and tears had begun to stream down my face, I tried desperately to crawl away from her but she only advanced towards me.
“I reject you Delion of White Orchard. You need not fear your end. I will NEVER come for you. You will walk this world forever, you will never know the peace I offer.”, a feeling of strange relief swept over me. Knowing that I would not die that day, nor any day had a strange calming effect. “But do not think of this as a gift, no, you will be alone forever, you would not accept me, so you will have no one. I will take anyone who ever has or ever will love you. A day will come when you are weary of perpetual existence, when you grow tired of constant solitude, and on that day you will call out to me. I will come on that day, and on that day I will reject you just as you have rejected me. This is my promise to you.” And with that promise, Death herself vanished before my eyes, and I was left alone in the unseasonably cold air of that summer night.
Death has kept her promise well, I have walked this wide world for some 700 years, and I have indeed grown weary of it. I have seen every country, I have spoken nearly every language, I have met kings and queens, I have fought alongside great generals in wars that have been forgotten by time itself. I have met many great people and many terrible ones along the way, I have loved and been loved, and every time, without fail Death has returned to snatch them from my grasp. I have since given up on love, one can only lose so much before it no longer becomes worth it to try. I have tried to die many times over the centuries, all the wars, all the natural disasters, and yet I still stand.
Her prediction was correct. A day came where I called out to her, I had grown tired of existing, I sought only to die and be given rest once and for all, so I went out into the woods near where I first encountered her and I waited, calling out to her. Eventually, after three days and nights, she appeared before me in that beautiful form in which she had first manifested, but there was no tenderness in her face, when she spoke it was cold as the winds that bit my flesh on that night all those centuries ago.
“So the day has come. Ask me Delion of White Orchard, so that I may give you my answer.”, there was cruelty in her voice, she had been awaiting this day and she was relishing in my desperation.
“Milady, I beg of-”, she laughed, and it was the most bone chilling laugh one can imagine.
“I am not your lady, you saw to that long ago didn’t you Delion.”, she sneered at me but made no further interruption.
“Milady… I have walked this earth for 400 years…. I have seen empires rise and fall, I have seen you take everyone and anyone close to me. I beg of you… forgive me for my offense. I will love you” there was no laugh this time, only fury and sadness in her cold voice.
“I will not have your love wretch; I have no need of it any longer. You will find no sympathy from me.”, her fury was palpable, I felt as though I would be entirely consumed by it, time had done nothing to cool her animosity towards me.
“So you would leave me to suffer as I am? At one point you claimed to love me, is this your ‘love’”, I was angry, I had suffered for centuries over her grudge, and despite my prostration she refused to just let me die. She hesitated at this, those red eyes momentarily flashed violet once more before again being consumed with the glaring red.
“I offered you an eternity, you decided you did not want the one I offered, so I gave you another. You have only yourself to blame Delion” her voice had softened slightly though the malice was still undeniably there. I stood up now, I was fed up with that eternity, I wanted no part of it, I simply wanted her to take me with her and let me be at peace and I did my best to convey that sentiment in my voice.
“You can’t force someone to love you.”, I was pleading, with no regard for my dignity, “What you offered me was enslavement, an existence much like this one, but shackled to you for its entirety. That isn’t living.”
“Well now it would seem that you have had enough of your ‘living’ ”, '' she sneered, “ So now what? Now you come along to tell me that it took you 400 years to regret what you did to me. You think these centuries have been lonely for you? Can you even fathom the longevity of my own loneliness? Can you even begin to comprehend what it is like to be truly alone?” She turned from me now, and began to walk away, “Live on Delion of White Orchard, I’ll not take you this day, nor any other day. If I must carry on with no one, you will do just the same. Your punishment has only just begun”, and with this she disappeared once more, leaving me again with nothing but the cool air as my companion.
So my life carried on, a century later I made the bold decision to love once more. She reminded me so much of Death, beautiful beyond description, quick to anger, and yet her caresses were like heaven to me. I loved her, so much so that I could not help but warn her about my curse, and to my surprise she decided to stay with me. For some time I remained distant, always weary of the Deaths jealousy and the damage it had wrought before. But this time, she was not snatched away from me, instead we had a child, and for a moment all seemed right with the world once more, and I began to think that Death had decided to grant me some small reprieve from my suffering. I was a fool to think that.
