자 돌아갈 곳은 어디

백재윤 / 24. public gold star trainee.

[fmdjaeyoon]

fmdjeonghwa​:

“i don’t think it’s embarrassing to have a fan. it’s fun, like when you’re at a convenience store and the clerk is, like, oh i know you. i feel proud.” to be fair, the dj wasn’t playing lucid songs right now, but jeonghwa could still be proud of her friend, especially if they weren’t going to be proud themselves. “besides unity is a cool group and you guys have cool songs. great thing to skate to.” unity’s b-sides were a lot more skate type music, though. imagining herself skating to songs like boss -well, it’d be funny. she cut in her own thoughts with sudden recognition of what sunghee had said to jaeyoon. “and no fighting, dummies. it wouldn’t be a fair fight here if you did.” her look turned more to sunghee’s helmeted, knee padded self in front of her, considering they were the weak link in that never-would-happen altercation.

“anyway, like i said it’s not hard when you’ve got the momentum. that’s why i enjoy it. and it looks cool. okay-” jeonghwa steadied herself on her wheels, bent down a little for more stability, and then held out her other hand, fingers flexing inwards as a grabbing motion, “gimme your other. i’m not gonna take you far so you can grab the wall if you get too freaked.”

“Oh, no, Sunghee is embarrassed to be famous,” Jaeyoon smiled, teasingly. He kept their voice as light as possible, making sure to emphasize the joke behind it so as not to make Sunghee think he was truly mocking them. It was just some light-hearted teasing. It was fun to pull on Sunghee’s metaphoric pigtails a little bit, if only because the younger’s reactions were always solid. “However will their life go now that Unity is a what? Million seller? Double million seller? Shit, we’re truly in the company of a millionaire here, aren’t we?” He turned the question to Jeonghwa, raising his eyebrows. “Being friends with famous people is so fucking weird, man.” Jaeyoon barked a laugh at Sunghee’s comment, only made worse by Jeonghwa’s added point. “I wouldn’t hit Sunghee, come on, I’m not heartless.”

Jaeyoon watched as Jeonghwa helped Sunghee around. It made him think of the time he tried teaching Jaeho how to skate, but his brother wasn’t half as interested in it as he was and didn’t really put any effort into learning. Sunghee seemed to be trying at least, and Jeonghwa looked much more patient than Jaeyoon could ever be. He sighed out loud, playfully skating backwards as the other two took their time. “I thought you knew how to ice skate.” 

[fmdjaeyoon]

fmdjoosung​:

nothing about this trip was how sung would have planned it -down to not wanting the trip to have been planned at all, or at least he’d rather if it was planned with a different group of people- but that didn’t mean he could complain and it would all go away. this was his life now, and he had to make the best of it.

making the best of it also meant not ignoring the problem and hoping it would go away. up until then, that’d been the point he’d been worst at. in the baby steps recovery booklet, this was step one. in their dance class’s short break period, instead of making his best attempt at networking through a language barrier like he had been, he grabbed his water bottle and took a seat next to someone… someone he wasn’t sure yet how to describe. “hey.” sung tossed a glimpse of a smile in jaeyoon’s direction, then took a gulp of his water. when he closed it, he left a pause, a few seconds to gather his thoughts before, “i’ve been meaning to ask you, what got you into dance?” commonality, a good place to start.

@fmdjaeyoon​

Ever since Jaeyoon and the rest of the Quicksilver members stepped down in the US, Jaeyoon had felt his mood worsening by the second. Not because of the country itself — he didn’t have any strong feelings about it, either for or against it, besides thinking their fast food tasted rancid — but because the language barrier was something he found hard to navigate. Jaeyoon never really thought he was going to leave South Korea for any reason, much less because it would be part of his life as an idol, and the couple of years of English lessons he’s gotten from Gold Star weren’t making it easy for him to carry conversations. He could, at best, understand the dance teacher and follow some of what people said, but that was it. 

