ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ restless - yang Jungwon⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡
ꕤ warnings: angst!! mentions of blood, arguing. I think that's it (I hope)
ꕤ authors note: kinda made myself cry while writing this, the music I was listening to probably didn't help but oh well. I've never written full angst before so wanted to try, I do think it could have been better but oh well! I left it on a sort of cliffhanger, and I guess it's up to whoever reads this to decide how you want to end it? I knew it was gonna be hard for me to write something cheery and lovey dovey with the mood I was in so I'm leaving it up to you!! I hope you all enjoy and all support is greatly appreciated! ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶
˚⊱🪷⊰˚ currently listening to: ordinary things - ariana grande ˚⊱🪷⊰˚
Arguing between Jungwon and you was rare, but when it did happen they were on a whole other level. Screaming, crying, slamming doors, the whole thing. It was messy to say the least. You hated it. You two had argued early hours of that morning, it was about something stupid and you couldn’t even really remember what. He was screaming at you out of frustration from something he caused and you just screamed back, he kept just adding more in, telling you that you weren't doing enough, and that he tried the hardest in the relationship. That hurt. You gave your all to this relationship, he was your world and you did everything for him. You didn't understand how he could say such things.
He had left for work angry, and you had left crying, what a way to start the day.
Work was grueling, you wanted nothing more than to just go home and sleep for the rest of the day. Your emotions were running high, you were tired and had a headache from all of the shouting. You were worried about Jungwon, he never took these things well. You knew he would probably go out after work, go drinking, try to clear his head, but if anything that just riled him up more. He would come home screaming yet again about something until you would finally manage to calm him down and you two could have a civil conversation and sort it out. You were the peacemaker, and honestly you were dreading it.
Your lunch break finally came around, you got up from your desk and headed to the small communal kitchen. It was quiet, the ringing of phones and constant background chatter finally stopping. Peace and quiet, just what you needed. You sat at the small circular table in the corner of the room with your lunch, it wasn't much, just something you had to throw together this morning. It was boring, you missed Jungwon, you hated fighting with him but he could just be so angry that you had no choice but to fight fire with fire. You kept telling yourself that he didn't mean the things that he said but he was starting to make that hard to believe. You wanted things to be civil again, but you knew it would take a while. You had zoned out, just thinking about him, thinking about how he held you, how he would kiss your forehead and call you sweet names. Junwon could be like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde sometimes, he had this angry side that just came out of nowhere and would blow everything up. You just had to give him time, and then maybe he would come around again.
The house was quiet, each room dark and empty. You had no idea when Jungwon would be home and to be honest you weren't even betting on him coming home. All you could do was get on with your evening. You threw off your heels and chucked them into your wardrobe, and then your blazer, your suit trousers and finally your blouse. You grabbed your pajamas from under your pillow and changed. It felt good to be home, no matter how empty or quiet, you could finally sit in your thoughts without a disturbance.
Time passed painfully slowly, Jungwon still wasn't home. It was 9pm and then 10pm. You started to worry, he was probably at a bar but that feeling that he would do something stupid ate away at you. You watched the clock until you couldn't stay awake anymore, your tears made your headache insufferable. You just couldn't take it, you couldn't understand why he would do this to you knowing how much you would worry. This was his way of being petty and it was just cruel, he knew that and yet still he did it. Whatever, he didn't deserve your worry. You stood up from the sofa and headed towards the bathroom to get ready for bed.
The front door was pushed open angrily, Jungwon, you spin around immediately. “I was so worried” you ran towards him “where have you b…” he doesn't let you finish before he pushes straight past you and barges into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. You just stood there, mouth open in shock. That stung, you didn’t think he could get any crueler but you were proven wrong.
You stared into the mirror in the bathroom, more silence. You picked up your toothbrush and started brushing, you pressed harder, and harder without really realising until you spat out the toothpaste and it was tainted with red, blood streaking though the white foam. The tang of metal filled your mouth, and you quickly washed it away with water. This was destroying you, he had never been this bad before. Normally he would come home and you two could talk about it, but something was different, he wouldn’t shake it off and he was letting it get between you two.
He lay on his side of the bed, practically falling off the side. He couldn’t get any further away from you if he tried. Another sting. He was doing this just to hurt you and you had no idea why, he had started the argument that morning, he was the one shouting about nothing, he was the one yelling hurtful things, this was because of him and yet you were taking the brunt of the pain. It wasn’t fair.
You slipped into bed, the sheets were cold and unwelcoming, you couldn’t even feel Jungwon’s warmth.
Warm, salty tears slipped down your cheeks. You tried to stay as quiet as you could so as not to wake him, but occasionally your breathing would catch and you would make that stifling sound like choking.
You watched the clock, the hours dragged on 1am, 2am, 3am. You still hadn’t slept, you still hadn’t stopped crying.
Jungwon stirred, his breathing quickened, “y/n?” his tone was worried, he moved closer to you and flicked on the light on the bedside table, he touched your arm gently. His hands were warm against the coldness of your skin. You didn’t answer him, “Y/n? Baby?” he tried to get you to face him, you pulled against him. He didn't suddenly get to play hero after the hurt he had caused you all evening, you didn't want to give him that satisfaction, he deserved to hurt the way you had hurt. But all you really wanted was from him to hold you, to kiss your forehead and brush your hair out of your face, for him to whisper in your ear that it will all be ok and that he’s sorry. “baby please talk to me, look i’m sorry… I was angry?” his voice was breaking, you scoffed,
“...how dare you Jungwon, I wanted nothing more than for us to talk it out and yet you wouldn’t even acknowledge me.” your tears caught in your throat, “you don’t get to suddenly act like you care when it suits you. It's not fair” you still didn’t turn to look at him. “I’m sorry baby, I really am.” he was still tugging at your arm, you gave in and turned to him. Your eyes were bloodshot and sore, your face tearstreaked. His face dropped, “god baby, im so sorry, I didn't mean for it to go this far.” he held your face and wiped the tears that were running down your face, “and yet it did go this far Jungwon, and it was you that caused it to go this far.” you were blunt, you had to be. You had always been the one to resolve things and apologise even when it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t want to do it anymore. He had gone too far this time.
You didn’t know what to say to him, he was looking at you expectantly as if you were just going to forgive him right then and there, but you couldn’t.
After a while, you think he realised that. He didn't say anything more, he just pulled you in. You were too tired to fight him. “I'm sorry, you don’t have to say anything. We can talk in the morning…” his arms wrapped around you, warmth cascaded over your skin “please just try and sleep my love… I won’t let you go this time.”
Honestly, you didn’t know what to do. Was it finally time to let him go? Or would he really realise his errors this time? You stayed silent, you would figure this out in the morning. So for now, you let him pull you closer, you let him kiss your forehead and brush your hair out of your face, maybe for the last time.
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