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@florenintosa
The other day, when I was looking for some Ballisticat stuff, I found some designs in the same box that I really liked. So I redrew them!!
Ta daaa!! What do you think? It has a color palette similar to Safari buuuut slightly different, a bit cooler.
Okay, gotta go now. Enjoy :D
🐞🐈⬛
The Totally Spies-ification of Adrien
Okay, it's been long enough that I can actually discuss how Adrien's slavery is depicted in the show without anger-fueled exaggerations and hyperbole. I want to discuss how Miraculous treats Adrien's slavery very flippantly and how it is, like everything in this show post-retool, all about Marinette. The show has a lot of stuff that hints that the writers intend for Adrien to be viewed a very certain way. I believe the writers made Adrien a slave for Marinette’s benefit and I will explain how I came to this conclusion.
I’ve joked before about how Astruc has worked on Totally Spies, “one of the kinkiest cartoons ever made”. I’d like to tackle this idea and how it relates to Miraculous more seriously. I’d like to tackle the topic of titillation and how it relates to how this show approaches slavery with such flippancy. My claim is that Adrien being a slave is not meant to be horrifying, which is why the story doesn't treat it as such; it's meant to be titillating.
I usually don't use Read Mores, since they can lead to broken links later, but this is really long. Strap in, folks.
EL GATOOOOOO
it’s the Friday the 13th therefore it’s officially black cat day!!!!!!
Going off on what you said in a previous post, I think his relationship with Emilie had a major effect on his psyche that bled into his other relationships. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see much of how it was , but there’s a lot to imply from what is said . Gabriel disclosing to ladybug about Adrien’s resemblance to his mother in dramatics— which could just be his dismissiveness of Adrien’s and Emilie’s emotional being . Adrien being isolated for years with only his mother for company . Which that in itself is concerning, I can’t imagine how toiling that would’ve been for him . There was definitely a lot of codependency there . AURGH I just wish they dived further into that , hopefully this season or the next ( doubtful )
Post in question.
Adrien's relationship with his mother should be SUCH a huge part of who he is.
Let's start from the obvious, his mom died less than a year before the show started. Her death is still recent. Adrien should still be massively affected by it.
This is not helped by here Werepapas showed us that there were long periods of time where Gabriel and Nathalie were gone and it was just Adrien and Emilie together. Keep in mind that Adrien wasn't allowed out to make relationships of his own. Emilie must've been Adrien's entire world for a long time, with the occasional guest appearance from Gabriel, Nathalie, Chloe and any tutors he had.
We also know that Emilie's decline was a long one. She was in a wheelchair years before she fell into a coma. That's not the kind of stuff you can hide from a child. So Adrien would've grown up knowing his mother has an incurable chronic health condition (possibly even suspecting it was terminal, considering she kept getting worse). That's not something that can simply be glossed over as a fun fact of his backstory. That had to have shaped a lot of things about Adrien's perception of the world.
There's also Emilie's emotional state to take into consideration. Dealing with a chronic condition isn't easy to say the least. It would take a major toll on her mental health, which would in turn affect Adrien a lot considering she's his primary caretaker and as stated before, she was the most significant person in his life.
Did Emilie have any friends? Confidants? People she could share her emotional burdens with? She had her husband and was close to Nathalie, but they were often gone. She had her sister, but she's all the way in London and we have no indication of how close they were. And even if she did have close friends, how much could they come visit and support when her health deteriorated and mobility became an issue?
All of that to say, there's a very real chance that the only person Emilie had that she could consistently lean on was Adrien.
Did that necessarily happen? Of course not. We don't know enough about their situation to say for sure anything. Emilie may have had friends she could rely on. She may have taken a lot of effort to not expose Adrien to that. She might've have miraculous coping skills and managed it all by herself.
