The way he looks at you with a heartbroken and apologetic gaze breaks whatever is left of your heart. You stare back because you refuse to leave without an explanation. You want to know what destroyed you. You want to know why you don’t deserve a fairy tale ending.
“I could have loved you. I really could have,” he whispers with such a deep regret that you don’t think you could find anything as sad, even in the depth of the unexplored oceans.
You wish he could leave it at that and leave the topic unfinished. You wish that you could leave the situation. You wish that you never struck the flaming match to this unfortunate conversation. You wish that he would close his mouth and stop looking at you with those warm brown eyes, that are ironically making you feel cold.
You wish you don’t love him. But you do, unabashedly, and he continues because none of your wishes come true when it comes to this boy.
“You’re beautiful and smart, and I could have fallen head over heels for you. I could have love you enough to go blind, but..”
You wish he would not finish that sentence. You wish he does not look away as he trails off and gulps. You wish he was brave enough to look at you straight in your eyes just as you have had, always.
You wish he was brave enough to love you back.
“But if only I hadn’t met her. I’ve left her waiting and I don’t want anyone else. It’s her.”
His soft laugh is out of infatuation—he always smiles slightly when he talks about her, even when he’s in front of you. He doesn’t know how much it hurts. You wonder if he even cares at all.
Your soft laugh is out of frustration—all you’ve been feeling these days when you’re near him. Your laugh is bitter, shattered, and resigned. You’ve given up.
He was never yours to have, never yours to fall in love with. How cruel things are—giving you the apple of your eye when autumn is over, the orchard is closed, and you realize that your apple has been rotting for weeks after the fall harvest.
You wish you were brave enough to stop loving him. On some days, you will forget about him. Some days you will remember how you were before you met him. Some days you will stop wishing you were her.
But right now you wish he would chase you down after you as you walk away from him, white banner and all.
But none of your wishes come true when it comes to this boy.
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