For someone who enjoyed interacting with people, having that taken away from him made Jaeyoon feel like shit. Not only that, but also deeply embarrassed of yet another reminder that his background was vastly different from the others’. So he was cranky, snapping easily at anyone who spoke to him in a joking manner, walking around with earbuds in so no one would attempt to speak to him. But that was impossible during class, when the person who thought best to completely ignore Jaeyoon’s existence most of the time decided to speak to him. It was only years of having it drilled into him that he was expected to respect people older than him, the still vivid memories of all the times he was punished for not doing so, that kept Jaeyoon from snapping right away. 

“Musical theatre did, my mother is a seamstress and I grew up in theatre, took dance classes with the company then started dancing in studios,” it was a typical story, Jaeyoon thought. He hadn’t cared for dance as the art form that he thought he was best at, but his years as a trainee had apparently shaped him into a much better dancer than he ever expected to be. “You?” He added the question as an afterthought, as if remembering it was expected of him to be polite.

[fmdjaeyoon]

fmdtaejoo​:

Taejoo wondered if it should be easier for him to talk to his group members. Even with Jaeyoon the member who he should arguably have the most in common with he felt like there was a bit of wall. Taejoo just didn’t know how to overcome the awkwardness between the four of them. It felt like it was practically insurmountable at this point. So he was a little bit surprised that Jaeyoon had reached out to him. But grateful all the same.

“Yes, I think so too.” Taejoo agreed, as he took in the purple and green unicorn that Eunhee was coloring. “Purple is my favorite color, you know.” Taejoo added earning a bright smile from the tiny artist. Eventually though, Eunhee became absorbed in her coloring seemingly unaware of their presence with her. Jaeyoon’s question caught him a bit off-guard. “I-I think so?” Taejoo wasn’t having a bad time at least. “I haven’t really been around kids a lot…” He admitted.

Jaeyoon liked to believe that if he had managed to befriend people in the army, then there was no way he wouldn’t manage to at least have a civil relationship with his members. They couldn’t possibly be harder to have conversations with than a bunch of straight guys whose only source of entertainment was watching girl group videos, right? Jaeyoon wasn’t holding on to a lot of hope when it came to Joosung, but Taejoo seemed like a chill person. They ought to bond over them being both the new guys. 

“Oh, yeah?” Jaeyoon felt a pinch of pain on his back, adjusting his seating position and trying to settle Eunhee on his lap in a more comfortable way for the two of them without messing up her coloring. When she didn’t voice her complaint, Jaeyoon believed he succeeded at it. “Are you an only child or a younger sibling? I have a younger brother who’s like, ten years younger than me so I practically raised him. I enjoy kids because of that, I guess. They are cool, better to deal with than adults. Especially when they are cute and sweet like Eunhee here, right, Eunhee?” The girl ignored him completely and Jaeyoon barked out a laugh. “Well, I tried.”

[ortali]

Minho ~ [SKZ SONG CAMP] Howl in Harmony Ep.05

[fmdjaeyoon]

hello !! i’ve been wanting to have some quicker interactions with my characters in the form of text threads. so if you give this a like i’ll write u a text starter from either jaeyoon, chunhwa or sunghee :D 

[fmdjaeyoon]

fmddowoon​:

dowoon stood squarely in the doorway of the orphanage’s big playroom, behind the staff who were in charge of getting all of this out to the press, and the staff who were there to make sure the kids were okay, for a long time. as long as his manager would let him get away with, before his hand clapped down on dowoon’s shoulder, insisting he cross the threshold and get to making nice. why he couldn’t just do the dogsitting volunteering and be done with it, he didn’t understand. 

whatever. his legs were killing him anyways, so he dragged his feet across to the first foam, jigsaw puzzle piece mat he set eyes on, and resigned himself to scanning the room, hoping that (a) one of these brats was a charm fan, and (b) he didn’t look too intimidated by a bunch of elementary school kids.

his saving grace arrived in the form of a guy whose name he didn’t know, but whose face is familiar enough that dowoon feels comfortable scooting over a little closer on his ass. “uh, yeah.” he waved awkwardly at the little girl, trying his best to smile. “hi! uh, i’m dowoon … can i, um,” tentatively, he picked up a crayon at random – pink, okay, cute. “do you mind if i, um, help out?”

