(note: the original image contained such classic hashtags as #ihatemuslims #fuckoffmuslims and #antihalal - by the time I got around to taking a screen grab, Instagram had deleted it)
I love bacon but isn’t it funny how it’s the food of choice for the lowest common denominators in the world? The kind of people who think Anthony Kiedis’s “Scar Tissue” is a crowning piece of literature, the kind of people who grow beards when they realise they don’t have a personality and the kind of scared little fully grown children who go out of their way to boycott Halal certified food.
Isn’t it a mind blowing concept that a trivial fee is imposed upon by a company for providing a service for another company. You say you don’t want one single cent going to a company that operates under a loose religious guise? Well guess, what, you pay 10% GST on pretty much everything you buy, and that goes to the treasury, and the treasury funds our school chaplaincy program, so you’re fucked regardless. Aren’t happy? Go on, fuck off then, what is it you put on the t-shirts? Australia, love it or leave it. It’s not like Halal Abattoirs & Certification companies have a stranglehold on Australian producers like, say, the actual most dangerous duopoly in Australia. The heads of pretty much every company you and your family personally finance routinely blow their money on all sorts of immoral bullshit, defrauding retirees of their entire life savings, snorting cocaine of the tits of hookers and killing them when they’re done. Oh no! The big bad Halal company wants to run a business and employ people, oh boo hoo, the Australian way of life, what, having shithouse BBQ’s with pork sausages, drinking foreign owned “local” beer and hitting women? The local Halal team is coming to take away our unique heritage.
“But the animal cruelty Cook Suck! Won’t you think of the Animals?” Ding ding, news flash morons - cattle slaughtered in Australia, Halal or otherwise, aren’t tortured. They don’t have their throats slit while they writhe in agony. They’re stunned and slaughtered in the same, unconscious, cruelty-free way that regular fuck-off-we’re-full true-blue aussie cows are slaughtered. When I called Javaid Qureshi from KJ Halal Abattoirs not only did he confirm this, but they don’t even pay a fee for certification: “Trust me mate,” he laughs, “we don’t make enough money to fund terrorists” - who would have thought? It turns out (unless you’re a true blue aussie greyhound trainer) you can’t just torture animals in Australia - you’ve actually got to adhere to Australian law - what a concept I know. Funny how everyone cares about animal rights when it comes to Islam, want a cause that possibly could actually mean something? Here’s a start, although I’m going to hazard a guess you’ll pass on this one.
All you can really say is Halal Certification companies are full of shit and are lying to us all and, instead of providing a rudimentary service under a religious umbrella, like monks who brew beer, like christians who build cafes (and serve undrinkable coffee), they secretly fund terrorist organisations somehow. That’s it, that’s the only opinion you can have, that it’s your belief (ironic huh) that there’s some sort of conspiracy because that’s what you reckon. If so, stop being such a chicken shit coward spreading your fucking lies and admit that it’s just your bigoted little hunch and align yourself with other contemporary conspiracy theorists, because when you cut through all the bullshit, you’re not some proud Australian, you’re not protecting your children, or stopping terrorism, or championing animal welfare - you’re sitting in the same fucking parent’s basement with your tiny dick in your hand as the kind of people who think George Bush did 9/11.
blakekathryn
baratheonpilled
vaporwave
dailybridgerton
jacobvanloon
kaledo-art
prguitarman
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