But I would be shocked if Adrien wasn't exposed to at least some of that. Kids aren't oblivious, they pick up a lot more than you think. And Adrien is so empathetic that it makes a lot of sense he would pick up on his mom's distress and try to comfort her however he could.
Even if you're of the opinion that Emilie was a good person and a good mom, she was only a person at the end of the day. Would she really turn away comfort from her son when she was already dealing with so much? Would she notice if she came to rely on it a bit too much?
With Adrien's people pleasing tendencies and the way he defines himself by his relationships, he would actively go out of his way to comfort his mom. To the point he would take responsibility over her mental health the way we saw him taking responsibility over Marinette's mental health in s5.
But all of that isn't good for a child and can majorly mess with their emotional and social development.
There's a lot of talk about how Gabriel's parenting affected Adrien and messed him up, but realistically the entire situation with Emilie would've left him messed up even without Gabriel's abuse.
the delusions are overtaking me. pretty soon i’ll be writing fic from the pov of the gdv twin rings
you’ve already witnessed generations of cruelty and strife by the time you are placed on a chain around the neck of an infant. she is fussy and wild and nothing like the male heir that her parents would've scorched the earth for. still, she keeps you fastened around her neck like a promise—one that she only breaks sometimes, only when you hang too heavy and she begs her sister to take her place, just for a day, just so she can taste the freedom of running without anything knocking against her beating heart.
the girls are a pair, just like you. they joke about you—two rings, one future—and the wild one swears it's meant to be, because she cannot imagine shouldering her destiny alone. there is a reason the girls were born together, they decide. forged, like you, in the same flame. two rings, one future. two sisters, one life.
as they get older, they share your weight more evenly between them, the wild one increasingly shedding her lot in life like molted feathers. her sister steadfastly takes up the mantle—their future is a shared burden, after all—and you spend more and more of your days nestled against the quiet girl's collarbone. she traces your silver with anxious reverence—you are a promise, a promise to her. twin rings forever locked together. one life.
when the wild girl sloughs off her future for good, she takes you with her. you clang together against her pounding heart for the whole of her escape, and she doesn't slow down until she's gone. until she unstrings your twin halves from the chain and slides one onto her slender finger, one on his. she grins, tells her lover that you are a new promise. one that the wild girl has made to herself. the future is molten in her hands, it's whatever she wants it to be.
you travel with the hands of the wild girl and her lover as they stitch together a humble oasis, secluded from expectation. and when they grow bored of playing poverty, you graduate with them to stardom—with the lover's hand tracing grand outlines and cutting silken fabric and sewing neat seams. with the wild girl's manicured finger reflecting glistening gowns and camera flashes. still, no matter what he makes her, the wild girl's lover cannot make her happy. she buries her face in her hands and he holds her shaking frame. every part of you is wet with her tears. there is only one thing she wants, and it is something she cannot have.
but the future is molten, and desire burns hot. the hands that bear you now are used to fashioning life into something they want. so you join their grand search for satisfaction, tasting the salty air and thick dust of foreign lands. when doctors fail them, they seek mystics. and when mystics fail them, they seek the divine. you brush against the skin of a hunter, young and rough, who invests new blood into the search. the hands come up empty, always.
until, one day, they don't.
on the night you are changed forever, the air is charged with hope. your twin halves twinkle under candlelight. love and magic swirl together amidst sparkling laughter and bubbly champagne. lips press against you, folded into woven fingers, whispering words as fervent as a prayer.
and then—
and then everything is different. and then you are thrumming with life. and then there is a soul within you, wispy and delicate, just a flutter of consciousness. from your two halves are strung a lifeline, cords taut around the heart of a boy fashioned from magic and love.
the wild girl tugs your boy's lifeline like a puppet string, gentle enough to convince herself it's only a caress. it begins before he even tastes the air. kick for me, she whispers, twisting you with a careful thumb. I want to feel you. her prayer flows through you, strings tugging on your boy's fetal limbs until the wild girl grins at the life in her belly.
