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@fml360-blog
I miss you, I really do. I miss all the things we used to do together. I miss the sound of your voice. I miss everything. I just want us back how it used to be. This is all I want in my life. Please come back and I will be so grateful you can't even imagine. You were my everything, you were my only reason to live. I can't live a day, a second without you.
She's the reason why I'm awake at 2 am. She's the reason why I smoke a lot. She's the reason why I still feel exhausted after 14 hours of sleep. She's the reason why I don't know who I am anymore. She's the reason why I want to go to bed and never wake up. She's the reason why I drink so much. She's my everything, my every emotion. No use of my life if I can't be with her.
Sometimes when people hurt me or something bad happens to me, even if I do my best to be a good person, I tell myself "life is just not for everyone" and I think it's true.
I’ll make you see it all the ways you snuck into my head tearing holes in my sense till the good part of me died and the trembling stopped from your rattlesnake bite and it all went dark
Rattlesnake by Fog Lake
why?
I am always here, when she needs me. She can always come to me and complain or cry about something and I always calm her down and cheer her up. But when I feel like shit, like I’m dying and all I want is to hug her, she says “no”. FUCKING WHY???!!! I am so fucking nice and gentle to her, I always try to do my best and all I need in return is just to hug her. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK??? FUCKING WHY IT’S HAPPENING TO ME???
Today she mentioned in a conversation that someone wanted to meet her, but then called it off and she’s angry on him because of that. I can’t fucking stand that. She keeps allowing other people into her life and they constantly keep disappointing her. She always has me around, I was always good for her, I always tried do to do my best, to be worthy being with her. I LOVE HER SO MUCH and I can’t stand every day being without her. Why can’t she see that we are meant to be together? How many more people have to hurt her in order to make her realise that a person who she was looking for was there, by her side all the time? I would never hurt her, I would always make her smile and have fun. I would like to convice her every single day that choosing me the wisest decision in her life. I would do anything for her, I love her with my entire heart. WHY SHE’S SO BLIND? When she’s drunk she doesn’t think about anything, she lets her heart make decisions, and she has no problem with hugging me or lying on the couch with me. I know and I’m entirely sure that her heart loves me, but she doesn’t want to listen to her hearth. Why can’t she stop thinking about everything? Why can’t she just give me a chance? It would be so fucking perfect to be together. I would never make her regret anything. Now I’m fucking dying, I had my third cigarette and I stil feel the pain. Why can’t it be so simple? Why can’t she just give me a chance?
The less social you are, the less bullshit you deal with, but also the less social you are the more lonely you are.
Amazing, when you tidy up your life, stay away from wrong people and finally after all that struggle you catch a little bit of harmony and happines, but there still are some people ready to throw you back to your mud, just for their fun. FUCK THOSE PEOPLE. FUCK EVERYONE.
I remember how enthusiastic she was, how she texted me every day and how she put a little smile in every message. Despite all that, after a month she still managed to turn me into a perfect stranger, despite all we did together and all we felt for ourselves.
me
Theatre
Today she is going to the theatre, she checked in on an event page on facebook. I found out about that a week ago and since then I’ve lived in constant fear, that she is going there with someone else. I used to be her only person to go out with. I always did my best, in order not to disappoint her. I tried to be charming, I bought her many things. My only goal was to make her want to invite me again. I have no idea what went wrong between us. I think she has met another person and she decided that he is better than me, so she abandoned me. She abandoned me like an old toy. How can someone treat other person like that.
She once told me to call her, rather than message on facebook. Recently I reached a point where I can’t bare the pain inside my hearth. So I called her, but all she did was decline the call. I was there, ALWAYS when she needed me, ready to help in every way I could. When I need help and it’s a matter of life and death she just doesn’t pick up the phone, like I was never there, like we’ve never met, like we never did all those things together. All of this makes me weep all the time. How come a lover become a perfect stranger so easily?
story of my life
omg so true
I recently realised that I have only two options. Either I kill myself or I pull myself together. As always I am going to choose the easier option.
me
I made a drawing for the girl I love. I didn’t mean to draw us but somehow it happened.
again
She does it again and it's too much for me to handle. She started to ignore me again. She doesn’t answer my calls, she doesn't read my messages on facebook. I have no idea what happened. We were fine last time we met but now she is angry on me and I can't find out why. I need her so much. I need to see her and hug her again.Rexently I had several anxiety attacks and I feel so fucking lonely. I see her all the time when I close my eyes, even when I blink. I found a jelly in an old forgotten drawer and first thing that came to my mind was that I wanted so much to eat it with her, from the same bowl, with the same spoon, just like we used to do. I need her so much. We both know that she would be happy in my arms and I would do everything that is in my power for her. I would be the best boyfriend she could ever imagine. I would do my best, my best best for her, everything for her. I can't stand the pain, it's too fucking much. All I need is just to see her, kiss her, spend some time with her, and I would trade anything and everything for that time, even my life. I would sacrifice my life for just a moment in her arms, just me and her in our arms and nothing else. I need her so fucking much. Why she is like that. I was so kind to her, I kept her safe, I cared so much about her. Why she is rejecting me now? Fucking WHY? I don't want anything but her. She is my everything and I need her so much, like an air to breathe. Please, let just one thing in my life be a success. All I need is her, her lips, her hands, her beautiful deep green eyes. I will never forget the way she stared at me when she cried in my arms. Now I need to cry in hers.
I love visiting old railway stations, especially the abandoned ones with lots of trees, bushes and high grass. Being on my own with the nature relaxes me and the presence of railway infrastructure prevents me from feeling lonely, it makes an impression of being close to the civilisation. Cold, rusty steel of old freight cars makes me feel melancholy.
