holding the atmosphere

will you lay yourself down and dig your grave, or will you rail against your dying day?  *** dependent multimuse blog for rebelshqs. currently playing brynn macaria and iris kimura. *** i've been trying to do it right, i've been living a lonely life. i've been sleeping here instead, i've been sleeping in my bed. so show me family, all the blood that i will bleed. i don't know where i belong, i don't know where i went wrong, but i could write a song.

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frcmnowhere:

rey shrugged as she sipped on her coffee. “lonely,” she replied almost instantaneously before realizing that probably wasn’t the answer she was looking for. “calm and chaotic all at the same time, i suppose.” despite the devil of all devils being dead, that didn’t stop the war from raging on and with the very few resistance members that had disappeared, it was hard to fight. 

“i’ve never been,” rey admitted. “was it nice?”

as rey spoke, iris began to consider the situation on naboo. though they had been isolated from the larger war, the fighting didn’t truly stop. it was simply quieter. everyone had laid their weapons down, yet they were always ready to fight. iris had spent the whole time on naboo stuck in her own head. lonely and calm and chaotic, indeed. “i know what that feels like,” she expressed, offering up a small smile.

“it’s beautiful, especially lake country. i’d never seen grass so green or water so blue. and the palace? like something out of a story.”

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rebelshqs ocs as johnmulaneybot

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ofspies:

she wasn’t wrong. their revival was an anomaly. the force had done many, many things over the centuries (or so the rumors went), but he couldn’t remember stories such as these. people had not been brought back from death before. cassian pressed his lips together for a moment, considering. did that mean there was something greater at play? was the force actually capable of such planning? he didn’t know enough about it if he was to be honest. cassian shrugged a shoulder. “there’s no telling what it’s planning, not yet.” someday perhaps they would know more, perhaps when the moment came, but for now he remained entirely unconvinced. still, he would fight. it was just as she’d said, he didn’t know anything else. “you can have the clunker freighter we’re in. you’d probably be able to fix it up well enough.” he certainly didn’t want to have to keep it. “don’t know who it belongs to, but it used to be rebellion owned.” at least if the old, peeling paint was anything to go by.

"what i wouldn’t give to be a force-sensitive or have a jedi text to read right now.” brynn reasoned that the force-users must know or feel at least a hint of what was going on, and maybe all the little hints could be put together like a puzzle one day. she had grown up with stories of jedi heroics, and though she was practically an adult by the time the jedi purge occurred, she never truly let go of her belief in the jedi. yet, despite her affinity for heroes, she was never in tune with the force. she was a soldier, a spy, and a pilot, and she smiled wide at the idea of having her own ship again. “i’d have to see that thing before i agree to anything, but that sounds great.” already she was imagining cleaning the interiors and reupholstering the furniture, turning an old freighter into a thing of luxury.

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sunveiins:

“nooooo,” orion quietly wailed, her eyes widening despite the fact that no one was around to see her. “he’ll kill me without a second thought, you know that,” she warned with a playfulness to her tone. just the mere thought of cassian finding out about her old doodles scared her to no end. he wasn’t her mentor anymore but she respected him all the same. “sounds fun,” orion said with a small laugh, trying to lighten up the mood. “we’re trying. we will.”

“he wouldn’t do that,” she joked. “maybe he’d maim you, but no killing.” despite her jokes and threats, brynn would have never really told cassian about the drawings. she had spilled so many secrets to the rebellion that she cherished the ones that were her own. “good, because you guys are my only friends, and i really don’t want to try to make new ones. i don’t know what all the young people like these days.”

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ofspies:

“you seem sure that there is a reason,” but cassian was far more doubtful. he and the force hadn’t seen eye to eye for years, and he couldn’t quite make himself believe that it had any priority save for chaos. if it was the benevolent force that it was said to be, then why was there a dark side? why did it seem to drive chaos amidst the galaxy rather than quell it? cassian shook his head slightly. “i’m not so sure…” he confessed. brynn’s faith was something to be admired, but cassian couldn’t say that he felt the same way. he paused briefly, considering her words as she spoke into the comm. cassian squinted slightly, considering. “i’ll probably rejoin the fight,” he confessed, “i fought to free our galaxy with the rebellion, don’t see why i wouldn’t help with the resistance.” only, he didn’t owe the same loyalties to these people that he had to the rebels. “what about you? off smuggling somewhere, i guess?”

“there has to be. the force’s never brought back the dead before. if it’s doing that now, then it has to mean something” brynn explained. she had been raised to believe in the power of the force. she didn’t structure her life around it, but she looked to it for hope. to her, it seemed as if the force was doing the best it could to strike balance in a galaxy where people so often misused it. “makes sense. i’ve never known you to be anything less than a fighter.” as for herself, she was unsure. “maybe not, i don’t have the connections for that anymore.” she sighed. though her allegiance was to the rebels, there was a part of brynn that missed the freedom of her smuggling days, where the only person she would have to answer to was her. “but i’ve got my good looks back, and i’m pretty sure a wild night and a bottle of corellian wine could trick any fool into giving away his pretty ship. i wanna fly again.” but to where (or under which orders), she wasn’t sure.