your boy, the coveted heir, is born far away from his grandparents' castle. far away from the humble oasis of his parents' youth. you brush against his lily-soft skin as he is brought into a world of harsh marble and bright lights. his squirming is calmed, his cries easily quieted. like everything else they touch, your boy is malleable in his parents' hands.
the lover—a father now, in technicality, but a lover before all else—carries you like a safeguard. he has fashioned finery with these fingers before, and now he'll wield you to fashion a son. he refines your boy like an offering, trimming the excess that hangs over the mold.
your boy grows taller and quieter, golden and careful. the molten star upon which the family hopes hang. not a prince, but an heir all the same, his inheritance is a heavy one. but all their tugging trains his muscles, and his smile stays intact. until it doesn't.
imbued with divinity as you have been lately, and witness to cruelty as you have been for much longer, you are familiar with the human impulse to play god. but no matter the lengths taken or the sacrifices made, you've learned that there is no one who can account for everything. and in the vein running through the wild girl's ring finger, you feel her pulse start to dip.
her decline is steady and wretched, a methodical deterioration of strength. you descend with her into baths of antiseptic and sweat. you rest with her brittle hand on the arm of a wheelchair. you tremble with her fingers against the wet cheek of your boy. when doctors fail her, the lover and the hunter do not bother with mystics. they barrel straight for the divine.
these years, you are split like never before. half of you waits, immobile, trapped with the wild girl—the stuck girl, dying girl, the mother—and your guilt-ridden boy within walls. and half of you leaves. over and over. you travel with the lover and the hunter everywhere, anywhere. wherever you go, desperation thickens the air. you are slick with sweat and blood. the hands come up empty, always.
when the wild girl's hand goes cold, you are laid with her to rest. artificial lights warm you both through glass, a flimsy approximation of life. but the only thing alive in your shared coffin is your boy's weary soul, heavy within you.
the half of you that remains upstairs with the living is clenched tight in the lover's fist. his grief is tactile, sharp. all-consuming. a heavy blanket that crushes the house, crushes the spirit of your boy until it's withered away to nearly nothing. when the lover pulls your boy's lifeline now, it's like the tightening of a noose. you rest hollow as a gravemarker, spanning the stories between life and death in this house.
when new magic thrums at the hollow of the lover's throat, you feel it resound in his bloodstream, humming beneath his skin. it feels like grief crystalized into something hungry and mean. it feels like hope.
the cruelty you witness in the next months is not shocking or special, not in the grand scheme of things. it is cruel nonetheless. you switch hands—from the lover to the trickster, your boy's soul twin. you brush once more against the skin of the quiet sister, louder now, having borne your promised future alone. eventually you are parted from the cold finger of that dead, wild girl, and for a time you find your halves spanned between the hands of the cruel lover and his hunter, who's resided with him all the while. you have held souls and futures and wedding vows in your bands, and now you hold something unspoken, volatile, crumbling.
at the end of it all, both of your twin halves are held victorious in the lover's fist. your boy's soul cries out, oceans away, tied up by more than just puppet strings. a knight clothed in magic puts up a valiant fight, but it is no matter.
the world is molten, and the lover shapes it into something he wants it to be.
in the aftermath, you lay cocooned in the palm of the young knight. terror rings out from her at the sight of you. the world, just reformed, hasn't cooled yet. in her hands, now.
on the day you first meet the finger of the boy whose soul your bands keep, the new world is in perfect bloom. roses sweeten the air and sunlight glints on your shiny silver. when you settle onto your boy's finger, it is the first exhale of a lifetime. his heartstrings rest, now, in his own hands, for himself alone to pull. this is the promise you hold now. but it is not the promise that the knight gives to your boy. her soft skin brushes lightly against you as she pulls your boy close and gives him a gentler promise, one that is easier to say.
you have been witness to cruelty and strife for generations by the time you are placed on the finger of a young boy made of magic and love. and you will be witness to more.