One of his favorite things to do whenever Jaeyoon accompanied his younger brother to the park, or whatever place Jaeho wanted to go and couldn’t go alone as a kid, was to watch the way other people interacted with kids. There were the parents, of course, the ones that, regardless of whether they wanted to have children in the first place, were dealing with their existence, and most of them at least tried. The babysitters, the extended family members, the grumpy siblings much like himself — it was truly fascinating to watch the way they’d try to navigate being around children. And then there were always the people who were visibly uncomfortable, who didn’t look like they were enjoying a second of being around but didn’t have an option for whatever reason. 

The guy who Jaeyoon had called out to — Jaeyoon was pretty sure he’d seen him in ads for a big group, Knight? Or was it CHARM? Something BC, definitely — seemed like he fit into the last category. He fought against the urge to laugh, watching the casual awkwardness in the guy’s moves. “I’m Jaeyoon, and you don’t have to ask me, buddy,” he patted the top of Eunhee’s head softly. “It’s little Eunhee here.” And turned to her. “Would you like this oppa here to help you?” She shrugged, too focused on her coloring to care, tongue sticking out from her mouth. She made no move to give him a page from the book, though, so Jaeyoon chuckled and reached on the side for one of the discarded coloring books Eunhee hadn’t been interested in, handing it over to Dowoon. “Here, see if you can do a better coloring job than Eunhee. I’m Jaeyoon, by the way.” 

[fmdjaeyoon]

eriifmd​:

it had been so long since erii had gotten the chance to work with kids … well, she wouldn’t consider hanging out with her younger sister working, but … well, she knew what she meant. there was a four year difference between her and her sister, but it sometimes felt like leagues in comparison. when erii had agreed to volunteer at the orphanage, she was prepared to have that ‘ older sister ’ instinct take over, but it hadn’t seemed to latch on to any of the kids she’d helped around. of course she’d doted on and helped out all the kids she’d approached so far, but erii found herself flitting from table to table more than she expected herself to.

when she was called over by someone she vaguely recognized ( she was sure they’d met while they were in california, but to be quite honest erii met a lot of people back then, and she hardly remembered anyone’s names ) to color, erii decided why not ? and found herself sitting down with the man and the girl sitting on his lap. “ sure, i love to color ! ” erii stated, more cheerily than she’s sure anyone’s heard her talk. “ what’re you coloring ? ” she asks, shifting forward to peer over at the young girl’s art work. it wasn’t so carefully colored, but it was also a child’s coloring. she wasn’t about to criticize this young girl’s art work, especially when something about her reminded her far too much of her younger sister. “ oooh, i like that a lot, ” she states, which gets a bright smile out of the girl. “ do you have any pages you’d like to share ? ” she asks, brows raised and voice sweet as she quirks her head to the side. 

it doesn’t take long before the little girl finds a page from her coloring book and carefully tears it out, and hands it over to erii. it’s a puppy, in a position ready to pounce with it’s tongue sticking out. “ thank you so much; i’ll try to make it as good as yours, ” she states, reaching over to tap the girl’s nose. “ i’m erii, by the way, what’s your name ? ” she asks, and it doesn’t take long before the girl introduces herself as eunhee. “ eunhee, that’s a very pretty name ! our names kinda sound similar, don’t they ? ” she chuckles; there’s a momentary conversations before erii turns her attention to the man behind the girl. “ and what’s your name ? ” she asks, brows raised. “ and why aren’t you coloring anything ? ” she asked pointedly. “ i hope you aren’t making eunhee here do all the work ? ” 

Socializing with strangers had never been an issue for Jaeyoon. Starting friendships wasn’t the problem. Wherever he went, Jaeyoon would inevitably find himself in a situation where he was filling the silence, trying to make others comfortable enough to speak to him about whatever. It was always maintaining them that ended up being an issue. He knew that, in this industry, there was an added hesitance whenever it came to approaching others, especially in the case of male idols and female idols speaking to each other — which never failed to amuse someone who was more interested in men than in women — but Jaeyoon felt comfortable enough in his position as both a trainee and an older trainee, someone who wasn’t a teenager but a grown ass man, to believe that he could get away with these things, to a certain extent. 

