Footsteps of a Father

Random collection of fatherhood musings...sharing, thoughts, and something else.

[footstepsofafather]

I’ve been preparing for this day across the last few months. Dropping hints, telling him directly.  But until the actual day came, he apparently really didn’t understand.

You see, today I started the next phase of my new career and GASP!  I had to leave home to go before my son woke up.  He “slept in” till 7:30, and tried to find me all over the house.  Then had to leave me a voicemail that he missed me and wanted me to pick him up from preschool.

Oh the curse/joy that is parenthood!  I know I am trading off a small period of time now to have way more time with him later, but it can be hard to see it when a little person simply misses you.

So, I am going to wake him up and have an early breakfast with him so he can say goodbye to me.  We’ll see if that will balance things out a bit.

For any parents going back into the workforce after staying home with their young children – be strong.  Remember to keep perspective and balance in all things – balance your needs, your family needs with your child’s needs.   Tap into that step back and be objective power for a few minutes when you need it to get through the rest of the day.

[footstepsofafather]

Good morning

No story this morning, just a mention of a dream.  My son mentioned the sun coming up and the moon going to sleep.  It’s funny how the dreams kids have are so simple, yet indicative of their continual discovery of the world around them.  But what amazes me most is his empathy.  There are apparently a lot of children brand new to the world of daycare in my son’s class because 5 or so were crying for their Mom this morning.  And what did my son do?  With a look of concern he said “I tell them it will be ok.”  He is always concerned when another child is upset, and ready to reassure and comfort them.  I wonder if he will become a therapist?  Or some other helpful profession?  Of course empathy is a helpful, genuine ability in any profession, but especially helpful for counselors and therapists.

Sometimes kids help us adults remember what is really important in this life.

[footstepsofafather]

Year 3, Day 243

So I wake up to a small, smiling face who begins to tell me a yarn.  If I recall, there were policemen, firefighters, an ambulance, fire and hurt cars involved.  You go through doing the routine, then something makes you stop to smell the...well you know.  That was it for me today – a simple, but fun story energetically told by a 3 ½ year old who is still discovering that magical thing called an imagination.  You know, that thing that so many adults have forgotten about because of routine?  Well, except for the exceptionals who manage to spike their days with imagination any way they can.

And that was just the morning.  By the end of the days, we agreed to write a book together.  I suppose it is true: you can pause and take the  take the moment in more than once a day – and it usually has something to do with a special someone spiking your day with their imagination just a little bit.

[footstepsofafather]

And here we are...over 3 years later

So it’s been nearly a year since I added a blog to this site.  And what a year it’s been.  Huge professional transition for me, huge leaps for my son, and life just keeps rolling.

I embarked on a rather interesting path: becoming a teacher.  And while we’ve heard of the dire need for teachers, it’s actually much, much worse.  Now most districts don’t know if they’ll have enough credentialed teachers EVERY year.  Urban, high needs schools are hardest hit – even though many pay a bit more than other schools.  But you know, the working environment goes a very long way in retaining good teachers.  

I recognize the dire need, and have chose to make this change because I think I could be a good teacher.  I have the desire to help students succeed, to help them grow as individuals, and find a path into life that works for them.  Not all teachers have the same philosophy necessarily, but that’s where things are at for me.

Now my son is 3 ½, I cannot believe just how far we have come since this time last year.  He followed after his old man – he needed eartubes to help with draining as well as having his adenoids removed.  And after we did that, he’s an entirely new child.  More engaging, dramatically improved balance, and generally better adjusted to life.  What else can a parent ask for?  Well, how about a great babysitter?

[footstepsofafather]

Friday funday

I just love Friday, don’t you?  It can be a time to forget your worries because the week is almost done!  It can also be a day of reflection...to consider what you did or did not do during the week.

I find today is on the reflective side of things.  This week I worked every day.  I worked in a new environment I am still learning the ropes of, and still feel I have a long way to go.  The funny thing, there are some commonalities with my last career:

- adaptability

- dealing with egos

- the prospect of more work than any one person can handle

- organaization is key to success

- Multitasking is nearly as important

And then there are the new skills

- extreme patience

- impacting somebody in the long haul

- providing life skills another person can use for a long time

Funny how things balance out over the long run.  Of course I have some things I absolutely need to get done in the next few months.  I just need the dtermination and self drive to do it.

Just do it :).

[footstepsofafather]

They grow so fast...yes, they really do.

May I have a snack bar please?

First time I’ve heard my son say May I.  So proper!  Now I find myself boasting to anybody within earshot about my son.

- Language development

- Opinion development

- Social development

He just keeps growing and maturing faster and fast - hard to believe.  And then I look at his pictures as an infant and reflect on how far he has come.  

Everyone with kids warn me it goes by fast.  Enjoy every second.  They’ll be a teenager and then out of the house in a flash.  All that still seems  far away - but I feel how close it is in the scheme of things.

[footstepsofafather]

Survival of the Fittest - Black Friday

Simple solution to the absolute craziest shopping day of the year:

Do all your shopping online.

I looked through all the so called deals for in store - and nothing blew my socks off.  I'm probably jaded by the point - I had a few bad experience in previous years, but for the most part, you can get great deals online both on black Friday and cyber Monday.

Especially true for those of you with any kids in the house!  I spent some time at a local park, enjoying beautiful weather - the calm before the storm.

Happy Thanksgiving.

[footstepsofafather]

Another big step - relocation

We took a huge leap this month and relocated to northern California.  I'm partly excited, partly scared about this move.  Though I am from this side of the state originally, we are still in an area new to me and very new to my family. 

God is good.  We had some door slam in our face only to find new doors opening - and I'll be able to be a stay home dad for a while.  I intend to get back into the job market soon, perhaps see about consulting part time or something temp - we'll see where things end up.