How do you think Adrien’s anger would come out if he wasn’t Cat Noir? Like when you look at it, we only really get to see Cat Noir as his anger outlet. I can’t remember him ever releasing his anger as Adrien. He just stews. So once his father is out of the picture and he doesn’t model anymore I wonder how his anger will present. Passive aggression? I doubt he’d be outright violent as Adrien- it’s just easier to do as Chat Noir because he’s a fighter/hero. But maybe sassier like he was with Scarabella or Ladybug in Season 1? Or would he just grow a bunch of pent up anger that risks turning into bitterness/resentment?
You are right about that, he does tend to use Chat Noir as an outlet for that. I'm gonna go with pent-up anger turning to bitterness/resentment, making his personality a little more similar to Felix's (though still not to that level).
Adrien has a few anger responses that he reveals in the show. Here is a list from minor response to major of what I've seen (I've been rewatching Season 1 to practice my French, so you may notice a lot of examples from there).
If you commit a minor offense that he feels is mostly harmless but either a) is serious enough he feels he can't stay quiet, or b) you repeat it enough, he'll privately confront you about it. He does this most obviously in Cameleon, and with Nino in Rocketeer, but he also does this in Anansi as Chat. Unfortunately, Chat's version -unlike Adrien's "gentle but serious approach"- is a bit too lighthearted so Ladybug doesn't realize Adrien is being serious and keeps pushing on his insecurities.
This is a polite tactic- going somewhere alone with someone who has hurt you so you can gently tell them that that wasn't right away from prying eyes. The private setting prevents them from being publicly humiliated by you saying that -no matter how gently you say it, it's still a rebuke and impolite- and it prevents you from being seen as a bad guy because no one can see your rebuke.
However, you cannot do it often or people will catch on, and this is not acceptable unless you are in some way a leader/mentor/Guardian to the person you're doing this with, and it can be stressful as it's very close and may turn into a confrontation -which is Bad.
Chat's version tries to mix this with humor to further soften the blow, which undercuts the "I'm being very sincere with you because this is serious" undertone these things have. (I personally headcanon that Chat thinks Ladybug is emotionally fragile on some level and tries to protect her both from her fear of failure and his "out of control" feelings)
2. The glare. Adrien gives whoever he's not happy with a dirty look or a look that makes it clear he's uncomfortable. He either does not believe that this is a big enough deal to protest and make a scene, or does not believe that saying something will change this behavoir, either because he said something before and was ignored, or he does not have faith that the person he's dealing with will change that behavoir.
The most common example is Adrien's non-verbal "please stop touching me"s with Chloe. He pulls away, looks uncomfortable, and gives every possible non-verbal sign of "I do not like this". However, it can be seen as late as Risk when Adrien is clearly non-verbally saying "I do not like this. I am miserable." Say what you will about Adrien not verbally complaining very often, but non-verbally, he is very vocal.
Granted, this is a kids' show that's animated so it's exaggerated, but he does use it a lot. In this vein, I've heard they had to cut down on a bit of animation with Adrien after season 1, and if so, then it's probably safe to say that if they hadn’t, he'd be EXTREMELY expressive non-verbally.
It's probably a good way for him to vent his uncomfortable feelings in a way he can frame as accidental. Shame it's easy for those who don't want to listen to say they don’t see it.
As a side note, my favorite instance is when he gives Gamer a death glare for threatening Marinette. He can't really say anything, because it's useless and probably do more harm than good, but gosh, he sure makes it clear he is mad.
3. The complaint. At this point, Adrien is not happy, and he trusts the person he's talking to enough to believe that if he explains that he's unhappy, the behavoir will change. This is less soft then the gentle call out, and can be public. He doesn't seem to like it in Season 1, but he can jump to it if he feels an offense is great enough (Kung Food, he thinks Chloe is being racist asking a Chinese chef to make her sushi) However, as seasons progress, he'll snap to this more often, more quickly. The important part is that they are clearly for the recipient to hear and generally and do not hold a malicious undertone. He's not upset yet. He's just unhappy.