Even though he spoke to a lot of people, rare were the faces that he truly remembered if the exchange hadn’t gone beyond a couple of polite words, as with most people he had met since Quicksilver’s debut was announced to the members’ and he started attending more idol related schedules. The girl was definitely not one of them, even if he could vaguely recall seeing her around a couple of times. Not to matter, as she seemed to be much more entertained by Eunhee than she was interested in him. Jaeyoon watched as the two of them interacted, Eunhee glowing with the attention, and he reached out for the bottle of water on his side, turning his head so he could take a sip. Jaeyoon knew that, with kids, it was best to just let them do their thing and indulge them whenever they asked you to do it. If Eunhee wanted him to speak with her, she would say so, but she seemed happy enough to interact with Erii. 

Jaeyoon raised an eyebrow at being addressed, tapping his fingers against the side of the bottle and resting it back down. “Me? Making her do everything? I would never, would I, Eunhee?” He asked the girl, tilting his head to look her in the face. She shook her head and Jaeyoon smiled. “Eunhee wanted to show me her coloring skills and I didn’t want to ruin her art with my lack of skills, of course.” Jaeyoon nodded and blinked up at Erii. “Jaeyoon. Gold Star trainee.  Have we met?”

[skzflix]

dork to instant hottie!

[fmdjaeyoon]

hello !! i’ve been wanting to have some quicker interactions with my characters in the form of text threads. so if you give this a like i’ll write u a text starter from either jaeyoon, chunhwa or sunghee :D 

[realstraykids]

LEE KNOW, “NOEASY” THUNDEROUS TRAILER

[fmdjaeyoon]

miraefmd​:

@fmdjaeyoon

( ✉ → baek jaeyoon ) did you by any chance leave your water bottle in a gold star practice room? ( ✉ → baek jaeyoon ) it’s one of those nice ones and there’s a name written on it, but i can only read “jae”.

( ✉ → mirae noona ) if i did it’s been creating mold there for a week ( ✉ → mirae noona ) i’m in the us so it’s probably not mine ( ✉ → mirae noona ) also i’m partially offended you think my handwriting is bad enough you would only recognize one part of my name! i have pretty handwriting, i used to write the official documents in the army and all  ( ✉ → mirae noona ) everything about me is pretty noona this is the burden i carry

[fmdjaeyoon]

fmdseolhwa​:

@fmdjaeyoon // august 30

kids aren’t really seolhwa’s thing.​ it’s not like she has some kind of vendetta against them. they’re often cute and she doesn’t run and hide if one shows up, but cuteness can only get someone by for so long, child or adult, if they don’t have anything else going for them. not to mention, she’s heard of the corruption rampant in orphanages and doesn’t trust the three entertainment companies to have really done much background research into the organization they’re promoting by way of volunteering for them.

so, admittedly, she probably would have backed out of the volunteering event if she hadn’t been pushed to participate with the implication the company wanted to get her some positive publicity to give her some good individual media karma. it could be that she was reading into it too much, but it sounded to her like that meant they were actually going to let her do something major enough on her own to warrant such a need, so she’d found her reluctant maybe turning into a yes.

still, she’s not a natural with the kids the way some of the other idols around her are and while she’s had one or two run over to ask her if she’s a part of femme fatale with a smile on her face, the one who’s stuck by her side up until now is clearly growing bored with her considering he stands from where they’re seated on the floor in front of a pile of legos and goes up to the closest other person he can find. she hears him ask jaeyoon for help because ‘that girl isn’t very good at legos’ (which she resents. she’s great at legos, but this kid won’t explain what he’s trying to build). she speaks up, if only to keep the kid from innocently starting a list of her faults, “looks like you’ve got ‘lego master’ written all over your face,” she jokes, “you considered that as part of your image for when you debut? no one’s done that one yet.”