It was two winters after the birth of my daughter Greyla, our little family had been thriving in London, we had plenty of money and food, access to medicines and doctors and yet none of this could stop Death from intervening in my life once more. My wife fell ill, extremely ill, and it was a matter of days before I found myself putting her in the ground, I thought I had grown used to loss, grown numb to its pain, and yet I was shattered at her death. Greyla soon followed her mother in Death, and I was once more all alone in this vast world but this pain was different. It was all encompassing, having had a taste of love and a life spent with two whom my heart was wholly dedicated to, when it was ripped away I became a shell of my former self. I did not eat for weeks, I holed myself up in my flat which now felt crushingly empty, it was then, in the depths of my despair that she came to me once more, Death showed herself to me.
“You cannot starve to death Delion. You know this.”, there was no malice in her voice, in fact it was almost consoling, and yet I could not help but feel intense hatred towards her.
“Yes. You have ensured that I will never be blessed with a natural end, my life story runs on, uninterrupted and unencumbered by mortality.”, I wished she would simply disappear and leave me alone once more, and yet she stayed.
“Do you want me to take you?”, her question stopped my heart, I didn’t dare believe that this was anymore then some bait that would allow her to open new wounds in me.
“And just why,” my heart had started again and it was beating several times louder than it had before, “Would you do that? Have you grown tired of tormenting me?”, I did nothing to hide the sarcasm in my tone and did all I could to emphasis the animosity in my voice. I wasn’t even looking at her, I did not want to see that beautiful face that had so often torn my heart to pieces.
“Yes.”, again I was taken aback though I still did not look at her, I simply stared out of the window in front of me, watching the people bustle about in the London street, ignorant to my suffering. “Delion of White Orchard, you have suffered enough. When I took that child from you, something inside me withered, I am Death itself, and yet a part of me truly died that day. So I have decided that if you would like, I can allow you to finally die and join me in the next life.”
“So that’s what this is.”, I was enraged now, I spun around to glare at her, “So I reject you in life, so your newest plan is to force me to love you in death. How dare you. How dare you even entertain the idea that I could ever love someone who has spent so much time making my life a living hell, and robbed me of my only way to escape it.”, I was going to continue, but I was shaken by what I saw in her flawless face. I would have missed it had I not been looking so intently at her, a single tear was running down Death's face. Death herself was shedding a tear, and that tear was for me, the sight of this solitary tear took my rage to incredible new heights.
“No. I think not. I think that it is your turn to be punished ‘my love’.”, I was beyond shouting, I was so angry that a strange calm had settled over me, and now my only desire was to ensure that she felt my misery. “I will never join you, I will accept this vindictive punishment you have inflicted on me. And I will never forgive you for what you have taken from me, tell me one thing. Do you love me?”
She wiped away the tears that had begun to trickle down her cheeks, “I do. So please, let me end your-”, I cut her off with a dismissive wave of my hand, I was not interested in her words any longer. She had the nerve to cry in front of me, I had cried until the tears would come no more, tears that she had caused, and yet she had the nerve to feel sadness.
“Then if you love me as you say you do, you will never forgive yourself, just as I can never forgive you. You will cry for me, and you will lament that you will never have my love. I wish only misery on you as you have given to me.”, the tears were streaming down her face but she made no sound, there was only a deep sadness in her eyes, a sadness so overwhelming that it was nearly audible. She said nothing, and with one last look of contempt I turned to once again look out the window onto the overcast London afternoon. I did not see her go, but I knew she had gone and though I hated her a part of me wished she had stayed just so I would not be alone once more.
And so, my eternal life has continued, I am still weary of this existence, there are times when I truly wish I had allowed her to take me to the next life, but no. No, I will never allow that, I will never allow her to think she has done me a kindness, she deserves to feel guilt, to feel as lonely as I do every waking moment of this cursed life. Sometimes she comes to me, sometimes she is silent, simply looking at me with sadness and longing in her eyes, other times she pleads with me to forgive her, to let her make amends for all she has done. It is tempting at times, and at times I feel pity for her, but in those times I remember the small child I had held in my arms, the little girl whom I had loved so deeply, and that pity evaporates instantaneously.
The funniest part of this whole story is that I realized that I had indeed grown to love Death, or perhaps my hatred had simply grown so deep and intense that I could no longer comprehend the emotion I felt towards her. The only thing I know for sure is that Death will never have me, she desires me, she wishes to have me, but she knows that forcefully taking me will never earn my forgiveness, and above all else that is what she truly craves.