4. The mutinous muttering. At this point, Adrien is starting to get genuinely mad. His volume is getting lower, and he's starting to get sarcastic, sometimes mean spirited. He's already warned you several times to stop, and now he's giving up on that happening. He doesn't seem to care at this point if he's heard or not, and he usually tries to leave after he's finished his mutiny.
5. Evasion: Adrien likes to leave and avoid when he's upset. If he thinks things can't be patched up, he'll make himself scarce. This can be done physically and emotionally.
6. Agression: When sufficiently angered, Chat tends to destroy or attempt to destroy whatever is most convienent. He does not appear to have any kind of rational thought when doing this and justifies this afterwards. This is expected because duh, anger, but it is often in a way that damages his goals.
Note: it takes A LOT to get him here, but once he's at this point, he seems to have no coping skills. During and after. Gabriel probably uses this to justify his comments of Adrien being too emotional. Adrien seems aware of this as his temper before this takes a lot of time and repeated incidents before he snaps, and he USUALLY tries to leave and avoid once he's trjly starting to get mad.
What are the biggest forms of psychological damage that Adrien is suffering from?
"Psychological damage" is kind of a wide term, but if I had to pick the most deep seated issue that would cause him the most trouble is that Adrien defines himself by his relationships to others.
Adrien obviously has low self worth, and the way he judges himself is by what he can do for the people around him. Not just the people around him in general, but specifically his main relationships.
In the show we saw him doing it with Gabriel, Ladybug and Marinette. If the show let Emilie be a character, he would've also had a similar relationship to her. All of those relationships affected how Adrien saw himself in a major way.
In fact, his relationship with Marinette very much reads as him no longer having a relationship to define himself by and so latching on to Marinette for that.
S4 was just a long arc of him learning he's not allowed to expect any sort of relationship with Ladybug. He's going to be just one more of her subordinates, and being anything other than completely okay with it is just him being sensitive.
At the end of s4 and during s5, we also see him getting massively disillusioned with Gabriel. For all that he's being blamed for not standing up for himself, he does try. He was already getting fed up with Gabriel and running out of excuses for him. To the point where at the end of s5 he calls Gabriel out for being a shitty parent.
With Marinette he falls for her for absolutely no reason we're given (even the statue scene doesn't explain the why) at around the time he lost those other relationships and after that he starts to revolve his entire life about being her boyfriend. To the point where he outright says the only future he sees for himself is as Marinette's boyfriend.
His entire subplot in Yaksi Gozen also show that. Adrien is very much the one doing most of the work in adrientte. Sometimes he even does all the work. However, in the episode he feels inadequate for not being able to do for Marinette those cool little gifts she does to him. Not being able to do this thing for Marinette makes him feel really shitty about himself even when he's the one holding most of the relationship.
The boy deseprately needs to learn how to live for himself rather than feeling he must earn his right to exist by being useful to others.
It’s okay to admit you have like a bunch of WIP because you have the attention span of a rock
在你的肺里燃烧
力竭
Hold on. Hold on, I wrote a Miraculous fic in the style of Disco Elysium and it was fun. It was great. Disco Elysium style is such a fun way to explore a character’s mindset.
Okay, so, Luka's mind would look like:
INLAND EMPIRE: Uh oh. >>> What do you mean ‘uh oh’? > This is fine. INLAND EMPIRE: You’ve done it. You stuck your hand inside the toaster. You pushed an electric appliance into the bathtub. The shape of your silhouette is traced with withering scrutiny for whatever stupid, incomprehensible decision you’ve made. Don’t look. It won’t phase you if you don’t look. > If I can’t see it, it can’t see me. >>> [Empathy - Formidable 18] Face it. EMPATHY [Hard: Success] - It’s the boy. The boy wearing the facade of Adrien Agreste. He is looking at you. Something is churning behind his eyes. Something intense. EMPATHY [Hard: Success] - Hate. Absolute, unadulterated hate. EMPATHY [Hard: Success] - You are standing between a hound and its delectable piece of raw steak. It is baring its teeth at you. HALF-LIGHT [Medium: Success] - It wants to take a bite.