For now, I just want to wish any families relocating to other areas or other states to have faith - many times there is a plan we don't initially see that will be revealed to us.

Cheers,

Blueyes

[footstepsofafather]

Box of Lemons...

What a ride.

It's been 7 1/2 months of being a stay home dad - and while part of me misses the working world, most of my is so happy to have had the opportunity to spend all this time with me son.

I know stay home dads are still not that common these days, especially in expensive areas (SF, NY, LA) where two incomes are basically an absolute need.  But there really is nothing like a parent taking care of their child.  My wife is admittedly jealous - asks if I'd like to switch with her at least once a week. 

The other funny thing - she mentioned I look less stressed than I have been in the entire time she's known me (many years).  More than anything else, this experience has allowed me to relax a bit.

And now, here we are with a change coming - more and more solids and an expected reduction of my son relying on milk.  His days of being a baby are winding down - I see a toddler with a mind of his own and mobility rapidly approaching.

If you are a parent with a newly mobile child, get ready - the days of sitting the kid down to play for 20 minutes quietly are waning!

Cheers,

Lucas

[footstepsofafather]

>6 months

- Nobody warned me that kids develop opinions before 6 months

- Nobody warned me about the challenge of a sick child under 6 months

- Nobody warned me how difficult it would be to keep a sense of self durign the first 6 months

- Nobody warned me how quickly kids develop their own unique personalities;  Hint: it happens before 6 months

- Nobody warned me how the good outweighs the bad every hour of every day.

Here's to dadhood!

Lucas

[footstepsofafather]

Somewhat uncharted territory

I know I'm not the first or last stay at home dad, but it's pretty new territory to me all the same.

I remember the first time I saw Mr Mom, and saw what I thought to be a possible future - and I wasn't interested.  Give me long hours at the office anyday I thought!

But now that I am doing it, I don't find it to be that bad.  I think it helps my son isn't that old yet.  A kind running and/or crawling around is a totally different beast I am sure.

I miss working, but I find my current experience to be much more rewarding in so many ways.  For any other guys going through this, I can only say patience is the they to success.  Don't let them see fear!

Cheers,

Lucas

[footstepsofafather]

Who me worry?

Discussed college savings.  We already agreed that we would only contribute after contributing to our own retirement savings accounts.  I know some people put everything into their kid's college fund, but I don't think that is the best course of action.

After all, until your child is older, you don't even know if they'll go to college or a trade school.  And unless you can read the future, you need to save money for yourself to support that child until they are older.  Either way, available funds should go to the parent's retirement or other types of investments.

Now, time for the weekend!

Lucas

[footstepsofafather]

Found 10 minutes!

I tried to write a number of times the last few days, and it just didn't happen.  But had a great experience yesterday at a class for babies and their parents.  Taught me how to incorporate multiple sense in play with my son.  Very helpful - I think I will go again in the future.

Prepping for the next anticipated "wonder week" and the next one is a doozy.  Separation anxiety and stranger fear.  Apparently I should expect an exponential growth in crying the next few weeks!  Not looking forward to it.  Hopefully, we can balance that out with some smiles and laughs!

Cheers,

Lucas

[footstepsofafather]

5+ months and counting

Wow.

I look back and still can't believe I've survived 5 months of fatherhood.  I feel...pretty good overall.  I mean, cleaning up spit up for the 1, 597th time is not that much fun, but the intangibles make up for it - most of the time!

Some changes ahead - been both parents at home and now it'll be me.  Yep, I'll be a stay home Dad for a while.  I am a bit apprehensive about it, but know I'll find a rhythm to make everything work.  I hope this is a temporary thing, but that isn't all up to me after all.

Here's to all stay home dads - best of luck to you!

Cheers, Lucas

[footstepsofafather]

Kid time = 10, Dad Time = 2

Generally on a good day I can squeeze a little me time in.  It usually means giving up some sleep in order to get it - a sacrifice I am usually willing to make.

It's been on the of the more difficult things to reduce as a father - me time.  The small slivers of time open usually have to be used up for chores.  And with a baby, there is a LOT of laundry, a lot of clean up, and a lot of rushing to eat/shower etc.

Part of me looks forward to when my son is self sufficient.  Another part dreads it.  For now, I am trying to get a rhythm that works - I wish any other new dads good luck on getting their system down.

Lucas

[footstepsofafather]

Breathe...repeat...

I had originally intended to keep this blog daily.  I'm not delivering on that goal!  Oh well, I can only try try again.

A few thoughts came to me.

The dad Diet - as long as you don't eat as much as your breast feeding significant other, but are picking up a 8 - 15 lb baby multiple times every day and taking a walk once a day and doing chores etc etc - you'll lose weight.  You have to as you burn more calories than you take in. 

Main issue - feeding time is usually 15 min or less of rushing to eat! 

The big event - my son is now sitting up on his own...sorta.  Not quite there, but has graduated to sitting up in his rocker and the stroller.  We are just a few weeks away from the high chair!

Still doing the stay at home Dad thing for now - a little nervous about doing it solo, but just need to take things once day at a time.

Until next time!

[footstepsofafather]

Now I understand!

Having kids really does change everything.  Yes yes, I know you've all heard it before - but I made an alarming discovery.  It's all true.  You grab 15 min snippits of "me" or "us" time when you can - because ALL the rest of your time is dedicated to the kid(s).

Don't get me wrong, there is joy in that, but there is also an occasional daydream of how thing were before.

The daydreams become more common after repeatedly being spit up on by a baby, just FYI.

But even with all that, nothing beats your smiling child looking at you with absolute love in their eyes.

Lucas