Fly Café Bistro

So sly, so fly.

[flycafebistro]

This carpet company owned by a hypothetical male human.

[flycafebistro]

Love & Quidditch

[flycafebistro]

#worldemojiday - my life was complete when I could text a smiling poop.

H | 17 July 2015

[flycafebistro]

A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips... but a moment on the lips is so worth that g.d. cupcake.

H | 17 July 2015

[flycafebistro]

That day you drink your daily coffee and your stomach is like, 'NOOOO'

H | 17 July 2015

[flycafebistro]

H: I was just thinking about unbuttoning my pants when I get in the car.

M: There's a very specific kind of relief in the unbuttoning of your pants after a long day.

H: Take off the bra too and I'm golden.

[flycafebistro]

Interview Preparedness

M: Do you think I need to bring anything for the interview tomorrow besides my resume?

H: Dat booty.

[flycafebistro]

M: Honestly Spotify, do you really think I'm the target audience for an ad about a single called "Errrrbody"...? I'm listening to Mozart for Pete's sake!

H: You're such an old soul.

[flycafebistro]

M: Talk about coming on too strong. Sheeeeesh.

H: He's like bad glitter perfume on a 16 year old who just grew boobs.

[flycafebistro]

H: When I meet people who, "just don't like cake that much," I know we won't last long as friends.

M: Right?! "I'm not really a dessert person." Well i don't want to be friends or associate with you.

H: Ugh. Who says that?!

M: Nobody I still know.

[flycafebistro]

Let's face it, boobs look better with hard nipples.

H | 12 August 2014

[flycafebistro]

H: I had a headache for a while yesterday and my back hurt.

M: Is your office chair comfortable?

H: It's not uncomfortable, but I'm not like excited to sit in it ever.

[entertainmentweekly]

[flycafebistro]

M: Have you seen Weird Al's new video Tacky? H: Yes! He is soooo old. M: So so old. And basically his face looks like a skull. Why bother having skin.

[flycafebistro]

My Uterus is an Asshole

M: Hiiii! How was your weekend?

H: Heyyyy! It was lazy. I was tethered to a heating pad for most of yesterday because my uterus was being an asshole. How was yours??

[flycafebistro]

H: I LOVE Laura Prepon, she's super hot! I don't want to be mean... but can we take a second to discuss her bottom teeth?!

[flycafebistro]

H: There needs to be a word for looking at blogs so as not to confuse with writing them.

M: Yes, "blogging" infers writing rather than just viewing.

H: It needs to be one word…"blogurfing"?

M: That sounds like a word to describe barfing up yogurt.

[flycafebistro]

We went on a hike for my birthday because I was sad about my age and wanted to be in nature.

H | 3 June 2014