Means he won right?! It constantly runs through my mind. He doesn't care anymore, so why do I? Why do I feel like the fucked over one? Could I have done something? Should I have just hit him back?...
Its getting better...some days, I'm happy or atleast I think I am. Everything I've done in the past few years was for me and me alone. I'm proud of myself, but I do miss some things..the blade running across my arms and legs. Feeling the relief run out red. Most don't understand unless you've tried it. Now I just punch things, brushing knuckles and whatnot.
I don't want to feel like he won, none of it clearly affected him as much as it did me. I mean fuck, I couldn't move properly for a week, had his knuckle imprinted into my stomach, but it was my word against his...what proof did I have?! I didn't bruise for a few days and could just feel where he had hit me. I'm not weak, just soft as it's been put. Over emotional I guess, affected easily by dumb people and their dumb actions.
I'll slip for a while again then I'll be fine, but how do I move on when it clearly runs through my mind whenever it wants?