I’ve been gone a a while - 7 years I think. Life happens, and my life in the past years changed a lot. I changed a lot. The last “era” I was active was Fantastic Baby, so needless to say, I’ve been missed out a lot, I think. So I don’t wanna call myself a dedicate VIP anymore, even though, deep down, I know I am still a VIP.
Even though I’ve been gone, I still occasionally listened to BIGBANG songs. Their musics never disappointed me, and never will. I knew about BANG BANG BANG & Flower Road. I knew about GD’s Untitled. I didn’t follow every single news / rumors / whatsnot about them anymore. But I still knew about TOP’s “scandal”, Taeyang’s wedding (who would have thought, but he really got married first!), GD’s rumored girlfriend(s), (and why Daesung love life is still a mystery???). And of course, Seungri’s betrayal.
I just had a long holiday with the goal doing nothing but rest & relax (because I had a hard time at work lately), and for some reason, I started watching all BIGBANG clips. I watched more of the old ones, those I knew by hearts the contents. And some brand new videos (to me). The more I watched, the more I felt myself being back to those days when I was a dedicate VIP. And I truly feel hurt, for where all VIPs are right now, including me.
Why do I call it “betrayal”, not “scandal”, because to me, it is betrayal. What I read was so true, “he may have single-handed destroyed the BIGBANG legacy”. I watched BIGBANG’s legendary performance in MKMF 2007 and 2008. I watched how Jiyong & Taeyang talked about their dreams & passions for musics. Then particularly which was brought up and spread so fast these days, I watched how Jiyong and Seunghyun were so worried about “Seungri’s circle” and how he drifted away from the passion for musics. It’s true that since GD, Taeyang, TOP and Daesung, they have their own foundation and career now, so it’s not like we won’t see them anymore. But we might never see BIGBANG anymore. That is what I can’t stop thinking.
I was gone, but I have a promise with some of the fellow VIPs that I was very lucky to befriend with, that when BIGBANG came back as 5 and do a concert in Seoul, I will join them. I attended 1 BIGBANG concert and 1 GD concert, but not in Seoul, and since I knew how wonderful it felt to be at their concert, I made a promise to myself and my VIP friends that I would join a Seoul concert with them. Now, that might never happen? I don’t know how they will sing BIGBANG songs again without him? Technically, they can, but, do you think they will?
I can’t help but wonder that Jiyong thinks. He’s getting skinnier and skinnier than I can imagine (yes I am a GD stan, and will forever be so). He cried during Yongbae’s wedding, and that really warmed my heart (because I also stan GDYB, and forever will do so as well). So he’s still the emotional shit I remembered. I don’t hope for him to feel ok, because I know it’s not. I just hope, or actually, a bit...anxious? to listen to his next songs. How much heartbreaking they will sound?
The fact that Seungri immediately left the entertainment industry, it said everything. Personally, I thanked him. Because at least, eventually, he still thought of, and thought for, BIGBANG.
I’ve been replaying Lies & Haru Haru for the whole day, and I just feel...sad, you know.
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