Ironically, this is probably the calmest Jaeyoon’s been in weeks. There’s something about the chaotic environment of a house full of kids that brings out the best in him, pushing him towards his bad behavior. Maybe his brain is capable of understanding that kids are completely helpless and they are about as unstable as he is, minus the part of them being an adult. Maybe Jaeyoon should be jealous since they get away with throwing the tantrums he’s explicitly not allowed to, but well. Instead, he finds their company fun, especially if it’s one kid at a time and he gets to give them his undivided attention. In the twenty minutes since he helped putting Eunhee to sleep for her afternoon nap, Jaeyoon has been approached by at least three other kids asking him for favours, be that getting them something to eat or drink, or tying their shoes. 

So when yet another kid approaches him asking for help with legos, Jaeyoon’s reaction is, of course, to start thinking about his lego skills and whether they are good enough to entertain the kid. He reckons they are, as he has experience with his brother, but it’s been a while. He’s going to have to be creative. Approached by Seolhwa who’s his senior 一 and isn’t it weird to think about anyone being his senior now? 一 Jaeyoon picks up the kid, comfortably carrying him on his side. Based on the kid’s words, Seolhwa was doing a bad job at entertaining him and Jaeyoon chuckles. “We can’t help it that some of us are more naturally talented at the art of legos than others.”

With the kid insisting on being taken back to the legos, Jaeyoon moves. “Ah that would be a fun image to have, wouldn’t it? Gold Star should consider it, another opportunity for them to say they are innovating somehow.” He puts the kid down, who immediately starts gathering the legos he wants to use and turns to Seolhwa. “Wanna join? I can share with you some of the secrets of the craft but I’m afraid this skill is not going to get you anywhere with anyone other than children.”

[fmdjaeyoon]

fmdtaejoo​:

taejoo had always wanted a younger sibling. his upbringing as an only child had been a rather lonely experience. as he’d gotten older he’d been glad that his parents didn’t choose to inflict themselves on another child. however, taejoo had grown fonder of little kids the older he got. he found them and their antics adorable. so while he was a bit bummed to have missed the opportunity to volunteer at the animal shelter, volunteering at the orphanage seemed like a happy enough alternative for him.

of course liking kids in theory didn’t wipe away taejoo’s natural nervousness around new people. he’d been doing fairly well initially. but at some point the little boy that taejoo had been playing legos with decided to move on to someone else leaving taejoo to pick up the toys so that no one accidentally stepped on them. afterwards he was at a little bit at a loss for what to do until a voice nearby invited him to join in coloring. jaeyoon, taejoo was grateful that the elder had seemed to pick up on the fact that taejoo had no idea what he was doing, “sure. what are you two coloring?”

If Jaeyoon was unsure where he stood when it came to the group he was supposed to debut in, there was even more uncertainty when the topic was his members. Although they were living together and training together, Jaeyoon had to admit it felt he had an even more impersonal relationship than he did with the guys he shared accommodations in at the military. At least then there was some sense of comradery, an attempt at trying to make things slightly less uncomfortable for everybody considering they were all miserable on an average day. But with the other members of Quicksilver, Jaeyoon felt like he was stuck at a standstill. No matter how many group bonding activities Gold Star set up for them, it seemed like it would take a truck to move them even an inch towards a good place. 

Jaeyoon was fine with that. If he had to see his members as co-workers, he was fine. He had plenty of friends already, he didn’t need more of those. It didn’t mean he couldn’t extend some kindness towards his members anyway, so seeing Taejoo looking kinda pathetic there, it was easy for Jaeyoon to reach out to him. “Do you wanna show him what you’re coloring?” Jaeyoon asked Eunhee, who shrugged and showed Taejoo the unicorn she was currently coloring using only purple and green. It was… certainly a combination of colors, but Jaeyoon would let her baby brain have fun with that. “Isn’t she such an artist? I’m pretty sure she has a future in this field if this is what she wants to do.” Eunhee preened and Jaeyoon smiled, turning to Taejoo once Eunhee became too concentrated on what she was doing to care about their conversation. “Are you having fun?”

