Anorexia From an Anorexic's Perspective
Anorexia starts off as a simple diet. That's all there is to it. It starts out with you feeling like you need to lose a little bit of weight, and turns into a crazy obsession. You think that you'll stop once you reach a certain weight, but really, you'll keep going. You'll continue losing weight until you're satisfied with yourself, and by this point, you'll never be satisfied with yourself.
You'll start making excuses not to eat a certain food that's high in calories. You'll say stuff like "Oh, I'm not hungry," or "I don't like that," or "I just ate." You'll make every excuse to avoid eating foods that aren't considered "safe."
However, people think that anorexics don't eat at all. If that was true, we'd all be dead by now. People who suffer from this disorder do in fact eat. They eat to survive. They eat fruits, veggies, and anything low in calories that they consider to be "safe." So don't expect that we never eat anything, because that's not true. Sure, surviving on 800, 500, 200 calories a day may seem nearly impossible, but it's not when every time you look in the mirror, you hate what you see. Every time you eat, the voices inside are telling you that you shouldn't have done that. Over time, stomachs growling indicates success.
You lose friendships when you deal with this illness; cancelling plans just because you know you might have to end up eating out. In order to avoid temptation, you avoid people. Even those closet to you. Not only are you losing friends, but you're losing yourself.
You're up all night, constantly shivering because you can't keep warm. You don't have enough energy during the day because you eat so little. You're constantly comparing yourself to every woman you see. You get over defensive and angry when people ask if you're eating. Every day you weigh yourself, hoping that the number will go lower and lower.
That's when you get to your goal weight and realize that you're not thin enough at all. That's when everything spirals out of control and that's when you know that you have to lose more weight.
However, anorexia isn't measured by how much you weigh. It's a mental illness that consumes you. It takes every aspect of your life and ruins it. If you struggle with anorexia, please, get help. Stay safe. Get out while you can.
There's no telling what will happen next.
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