Fucking Mind or Beautiful Mind
It was clear to me when I was up on the mountain in Colorado a few weeks ago that I wasn’t the only one trapped in my mind. I watched person after person strive to grow and break through a barrier within themselves, only to be held back by what was happening between their ears.
It was so frustrating to watch because it was clear, not only to me but to everyone in the group that the “story” that had been created within the confines of that person’s mind was a lie. Or, the story that still played on a loop in that person’s mind was an old one. Perhaps at one time it was true, but no longer. Or maybe that which they hold as truth was never even true at all… but was said to them by someone else, only once, in a time of anger. For example someone saying to them, “You’ll never amount to anything!” and from that moment forward, that is the belief the person has about themselves.
As I type, I am reminded of the book the 4 Agreements. The agreements we make in our mind about ourselves shape our lives and the lives of others.
As I watched others struggle with this, I was reminded of my own struggle. For my lifetime, I have been trapped in a story inside my mind. It is like a prison really. I have been saying things to myself like, “You’re not handsome enough, wealthy enough, kind enough, thin enough, muscular enough. You will never find peace of mind, body, spirit. You are not worthy of God’s love. You are lazy….blah blah blah. The List really goes on and on.
The journey to erase all the negative tapes that I have created in my mind has consumed a large portion of my life’s work. The journey began in the early 1990’s when I read a book called “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay. It was then I began to learn how to be more gentle with myself. The book was full of tools and positive affirmations I used to help rid myself of the negative self-talk that dominated my thinking. It began with the simple yet profound concept of loving myself.
Over the years there have been many things, people, programs that have helped me continue this journey toward peace.
I was talking to my spirit coach on the phone the other day. I was telling her how clear it was to me that this fucking mind (FM) of mine and the FM of others can really hold us back from living our best self. I then began to rattle on about something else…and she pulled me back. She said I want to reflect back to you what I am hearing. You referred to your beautiful mind as a Fucking Mind. She said and something about that is throwing up red flags over on this side of the phone.
In normal fashion I pushed back, telling her how frustrated I am at times having to witness the working of my own mind and the mind of others. I am suffering and I am witnessing others suffer and so I want to call it FM and that is that! We spent about 20 minutes of my 1 hour call debating this! I pay $100 an hour for my call and I had other things I wanted to talk about! She concluded with...”this may just be my agenda, but I challenge you to take a deeper look at it.”
So, for the last week it has been on my mind and spirit. I call it fucking mind…because there is no quick solution, no pill to take, book to read or thing to solve. Sure, I can and will continue to work on eradicating thoughts that don’t serve me and helping others do the same. But there is NO QUICK FIX! It can be frustrating, debilitating, and downright pisses me off!
I now realize that the larger work may be to simply sit in community with others… In all our humanness or as I say…warts and all. It became clear to me that I was able to see my own suffering in the lives of others because of their willingness to be SEEN in all their humanness.
In our culture today…we do not allow ourselves to be truly seen as a human being in all of our common suffering. This creates a domino effect of inauthentic living and being. It forces us and others to live behind the masks we create for the world. Behind that mask lies the spirit of a human being, suffering within their FM riddled with many outdated or untrue agreements about themselves. This human feels alone in their suffering because all they see are the masks of others. Few are reflecting back their authentic normal human suffering.
If we allow ourselves to be truly seen, we will see that we are not alone in our suffering. We will be able to share with one another what we see, and what is seen. We will be able to comfort one another in all our humanness.
Because perhaps this FM…is really a beautiful mind after all. The solution may be to recognize we are not alone in our suffering and that the collective human spirit is more powerful than the thoughts of an isolated one. With that knowledge, transparency and deep human connection we may be able to rise above this suffering and evolve.
So, If you have a chance, come sit with me in the magic of council or attend one of my workshops. My life’s work is to unveil the authentic human spirit and to cultivate and environment that supports its growth.
I believe this is done in community with authentic connection to others, as well as deep connection with the land.
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