[fmdjaeyoon]

location: roller skating rink date: early august with: @fmdjeonghwa & @fmdsunghee

The one who had given the suggestion was Jeonghwa and Jaeyoon was admittedly excited about going roller skating. It was a hobby of his he couldn’t indulge in as much lately, to the point where he had given his skates to his brother who had a lot more free time for this type of thing than Jaeyoon could ever hope for. And it wasn’t as if he didn’t have anything to do and could afford to just hang out for too long, taking into consideration he was under lock and key in Gold Star, practicing and training for his impending debut, but Jaeyoon reckoned that one afternoon wouldn’t kill and neither would it affect his dedication to improving. 

While Jaeyoon was expecting the rink not to be too full, considering it was the middle of the afternoon and normal people had jobs or school to attend, the place was practically empty, which didn’t bode well to him. Was the place shitty? The skates were probably smelly or too old to be truly functional, right? He chuckled to himself. Ridiculous. They were perfectly fine, and he noticed that as soon as he entered the rink properly. Jaeyoon skated away, keeping at a slow pace in order to get used to skating once more, and turned around to find the other two still close to the entrance. “Are you telling me you wanted to roller skate and you’re both shit at it?” He chuckled, moving closer to them. Just then the music playing around the rink changed to an Unity song and Jaeyoon sighed. “Oh, they recognized you two. You think they are going to ask for an autograph?”

[fmdjaeyoon]

location: volunteering opportunity at an orphanage date: august 30 with: open

Having a younger brother who was many, many years younger than him meant Jaeyoon pretty much raised Jaeho. He remembered when his brother was tiny, having just been born, fitting comfortably in Jaeyoon’s arms even as a ten year old. Now, at fourteen, Jaeho was already taller than Jaeyoon, which wasn’t a particularly hard thing to accomplish, and strong enough that Jaeyoon was pretty sure Jaeho could pick him up with ease. Whereas the responsibility had filled Jaeyoon with annoyance when he was a teen, to the point where he had yelled at his brother unnecessarily more than a handful of times, the truth was that he missed when Jaeho was tiny and Jaeyoon could carry him around. Jaeho had also been an adorable kid, so easy to smile and so easy to make happy, a sweetheart in a way that Jaeyoon never was. 

The nostalgia was inevitable, and it hit extra hard now that Jaeyoon was sitting on the floor with a kid on his lap. The little girl with the cute pigtails, Eunhee was her name, asked Jaeyoon to help her to do some coloring and he had gone willingly and happily. Ultimately she didn’t actually need or want his help in the first place, seemed content with just sitting there chatting away at Jaeyoon about her day and her friends in the orphanage and the dog that sneaked into the house the other day which she got to pat. Twice, even! Jaeyoon nodded enthusiastically, interjecting at all the right moments to get her to keep talking, and when she finally stopped to breathe, he noticed the other person sitting next to them, looking a bit lost. “Hey,” Jaeyoon called out to them, Eunhee looking up from her coloring to also look at the person. “Wanna join our coloring session?”

[fmdjaeyoon]

hi everybody, it’s maria (sunghee & chunhwa) here. unrelated to the poll i decided to bring a completely different character from who i was originally going to bring hence the fc that was not at all one of the options in the poll fdnsfds but anyway !! i have more information about him under the cut. here is his profile and here is a plots page. like this post to lemme know you’d like to plot <3 im also on discord if u prefer!!! (i certainly do fnsufsd) 

Keep reading

[fmdjaeyoon]

baek jaeyoon was born october 30, 1997, in bucheon, south korea, making him a scorpio. raised by a single mother until age seven, his first passion was the theatre, the second was music. since he was a teenager, he’s struggled with intense and sudden mood swings, amongst other things, which inevitably impact the way he feels about others and about himself. aesthetic 001.