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warstraincd:

“I talked to someone before… Willix?? He told me to figure out where this First Order ship is going.” Noah hadn’t said it yet, but they were pretty good at masking comm signatures. They were pretty confident they wouldn’t get caught by this. “I found out some information that needs to get to him.” It only now occurred to them that they didn’t know his actual name. Or the woman on the other line may not know his name. 

“first order, huh? how’d someone get unlucky enough to end up there?” she mused. the speaker mentioned a willix; brynn had heard the name once or twice during her first life. she wondered if the willix the speaker was talking about was an alias or a real name. as the speaker explained their motive for communication, she nodded along, despite the fact that the speaker couldn’t see her. “you can tell me, and i’ll try to find him for you.”

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It had been a few days since Noah had started trying to blend themself into the First Order ship. Disguise themself as a trooper. They’d already been caught once (though that turned out okay, weirdly enough. they still didn’t know who the person was). But they had managed to find a quiet place so they could get a comm out again. Perhaps they’d get Willix. As long as they got someone from the resistance, Noah didn’t care. Perhaps they could get word out to him. “This is J– hello? I have information for the resistance, please come in.” 

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still too frail to go back to fighting, brynn found herself sitting in the cockpit of a grounded ship, getting a feel for the technological advancements and redesigns that had occurred since her death and playing with comms. as she lazily ran her hand along the console, her fingers picking up dust as they went, the sound of static suddenly came through. then, a voice that said they were from the resistance. brynn wasn’t sure if she could trust them, but she replied anyways. “j? this is the resistance. we hear you. i’m... hermia.”

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ofspies:

in truth, brynn’s explanation sounded about as plausible as a bantha flying a star fighter, but he let her words sink in for a few moments. inspiration? cassian wasn’t certain that he was the sort of man that could offer inspiration, but he could certainly help with training or intelligence or showcase loyalty to the rebellion. he was not a perfect soldier, not by any means, but he was the sort of soldier that would do damn near whatever it took to make sure that the war was won. “maybe,” he conceded, smiling just a little bit at the suggestion. already, he’d met people that interested him and a few that he might even call friends (though most of them were people he’d known in the past), maybe it would be one of them that won this thing once and for all. “i hope you’re right anyway,” cassian murmured, “i can’t imagine why we were brought back if we’re just…” a pause, “there has to be some reason that we were brought back.” whatever it was, it was important enough that the force had brought all of them back despite the disruptions. maybe they’d make a more direct difference than brynn expected. cassian hoped so, he’d always liked to be right in the middle of things.

“maybe once this whole thing is over, we can start figuring out that reason, whatever it is.” brynn turned her head slightly to look out the nearest window. the speck that had been iego had become exponentially larger while she had been talking to her friend. they were close, now. she could almost taste life again. she had fallen ill so soon after her resurrection that she’d hardly gotten a chance to live again. but here she was, getting a second chance at her second chance. there were more than a few things she wanted to do this time around, and she wondered if cassian felt the same way. she leaned back to the comms system and spoke. “speaking of being brought back for a reason, what are you going to do after this whole plague mess is dealt with?”

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ofspies:

cassian had great faith in the rebellion, in part because he knew that it was made up of people like him. many had a similar moral code or had lost family members as a result of the conflict, and they were desperate to bring the empire to its knees. they were outsiders and morally gray and as much a home as he’d ever had. that said, a part of cassian knew that brynn was right. much as he wanted to believe in his people, in what they could accomplish, cassian knew that they were not all prepared to give up their lives in the face of evil. for some, he thought, it had probably been easier to look away and hope that the first order didn’t do what the empire had. “you’re right…” he sighed softly, shaking his head. if a few had stood up, however, if just a few people had alerted the rest of what was happening perhaps they wouldn’t be in this mess now. “maybe, but the rebellion won the war without us,” he reminded her, “why bring us back?” why not the people who’d won the war in the first place? in truth, coming back to life hadn’t made much sense, but he couldn’t say that he regretted it. this second chance had given him the opportunity to do things that he’d only ever dreamt of. 

through the years, the only thing that got brynn through all the long nights and endless fights was the belief that she mattered. though she was just another cog into the rebellion machine, with no rank to show off or legacy to inspire, she held on. otherwise, she would be lost. yet, she knew that cassian was right. they weren’t winners, they were casualties. “that’s true,” she admitted. she let out a sigh. they seemed to be just wandering listlessly through their new lives, with no idea what to do. “maybe we’re not the people who will win this,” she proposed. “maybe we’re here because somebody needs us. to inspire, or give advice, or just to be a friend.” it was a nice thought, even if brynn didn’t completely believe it. cassian and orion were some of the only people she’d encountered from her old life, and she hadn’t met anyone yet who she felt an urgent connection with. maybe if they’d get to iego on time, she’d get to figure out her reason.