AND THEN Félix’s would be like:
PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - Beside her, the tall man stood motionless. Although the whole of his body faced Ladybug, his eyes didn't. Behind the dark lenses of his aviators, he kept his sights somewhere else. You. HALF-LIGHT [Medium: Success] - Peepin' Tom, eh? Why don't you give him something look at? > [Authority - Basic 10] Intimidate him. >>> Now is not the time. VOLITION - Exactly. Why waste time on a needless display of dominance? It's not what Adrien would do. If you step out of line, your frail house of cards will crumble in an instant. You should stand your ground instead. Keep things civil. You've already gotten this far. > Ignore him. > "Is something wrong?" > [Suggestion - Legendary 20] Be Adrien. SUGGESTION [Hard: Fail] - Keep things civil? No problem. Adrien loved to keep things civil. You show off an Adrien-branded smile, the best of the best. Look at the eyes, the mouth, the seamless facial muscles-- pore free. Couffaine's eyes are now entirely fixated on you, but you keep smiling. You have nothing to hide, after all. HALF-LIGHT [Medium: Success] - His gaze envelops you like a fist. Your body tenses with dread. You shouldn't have done that. >>> [Empathy - Legendary 17] Does he know? > Don't panic. Keep smiling. EMPATHY [Legendary: Fail] - Even if he does, what does it matter? Victory is already within your reach, and there is nothing he can do about it. The prick probably thought he could scare you. He can try all he likes. > It's a checkmate either way. >>> What if he knows? LOGIC [Medium: Success] - If he knows, he'll tell Ladybug, the trust you built will break, and you will have to act fast. Call on Fetch, grab as many jewels as you can, and bail. If Ladybug detransforms too soon, a mishap occurs or you trip, well... HALF-LIGHT [Easy: Success] - (chuckles) You get fucked, mate.
As the one commenter asked, what do you imagine Adrien would be like raised by Tom & Sabine, both as a Senti and as a non-Senti?
He would have a lot less issues, but would also gain some totally brand new ones. Even as a non-senti.
Tom and Sabine are both pretty emotionally immature. They share their daughter's aversion to discomfort and are pretty bad at placing boundaries. Part of the parent's role is to model emotional regulation strategies and help the child process their emotions. But as Marinette shows us, they suck at that.
In canon Adrien already showed that he can develop many emotional regulation skills all by himself, so the same would apply here. He would learn to process his feelings on his own, and along the way he would learn that he can't rely on his parents to help him with that. Not because he can't get his parents' attention (as in canon), but because they're incapable.
So he would probably develop avoidant-dismissive attachment rather than the anxious-preoccupied one he has in canon. Meaning that instead of his abandonment issues and tendency to cling to his relationships, Adrien would lean towards being hyper-independent and avoid emotional intimacy. Tom and Sabine being so permissive and hands off with their parenting would also reinforce that.
That doesn't mean he would be a jerk, but rather that he would be very self sufficient, struggle asking for help and have his emotional walls pretty high. He probably won't be conflict avoidant like he's in canon, so he would be more willing to confront people if he needs to. I think he would still like sports and engage in them a lot for fun. He gives me the vibe of being a reserved kid who's polite and friendly with everyone but not close to anyone.
Adrien tends towards internalizing rather than externalizing, meaning his issues manifests more as anxiety/depression than as problems with his behaviour. The lack of a support network (in terms of people he feels comfortable being vulnerable with) makes me pretty certain he would develop depression, probably sooner rather than later. No one would really notice it, both because of said lack of people he can open up to and because canon shows us he's high functioning even while depressed.
