If you know someone’s pronouns and you aren’t using them, but instead are using old or dead pronouns, you’re a dick. I don’t care that its hard to remember, of course it’s hard sometimes, you’re retraining your brain! But that’s no excuse. You retrain the heck out of your brain and you use correct pronouns because you love and support this person. You actively shape your own thoughts and words and actions because you care about this person and wish them happiness. Even when you aren’t around them, use correct pronouns in conversations about this person, not just to their face. We retrain our brains ALL THE TIME for other shit like learning a new pin number or when we have a new route to work. It takes a few tries before we have it down but if we are consistent, its easily done. Be consistent because you love them. Don’t think about what a burden it is for you, think about how happy you are making this person, how much more like themselves they feel when they hear correct pronouns.
just to add on: even if you don’t love and support someone you should still use their proper name and pronouns at all times. even if you hate them, even if they’re problematic, even if they pissed you off and are completely in the wrong. even if theyre an ASSHOLE. calling a trans person by their deadname/old pronouns is *still transphobic* even if that person is a complete piece of shit.
as a trans person, let me add: the ONLY time you should ever, ever deadname or use incorrect pronouns for a trans person is if using their proper name/pronouns would put them in danger. if they are closeted and come out to you, but ask you not to tell anyone else or not to use them around certain people (like parents), respect that.