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ofspies:

what little pride he’d felt in their mission seemed to evaporate when brynn spoke of the first order. cassian was still furious that the new republic had collapsed so quickly, and that the people hadn’t fought harder to keep it in place. the rebels had put aside their own wants and desires, their lives, in the hopes that sentients across the galaxy would have a better future and for what? the people were no better off now than they had been under the first republic or even the empire. cassian shook his head slightly, his expression stormy. “i don’t understand how this happened,” he confessed. admittedly, he hadn’t lived long enough to see the empire fall, nor to understand what the new republic had been, but he couldn’t imagine that it was worse than the empire. “there were still rebels, they were still alive, they knew how bad the alternative was. why didn’t they–?” he shook his head. why didn’t the survivors of the first war warn the others that this was coming? it couldn’t have been a surprise. then again, it seemed the galaxy didn’t know how to stay peaceful anymore than he did. it was too easy to fall back into the same old habits.

"not everyone is cut out to be a leader. just because we did okay during the war doesn’t mean it’ll be easy when the war ends.” indeed, there were more than a few rebellion officers (mostly low-level ones that held rank over her) that brynn could imagine being stupid enough to let a carbon-copy of the empire flourish under their noses. changing the world was easy in theory and difficult in practice. even brynn, with all her spirit and idealism, could recognize that. she nodded along as her friend spoke, listening intently to every word. “i guess they made a lot of mistakes. but maybe that’s why people like you or me were brought back, to fix their mistakes and try again.” brynn pursed her lips together. she wished that the force would have given them a sign instead of throwing everyone back into the fray. she had the faintest inkling of what she wanted to do once she was fully healed, but she would have appreciated a battle plan. she always operated better under clear instructions; there was less room for reckless mistakes.

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ofspies:

intelligence was not simply cassian’s work, but a vital piece of his personality as well. having started in the rebellion at an early age, he’d adopted the most important aspects of his assignment, secrecy and lack of outward emotion, and he’d taken them as his own. brynn, however, challenged his opinion on such matters. cassian paused briefly, considering for a moment the brynn was not her work, and he nodded faintly. noted. she lied and cheated when she had to, when she was on the job, but otherwise she was apparently able to turn it off. he listened carefully as she spoke, unfamiliar with the edge in her voice. he had expected blame or frustration, but brynn did not react as he’d expected. instead, she reassured him. perhaps he’d been slow to realize it, but he’d had friends in the rebellion, good friends, all along. cassian was silent for a long moment, and at last he spoke up. “our mission was a success, you know?” he asked through the comm. the plans for the death star had made it to the rebellion. “the plans made it to the rebellion, they destroyed the death star.” he didn’t want to speak of their deaths anymoore, it pained him to know that he’d been a part of hers, but at least there was something positive amidst the tragedy. 

a tear fell on brynn’s hand. as she moved to wipe her eyes, she realized that her cheeks were wet. she hadn’t noticed the tears falling, and whether they were tears of relief or sorrow, she didn’t know. she had always been emotional; at one point, brynn had been envious of cassian’s apparent ability to compartmentalize. as a spy, all the names she wore were her own. her cover was always an extension her smuggler self. how could she discern where the mask ended and she began? was she the hotshot smuggler or the loyal rebel? she had hung onto constants to help her: she was brynn, she was a spy, and she was beautiful. after her injury, she created new constants, balancing herself against the people around her. she was a friend, a sister, an ally. where was she now? unsure of whether cassian wanted her to blame him or not, and only sure that she wanted to be a good friend. she was relieved when the silence broke and cassian changed the subject. “so i heard.” she nodded and smiled slightly, though he couldn’t see her. “kinda a shame all our success against the empire just ended up creating the first order, though.”

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ofspies:

smugglers were hardly honorable members of society. as a rule, they lied, cheated, and stole from anyone that was foolish enough to fall for their tricks. not that cassian was all that much better. “isn’t lying part of the job?” he asked, incredulous. in truth, however, he knew that she was right. cassian didn’t have many friends through the years, but she was one of the few people who’d consistently treated him well. she was a pain in the ass, there was no doubting that, but she seemed to care for him. the proof was in the way that she seemed to stumble over her words upon learning of his death. of course they hadn’t known what happened to one another, they’d died in the same battle. cassian dimmed. “my team and i were on scarif when the death star fired on it…” it had likely been trying to keep the plans from getting out. “we were successful, apparently, but we didn’t make it off.” he frowned at the stars, as if they were to blame. “you were called in to back us up,” he reported dully. “if we hadn’t been there…” brynn wouldn’t have died. he let the rest go unspoken. 

