[eldritchbauble]

One of the problems with chronic, long-term substance abuse is that every normal thing in your day to day life becomes a prompt for your mind to go, this would be a great time for substance abuse.

Getting in the shower? More enjoyable while high.

Going for a walk? More enjoyable while high.

Cooking dinner? More enjoyable while high.

And everything becomes like that until it's 'round the clock--listening to music, reading a book, watching a movie, doing a creative hobby, running an errand, going to an event, hanging out with friends, having sex. Fucking everything. It gets like that until even waking up in the morning becomes a prompt for substance abuse.

And if or when you try to do more things sober again, it's suddenly really fucking hard to do that. It's impossible to go through a day without running into all the reasons you love substance abuse.

[forev3rst0n3d]

O5.O3.2026

[liveleaker-deactivated20250423]

im a 2014 tumblr user in a 2024 tumblr user world

[moodybluesandkamelreds-deactiva]

Junkie therapy

Therapist: do you think you need substance abuse counseling?

Me: *staring at this tiny sandbox* no, but imagine if this was all just heroin.

[forev3rst0n3d]

Found this in the archives. 💫

[forev3rst0n3d]

Most recent pick up. Pricy asf but worth it. 💯

[disabilityuserboxes]

this user has substance dependence disorder

[forev3rst0n3d]

Ugh I’m honestly so nervous for my parents to come to town in 3 days for my birthday. They know I’ve relapsed and the guilt & shame is reeeeeal, let me tell you that.

I’m so devastated they have to see me this way. 😕

[forev3rst0n3d]

So I failed to make it to a 14 day (inpatient) social detox program at the end of July, due to circumstances I have yet to publicize, but I have been on a full-blown (fentanyl & meth) bender since August 2nd and it’s gotten so bad.

Like it’s reached a point now where I need to get professional help badly, and if I don’t, the consequences of my poor decisions will destroy me. Maybe not in the literal sense, but in the sense that I won’t allow myself to live with said consequences, knowing it could have been prevented. I would intentionally punish myself each and every single day, which is what I figure I am currently doing and have been doing since I failed to make it to detox - the first step to treatment.

My mental health is so skewed as it is, but I’ve been using so much fckn drugs that it’s began to affect me physically again, where it had actually improved when I got sober - particularly my skin and my under-eyes, from being permanently exhausted from forced suffering.

BPD, as well as all my other diagnosis’, don’t make life any easier…. ESPECIALLY at this time. My relationship of 15 months (just a few months passed a year) is falling apart at the seams. I fear that is completely irreparable and I’m scared of losing him. I really do love him, but even he is exhausted of having to deal with this version of myself that is likely as painful to be around for others as it is for me to endure.

I need to take that step and get back on that wait list for detox and then follow it with rehab. I just have to do it, but I also have to want to do it. I don’t know why I’m so scared, but this shit sucks. It’s been so difficult and taken such a toll on everything in my life, including my health.

I seriously need help.

I will admit that, and that’s a start.

[forev3rst0n3d]

I am praying tumblr doesn’t give me the boot for like the 10th time due to these pics. I’m afraid to make even an individual post for each picture at this point lol. Like frfr. These pictures turned out too pretty not to share tho...

Wish me luck and let’s hope I’m still here tmrw. Love u all. 💕

[forev3rst0n3d]

All I want is to be high to escape these thoughts and feelings. This shit is too much rn. Everything seems so uncertain and that alone makes me so uneasy. What the actual fuck happened, and when did everything fall apart?

[forev3rst0n3d]

Idek 🤘🏼

[forev3rst0n3d]

So… I’ll be turning the big 3O in exactly one week from today, on 09/11 (and yes, I’m well aware of what surrounds the date of my birthday lol).

I’m nervous, not gonna lie. It’s a massive milestone for me, considering I never imagined I’d make it past the age of 25. I stopped thinking off any future plans beyond the age of 25 because I had essentially just given up entirely…the yet here I am. Still fighting. Still winning this battle. 🥰

[forev3rst0n3d]

🎉 Happiest of happy birthdays 🎉 to the sweetest, kindest, funniest, most selfless, caring, genuine, and literally the cutest & sexiest man I have ever met. 🥰

I am honoured, not only to have you as my partner to navigate through this journey we call life together, but also to have you as my best friend. Nothing compares to a bond like this between two souls. #strongertogether

So cheers to you 🍻 for surviving yet another full rotation around the sun, with many more years of happiness & fulfilment to come. #itsvirgoseason

I love you to the moon and back, C. ♡

His birthday was actually yesterday, on August 31st, and mine is quickly approaching in 11 days…

[forev3rst0n3d]

You’re Alive !! Ages since Stoon !

I am most definitely still alive and doing pretty well! Thanks for reaching out. I still live in Saskatoon too, unfortunately.

[forev3rst0n3d]

Dyed my hair green again last night, finallyyyyy. It looks and feels amazing. I'lldef post some pics once I get my phone back (hopefully) later today.

[forev3rst0n3d]

Taken just moments before everything was flipped upside down. Ugh, ffs. I need help and I will admit that.