He would be the kind of guy who seems to have a good life with nothing wrong until one you hear he killed himself which seems to come out of nowhere. (Not saying that he would be suicidal, but he did show some outright suicidal behaviour in canon like in Guilttrip.)
Senti-Adrien would be way more of a mess.
Part of Tom and Sabine's permissive parenting style is that they don't have any expectations from their kid. That would fuck up Adrien bad. How can you be what someone wants you to be if they don't want you to be anything? There are no expectations for him to latch onto and try to fulfill.
He would develop a lot of anxiety as a little kid over it. It would feel to him like he's stumbling around in the dark with no indication of whether what he's doing is right or wrong, but it would feel like everything he's doing is wrong simply because he didn't manage to find the right answer yet.
As he grows up he would gravitate towards people who have a rather specific image of who they want him to be. Which would not end well, considering the type of people who do that are generally not good at caring what the other person want. I see of string of a lot of toxic-to-outright-abusive relationships in his future, which needless to say won't help his mental health.
He would have to luck out on some really great friends who are both willing to put in the effort to break through his emotional walls and have at least some expectations of him to not trigger his anxiety and send him running for the hills. Otherwise, I don't really see him having a happy ending. Especially because the problem is rooted in senti psychology in such a way that a lot of treatments for humans would make things worse for him.
It's kinda hilarious how both Adrien and Marinette could have turned out so much worse if they were given one another's lives.
Unfinished wip of Celeste cat
她把手放在他的肩膀上,说:你看起来好累,cholerin,睡吧,明天我们还要去见我的祖父。他盯着妻子的头顶,上面长出天使的光圈。似乎是已死的殉教者的象征,天使。她的手抽离了他的肩膀,拍了拍,那是一种表达友爱和敬重的意思,她一直以来都是如此的,笑着揽着他的手臂,把手放在他的肩上,自豪或同情的安慰着他。她好像从来没有把他们之间的接触向欲望这方面走去,从结婚开始,他们对彼此有亲情,有友情,有互相扶持的、同甘共苦的遗憾和对未来稀缺的期待,却唯独没有爱情,这是一件很奇怪的事情。他们甚至已经考虑到要有一个孩子,他们已经准备好孩子出生之后的教育和学校,甚至考虑他们搬到加利福尼亚,甚至幻想他们在他定制的香槟游泳池里面喝马丁尼,醉生梦死的享受他们法国式的虚无。而adrienne会把金色的头发剪的像黄金时代一样的短,然后他会给她买最好最漂亮的珠宝和首饰,像挂在圣诞树上的装饰在每个夜晚都让他感受到家的温暖,他会买她想要的游戏然后再一次次争锋里胜过她,chlorin想,他们要去好莱坞,让所有美国人去见见他的adriennita 他的adrikines,嘲笑他们把所有的美人聚在一起,都比不过他怀里和他一起长大的活生生的维纳斯。可adrienne把这一切的幻想都砍断了,他们之间没有爱情,adrienne不爱他——或者说她用她安静的灵魂呵护着他,而不是毫无廉耻、疯狂而毫无保留的用闪烁着恶毒和邪恶之光的爱欲爱着他,她不贪图他的肉体和财富,她甚至不贪图他的灵魂,她只是看着他、感受他,把他纳入自己的身体里,然后把他当做自己被割出来的并不成熟的分裂的另一半对待,他懊恼的躺下来,看着他的妻子的金色长发,像一卷裹尸体用的棉布,停在他的小腿上。
荒谬至极。他们之间的爱情是虚无的主义,是杜松子酒,是他日记本里的母亲,是他得到餍足的心,是他懂得一切并不能想他所想的一样时的愤怒一样:空洞的像地核,把他该有的那些都烧成了灰烬。她就是那簇灰烬。