“i’m not on the job right now,” she commented. even now, he seemed to struggle to trust her, not that she’d ever made it easy for him. how many of her faces had cassian seen when she was spying? cantina vixen, smuggler servicing the empire, damsel in distress? even after the incident, her charismatic disposition became simply another face. she couldn’t exactly blame cassian for his feelings, but she still wished he’d listen. “this is not your fault,” she asserted harshly. usually preferring soft or cheerful speech, she reserved this sharp tone for when she truly needed want to make a point. “if you hadn’t been there, i wouldn’t have been there. i get it. but i would have died eventually. i’ve always been reckless and stupid. it was only a matter of time.” she didn’t care what she said or how dark she sounded. if cassian didn’t blame himself, she would say that she succeeded.

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warstraincd:

Shocadi may be young, but she felt like she’s lived a lifetime already. However, the only time she’s ever talked to anyone about that was when she was delirious with fever. Even now, her cheeks burn in shame at the thought of being so open. “What if they make the first move while we’re recovering? I can’t remember how many Order people were sick…” 

brynn hadn’t thought about that until the girl brought it up. the girl had a point. even if the order was crippled by the plague, they had powerful star destroyers, state-of-the-art weaponry, and a continuous flow of cavalry. and what did the resistance have? a small fleet ships, an unorganized group of freedom fighters, and a hope. things didn’t seem great. “things are going to be fine,” she reassured. her voice shook slightly. “they have to regroup, and once we regroup, we’ll be ready for them.”

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frcmnowhere:

rey grinned at the other woman, a little thankful for her warm introduction. some people had been a little cold, understandably of course. everyone was still recovering from a kriffing plague, for the maker’s sake. she couldn’t blame them. 

but the nice ones were… well, a little refreshing. after having spent months traveling the galaxy and having encounters with people that were just rude made her mood dampen. “just came in so, i’m trying to get back into the hang of things,” rey stated. “how about you?”

“how has the outside world been these past few months?” iris asked. she wondered if, with snoke and kylo ren out of the picture, the galaxy had known peace for a shining moment. surely, there would have been some first order officers not caught up in the force’s machinations, and the fighting would begin again soon nonetheless, but still; she was curious.

“i’ve been stuck on naboo,” she explained. “i’d actually probably go back there, just to see what it’s like without everything.”

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sunveiins:

orion smiled as she steadied the ship and leaned back on her seat, propping her feet up on a clear surface was something that her superiors always scolded her for but hey, she still got the job done. “or what?” orion challenged. “well, at least you’ll all have something to relate to,” she offered, her smile faltering a bit. “can’t promise they’ll send anything back,” she began, that joking voice coming back. “but i will.”

brynn slammed her hands down in mock outrage, making the metal surface in front of her creak. she hoped she didn’t damage anything precious. “youre getting on my last nerve, challis. and just for that, i’ll tell you-know-who about your little drawings,” she joked. brynn didn’t dare say their mutual friend’s name, on the off chance that he was listening. her job in her past life was a snitch, but she didn’t dare snitch on her friends. “yeah, we’re all bonding in between coughing up blood.” she sighed. she couldn’t wait to get to iego and get cured. “make sure you all take care of yourselves too, okay?”

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rubiimouthcd:

Hearing someone jogging up to him, Koddi snapped around on the defense at first, wary of the change of scenery and the still chronic absence of sister as she regained her strength by resting elsewhere. Being in the confines of a space ship brought back uncomfortable memories that Koddi had been trying to block out, and when he realized the approaching person was Iris he relaxed.

Despite this, he was still shocked to see her.

“Iris?” The Lethan whispered, perplexed. “It has, you’re here… Did you defect?”

He hoped she had, he didn’t know her very well but knew that if he could offer something to the resistance then she certainly could too. Iris had far more to give than a dancer like himself.

she hadn’t thought of it as defection when she did it. she had been acting on pure instinct, simply running. in truth, she wasn’t sure what was going to happen once everyone got cured and the war began again. with all the commotion, she was sure that few people in the resistance even knew that a former first order member was in their ranks.

“defecting’s a very relative time,” iris said. she bit her lip. “but i’m here. and i’m not with the first order anymore. and... and i’m trying to figure things out.” she played with a piece of thread on her shirt, trying to calm herself in case koddi asked any more questions.

[forceforgotten-blog]

“ that seems like cheating. ” -orion to brynn!

"it’s only cheating if we get caught.” in the back of her mind, brynn wondered if she was being an influence. she quickly dismissed the thought, rationalizing that orion had probably been corrupted far more than brynn could ever imagine doing herself. they were playing a game some of the pilots had made up, a morale booster and an activity to fill downtime between missions. “now shut up, and help me.”